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Better to Be Dusty than Polished


Rachel Getting Married / John Williams

Film Reviews | October 8, 2008 | Comments (84)


The pleasantly shambling, real-life feel of Rachel Getting Married helps make up for the presence of the most neurotic, helpless, mewling family in recent memory: The Buchmans. The leading lady is Kym (Anne Hathaway), the clan’s addled, addicted daughter, home for the weekend from rehab for the marriage of her sister Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt). The girls’ divorced parents take opposite roles in the proceedings. Their father, Paul (Bill Irwin), cheerfully organizes every last detail with his new wife, Carol (Anna Deavere Smith). Their icy mother, Abby (Debra Winger), basically stays away from the scene, showing up late to and leaving early from the various festivities, like a Dodgers fan.

The groom, Sidney (Tunde Adebimpe), is joined by his own family, and the house is infested with various other friends and helpers. This cast, enough to form a small town, is the movie’s best asset, because it keeps the focus only partly on Kym. Hathaway is perfectly convincing in the role, but since she’s playing someone who’s insufferable it’s hard to gauge the compliment. (The filmmakers, apparently unsure of how to de-beautify her, use hair and make-up to turn her into a raccoon after a rainstorm. It doesn’t quite work; she still looks lovelier and fresher than someone who’s been irritably sheltered in rehab for the past nine months.)

Initially, director Jonathan Demme tries too hard to establish both Kym and the entire movie as edgy. Her first few hyper-speed, referential lines of dialogue had me fearing a grown-up version of Juno after a decade of disappointment and painkillers. And a humiliating aerial view of her urinating into a cup for a drug test signaled a warts-and-all access policy that, thankfully, didn’t last.

The screenplay by Jenny Lumet (director Sidney’s daughter) could have used some scuffed-up humanity in addition to the self-hating, trouble-making Kym. The movie’s indifference to the fact that Rachel is marrying an African-American is noble, but its over-the-top happy multiculturalism is a distraction. It’s one thing to be accepting and tolerant, even gleefully open-armed; it’s another to be amorphous. There are so many people and traditions on display — African, Brazilian, Asian, Indian, Hawaiian, and most certainly WASP (Paul welcomes his family’s guests to Connecticut and its “complicated tax structure”) — that the movie nearly turns into a two-hour Benetton commercial. There’s even what Sarah Palin might call a shout-out to the military, lest someone is ignored — a relative of the groom is recently home from Iraq, and more than once the script pointedly wishes him well. If that’s not enough, everyone is incredibly talented. True, Sidney is a musician, but does that mean that every last person in attendance can sing or play the sax like they’re on break from a national tour? Beyond the familial dysfunction, there’s an unnerving sense that everything else in the world is just perfect. Or, as the groom’s mother puts it at the rehearsal dinner, “This is how it is in heaven.”

Perhaps the background strains of “Kumbaya” are meant to better foreground the hell that is life as a Buchman. The family has been eroded by Kym’s problems for a long time, and a related tragedy haunts them as well. (This tragedy, which does a lot to explain — and compensate for — the mewling, is cleverly revealed as the wedding weekend progresses. In both its documentary-like visual style and its fraught family reunion, Rachel Getting Married resembles The Celebration, a Danish movie so nearly perfect that to say it’s superior to the one under review isn’t damning in the least.)

If all of this sounds less than terribly inviting, it’s the pacing that saves the day. The rehearsal dinner is a master class in patience, as the camera captures several speeches in real time. The scene might be 15 minutes long, but by the time it’s over, you feel (in a good way) like you’ve been there all night. Likewise, a charming scene in which Sidney and Paul compete to see who’s more efficient at packing the dishwashing machine is played at an appealingly natural rhythm.

By its end, Rachel Getting Married has avoided several pitfalls. Only one or two family confrontations feel strained and overwritten, and only one scene is a true stinker — a silly, unlikely moment in which Kym is confronted by someone from her past. The rest has a cumulative, sympathetic effect not unlike spending a weekend at someone’s wedding. Kym’s flaws aren’t glossed, her relationship with Rachel is composed of alternating bouts of affection and frustration that feel true, and there are no pat answers for how Kym might better handle herself or how the family might better handle Kym. It’s a comfortable fit — an imperfect movie about the imperfect Buchmans.

John Williams lives in Brooklyn. He’s a freelance writer. He blogs at A Special Way of Being Afraid.


Story of Edgar Sawtelle, The | Pajiba Love 10/08/08





Comments

Yawn. Next.

