Smart People | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

Smart People / Phillip Stephens

Film Reviews | April 14, 2008 | Comments (98)

We’ve all known “smart people.” Whether they’re actually smart, assuming that kind of thing exists in an objective sense, or, more likely, they think they’re smart is of little consequence, because a person who defines him or herself solely by an intellectual yardstick is often drunk with an entitlement they believed earned by their very existence. People like this are unbearable, oblivious to their rampant deficiencies as normal human beings; they’re in love with yet completely unfamiliar with themselves, living in perpetual fear of self-actualization.

Lawrence Wetherhold (Dennis Quaid) is such a person, the kind of recherché fuckbag who can be found at any university. Wetherhold is an English professor utterly reviled by his students, colleagues, and random passersby, a man so smug, so pedagogical he makes everyone around him look like an ass for not kicking him in the face whenever he opens his mouth. Wetherhold flits about with his nose upturned, greeting the disappointments of his life as sheer incredulities instead of personal indictments: he can’t find a publisher for his pedantic book; he can’t understand why everyone (including his son) seems to hate him; and he has no idea why he’s so fucking unhappy.

Quaid renders Wetherhold a bit too simply, making him a popinjay who’s probably too loathsome to exist — he pronounces every word as if it’s an orgasmic delicacy and arches his eyebrows with each syllable. Quaid was obviously making certain the audience would react to Wetherhold with requisite loathing, but the character is an overblown representation of snootiness with neither depth nor subtlety. That Wetherhold’s superciliousness masks a profound sense of insecurity and loneliness as a result of his wife’s death is likely, but the issue is never adequately explored.

Wetherhold’s life gets shaken up a bit after a chance injury: his deadbeat, freeloading, adopted brother Chuck (Thomas Haden Church) moves in, ostensibly to help out. Comic relief ensues — Church’s character is a lackadaisical goof, a foil to Quaid’s seriousness and little else. He promptly annoys everyone around him by trying to inject some color into the family’s dysfunctional monochrome. Daughter Vanessa (Ellen Page), who worships her father and is following in his dyspeptic footsteps, is strangely drawn to Chuck’s disarray, but this is another one-dimensional relationship which offers little in the way of comedy or emotion. Page is, as usual, channeling the same youthful sassmouth which made her a hit in Juno, but her character has nothing more to add than that and nowhere to go.

Smart People has a nominal story arc involving Wetherhold’s bumbling romance with a doctor (Sarah Jessica Parker) who was one of his old students, and whose career in medicine was partially begat by Wetherhold’s spurning. The relationship, like everything else in the damn movie, is tepid and barely believable, a plot vehicle for curing Wetherhold of his distemper without bothering to rouse pathos or chemistry between Quaid and Parker.

Smart People is definitely one of the most middling films I’ve seen in a while: the comedy, the drama, the romance, the characters, the story, are all as insipid as gnat’s piss. And yet the film is impossible to hate — it doesn’t fail any more than it doesn’t succeed. There’s just nothing here that’s new, or interesting, or even mildly perceptive. There should’ve been enough material in the film for a pleasant character-study, especially given the fine ensemble cast, but nobody mines it; short shrift is given to an already narrow narrative. Smart People is neither worth watching, nor worth avoiding.

Phillip Stephens is the lead critic and book editor for Pajiba. He lives in Fayetteville, AR, and wastes his twenties in grad school(s).

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Comments

She is so beautiful!I love her.Maybe many men like her,too.If you want to know her more,you would go to "SeekingRich.com".She is also on "SeekingRich.com",there are a lot of reports about her.

Posted by: Strong at April 14, 2008 11:36 AM

well that's disappointing as hell. i was gonna get me an ear, too.

Posted by: milkshakesmelt at April 14, 2008 11:36 AM

While, for the life of me, I can't see any appeal in SJP, at least the romantic female lead wasn't somebody 10 years her junior.
This sounds like a movie to maybe catch on TBS, a couple of years down the road, during rerun season.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at April 14, 2008 11:38 AM

"Smart People has a nominal story arc involving Wetherhold's bumbling romance with a doctor (Sarah Jessica Parker)..."

...check, please.

Posted by: Manny at April 14, 2008 11:52 AM

Did the spambot just 'first!'?

