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Will Ferrell Porn

Semi-Pro / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | February 29, 2008 | Comments (109)

Pointless. Stupid. Motherfucking Bullshittery. Crabapple lobotomy ho-dickey loogey tickle fuckfuck rabbit-out-of-my ass cocksucker DO ME! Crystal gravy horn-rimmed ASS CRACK! Dingleberry, orange -chicken dandelion rape ANAL FACTORY! Squeeze my TESTICLES! Drink my EJACULATE! Father my ASS GERBIL! Brain Shart. Jesus Christ ate my NUTSACK!

Slam dunk.

Cue disco music.

… and that, folks, is a pretty decent summary of Semi-Pro, the latest in Ferrell porn, a subgenre that keeps pump, pump, pumping out the jokes, nevermind that there hasn’t been an erection in the house since halfway through Talladega Nights, and even then, it was a softie, a comedic limp dick that’s been shooting blanks for a couple of years now.

Before he died 14 years ago (yeah, you are that old), Kurt Cobain, during one of his depressive, self-abusive moods, would occasionally bemoan the tired Nirvana songwriting formula: Slow incoherent verse sprinkled with moderate amounts of shocking-sounding gibberish; fast, guitar driven chorus; repeat 3 times; voila: Instant hit. And that’s pretty much what Ferrell porn amounts to now: Ferrell taking on a sport that Adam Sandler hasn’t gotten to yet, dressing up in the most ridiculous outfit available, and then screaming profanity-laced gibberish for 90 minutes before the credits mercifully role. I am so fucking over it. I feel like I just walked out of a revolving door that kept spinning and spinning, while a hali-toxic Ferrell — walking backwards — yelled in my face until I was finally spat out on my ass.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: The more you see Will Ferrell in the weeks leading up to the release of his film, the more that film is destined to suck. And at this point, the guy doesn’t even seem to care. I think he must have made the talk show rounds twice this time around; the teaser trailer for Semi-Pro has been playing since last July; and the man even did a ridiculous Sports Illustrated photo shoot alongside Heidi Klum. Hell, he’s even repeating the once-funny “fuck you” commercials featured in Talladega Nights. Ferrell is tiredly going through the motions, and judging by his performance both in Semi-Pro and on Letterman, Leno, et. al, he just doesn’t give a shit anymore. So why should we?

This time around, his territorial pissings take him to the 1970s; he’s Jackie Moon, the giant-afro wearing owner, coach, and power forward of the Flint Tropics, an American Basketball Association franchise he bought with the profits he earned his giant disco hit, “Love Me Sexy,” (because disco is always funny, right?) The team is an embarrassment to a league that’s already faltering, when Moon learns from the commish (David Koechner, in another hilariously unfunny role) that the ABA will merge with the NBA at the end of the season. Moon is thus charged with generating an average attendance of over 2,000 people for the rest of the year and getting his team as high as fourth place, lest the Tropics fail to make the cut for merger.

In furtherance of that pursuit, Moon trades a washing machine for an over-the-hill NBA benchwarmer, Monix (Woody Harrelson), who takes over coaching duties and dramatically improves yet another team in a exhausting line of misfit teams, this one including Andre Benjamin as the sole talented player, Coffee Black. To improve attendance, Moon does everything that the advertisements for Semi-Pro have already shown you (cage-wrestles a bear, roller-skate jumps over a line of cheerleaders), only here the stunts are dragged out interminably (the cage wrestling scene must have filled a third of the film). Meanwhile, Monix is trying to reconcile with his old flame (Maura Tierney), who is dating Monix’s biggest fan, Kyle (Rob Corddry), a man who decides to stay and watch when he catches the two fucking. The only saving grace of the entire film is Will Arnett as one of the announcers, who — for once — ad libs enough semi-amusing lines to make you remember that he was once an amusing character on a great television sitcom and not some hack, deep-voiced comedian with an increasingly long list of bit and lead parts in one-joke comedies (not that he makes Semi-Pro anything near worth suffering through).

When Monix takes over as coach of the Tropics, the first thing he teaches the team is the “Puke Drill,” so called because the players are forced to repeat it over and over until they burp to the ninth power. It’s a fitting metaphor for what Will Ferrell and his movies have become: The same drill tirelessly repeated in slightly different situations.

And if you’ll excuse me, I need to go puke.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife and son in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.


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Comments

i can't stand him, i can't stand him, i can't stand him
*deep breath*
i. can. not. stand. him.

Posted by: julia at February 29, 2008 4:00 PM

Yeah, I had a bad feeling about this one. You hit the nail on the head: Ferrell just doesn't care anymore. I think his last decent comedy was Anchorman, and part of that was due to a great supporting cast. Talladega Nights was awful, and I refuse to acknowledge Blades of Glory.

Some of these jokes are so painfully obvious, I can hear the comments the theatergoers make. (Andre Benjamin as Coffee Black? Oh, I get it! Because HE'S Black! Holy Shit, that's so funny!!!)

I think Will needs to go back to basics, or take a break. His shtick is so tiring now.

Posted by: Brie at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

So you're saying that Semi-Pro is not all that good... is that right? Am I reading you correctly?


(Will Ferrell makes one appreciate the over-emoting skills of Wierd Al Yankovic)

Posted by: DGM at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

julia, you are not alone. I absolutely, positively ABHOR him. For the life of me, I cannot understand why some people think he's such a scream. I mostly just want to gouge his eyes out and then light him on fire. Or something like that.