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 8, 2008 10:39 AM

I'm a huge fan of Anne Hathaway. It's gonna sound weird, but I was really sold when I saw her in that scene in "The Devil Wears Prada" where she's having a beer while talking to her boyfriend about keeping her job. She actually looked natural doing that. It's hard for women on film to look natural drinking beer.

And she was awesome in SNL, and she has a sick voice, too. Now every time I see her I immediately think of Kristen Wiig singing "I found a dead cat on the side of the road, so I took it home and put some honey on it and then I cooked it and then I ate it, is that bad? Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo" with her darling baby hands...

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 10:52 AM

As soon as I saw the previews for this movie, the way that Anne Hathaway looked bugged me. It seems so ridiculously akin to Sandra Bullock in 28 days or Rachel Leigh Cook in She's All That or (funnily enough) Anne herself in the beginning parts of The Princess Diaries (I realize I just named some very non-Pajiban movies, but shut up y'all, I do a LOOOT of babysitting (although my love of She's All That has no such excuse!))

In the preview, A.Hath looks so overtly like the "Hi, I'm the outcast black-sheep emo-like troublemaker of the family, see my dyed hair? I'm troubled, and don't think that I'm pretty, but I really am, as you will see in the makeover scene that will come 4/5ths of the way through this movie".

Whilst I find it drastically annoying that audiences/critics (not meaning Pajiba) seem to automatically laud any female who allows herself to look haggard/overweight/tired as being an awesome performance (Come on, as if Nicole Kidman would have won without the nose?! And Charlize in Monster - sure she was good, but a huge part was the physical transormation, and Renee Zellwegger [who I do think was legitimately awesome in Bridget Jones], hey, she put on ten whole kilos to play that character, she must be committed - who in their right mind would voluntarily be as morbidly obese as Bridget Jones is??), it also bugs me MAJORLY when actors either don't allow themselves (or, I recognize, it could be producers/directors who won't LET them) look realistically like I-just-got-back-from-rehab or I-just finished-a-twelve-hour-shift or I-am-the-ugliest-girl-at-school-no-really-just-check-out-my-glasses.

So, to sum up: it pisses me off that people think female actors looking "bad" automatically equals good performance, and it REALLY pisses me off that female actors won't/can't look realistically ordinary/bad for a role.

Maybe I should work on my anger issues.

Posted by: JJ McClay at October 8, 2008 10:56 AM

Is this film about trannies? I don't think this review is right. Anything with "anne" Hathaway is by default a trans-gender themed production.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 11:01 AM

Abby (Debra Winger)


Oh, and I have it on good authority the Debra is probably a dude too. Are you crazy Barbado? You ask. Nah, watch "Black Widow" and see "her" standing next to Theresa Russell and tell me that's not a dude.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 11:05 AM

For Oscar-bait, "ugly" is the new retarded.

Posted by: firedmyass at October 8, 2008 11:06 AM

...and B-Slim, c'mon. If you're gonna fly your tranny-centric pathology flag so high, at least put some thought into it. Call her Dan Hathaway.

Posted by: firedmyass at October 8, 2008 11:09 AM

Dude, you just blew my mind.


Dan it is.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 11:10 AM

Glad to help -- ol' Debra, though, requires more creative license.

Perhaps Debra Wanger?

Posted by: firedmyass at October 8, 2008 11:19 AM

For Oscar-bait, "uglyforeign actors/actresses" are the new retarded.

Also, for all you soon-to-be-parents out there, the letter Y is not a substitute for otherwise perfectly adequate vowels (Kym, Kathryne, Anny, Lylly, Nicholys, Benjy).

Posted by: branded at October 8, 2008 11:19 AM

Being in a business where I have to type in the name I thought I just heard every day, I'm right there with ya.

tell me that's not a dude

You are NOT gonna talk shit about Sissy!

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2008 11:24 AM

Just wanted to point out that assuming we're thinking of the same movie, The Celebration (Festen) is a Danish movie, not Dutch.

Posted by: nekosaur at October 8, 2008 11:26 AM

Also, for all you soon-to-be-parents out there, the letter Y is not a substitute for otherwise perfectly adequate vowels (Kym, Kathryne, Anny, Lylly, Nicholys, Benjy).

I have got to get Mr. Pea to knock me up just so that we can use the name Lylly. Or Madysyn.