Posted by: twig at April 14, 2008 11:55 AM

There should be a database of actors horribly mis-cast as doctors. Number one on the list will always be Cameron Diaz as an orthopedic surgeon in There's Something About Mary, but I'm thinking SJP must be in the top 5. It's not just the brains thing (physicians are not super smart, they just tend to be people who test really well which is different), but the whole believability angle which is easy to suspend if watching, for instance, General Hospital, but in a film that tries to be more....

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 14, 2008 11:59 AM

Yeah, I saw the trailer and figured it was a rental at best. And smart, pretentious people are such rich sources for humor too!

I've been irked by self described "intellectuals" since one told me in high school that I couldn't POSSIBLY be as smart as I seemed because I didn't walk around in a self-imposed depression all the time. Because that means I wasn't truly "deep". Whatever, the world sucks, some of us know that and choose to make our own fun.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at April 14, 2008 12:08 PM

I humbly submit Tara Reid as an archaeologist in some straight-to-DVD-Sci Channel-Movie-that-sucks-so-bad-I-can't-be-bothered-to-remember-it's-name as #1 on that list, Paddy.

Judging by the review it sounds like this movie was written by one of the "smart people" it purports to lampoon.

Holy shit, I think I just made myself sound like a Smart Person. Sorry.

Posted by: ASterisk at April 14, 2008 12:11 PM

I just can't hate on SJP. She is down-to-earth and sweet in every interview I've ever read/heard. I heard an interview with her on NPR this weekend about this movie and she couldn't have been lovelier.

Posted by: samantha t at April 14, 2008 12:13 PM

PaddyDog: She's not playing a medical doctor, but I'm throwing in Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist in "The World is Not Enough". The movie was pretty terrible but casting her as a scientist put this one squarley in godawful "Moonraker" territory. Naming her Dr. Christmas Jones didn't help.

Posted by: Rob at April 14, 2008 12:13 PM

"I humbly submit Tara Reid as an archaeologist in some straight-to-DVD-Sci Channel-Movie-that-sucks-so-bad-I-can't-be-bothered-to-remember-it's-name as #1 on that list, Paddy." - ASterisk

- That would be "Alone in the Dark". I'm ashamed I know that, but my OCD that won't let any movie trivia question go unanswered compelled me.

Forgive me.

Posted by: Manny at April 14, 2008 12:16 PM

ASterisk: That would be the Uwe Boll disaster "Alone in the Dark". Almost as craptacular as "House of the Dead", but with more Christian Slater.

Posted by: Rob at April 14, 2008 12:17 PM

"... Tara Reid as an archaeologist in some straight-to-DVD-Sci Channel-Movie-that-sucks-so-bad-I-can't-be-bothered-to-remember-it's-nam..."

Alone in the Dark. Uwe Boll. Nuff said.

Go spambot! You know you must have a great site when the spambot keeps refreshing the page to post first!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 14, 2008 12:24 PM

Oh, I'm all in favour of broadening the list to other professions. Oddly enough though so far no male nominees. Do we find it easier to believe in dumb men in smart roles? The only thing immediately coming to mind is Doogie Howser, except that he was so much more believable than, say, Jennifer Lopez as a psychistrist in The Cell that I just can't go there. Shit.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 14, 2008 12:24 PM

I kinda liked it. . .mostly for THC. He actually brought depth to his character, in my opinion and was sporting a supremely rascally mustache.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 14, 2008 12:26 PM

My issue with Cameron D. as the surgeon was that she had her own practice and was clearly about 25. Residency, anybody?

Posted by: samantha t at April 14, 2008 12:27 PM

Oddly enough though so far no male nominees.

Matthew McConaughy as an archeologist in Sahara

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 14, 2008 12:29 PM

Denise Richards as "Dr." Christmas Jones, nuclear physicist. Just....terrifying.

Posted by: Zio at April 14, 2008 12:39 PM

I know he got a fair amount of love in the Street Kings thread, and I actually like him (and COUGHTheLakeHouseCOUGH)but Canoe Reeves as a doctor in Something's Gotta Give?

Posted by: MissMaddie at April 14, 2008 12:41 PM

So if Quaid "not Houser" is such an unlikeable, phenomenal douch in this flick, why does he have a bumbling romance with SJP? She obviously knew he was an ornery old coot, yet she's gonna try to sack the grizzly man? I suspect an ulterior motive here: I believe that SJP is using the good professor in order to pass a strain of venereal (did I spell that right?) disease so powerful that it wipes out the population, thus making her (and those of her spunky kind) a new breed of horse people. The only survivor is THC, who must try to figure out how he's gonna survive in a world gone mad...