Posted by: llism at February 29, 2008 4:05 PM

What really makes Will Ferrell so unworthy of attention is when you compare the shit like this that he cranks out of his ass with all the ease of a White Castle binge followed by a box of Ex-Lax and an enema, with his performance in Stranger Than Fiction. He can actually do stuff in front of the camera that doesn't require the laugh track stupidity of getting a foot stuck in a toilet.

But, that takes effort, and he's apparently not going to put any forth ever again.

Posted by: Spork at February 29, 2008 4:08 PM

GODDAMN YOU FERRELL! After Anchorman and Stranger Than Fiction (good call, Spork), you made me love you.

And then... this?

I will never forgive this.

Posted by: TK at February 29, 2008 4:11 PM

llism julia, you are not alone. I absolutely, positively ABHOR him. For the life of me, I cannot understand why some people think he's such a scream. I mostly just want to gouge his eyes out and then light him on fire. Or something like that.

seconded, did you see that supposedly hilarious 'landlord sketch'?, because a three year old screaming swearwords is the height of comedic genius, right?


/did like him in stranger than fiction, though. With Robin Williams and Jim Carey, he's a comedian that is far better when he's not being comedic

Posted by: cockroach at February 29, 2008 4:13 PM

To piggyback on my earlier comment - Ferrell in shit like this infuriates me for the same reason that Adam Sandler infuriates me - after seeing Punchdrunk Love, I know he can do SO MUCH BETTER... and yet...

Posted by: TK at February 29, 2008 4:15 PM

Stranger Than Fiction confused the hell out of me, because I wanted to give Will Ferrell a hug at the end of it, and normally I want to beat him about the head and shoulders with a live badger.

Posted by: Smithy at February 29, 2008 4:16 PM

I cannot WAIT to get bakied and see this!

Posted by: HallseyHatesU at February 29, 2008 4:18 PM


Oh Oh, can I join in on the Ferrell hate?

Damn, I never thought he was funny. He was
apalling on SNL. He gives a butt rash, and not
in the good way.

And, this had all the hallmarks of being a
lowpoint. Sorry you had to suffer it, Dustin.

Posted by: Drake at February 29, 2008 4:19 PM

To piggyback on my earlier comment - Ferrell in shit like this infuriates me for the same reason that Adam Sandler infuriates me - after seeing Punchdrunk Love, I know he can do SO MUCH BETTER... and yet...

to piggy back on your comment, and my previous one;
isn't it strange that so many crap overbearing ADD addled comedians can do so well in straight roles. Doesn't seem to make sense...

Posted by: cockroach at February 29, 2008 4:21 PM

"normally I want to beat him about the head and shoulders with a live badger."

That is AWESOME.

Posted by: gelis at February 29, 2008 4:22 PM

sorry for not attributing your quote, TK

Posted by: cockroach at February 29, 2008 4:22 PM

I have nothing to say about this movie. I'm just depressed that Step-Brothers is coming out soon. I'm not upset that it's destined to be a two-flush turd, just that Ferrell is gonna get his stink all over John C. Reilly.

It doesn't wash off!

Posted by: Mella at February 29, 2008 4:24 PM

Dingleberry

*tee hee*

Now come on ya'll - Will Ferrell has this whole childlike wonder thing going on with his performances that make his movies generally more charming than those of his comedic competitors. I haven't seen "Semi-Pro", and it looks pretty awful. But, he had a really solid toned-down performance in "Stranger than Fiction". Don't listen to me, though - I liked "Talledega Nights".

Posted by: LB at February 29, 2008 4:26 PM

No one's disagreeing about Stranger than fiction; if anything it makes the shitastic comdies he churns out even more galling; but like Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, and Adam Sandler, the good, non brain melt roles they some times take, are in movies that don't score nearly as highly in the box office as their comedy turd ones

Posted by: cockroach at February 29, 2008 4:31 PM

It's almost as if he's trying to give cinematic shoutouts to the fans of every. sport. in. existence. He lost me at "Shake...."

Posted by: Kolby at February 29, 2008 4:33 PM

Dammit, I love Will Ferrell and this makes me really depressed. But I kinda saw it coming.

To all the Ferrell-haters out there: Really? You never thought he was funny on SNL? Or in Anchorman? Or Old School? Not ever? Not even once?

Posted by: tt_marie at February 29, 2008 4:33 PM

I liked Will Ferrell back in the SNL day. I remember thinking his small role in Austin Powers (the first one) entertaining. But I've never really cared for the films he headlines.

The problem I run into most is that there's this huge following of tasteless jock college kids that seem to measure comedy BY Will Ferrell; if he's doing it, then it IS funny. The rest of us just don't get it, or are too snobby to appreciate good stupid humour.

These kinds of people tend to use the same excuse for everything.

Posted by: Jesse at February 29, 2008 4:39 PM

meh, im going to resist this circle jerk of Ferrell hate until i actually watch the movie

Posted by: dylanj at February 29, 2008 4:44 PM

for the same reason that Adam Sandler infuriates me - after seeing Punchdrunk Love, I know he can do SO MUCH BETTER

Dear God, can he ever. I rented it because I liked the director and I liked Happy Gilmore and hell, Adam Sandler in a dramatic role?

It was physically painful for me to watch that performance, there was so much isolation and despair in him. I had to turn it off 20 minutes in, and I've never been able to go back to it.

So yeah, more PDL and Stranger than Fiction, less of this. After Anchorman there wasn't really anywhere to go.

Posted by: twig at February 29, 2008 4:48 PM

Anchorman and Old School are great... whether it be because of him or in spite of him... but I still think his best stuff was in Zoolander. Like most over the top comedians, it needs to be in small bursts.