Posted by: Pea at October 8, 2008 11:34 AM

Barbado... them's fightin' words. Taint nobody talks to that lil' lady like that an gets away with it. *spits* Now, are we gonna settle this like men, or are you yella? Phil, cue up some Ennio Marricone.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 12:11 PM

Tunde Adebimpe as in, the lead singer for TV on the Radio? Or one of the other ones? I can't keep track.

Posted by: Mattfactor at October 8, 2008 12:17 PM

I second the love that some few of us have for the Hathaway. I do a lot of babysitting too, and I've sat through Ella Enchanted a few times-- it's actually way crappier than I expected, given how everyone said it was really clever for a kid's movie. And that Bend it/ER chick got major short shrift, like, Hi, I'm Ella's best friend! Bye! And then at the end she's at the wedding randomly. But ANYWAY. She did all those crying scenes really well. I know, lame way to judge acting. But also, I was listening to the commentary, and she seemed like such a theatre geek, and that, with the totally awesome voice, and comedic chops, kinda makes me think of her as this neo-Vaudeville kind of actress, which I'd like to see more of. Hopefully she'll be in Julie Tamor's next movie. And it will be Oklahoma, only the dead prostitute dancing scene will be at least half an hour longer.

Posted by: Pheagan at October 8, 2008 12:25 PM

Um, I'm only going on the picture up top, but does she look that awful? She looks like most people look in real life when they don't have a team of stylists, make-up artists and hair-dressers trailing after them. She doesn't look polished but she doesn't look haggard (at least if she does, my neighbours must think I'm a meth user on any given day when I'm walking the dogs).

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 8, 2008 12:26 PM

im going to check this out for sure, I like Hathaway and like whoever mentioned it above she was funny on SNL.

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 12:29 PM

i esteem consistency and one more proof of the order in the universe is that slim thinks anne hathaway is a " dude ". right. this is only a week or so after his description of diane lane as " mannish ". this guy should star in " blindness ".

Posted by: snake at October 8, 2008 12:30 PM

It thought it was pretty well done. Some flaws, like you said, but very worth my time.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at October 8, 2008 12:35 PM

"the letter Y is not a substitute for perfectly adequate vowels"

Amen. There is a concert hall in town known as the Alys Stevens Center. I cringe every time I see that spelling of "Alice." I can tolerate it best when the facility is referred to as the Stevens Center.

Posted by: rlr260 at October 8, 2008 12:37 PM

Hey I call 'em like I see 'em, bubba.

It's patently obvious that you got a thing for transvestites. And that's your deal, don't be laying your psychological baggage on me.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 12:46 PM

I actually can't wait to see this movie.

And if that is Hathaway looking unkempt, then I unknowingly spend my days looking like a crackwhore.

Posted by: Julie at October 8, 2008 12:46 PM

Here's the thing, JJ, I get what you're saying, but these things DO happen in real life.

I am, by and large, considered a very pretty girl. But I've only been considered a very pretty girl since I got to college. When I was in high school I was a very smart girl. I only dated two guys the entirety of my high school years and both of them were guys who had dated a friend of mine first. I can't even say I had some superficial "flaw" like glasses or braces, because I didn't. AND, this is not an isolated phenomenon as I know several other very pretty girls who did not get any significant attention until they got to college.

I can't explain it, but it's not uncommon for otherwise pretty girls to not get attention in high school if they're smart, shy, or quirky. Personality and popularity does matter more.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 8, 2008 12:51 PM

"...But I've only been considered a very pretty girl since I got to college. .."

That's a bold statement. Got any proof? By proof I mean pictures, preferably in real life sexual situations.

And try to keep it classy.

GO!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 12:53 PM

good luck with the pix, genny. regardless of how impressive they are, i suspect you will join anne hathaway and diane lane in the " tranny " category.not bad company, huh ?

Posted by: snake at October 8, 2008 1:12 PM

join anne hathaway and diane lane in the " tranny " category.not bad company, huh ?

Posted by: snake at October 8, 2008 1:12 PM

Then that should work out splendidly for you.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 1:15 PM

Maybe I should work on my anger issues.

Boy, are you in the wrong place!

Anyone have the latest count on what makes up the MurderFleet beyond the ~Tank and ~Maid?

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 8, 2008 1:22 PM

Yeah... part of being a smart girl involves not seeking meaningless superficial approval from random men on the internet. That way lies webcam shows and debasement.

Sorry to disappoint, Barbado. Funny thing is, there are photos of me where I do look like Anne Hathaway, albeit with red hair.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 8, 2008 1:23 PM

I wanna join the tranny category! I have tranny hands, does that count?