This puzzle is slowly pieced together in my new spoof film: "Not Another I Am Legend Movie Part Deux 3D".

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 12:43 PM

...yes, that was lame... I apologize. I've been popping anti-infectionableizer capsules for a tonsil-related thingy and the sheer volume of liquids leaving my body via every orifice has left me a bit light headed...

On the plus side, a tablespoon of Bushmills gets me good n'buzzy...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 12:47 PM

I hereby nominate Skittimus as Pajiba's official movie producer. Those Hollywood execs will never know what hit em...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 14, 2008 12:49 PM

What about Nicholas Cage as a, ah, whatever he was (some sort of mishmash American History buff/Navy Seal/Indiana Jones) in National Treasure?

I think Mary was about 30 in There's Something About Mary. Still too young to be a doctor in private practice.

Posted by: Kolby at April 14, 2008 12:53 PM

Kolby, I do believe you could call him 'Treasure Hunter'. Which is awesome (movie notwithstanding). Like that guy who died in that around-the-world balloon accident - sure, he died, but he died as a 'Gentleman Adventurer.'

Cary Elwes as the so-bad-he's-good meteorologist in 'Twister.' Hell, everyone in Twister. Except the good guys crew. Especially Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Posted by: twig at April 14, 2008 12:57 PM

Male nominees... didn't Keanu Reeves play a doctor in some terrible movie, shortly after the Matrix movies were done? I think so. Also, that first spammy post totally weirded me out.

Posted by: b at April 14, 2008 1:02 PM

Nicholas Cage as a chemical weapons scientist in The Rock.
Also, how is Parker a doctor and his former student? Someone is lying about their age, yes?

Posted by: Stew at April 14, 2008 1:06 PM

The Rock is one of a few movies in which Cage is acceptable.

Plus, it is just a ridiculous, over-the-top, masterpiece/perfect storm of stupidity.

It is my hangover movie and personal favorite. I will defend it staunchly.

Posted by: Melody at April 14, 2008 1:10 PM

Actually I agree with you on all counts, but out of context Nicholas Cage and science turns my stomach.

Posted by: Stew at April 14, 2008 1:12 PM

Yes, you spelled "venereal" correctly.

And remember, if you're ever in doubt
www.onelook.com

Reading "THC" always make me pause for half a second. It's happened in other places too. "Wha--who? Oh, right, right".

Why doesn't someone just make a movie of "White Noise" and put an end to it?

END! TO! IT! (*wags be-ringed finger at you*)

Posted by: Jay at April 14, 2008 1:14 PM

Yes! Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones was one of the worst castings ever.

I saw Smart People on Sunday - I wasn't able to describe it to anyone. I couldn't recommend it, but when they asked why, my only response was "Eh, it just, I don't know. Eh."

Posted by: Lollygagger at April 14, 2008 1:15 PM

Twig You're thinking of Steve Fossett. Come to think of it, did they ever find his body?

I think anyone cast as a 'hero journalist'. Not everyone can be Sebastian Junger. Architect seems to be a catch-all too...

Posted by: Amanda47 at April 14, 2008 1:17 PM

I think this review is spot on. If it weren't for the cast and their ability to make something out of nothing, I could've easily despised this film.

Plus, I'm a senior at the University of Pittsburgh and seeing Quaid and Parker in the middle of filming made me feel a connection to this film.

And more recently I got to see Seth Rogen while shooting Zak and Miri, and now they are shooting She's Out Of My League here. Pittsburgh is on the rise!

Posted by: Colin at April 14, 2008 1:19 PM

Yeah, this movie became a no for me after you mentioned SJP. It's nothing against her personality, which I know nothing about, but her face scares me. It's as irrational as my fear of clowns and dolls.

On the list of unbelievable roles, I'd like to add Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton as functional enough to have a job/education. Pfft.

Posted by: joker at April 14, 2008 1:20 PM

You know what's worse than smart people? The highschoolers that will eventually turn into those smart people. The people who don't realize that SAT scores aren't actually an accurate representation of intelligence. (I mean, I realize that, and I got a nearly perfect score on that multiple-choice joke of an exam) The ones who do everything but print up flyers proclaiming their magnificence (and those running for student council often go that far anyway).