Posted by: mick at February 29, 2008 4:49 PM

tt, I'll grant that he was entertaining in Old School. It's a stupid movie with an even dumber plot and all the wasted potential of Vince Vaughn smeared all over it. But, he was a supporting character in that role.

He isn't funny when all the job of funny is his to do. Example: those fucking cheerleader sketches. I hated those fucking things on SNL and ever other sketch of his that centered around him, like the horny hot tub couple sketches. He cannot carry anything in the lead.

Posted by: Spork at February 29, 2008 4:50 PM

Pajibites, i am 99% with you on things, this is my 1%. Maybe its because i'm shamefully loyal and the original cut of Anchorman made me nearly pee, so Ron Burgundy in different forms still makes me laugh.

Is it shameless and cheap- oh you betcha. But its comedy. It certainly ain't art, and thats OK every once in a while.

Thankfully he said he is retiring sports films forever (credit EW)

Feel free to roast me :)

Posted by: tajmc at February 29, 2008 4:50 PM

Upon first seeing Ferrell when he joined SNL, I thought he was one of the weirdest, most annoying wastes of space that show had ever turned out, up with the greats like Horatio Sanz (gag) and Jimmy "I'm so fucking cool in my own mind that I'm blissfully unaware what a no-talent jerk everyone else thinks I am" Fallon.

Ferrell's uniquely ignorant, glassy eyes were kind of amusing at first, but that shit played out REAL quick, a one-note joke. At least he had some decent writing on SNL once in awhile, but his movies leave me totally clueless as to just what he has that keeps bringing the people into theaters. If this is a representation of 21st century comedy, I'm guessing our world is going to be ending much sooner than I originally anticipated - and we'll all be the better off for it.

And Dustin, that first paragraph alone was 10 times funnier than Will Ferrell could imagine being in his lifetime. It's so nice to hear from other Farrell-haters out there, too, and from past reading I've started Netflixing the classics that really did make me laugh out loud, like Steve Martin's 'Man With Two Brains', a movie that makes me long for the days when comedy was comedy, not this bullshit invading our screens today.

Posted by: TMax at February 29, 2008 4:51 PM

For me, he's like Ben Stiller. Sometimes hysterical. Sometimes not. I can watch Dodge Ball & Zoolander over and over again, but have no interest in ever seeing the Focker movies. I loved Anchorman & Talledega Nights. I enjoyed Old School. (I won't be seeing Blades of Glory.) His schtick is repetitive, but sometimes his schtick is exactly what I want.

Posted by: Smello at February 29, 2008 4:54 PM

I agree that this looks pretty bad (although I'd probably enjoy it...I've always had a soft spot for Ferrell's stupid humor). But can we stop with the whole "genre-porn" thing? It made sense for torture-porn. The connection is easy enough. Dance porn? Much weaker. Ferrell porn? Give me a break.

Posted by: Joe at February 29, 2008 4:55 PM

Whoever is giving Ferrell positive feedback for the crap films he's been spewing should be hunted down, covered with honey and placed in the middle of a pasture in Alabama where the fire ants will deal with it. As others have said, since Stranger Than Fiction, we've known he could do better. It's just a shame he doesn't know it.

Posted by: lateformyfuneral at February 29, 2008 4:56 PM

Smello, you think Ben Stiller is occasionally hysterical? Fucking when?

He always plays the same hapless, clueless, stupid dipshit without a spine. Always.

What's funny about a dumbfuck getting himself into shit that's his own fucking fault over and over again with a different supporting cast?

Posted by: Spork at February 29, 2008 4:58 PM

When I first saw the trailer for this film, I swear I thought it was an SNL sketch making fun of Will Ferrell. Old school was funny. Anchorman may be, if you grew up in the US in the 1970s (I didn't, therefore I don't get it at all). After that, it's been a precipitous race to the bottom of the pile. It's as if he can't bear it that Rob Schneider is the reigning emperor of "couldn't make a funny movie if his life depended on it" and has a compulsion to challenge him for the title.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 29, 2008 5:03 PM

Gold star and many hero cookies (freshly baked!) for beating BSlim to the first comment Julia!!

*sneaks away before BSlim can come running into the thread brandishing an axe and questionable underwear*

Posted by: Zanna at February 29, 2008 5:03 PM

Yup, Spork. I do. I sometimes find the schtick funny. And, frankly, if I have to explain why something is funny to me, it'll likely never be funny to you. So, I'm happy to just agree to disagree.

Posted by: Smello at February 29, 2008 5:06 PM

I'm definitely in the minority here, but I didn't like Stranger than Fiction. Not so much Ferrell's performance, but the whole movie felt so self-involved, if that makes any sense. But I didn't like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind either, so there you go.

Posted by: Brie at February 29, 2008 5:07 PM

Fair enough, Smello.

Posted by: Spork at February 29, 2008 5:08 PM

wow. the almighty dollar is a most powerful succubus. It's like we've all given up and decided - hey if you'll pay for it, I'll bend over, no need to be shy about it. It's a shame to shill out your career so soon, because christ knows celebrities just WON'T GO AWAY anymore.

I really miss the risk takers (Andy Kauffman, Tracy Ullman), groundbreakers (Pythons, Kids In the Hall), the I-don't-give-a-f**kers (ha, Benny Hill, John Belushi, Bill Murray too I guess...), and the you-won't-know-how-good-it-was-till-its-goners (Gilda Radner and John Candy too...shut up). Mind you, even dredging up the energy to provide examples of the above is exhausting.

Too bad, I really liked him before, when he really had the initial spark (a la Owen Wilson's Hansel in zoolander) to convey the insanity of complete and utter misplaced enthusiasm. Gets me every time.