Evidence: http://x86.xanga.com/ac0b647331c3047888271/b32221032.jpg

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 1:28 PM

*Clicks link* Gah! They're like George "The Animal" Steele's!
I say this having long, crypt-keeper-like fingers myself. Weirdly long arms and big hands. Like I'm supposed to be tall someday. Hate to break it to you, arms, but I ain't gettin' much taller.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 1:38 PM

wow- those are some big hands- WNBA is looking for women who can palm/dunk.

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 1:40 PM

My mom has a huge crush on Bill Irwin. She taped all his episodes of Northern Exposure (come to think of it, she taped every episode of Northern Exposure).

Posted by: Lucas at October 8, 2008 1:44 PM

Firedmyass - that was pure genius, but I believe it's Donny Hathaway you're thinking of. "Where is the love.......?"

I always though Debra Winger was so beautiful. She was fantastic in "Terms of Endearment" and managed to look like a real person.

As to that beer scene in TDWP - I thought it was incredibly affected. I think Hathaway's a scenery-chewer, but I don't think that means she's a terrible actress. She's just always memorable in that "I'm-an-ACTRESS" sort of way.

Posted by: samantha t at October 8, 2008 1:45 PM

Optimus, our kids' hands will be so big they'll use them as wings and they'll fly away from us, letting us have a second honeymoon that will result in more kids, that will also use their hands as wings and fly away from us, which will lead to a third honeymoon and more kids, and so on and so on.

We'll be responsible for an entire generation of monster hands!

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 1:47 PM

Let me tell you what the deal is with Anne Hathaway, androgynous issues aside.

She's a terrible actress, she's from the "quirky" school. She's like Portman's even less feminine cousin. These types don't act, they are doing their "thing" but they ain't acting. Hathaway NEVER becomes the character NEVER. She was the worse thing about Devil Wears Prada. Go ahead, compare the performances of Streep and even the hipster-pseudo-envirometrodouche Adrian whathisface, and the people who played her friends, they were ALL believable. 'cept for her.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 1:59 PM

* worst?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 2:00 PM

(in dwight schrute voice) question- how do people get their name linked to their blogs?

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 2:17 PM

I agree, that Hathaway is a horrible "actress" who just plays herself, "look at me, I'm an unashamed dork!" But I think she looks less like a man than a horse. Those eyeballs look like they are about to burst forth from her skull with a furious whinny. I cannot abide her and wish she would go away.

Posted by: kx2 at October 8, 2008 2:22 PM

dylanj, instead of clicking on "Post Comment", click on "Preview Comment." Under the E-mail Address box there's another one that says "URL." Type your blog's address there and then click "Post."

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:28 PM

I understand the horse sentiment, but I am still strangely attracted to her. Was that the plot of Equus because it should be.
Genny if you are a crimson-haired Anne Hathaway, may I interest you in an internet affair? My former flame has recently outed herself as a genetic anomaly with the hands of a strangler. I'm looking for more stability (and perhaps protection from aforementioned Gollum-like mitts)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 2:29 PM

Throw a question mark in there after Equus.
Was that the plot of Equus? It should be.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 2:31 PM

My former flame has recently outed herself as a genetic anomaly with the hands of a strangler.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme

Oh, no you didn't, chimp arms... What is it about my big hands that intimidates you? Is it a matter of scale and how they might make other things seem... quite less impressive?

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:34 PM

Seriously, your hands are creeping everybody out.

You are a monster.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 2:35 PM

Sofia- thanks for the help, you may have freakishly huge hands that could swallow male genitalia whole but you are kind.

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 2:41 PM

Optimus, it's not a true resemblance, just a big brown eyes and wide dimpley smile thing. I do, however, have very dainty hands. This was a problem for me when I was earning my scholarship by playing string bass.

But there ain't no way in hell I'm getting in the middle of an angry Chilean woman and the source of her rage. There is not enough money in the world.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 8, 2008 2:42 PM

But there ain't no way in hell I'm getting in the middle of an angry Chilean woman and the source of her rage. There is not enough money in the world.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty)

You are one racist chola, perra!

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:44 PM

Think of the children! How can they find gloves? Or rings! Any sort of hand-related accessories will be only a dream to them.
As per your hypothesis, my genitalia are very well acquainted with big hands, I've made sure of it. I'm sorry you're mad, Just don't shake those herculean fists at me!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 2:46 PM

Genny- rapid fire Spanish with the Chilean accent was almost impossible to follow, last time I flew into Santiago our plane was delayed and then sat fully loaded for 2 hours on the runway and one woman wasn't having it anymore and went back and forth with a flight attendant and I couldnt pick any of what they were talking about. I had always heard that Argentine's spoke the fastest Spanish but that was crazy fast, if that woman had yelled at me like that I would have just peed myself and ran away.