I'm pretty intelligent, but I don't insist on only discussing literature and philosophy, nor do I take that intelligence as a sign that I am obviously better than the peons forced to associate with me.

Tell me it gets better after school, y'all. Please?

Posted by: marebear at April 14, 2008 1:25 PM

Manny, Rob and ASterisk: Ah, Alone in the Dark. Uwe Boll is such a visionary!

Posted by: piedlourde at April 14, 2008 1:35 PM

It doesn't

Posted by: Joker at April 14, 2008 1:35 PM

Completely apropos of nothing, but are taxes supposed to go out today? Are they? I'm not going to jail, am I? I don't do good in jail - the food's real bad and I don't like the water-pressure in the showers. The cots are uncomfortable, the toothbrushes are too stiff and the toilet paper's scratchy. There's a lot of unsavory people there and everybody is trying to act all tough. They don't have game-night, the television is usually locked on Court TV, and the books all smell like pee. There's nothing to do during the day except look out the window and count cars driving by. When I tried to get a sing-a-long going (Michael, Row The Boat Ashore), I got punched in the side of the head repeatedly.

So, yeah - are taxes due today?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 1:40 PM

marebear: it doesn't. Oh, I am sorry I'm bitter today (Obama-style bitter you know) but it just becomes even more expansive- the stupid people have jobs that put them in charge of things they shouldn't be, the smart people become more bitter about the fact that after they graduate the "smart rewards" they were told about all the time in high school and college don't exist and they either chip away at their perpetual (and now, earned) pissy-ness by writing in snarky blogs about movies or they go back to school and become that really strange, perpetual student with 4 PHDs and no real life experience. Sometimes, they blow things up because of it. It's all just downhill, really.

But... but... ummmmmmm... yeah, I got nothing. I'm turning thirty, and it's starting to show! I would say- marry/cohabitate / get a legal union with a cool person whom shares your level of snark and just bitch about the world with while you watch a disc from your awesome DVD collection and raise a rally cool kid who is going to resent you for bringing them up half-way intelligent in 18 years or so.

Posted by: lilianna28 at April 14, 2008 1:40 PM

Tell me it gets better after school, y'all. Please?

Generally, yes, provided you leave academia I guess. I mean, sure, that kind of person might be found anywhere, but it'll be random rather than clumps outside of school.

Yeah, people in my family thought I was the smart one, and I was the dumbass who went for a glorified liberal arts degree.

There's "smart" but then there's wise.

Posted by: Jay at April 14, 2008 1:45 PM

Well, hell, maybe I'm lucky then as there's obviously some unhappy people here. I didn't suffer through too many of said "fuckbags" in college and have generally not had to be around them since. At least not face to face.

Skit, postmark's gotta be by tomorrow. Check with your local post office if you think you'll have trouble making it during regular business hours.

Remember: YOU CAN PAY LATE, BUT FILE ON TIME

The IRS will call you a little while later and ask if you forgot and if you want to start a payment plan. They're cool, they've got all the time in the world. But if you don't send that paper, THEN you're in trouble.

Posted by: Jay at April 14, 2008 1:49 PM

the smart people become more bitter about the fact that after they graduate the "smart rewards" they were told about all the time in high school and college don't exist and they either chip away at their perpetual (and now, earned) pissy-ness by writing in snarky blogs about movies or they go back to school and become that really strange, perpetual student with 4 PHDs and no real life experience.

HEY! Are you copying me or am I copying you?

Posted by: twig at April 14, 2008 1:49 PM

Add Meg Ryan as a heart surgeon in "City of Angels." I hated that movie was because it was responsible for "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan on its soundtrack. I heard that song so much I wanted to tear my hair out. Way too breathy and ethereal for me.

Posted by: rlr260 at April 14, 2008 1:51 PM

implausible castings:

Shannon Elizabeth as a young woman who doesn't take her clothes off in Thirteen Ghosts.

Posted by: hendero at April 14, 2008 1:53 PM

Valuable lesson I learned: if you act smart and act as though you respect yourself, people will usually believe your press. Act like an idiot and people will presume you're an idiot, academic success notwithstanding. This is especially true for the ladies. Don't act dumb!