Posted by: replica at February 29, 2008 5:11 PM

Well I guess I will be the lone Pajiba at the cineplex to enjoy this one. I'm taking a flask of Wild Turkey, buying me a jumbo Coke, and half way through this fucker I shall be laughing my ass off. Ya got a problem with that then fuck off. Sure, the dude is like heroin with his ever-diminishing returns, but I'll try to catch the high he gave me from his gigs in Austin Powers one more time.

Posted by: JP at February 29, 2008 5:17 PM

Spork,

You perfectly captured my own assessment of this incomprehensible Ben Stiller "phenomenon."

If not for 'There's Something About Mary' ALONE, Stiller would probably replace Ferrell as my number-one "huh????"

But, good god, what with all the Sandlers, the Sambergs, Schniders and so many other pathetic, no-talent pricks out there, how do you begin to make a complete list of the suckitude we've been subjected to this decade alone?

Posted by: TMax at February 29, 2008 5:17 PM

PREDICTION:Semi Pro will be number 1 this weekend which means for a follow up, WILL FERREL will be playing a jockey....i can smell it from here!

Posted by: pasadenamike at February 29, 2008 5:28 PM

I'm just pretty much over Will Ferrell and his schtick. I don't find it funny anymore, and I'm not sure if I EVER really found it that funny.

I hate to bring it up, but I really think when he's not trying to be an 18 year old frat boy, he's actually pretty good like in Stranger Than Fiction. Can't he just cut his losses like Adam Sandler did for a while and make something decent, eccentric touching and witty? I know he's capable of it...but I really, we don't need another Blades of Glory...NO ONE needs another Blade os Glory.

Posted by: citizen_cris at February 29, 2008 5:37 PM

Like many other other Pajibans, I'm a fan of Stranger than Fiction and Anchorman (the latter due in large part to the cast). The former proves that if Ferrell would just sit down and shut up, he can do understated. Today is one of the days I thank God that I broke up with my ex before he could subject me to this. I was forced to watch the steaming turd known as Blades of Glory right after New Year's. He would blow Will Ferrell if he could, and did not understand why I didn't like Elf or Old School. The answer being, of course, that I have a brain.

I'll never understand the appeal of Ben Stiller. He looks like a retarded ferret.

Posted by: Nicole at February 29, 2008 5:38 PM

pasadenamike PREDICTION:Semi Pro will be number 1 this weekend which means for a follow up, WILL FERREL will be playing a jockey....i can smell it from here!

You can find all his future projects here

http://www.collegehumor.com/willferrell

(Will Ferrell movie generator; I believe this was old when blades of glory was out)

Posted by: cockroach at February 29, 2008 5:38 PM

More porn, I have an addition:
Stranger than Old School Talladega Nights of Glory: How She Stepped up, Stomped the Yard, Got Served, then got in Captivity at a Hostel and Knew who Killed her Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Posted by: Kamakaze Feminist at February 29, 2008 6:02 PM

No, I don't find him funny. I don't hate him, but I'd kick him in the nuts if he wasted my time with his "humor".

Problem is that you can't parody stupid. (Can't fix it, either, but that's a different and entirely funny comedian.)

Stupid just is, and exaggerating it only exacerbates the migraine inducing effects. But it's easy, so you get a few pinhead fratboy types engaging in it for the rest of the yawn patrol . . .

Already too much energy expended.

Posted by: denadn03 at February 29, 2008 6:03 PM

For all those hating on Talledega Nights, I'd like to point out that it had AMY ADAMS in it, which means it can't be all bad.

Love me some Amy Adams something fierce!

Posted by: Zerokool at February 29, 2008 6:06 PM

Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller are two comics whom I keep wanting to like...they have a charming, naive beta-male quality about them....

But then they keep putting out crap movies like this, with repulsive, lowest-common-denominator humour, and it frustrates me to no end! Hell, I don't even know what Stiller did to earn my good will (it was Elf for Ferrell; Stranger than Fiction also rocked).

Ugh, I've pretty much given up.

I trust you good folks at Pajiba will give me a heads-up if they manage to make us a decent comedy, huh?

Posted by: MO at February 29, 2008 6:17 PM

Who is Pajiba?

Quite simply, Pajiba is a bunch of snarky critics and eloquent readers. Check out the staff page if you simply must know more.
--------------------------------

"snarky" is a corny ridiculous word and no self-respecting intelligent person should or would utter such an abomination

Posted by: ummhmm at February 29, 2008 6:21 PM

I didn't even find Anchorman at all amusing or original, even though when I was being interviewed for grad school and one of the grad students complimented me by saying I was smart my reflexive response was "I have many leather bound books." I think he was at his best in Old School where he wasn't the main character. Also, I just saw his comedy tour a couple of weeks ago and I've gotta say I was kind of disappointed. He does the exact same lazy crap in his comedy routine - mining his old, once funny shtick for any hilarity that is left. Sad.

Posted by: lobstersurprise at February 29, 2008 6:35 PM

You know, it's pretty easy to knock on Will Ferrell but...the guy, puts himself out there....


*head explodes*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 29, 2008 6:47 PM

Out of all the complaits on here so far, not a single one of you remember to mention Bewitched? Everything else mentioned is high class in comparison.

"Why do you need to listen to the stereo and watch the TV at the same time?"

"Cause I like to party?"

Posted by: Some Guy at February 29, 2008 7:07 PM

Will Ferrell was always hit and miss to me, but looks like he's just pure "hit" these days. Too bad.

Posted by: kelsy at February 29, 2008 7:16 PM

I saw this movie when it was called "Major League". And was about baseball. And was actually FUNNY.