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 2:47 PM

But there ain't no way in hell I'm getting in the middle of an angry Chilean woman and the source of her rage.

Fist City, eh?

But what I'm wondering is: what can we then assume about Sofia from her hands? How's that work for a woman? I know what my small hands and feet mean. They mean I have to wear steeltoed shoes to keep from being swallowed by my pant cuffs and that it's hard as hell to play Porl Thompson guitar parts.

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2008 2:49 PM

Optimus, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.*

And I don't mean to sound defensive, but it's not like I'm 4'3", you know?

*Doesn't it sound much worse?

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:51 PM

my genitalia are very well acquainted with big hands, I've made sure of it

lol, nice

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 2:52 PM

Postscript:

...And as Sofia came to her senses she realized she had smashed the skulls of the Pajibans who were, once, her friends, and the walls, and the cars that were parked by the curb...and a school bus filled with special needs children. It had happened, again.

*Phil, cue in closing credits music Hulk series*

Now it was time to hitch a ride again, go on the run, control...the beast...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 2:53 PM

not uncommon for otherwise pretty girls to not get attention in high school if they're smart, shy, or quirky. Personality and popularity does matter more.

Gah! So it's not just me! Dorky glasses aside, I don't think I was an unattractive gal in high school, but I may as well have been a wart on the heinie of a bridge-troll for all the attention I got back then. Being a super-shy brainy gal didn't do me any favours, to be fair.

Man, I love Pajiba. Come for the reviews, stay for the commiseration.

Posted by: meaux at October 8, 2008 2:55 PM

my genitalia are very well acquainted with big hands, I've made sure of it

Are we talking... Tranny trials?

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:56 PM

Actually, Sofia, as a genetic combination of Irish and southern white trash, there's really not much I can't say for myself in terms of "angry woman" stereotypes. I just happen to know you're Chilean.

When my people get angry, you either end up on the wrong end of a tire iron or a bitter, life long grudge that will henceforth color every aspect of their interaction with you and be carefully nurtured and tended as though the seething hatred is somehow a source of spiritual sustenance. I prefer the tire iron.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 8, 2008 2:57 PM

Baby, you know I love that you're tall. (Did you know that? Never had a problem with the tall girls. It gives some grace... or something. I'll blame the girl I loved in high school)

She's just a wonderful Celtic (In my mind you have the fair skin and bright eyes to go with the hair.) distraction, She means nothing to me.
Your hands may resemble The Boston Strangler's but they're firmly wrapped around my heart.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 2:58 PM

Oh, the hand comment was a masturbation joke. I thought I had clarified that I also have rather large hands.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 3:01 PM

This might be my favorite conversation of the entire week. Please continue, my mutant friends.

Posted by: Julie at October 8, 2008 3:04 PM

Was it a blanket lack of interest? Were the smarter guys just shyer at that age? I can't tell if Duckie was being ignored or if there was an overabundance of stupid people...this is all very confusing!

And are there none of you over 25 and single? Because I'm starting to get a little pissed off over here. I'm karaoking love songs to NOBODY dammit!!!

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2008 3:05 PM

Your hands may resemble The Boston Strangler's but they're firmly wrapped around my heart.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme

That was better than listening to the Violent Femmes singing big hands, I know you're the one.

And Genny, I may have Spaniard ancestors, but that doesn't mean I'll go all "matador" on you and give you the bull treatment. My accented bark is worse than my claw.

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 3:07 PM

How is Jay single? Oh wait, this means I will be... I have to do something. I must save my future self so that one day I will be saving myself... If that makes sense. I only worry that by telling you this I am creating a time paradox.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 8, 2008 3:21 PM

Barbadoslim - you know, you're right. She is a terrible actress. I was just giving her a break b/c I fear the wrath of the Pajiba nation. Had I been that pretty British actress working alongside her, I'd have wanted to sell her out, too. The scene where Streep just rips her a new asshole b/c she laughs about how into the color they're getting is just pure genius.

Posted by: samantha t at October 8, 2008 3:27 PM

Anyone have the latest count on what makes up the MurderFleet beyond the ~Tank and ~Maid?

I've got the MurderZepplin. I prefer to float along luxuriously carving a path of mayhem and despair. Kind of like Nextwave.