Posted by: samantha t at April 14, 2008 1:55 PM

come on people, keanu was in "chain reaction" as a scientific researcher, if that were possible/probable/believable then a doctor in "somethings got to give" shouldn't be too much of a stretch should it?... well maybe just a little one

this looks to be a sitting at home too lazy to reach/find the remote sort of a movie

Posted by: noreha at April 14, 2008 1:57 PM

OOoh, I've got a good one! The entire cast of House on Haunted Hill. The movie was crap, yes, but not as bad as the casting. I can't remember all the parts, but I remember snorting a few times during the scene where they all descrive what they did for a living. Anyone know?

Posted by: Kolby at April 14, 2008 1:58 PM

rlr260, does it help at all that the song is about a heroin overdose?

(I'm of the opinion that God must sound like Sarah McLachlan. Not so fond of the adult contemporary on the last album but god, the voice. The voice.)

Posted by: twig at April 14, 2008 2:02 PM

Thanks, Jay... The IRS doesn't happen to have any like... oh, say Jaws-of-Life type of tools on them, do they? Or like... uh, welding materials, or boltcutters, or... just like general ""breaking into" stuff, do they? Cause I'm thinking maybe just holing up in Ye Olde Murderous Tankard until say, like... December?

Annybody wants to visit, just do the two-fast knocks followed by three-slow and a hoot-owl shriek. Unless you're a IRA person. 'Cuz I ain't there man. I'M NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL, MAN!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 2:05 PM

"keanu was in "chain reaction" as a scientific researcher,"

I think the consensus is that Keanu as anything except Ted or Neo is completely implausible and therefore should not be attempted. He's not bad as a bus driver either, but anything else? nah. I won't even give him ex-footballer turned FBI cred.

Posted by: lilianna28 at April 14, 2008 2:06 PM

It's not so bad.

You get to lift weights, watch TV, write up appeals...take long showers, lift weights.

You get used to it.

Posted by: Jay at April 14, 2008 2:14 PM

that's a good one, Kolby. I'm assuming you're talking bout the shit-for-brains remake?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 14, 2008 2:14 PM

Skit As a consumer you need to do your research. You can't just pick any jail and expect your stay to be outstanding.

Posted by: Manbearpig at April 14, 2008 2:19 PM

Keanu Reeves played the doctor/love interest of Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give. And something did give. My cerebral cortex.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 14, 2008 2:29 PM

I think we need to devote more time to "implausible castings".

BTW, Manny, I think I love you.

Posted by: Bev M. at April 14, 2008 2:29 PM

Hendero:

implausible castings:

Shannon Elizabeth as a young woman who doesn't take her clothes off in Thirteen Ghosts...

...Or Sandra Bullock as a beauty queen in that other movie. Hahahahahahaaha

Posted by: Phat girl at April 14, 2008 2:35 PM

I'm not thinking of anyone in particular but in all of the CSI, Law and Order, Criminal Minds shows, etc., the lab workers are always beautiful men and women who seem really out of place. It frustrates me when a women with long, flowing lockes is looking at hair samples through a microscope. Shouldn't you be wearing a hair net or something? Have these casting directors ever been inside a lab?

Posted by: Handel at April 14, 2008 2:36 PM

I'm really starting to think you've been to jail Skit. Looking out the puny window counting cars and books that smell like pee were a few of my unfortunate experiences in my day in county jail.

Posted by: Handel at April 14, 2008 2:40 PM

Twig, I once watched a friend's fire breathing, hell spawn of a child. After four hours of non-stop screaming(seriously, she didn't even stop to breath), I played a Sarah McLachlan song and she was out for six BLISSFUL hours. She saved me from joining Jay and Skit in the pen.

Posted by: jM at April 14, 2008 2:41 PM

This sounds like something I'd watch some Sunday years hence when I've been vomiting up my shoes and I'm too weak and disinterested to reach six inches to the remote to change it. And get oddly sucked into it. And it won't matter, it won't be a waste of time, since all I was gonna do was lie there and wish for death, anyway.

What I really want to see is Paris Hilton as a nuclear physicist. Not in a comedy, but an earnest as fuck drama. Dr. Nerdina Sullivan, PhD, her name would be. Maybe Britney Spears could play her lab assistant, the brilliant Catrina Jones, graduate student and two-time author wunderkind of the nuclear physics world. They figure out a way to bend the space-time continuum and much angst ensues.