Posted by: june at February 29, 2008 7:20 PM

I didn't think Stranger Than Fiction was THAT great. A friend of mine rented it a while back, and it was a decent way to spent a few hours. And yeah, Will Farell was good, but I'm still in recovery from watching so many of my female friends swoon over the bumbling 'bumblosity' of The Hugh Grant Years, so watching a grown man trip all over himself for an hour starts to grate.

On the whole, I thought it was pretty good, but I can't tap into the unmitigated love you guys have for it. Good thing Luigi Pirandello wrote the Same Frigging Story so much earlier, that was a creepy, weird, surreal story (but very boring when just read). And no, I'm not one of those people who NEEDS characters to die in her stories, but a little testicular fortitude would be appreciated, once in a while.

I'll be in the hugely overwhelming minority on this one, but I'll say it:

In Stranger Than Fiction, nothing would have made me happier than to see Maggie Gyllenhaal's character's smug, judgemental, self-righteous little throat Get.Slit.Twice.

GET BENT, BAKERY BITCH!
hated her.

I'm sure she's great in real life, and other roles, too. But,

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!

Oh yeah? Come find me!

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at February 29, 2008 7:20 PM

Oh, I don't hate Will Ferrell. I'm just tired. So very tired. I give him a pass because of Stranger Than Fiction and Elf. I know, I hate my self for it but there you go.

I could REALLY do without the stupid commercials, though.

Posted by: greer at February 29, 2008 7:27 PM

i have such a rabid hatred of Ben Stiller my friends are afraid to mention him. He is the one, single, solitary, only fucking thing in Arrested Development that was not funny. When I first saw the Billy Wonder or whatever the shit it was apisode, I tried. I thought, hell, Liza Minelli is funny as hell in this, maybe they can make Ben not suck. But no, not even the powers of AD can hold back that giant tide of NotFunny.
Now I'm all pissed off again. Damn.

Posted by: isabelle at February 29, 2008 7:29 PM

"i like the way that sounds"

just from the title of this thing...not having read a single word yet...which i am going to do right now:

Posted by: maxpurr9 at February 29, 2008 7:38 PM

You have to admit, Anchorman is an endlessly quotable movie:

"I have many leatherbound books."

"I'm kind of a big deal."

"Two fingers of Glenlivet, with a little pepper and some cheese."

"Baxter? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee."

I also love to invoke the "glass cage of emotion" and "exquisite breasts" lines.

At least I admit to my dorkitude.

Posted by: Nicole at February 29, 2008 7:50 PM

sorry if it offends all you purists out there, but i think him and his movies are funny...intelligent--NO; but do i laugh--yes. am i high--yes, and maybe that's the key?!?
i find nothing wrong with stupid humor, when it's meant to be stupid and funny, and nothing more than a break from the daily grind of an ugly world...[what? you say the world isn't ugly--well then you're not paying close enough attention; and maybe substitute "world" with "civilization" and then i think you'll get the picture.]

Posted by: maxpurr9 at February 29, 2008 7:51 PM

"...nothing would have made me happier than to see Maggie Gyllenhaal's character's smug, judgemental, self-righteous little throat Get.Slit.Twice. ...."


*high five*

and multiply the throat slitting by two.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 29, 2008 8:08 PM

Oh and I just can't bring myself to hate Will, I just feel sad.

Anyone remember that SNL the "Get OFF the SHED!" skit. Or Bill Brasky? C'mon!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 29, 2008 8:12 PM

THANK YOU FOR CALLING OUT WILL ARNETT!!!!

I'm amazed at how many people feign disappointment when Will Arnett stars in a bad film, bemoaning his status as a comedic genius. The guy is an actor who was lucky enough to land ONE good role in a show that was full of good roles, great scripts and great direction. It's not like he stole it or saved it with his wondrous performance based on instinct. Come on..."AD" even made the unfunny David Cross (yes I said it) look like a good actor. And it made SCOTT BAIO charming.

Will Arnett is like Jack Black: If it isn't in the script, he's not going to save it or bring it on his own. He'll just keeping playing riffs of the same character. And when it works, he'll be hailed as a genius.

Posted by: happy camper at February 29, 2008 8:18 PM

Damnit Ferrel, Why don't you realize that Stranger Than Fiction was the best role you have ever played. Go back to that shit man.

Dustin: great review, as usual. That opening paragraph is priceless.

Posted by: the_wakeful at February 29, 2008 8:35 PM

replica - dead fucking on...

Will Ferrel is doing what he's gonna do (as well as every other comedian from here 'till the end of time). When they're funny - when they are at the top of their game - when they are on the cover of every fucking magazine from Ammo to Zoofuckers, they are gonna whore themselves out for every last penny they can get until the next "big-ha-ha-fucker" comes along. Sandler knew it... Only thing is, when he did "Punchdrunk Love" everybody douchefuck was expecting "Billy Gillmore Little Water Nicky". The film tanked, and the studio shitheels though he couldn't carry a bigger, more serious role. Finis.

Same with Ferrel - he's doing what he can, the mouth-breathers will see it because he's Frank the Tank, and god forbid he do something admirable (i.e. Stranger then Fiction) and get cast out of his "man that motherfucker's cuh-razy" stereotype.

He's doing what he's doing 'cause he's making some dough. I think sketchwise, he's funnier than shit, but after time that same funny gets a little dull...

Skittimus Minimus seconds that...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 29, 2008 9:20 PM

the funny thing is i read perezhilton.com and idontlikeyouinthatway.com everyday and enjoy them both. i read this site about 2 or 3 times a week....or whenever you have an update. i enjoy them all. i really see no difference in perez and idontlike. they're both gossip sites and they both report on the same stuff. maybe your trying to get into "jenny's" pants and are insecure with your manhood so your trash the gay? not sure, but to trash one site and praise the other is extremely hypocritical considering they are almost mirror images.

Posted by: mike at February 16, 2006 10:22 AM

-----------------------------
what...the...fuck???....mike, to utter abominable crap such as that idontlikeyouinthatway.com and perezhilton.com are mirror images (?!?!?) surely earns your big fat idiotic head a diarrhea-filled toilet dunking....idontlikeyouinthatway.com is far superior in its hateration than that goddamn motherfucking homo perezhilton could even wish for itself....shut the fuck up you

p.s. my apologies for replying to this insult on this thread but the comments section for the blogger review had closed and I felt compelled to defend my favorite haters at idontlikeyouinthatway.com (hey whats up todd)

Posted by: the tooth at February 29, 2008 9:20 PM

"But can we stop with the whole 'genre-porn' thing? It made sense for torture-porn. The connection is easy enough. Dance porn? Much weaker. Ferrell porn? Give me a break."

Yeah, it's just lazy writing at this point.

Posted by: Squarah at February 29, 2008 9:25 PM

"In Stranger Than Fiction, nothing would have made me happier than to see Maggie Gyllenhaal's character's smug, judgemental, self-righteous little throat Get.Slit.Twice.

GET BENT, BAKERY BITCH!
hated her."

Yes, yes, and yes. She's nicer later on, but I don't really feel sympathy for someone who leads some pissed off revolt against some guy in a store b/c she didn't pay her taxes.

Posted by: Brie at February 29, 2008 10:32 PM

It hurts when you cut me like that.

Anyways, I can't hate Will Ferrell, because if I was in his shoes I would try to rake in as much money as possible, literally, with a garden rake. And then sleep on that pile of money. Maybe build some furniture out of my stacks of money. The kid gets mad paid to act like the same idiot piece of trash in a different setting and I can't hate on the brilliance of his idiotic simplicity.

Posted by: The Stew at February 29, 2008 11:05 PM

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!

Posted by: JP at February 29, 2008 11:56 PM

..."AD" even made the unfunny David Cross (yes I said it) look like a good actor.

Can't speak yet to whether he's a good actor, but "unfunny" just doesn't work. The "Shut Up, You Fucking Baby" cd is just pure comedy gold. He ain't Steve Martin, he ain't Richard Pryor, but he brings the funny. The "defending my summer home" thing was weak, Patton clearly won that, but I don't need a perfect person to find an artist I enjoy.

Will Ferrel is still in the "artist I enjoy" category. Is he wearing out his welcome? Yes. Will I ever forget the Talladega Nights dinner table scene? I sure hope not. "Thank you, dear lord, for our beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger ...." Mmm-mmm good.

No, it ain't Groundhog Day. That don't make it shite either.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 1, 2008 12:11 AM

My goodness. As soon as DR says he doesn't like something, everyone just jumps on the damn wagon with it.

Not everything Will Ferrell makes is gold, but I don't for a second believe that everyone here abhors everything he ever did from the get go. I hate that whole I'm-A-Better-Judge-Because-I-Hated-It-Before-Everyone-Else-Did.

That being said, I'm not defending him because I love him (although I do love him), I'm just attacking that behavior. And everyone, get off of DR's nuts. That is all.

Posted by: Queen Lena at March 1, 2008 12:24 AM

Wow, finally. I thought I was the only one who did not find Ferrell funny. I feel all warm now. However, that may be the zanex talking.....

Now, when will people realize that Jim Carey sucks just as badly?

Posted by: Lori at March 1, 2008 12:25 AM

This doesn't look anywhere near as horrendous as the Larry the Cable Guy movie or 'Meet the Spartans'. It's just more slapstick. The thing is, I think comics who make the same damn movie over and over again are required by law to make one movie that's actually surprisingly good, just to highlight how mediocre everything else they do is.

Posted by: Kris at March 1, 2008 2:29 AM

Dustin, that was exquisite poetry at the beginning of your review! Stunningly appropriate and some definite Beat rhythms in it. Been reading Ginsburg lately?

I'm not being snarky. It was truly good, and as far as I'm concerned it could be used to describe any random movie by Ferrell, Sandler, et. al.

Posted by: The Wanderer at March 1, 2008 6:33 AM

I thought Pajiba was saving the obvious clunker for a weekday review now...

Posted by: Robert at March 1, 2008 6:41 AM

Queen Lena AMEN!

I think we all need a bit of xanax cause lately this site got a bit too out of hand. Pookie is turning into a moderate person compared to everyone else, and that's scary.

Posted by: rio at March 1, 2008 7:24 AM

Sometimes, an agreement is just an agreement. Will Ferrell sucks diseased donkey cock. Always has, always will.

Posted by: Spork at March 1, 2008 10:01 AM

Wait-was the first paragraph a review for another Jackass movie or Semi-Pro?

Posted by: Megan at March 1, 2008 1:05 PM

Will Ferrell is like Barbie. Every new film is just a costume/career change.

Posted by: Gudrun at March 1, 2008 1:08 PM

Good news folks, the "Law of Diminishing Returns" asserts itself again, this moist pile of excrement is slowly being flushed into oblivion.

Check it:


http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/03/01/friday-box-office-ferrell-flops-semi-pro-dribbles-to-disappointing-143m-weekend/

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 1, 2008 1:13 PM

But in MY hopes and dreams, there are small girls with average-sized breasts.

Posted by: Sandor at March 1, 2008 1:57 PM

Damn, that's some vicious weekend tracking.