Just think of what you could DO with a script like that.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 14, 2008 2:43 PM

Shadows, you betcha. What a shitfest.

Who was in that movie? Ali Larter, Brigette Wilson, Taye Diggs, Chris Kattan, Famke Janssen, Geoffrey Rush and Peter Gallagher? Can it get any better?

Posted by: Kolby at April 14, 2008 2:44 PM

Kolby, two words: Lisa Loeb.

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 2:47 PM

marebear: depending on the field you go into, you can completely avoid the sad fucks like that. Ironically if you go into education, you'll actually find a lot of unread people.

I can't believe I just said that. And here I am a big proponent of the field. Sheesh.

I love talking about literature, but that's because I truly LOVE it. Not because I want people to say "GARSH but she's got the smarts!" I don't give two shits about that. I just want to find people who want to talk about East of Eden and All the King's Men and fluffy shit, too, and get as excited as I do about it.

Totally apropos of nothing:

We had a cursive handwriting contest in my house the other night. D'Nealian style only, we had to do the upper case and lower case alphabet and some sample sentences and then turn in our entries to the judge (daddy) for the decision. It was a blast.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 14, 2008 2:48 PM

Julie - What? Lisa Loeb?

Posted by: Kolby at April 14, 2008 2:48 PM

Hee-she plays the reporter in the beginning of the movie. :)

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 2:52 PM

Oh, that's right, she was the reporter at the beginning, wasn't she?

HAHAHAHA....that movie was awesome...awesomely bad. Oh...Geoffrey...why were you slumming it?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 14, 2008 2:53 PM

Not only that, but the cameraman was James Marsters. Heeeee.

I saw that movie in college, and the ONLY reason we girls went to see it was Taye Diggs' winning smile.

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 2:57 PM

I only watched the movie because of the roller coaster as the beginning. The Hulk! Yeah!

Posted by: Kolby at April 14, 2008 3:03 PM

Handel - oh, the beauty of the clink, the slammer, the big-house, the cooler, the... uh...

Say what you will about jail, my friend, but it was the most relaxing 164 days of my life... No schedules, no phones, no deadlines... Just me and my orange-jumpsuit brethren gleefully planning a main-floor musical for our uniformed captors.

What kept me awake those reflective nights? Was it the fear of being shanked by Shifty Henry, or forcibly being made Lugnut Malone's "bitch"? No - it was the thrill and anticipation of coordinating a full-blown reenactment of the 1957 musical that would knock the fucking socks off Warden McCready...

My inspiration? When Lugnut was kneeling on my neck in the showers yelling: "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see, I sure would be delighted with your company. Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me" - Except replace "cutest jailbird" with "fresh meat", and "come on and do the jailhouse rock" with "swallow all of it, you sniveling narc"...

Good times, jail. Good times...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 3:06 PM

Why is it that every Hollywood movie (and a good portion of the "Indi" industry) depicts intellectually driven individuals as being neurotic and uptight? I'm so fucking sick of the neurotic quirky stereotype that I'm going to take an ipecac and puke if I see it one more time. I suspect it's because a good portion of producers feel insecure about their own intelligence and they feel the need to put anyone that's more well read down.

Posted by: LittleDead at April 14, 2008 3:12 PM

Skit, is it wrong that I find that story somewhat...arousing? Yes, yes, fine, I'm a sick puppy. Whatever-cakes.

On the topic of smart. My theory is if you really are smart then you probably don't need to advertise it. Only insecure fuckwits do that. I like to quote "famous philosophers" like Fiddy, Fabolous, Lil'John, Timbaland, etc. It's funny as hell to see people try to figure out if I'm taking the piss out of them or I'm really seriously incapable of quoting anyone more "smart".

Posted by: Joker at April 14, 2008 3:14 PM

Aw, I wanted to see this. I'll still catch it, but with lower expectations.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at April 14, 2008 3:15 PM

Skitt's imaginary (or ARE THEY?) scenarios would make such brilliant short films.

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 3:16 PM

Jay, way to go with the Help! reference from earlier. It did not go unnoticed!

Posted by: thejodester at April 14, 2008 3:22 PM

Twig, I did not know that song was about a heroin overdose. All I really understood was "you're in the arms of the angel" and then I just lost interest. I just remember it was played incessantly on my co-workers' radio, and then it was background during every sad scene on television. I do get bored with the adult contemporary/soft rock stuff. Maybe I'd like McLachlan in another style.