I thought it was much better than "Be Kind Rewind" though it's no "Talladega Nights" (Maura Tierney is big ol' extra credit). I like the Adam McKay movies, but the "Step Brothers" trailer wasn't doing much for me, and placing it amongst other bad crowdpleasing trailers didn't help its case. What a middling feeling that's coming over me.

But how bout that new "Iron Man" trailer, huh? The summer's gonna be unqualified GREAT, right?? Please tell me it is!

Posted by: Jay at March 1, 2008 4:18 PM

What a waste. The ABA seems like good stroy material for a movie, but to be wasted on this Talladega Nights in Short-Shorts crap! F*** you Will. Take a couple years off, realx, comeback and try soemthing else. Please?

Posted by: Brian at March 1, 2008 9:24 PM

Elf and Stranger Than Fiction. That's it. In Elf, he's goofy, yeah, but he's also a sweet, trusting character NOT playing an old frat boy.

Other than that, meh. Whoever said it first was right: he's just phoning it in now. He COULD do better, but chooses not to.

And I loved that Sandler in Punch Drunk Love was mentioned. He blew me away with that performance, and I've never been a huge fan of his. Someone way upthread mentioned not even being able to watch past the first 20 minutes--give it another try, it's very worth it. But it IS hard to watch. I have it, but have only been able to make it all the way through twice. It's dark, man.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at March 1, 2008 9:56 PM

It might just be me, but I enjoyed the movie simply because I love the ABA so much (yeah, I'm a sports nerd who particularly enjoys basketball history). I know that Ferrell is just rehashing his same-old formula, but I just liked how they captured some of the ridiculous nature of the league itself. For crying out loud, a guy did wrestle a bear after an Indiana Pacers game! Of course, I guess thats proof that Ferrell can't come up with something even marginally original...

Posted by: supafly at March 1, 2008 10:20 PM

He lost me after Elf.

Posted by: Jon at March 1, 2008 11:07 PM

well, I'M certainly heading over to this whatever.com I keep hearing about. It'll get me off DR's nuts, and I need that since I worship him so, and they say that's just no good.

Posted by: replica at March 2, 2008 1:00 AM

Smello, you think Ben Stiller is occasionally hysterical? Fucking when?

He always plays the same hapless, clueless, stupid dipshit without a spine. Always.

What's funny about a dumbfuck getting himself into shit that's his own fucking fault over and over again with a different supporting cast?

Posted by: Spork at February 29, 2008 4:58 PM

_________________________

Spork,

You perfectly captured my own assessment of this incomprehensible Ben Stiller "phenomenon."

If not for 'There's Something About Mary' ALONE, Stiller would probably replace Ferrell as my number-one "huh????"

But, good god, what with all the Sandlers, the Sambergs, Schniders and so many other pathetic, no-talent pricks out there, how do you begin to make a complete list of the suckitude we've been subjected to this decade alone?

Posted by: TMax at February 29, 2008 5:17 PM

=================

spork and t-max ...that was sheer poetry...bravo and thank you finafuckingly someone said what pathetic no-talents stiller and sandler are

Posted by: nightlight at March 2, 2008 1:34 AM

I have never liked Will Ferrell. And I'm not entirely sure why. I don't think I've seen any of his movies. The man himself just grates, endlesly, somehow.

Posted by: Gabs at March 2, 2008 2:15 AM

I'm just wondering why all the people who disagree with the comments on this site - it's out of hand, "snarky" is a stupid word, we're all on Dustin's nuts, etc. (I'm paraphrasing) - don't just, I dunno, go somewhere else?

My loathing for Elf stems from the following: tights; godawful culinary creations that make me throw up in my mouth a little; the name "Buddy"; a grown man acting like a passenger from the short bus (see revolving door scene); midget throwdown in the conference room; group sing-a-long in Central Park. Need I go on?

Posted by: Nicole at March 2, 2008 10:34 AM

For the same reason you will rarely see
a good or great building, you will only
on occassion see Will Ferrell in a good
or great comedy.

Americans consume crap-- developers and
producers make it for them.

This makes the joy more intense when you
experience architecture or film. It's rare.

Not that I don't get all the rage. Ferrell
is a whore and we're johns. Gettin' herpes.

Posted by: gsherber at March 2, 2008 12:46 PM

I will go watch Stranger Than Fiction.
I will pretend Semi-Pro was made by his evil twin.

Posted by: Jenn at March 2, 2008 2:24 PM

I know I am probably the minority, but I genuinely don't care that Will Ferrell plays the same character every movie. I laugh my ass off every time. I can't wait to see this.

Posted by: Kristen at March 2, 2008 4:37 PM

Will Ferrel has actually done some enjoyable films like 'Elf' and 'Old School.' But what on earth possesses him to keep making the same movies over and over and over again? It's like onion rings. They're delicious at first, but the more you eat them, the more you just feel like a grease-ball.

Posted by: maria at March 2, 2008 5:02 PM

My boyfriend and I actually decided to see this one when we arrived late at the theater and missed that last showing of the movie we WANTED to see. Ultimately, I thought the movie was okay. I think the main problem is that it was severely OVER CAST. It felt more like Ferrell decided to make a "fun" movie with his buddies than actually try to make something decent.

Posted by: Renee at March 2, 2008 7:24 PM

What's the overall pajibian opinion on Ben Stiller in The Royal Tannenbaums? Wes Anderson love + Stiller hate = ?

Posted by: Tyranthesaurus at March 2, 2008 10:42 PM

The Royal Tannenbaums bored the living fuck outta me.

Posted by: Spork at March 3, 2008 6:32 AM

Will Ferrell is what he is.

I liked Anchorman. Good, stupid fun. Talladega Nights had one good scene (at the dinner table). The rest wasn't worth seeing.

I thought Elf was actually pretty decent as far as Christmas films go.

Stranger Than Fiction was a drastically over-rated and very forgetful movie. If not for the Spoon soundtrack and everyone's shock and awe at Will Ferrell turning in an acceptable performance in a "thinking man's" movie it would have never generated the buzz that it did.

But now you've got the same knee-jerking Pajibas tripping over one another in the stampede to crucify Will Ferrell that were rushing to praise him for Stranger Than Fiction.

Ferrell is just another SNL stuntman who has a little more entertainment value than Adam Sandler and a little less than Mike Meyers. And if you ever thought otherwise you were just fooling yourself.

Posted by: Anyon at March 3, 2008 12:50 PM

I love this site, because not many would dare put an entire paragraph between the introduction of a Nirvana comparison and a reference to the semi-obscure song Territorial Pissings.

Well played.

Posted by: Matches at March 3, 2008 2:25 PM

I don't love Ferrell, nor do I hate him. As someone said earlier, I'm so very tired of his schtick.

I think the only LOL stuff Will has done is his Bush impressions and the Blue Öyster Cult parody "More Cowbell", but I guess most of the cowbell credit goes to mr. Cool (a.k.a. Christopher Walken).

Posted by: piedlourde at March 3, 2008 4:06 PM

Yeah, he keeps making the same movie over and over and, yeah, it gets old. But now it's a basketball movie, and I am a basketball fan. Which means I'll go see it anyway. Plus the guy who made it is from San Antonio, and apparently put the Spurs (my team) as a somewhat prominent foil (including, if rumors are correct, the legendary George "Iceman" Gervin), which is just gravy. Maybe it'll suck, but oh well. He's got my five bucks.

Posted by: Mitch Clem at March 3, 2008 5:49 PM

I don't know. I'm going to give it a chance. I'll admit freely that I love me some Will Ferrell. I even liked "Blades of Glory." I mean, they're not great movies, or even all that good, but they provide me entertainment now and then when I rent them on the weekend.

Posted by: KatyBelle at March 3, 2008 9:46 PM

You didn't to say anything in this review after the first paragraph. That pretty much sums it up, I think.

Posted by: Ariel at March 4, 2008 11:38 AM

I think people who like Will Ferrell movies are happier than Pajibans.

Posted by: Joey at March 4, 2008 11:50 AM

Kudos on the Dave Koechner point. The guy is unfunny in everything he does. He even managed to ruin the "Chris Finch, bloody good sales rep" character in The Office - the point where the character has all been written out of the show. So overrated.

Posted by: Chris at March 4, 2008 12:23 PM

"Hi I'm Ricky Bobby, and if you don't chew Big Red, then FUCK YOU."

Priceless.

Posted by: Mike at March 4, 2008 2:40 PM

Spork...I enjoyed your comments, until...gulp...Royal Tenenbaums, BORING? I've joked that I can guage the potential of a friendship based on a person's opinion of RT.

Onto Will Ferrell...I've had a tepid fondness for him since the SNL days. I liked Anchorman (best scene was the guy waking up at the home of Japanese strangers 'and they were all screaming', laughed out loud on that one). But I have to agree with the majority that the routine has gotten tired. Alas, I'm sure there's more of the same to come...I don't see a Razor's Edge move coming from Will Ferrell (lead balloon, anyone?)

Posted by: jen at March 4, 2008 8:27 PM

Yes, Jen. Fucking boring. I also got a man-sized hate goin' for those Wilson brothers. Serious fucking hatred.

But, I'll grant you that it wasn't anywhere near as boring as The Life Aquatic. I wasn't even able to make it to the half way mark on that turd chalupa.

Posted by: Spork at March 5, 2008 9:03 PM

Ya'll have to be fucking kidding me.
You consider Stranger than Fiction to be one of Will's better works and that it did very well for him? And PDL for Adam Sandler? Those were two of the WORST movies I have ever seen in my life. And while I never did watch all of PDL I did make it through Stranger and I was appalled.
There were basically no laughs throughout the whole movie, I liked the writer's character better than Will's.
And as for his recent movies, I will admit Semi-Pro is probably the worst comedy he's done but it was still hilarious in the 1st one-third of the movie. As soon as Woody Harrelson stepped in the light he became the "main" character, and I've never liked him. From there the movie lost its stupidity and went "serious" well as a serious as possible when it comes to a movie like this. Which blew.
As for BLADES of Glory Though!!! Cmon! See this movie! It was AWESOME. I dont mean it in any other way than that. If you havent seen it cuz its about male's on ice skating get off your preveribial high anti-homo horse. This was a classic, for teens, college kids, and adults!
I have not talked to one person who has seen this that didn't think it was downright spectacular.
And for whatever idiot that said Will doesnt do good when he's the head person in a movie....please point to me one fuckin movie BESIDES Stranger than Fiction (where in that one i'd agree with you) that he is the main character. Old School: 1 of 3 "main" guys and not the lead in any means. Blades: 1 of 2. Night at Rox: 1 of 2, Talladega Nights: Main guy but so many other greats in it taking attention off him a lot (the guy from Green Mile, Sasha Cohen, his "shake/bake" partner, and several others (his kids! LOL]
Most of these comments seem to be by idiots who have made their judgements only on what others have told them, and when I hear things like Will being compared to Ben Stiller I want to hurl.
Ben Stiller is to Will Ferrell as Jermaine Oneal is to Shaquille Oneal.
Gimme a fuckin break.

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