Posted by: rlr260 at April 14, 2008 3:24 PM

It sounds like The Family Stone...except Conservative.

Posted by: citizen_cris at April 14, 2008 3:28 PM

Oh and I'm marrying your friend, Julie (to now tie two threads together). I have no preference on the bridesmaid colors, but if I'm lucky they'll mess up when I get the inherited grandma diamond reset and I'll shout "Jeweler, you FAILED!"

Do you know what it's like to burn with a desire to use a quote?

And did I already demand a new category of Overlooked Blockbuster for a Help! review? I can't remember, but there it is. But then, I'm the kind of guy who, when he sees something that happens to be red will say either "...red?" or "I'm all sticky! You're all red!". This is said to the air, it just comes out of me.

Boy I love that movie.

Posted by: Jay at April 14, 2008 3:44 PM

Jay, are you marrying Jodester? Because you have my blessings.

[glances at Jodester, laughs to self knowing she has no clue that I'm marrying her off]

Do you know what it's like to burn with a desire to use a quote?

YES. What? Sexy? You are. Shut up.

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 3:48 PM

I dislike a lot, like a lot a lot, academia and I can hardly wait to be done this stupid MA so I can be another dumb dumb who wasted her time doing an MA when there's a whole big world to explore. Gah, back to stupid essays about stupid things I barely care about. Why, why, why does our society value this superfluous shit anyway? I can write an essay about the ontology of some stupid theory but I don't know how to build a house with my own two hands. F-ed up priorities if you ask me.

Posted by: pongoo pongoo at April 14, 2008 4:48 PM

pongoo pongoo (the commenter so nice, she's gotsta be named twice) - EXACTLY!

I'm all for smarts and acedemia and whatnot, but there should certainly be a good chunk of high-school/college education devoted to real world skills. Things that too many people take for granted, yet when faced with the situation in real life, a case of the blank-stare, mouth-agape kicks in... Like, ferinstance, how to properly balance a checkbook, social/business skills, how to file down the end of a baby spoon into a shiv, etc...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 4:55 PM

If there is to be an Underappreciated Gems review of Help!, I volunteer to write it. My love for that movie knows no bounds.

"I've a decent employer, but he takes advantage of me."

Posted by: thejodester at April 14, 2008 5:03 PM

to continue your list, Skittimus...
- The Art of Dressing for the Job You Want, 201: why not to purchase your entire work wardrobe at Target
-E-mail Etiquette, 210: you never know who just got blind copied on your last message
- Who To Sit With at Lunch, 304: how what you say in the cafeteria ends up in your review with the boss
- Understanding Your 401K, 401: you will not pass this class, ever
- On Time is Late and other Axioms, 502: master this class and you could be the boss some day

Posted by: lilianna28 at April 14, 2008 5:24 PM

Beautiful, lilianna28, I shall continue:

-Simple Plumbing/Electrical Problems: Why it's not okay to wrap the end of a wire in Scotch tape as opposed to electrical tape.

-Spelling for Beginers: Self-explamatorry.

-When Texting is Acceptable: For exchanging small bits of information, emergency situations, and in the event a bloody Rowdy Roddy Piper comes smashing through your bedroom wall. That's it.

-Alcohol Tolerance For All Ages: This would be a simple class to teach. Students get shitfaced, filmed in a real environment, and are forced to view the results of the study while hungover and drinking cold, lumpy gravy.

-Don't Be a Guido: www.hotchickswithdouchbags.com will be the study guide for this course.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 14, 2008 5:49 PM

-Don't Be a Guido: www.hotchickswithdouchbags.com will be the study guide for this course.

Ah ha ha ha! Oh the horrors of fake tanner.

Posted by: Julie at April 14, 2008 5:52 PM

Jay, that movie is the best! Who cares how many drugs they were on while filming it, the bad guy is Rumpole of the Bailey! And I love the scene in the Bahamas where they're reviewing the guards and they are the same four guys that keep running to the end of the line.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at April 14, 2008 9:04 PM

Oh also, this movie, I had such hopes... oh well. You don't get my ten bucks, Hollywood.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at April 14, 2008 9:05 PM

I didn't expect it to be a great movie, but my lady love for Ms. Page will make me see it promptly anyway. *sigh* She would probably get a more noble and energetic defense, but I was just day dreaming about Rupert Grint so my lady-love isn't as powerful as it usually is.

Posted by: Kay at April 14, 2008 10:02 PM

Someone at POZGROUP.COM, the #1

dating&support community serving herpes, hpv, hiv or other STD people, think people in "smart people" are really smart, and others have different opinions. I support the latter.

Posted by: Carrie at April 14, 2008 10:51 PM

I'm with Anastasia, I also love to talk about literature but only because I really love books and everything about books and I just want to find someone who truly enjoys books just as much as I do. I just want everyone to love reading, damn it.

Posted by: morerobots at April 14, 2008 11:36 PM

Everyone doesn't love reading?

They obviously haven't read Christopher Moore, Terry Pratchet or Neil Gaiman.

Posted by: Kay at April 14, 2008 11:51 PM

I, for one, am happy Uwe Boll is around to make movies. He's one of two reasons I'm training my own squad of sexy lady assassins with slightly ironic names.

The other reason? Willy Aames.

Posted by: ASterisk at April 15, 2008 7:15 AM

Hey Phil,
I'm surprised you didn't relate to this movie, since, after reading this review, it sounds as if you could have been in it.
"Gnat's piss" get over yourself my love!

Posted by: Alexis at April 15, 2008 8:06 AM

"Christopher Moore, Terry Pratchet or Neil Gaiman"
so you made my morning just by reminding me that I can get these gentlemen together, throw them in my car and have someone to read during Chicago construction season in the car! Yay!

Posted by: lilianna28 at April 15, 2008 9:15 AM

I'm going to give my daughter a copy of the 1st paragraph of this review, unfortunately this is my future son-in-law to a tee. I say this to her all the time though probably not quite so politely. I'm going to have little cards made up with this opening paragraph on them and every time she asks, AGAIN, why we don't like her intended I will just hand her the card, over and over, maybe eventually she'll get it. Of course I could just go with this that Joker submitted. "My theory is if you really are smart then you probably don't need to advertise it. Only insecure fuckwits do that". It also has a certain ring to it.

Posted by: tinksgirl at April 15, 2008 9:54 AM

Too bad that first paragraph had a teensy amount of plagiarism. From The Beast's Top 50 Most Loathsome People, 2005, Tome Cruise (#40): "Cruise is a perfect example of a person who is simultaneously in love with and completely unfamiliar with himself, living in perpetual fear of self-actualization, and asserting a legal right to live free of criticism. A guy who can do whatever the hell he wants, yet chooses to devote his life to maintaining the public perception that he is somebody else." http://buffalobeast.com/91/50.htm

Posted by: Ave at April 15, 2008 12:11 PM

I know that nobody on this site will rally with me at all in what I am about to say, but Ellen Page gets on my nerves. She annoyed me in both Hard Candy and Juno. I have done a lot of soul searching regarding my vexation and I believe it is the precocity of the characters she portrays that chafes my hide. Of course, this precocity is appropriate for both roles and maybe the cute, quirky, "sassmouthed" girl character is supposed to be a little bit annoying, but I don't think that's it. You see, Ellen Page herself annoys me in interviews too - I feel the same way about Natalie Portman. Is the Godtopus going to damn me to Pajiba Hell for this?

Posted by: Lobstersurprise at April 15, 2008 1:06 PM

too many big words. . .

article appears to be mocking me. . .

oh god. I'm too tired for irony today.

Posted by: Ashley at April 15, 2008 11:22 PM

The father/daughter relationship sounds like a poor man's version of the father/son relationship in The Squid and the Whale. Disappointing.

Posted by: Charlie at April 16, 2008 7:25 AM

"We've all known "smart people." Whether they're actually smart, assuming that kind of thing exists in an objective sense, or, more likely, they think they're smart is of little consequence, because a person who defines him or herself solely by an intellectual yardstick is often drunk with an entitlement they believed earned by their very existence. People like this are unbearable, oblivious to their rampant deficiencies as normal human beings; they're in love with yet completely unfamiliar with themselves, living in perpetual fear of self-actualization."

You do realize that you just described every Pajiba reader/commenter, right?

Posted by: murry kate at April 21, 2008 2:23 PM

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