... and I'll just continue drawing 'Jay' with little hearts in my notebook and watching him give his letter jacket to the other more popular nerds.

It's haaarrrrrrrd out there for a CHUD.

Posted by: twig at October 8, 2008 3:59 PM

You're keeping the name alive, though. I have to admire anyone for that. Only other people I've heard it from are Homer Simpson in New York and Robert Downey Jr. saying that he's such an emotional fan of movies that even "CHUD" can make him cry.

Still, it is not helping my life that someone's girlfriend tells me I did a good Frankie Valli. But then, I've really always known that my karaoke calling is a vocation and not a seduction. I must stay true to the work!

Optimus, if you go back in time from now to warn yourself then it's already happened and there's nothing to worry about! That should smooth over the whole paradox thing, I'm sure. Don't muck with the future!

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2008 4:45 PM

Let me stain your hand

Sorry, I was just so excited by the Ani lyric. Now I'll read the review.

Posted by: anikitty at October 8, 2008 5:35 PM

Anyone have the latest count on what makes up the MurderFleet beyond the ~Tank and ~Maid?

Meaux has the MuderBluenoseII which is currently on loan. And I have it on good advice that Canada has a secret Murder_____ up their sleeve.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 8, 2008 7:46 PM

Admin11, as your fellow Canuck I must remind you that we do not discuss the secret Murder______, as per General Rule #11b. Furthermore, we do not discuss that we do not discuss the secret Murder_____, or even General Rule #11b. So way to go buddy, you've put both of us in deep shit. Now we've both got to watch Air Farce Live for the next 3 weeks, or until we re-commit to Canuckistan Uber Alles! I know this is kinda "knights who say ni" but really avoidance is just the better option.
Damn those stupid beavers, anyway.
Damn, I've said it. Oh! I said it again!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 8, 2008 8:19 PM

Fuck! I forgot about General Rule #11b that says, "Canadians shouldn't talk aboot secret stuff eh!" Oh shit! I did it again.

The only way I may regain my Canuck honour is to commit Canadian ritual suicide. Good-bye Pajibans, I must now impale myself on the antlers of cross-dressing reindeer.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 8, 2008 8:49 PM

Psst--It's okay, guys, just as long as we don't tell them the beavers are hairless.

Aww, DAMMIT!!!

Posted by: meaux at October 8, 2008 8:49 PM

Dammit Meaux. They already know eastern beavers are trimmed not hairless.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 8, 2008 8:53 PM

Oh, right....*ahem* Was that oversharing? Be a dear and hand over those antlers, would you?

Posted by: meaux at October 8, 2008 8:55 PM

Gah, and I thought Anne Hathaway's picture was enough nasty for today.

Posted by: JC at October 8, 2008 11:05 PM

No, no, NO!!! The cross-dressing-antler-suicide isn't called for at a time like this! If we're going to have any luck invading the Americans and annexing them to our glorious Confederation, we're going to have to make more babies. So you two loose-lipped beaver-trimming reindeer chasers, either pair up and get to it or grab your respective partners and start getting frisky. I want the pitter-patter of little feet in big combat boots in 9 months, people! Go! Go! Go!

Any real Canuck knows the antler suicide is strictly for national disasters, such as beer shortages and cancelled hockey seasons. That, or Celine Dion featurettes on TV - wait, what's this? Keith Mars is playing Rene Angelil in a made-for-TV movie? Fuck. Gimme them antlers already!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 8, 2008 11:36 PM

My lordhelmet, I apologize for my haste. You are, of course, correct in your assessment of our situation. If we are to liberate our American friends and invite them into our confederation we must procreate.

Meaux my wife is a supporter of our cause and, as such, she has authorized the use of the Puffin suit. I know that you like to watch, so hopefully this will aid in your efforts to resupply our army with elite harpoonists. we are concentrating on the navy. We expect to have another three canoeists within four months.

Hook up the sled dogs and we'll see you in 13 weeks.

Vive le Beaver.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 9, 2008 12:34 AM

I think 'The Celebration' is Danish, not Dutch.

Posted by: maria at October 9, 2008 12:50 AM

Admin11, truly you exceeded even my best predictions - another three canoeists?? Huzzah! Make sure our infiltrators are fully trained in the nuances of "huh" and "bear arms" (seriously, isn't a paw big enough?) and wear their urban camo parkas. I suspect if things proceed as planned, we won't need to invite them to join us, they'll be begging to.

Umm, yeah, about those sled dogs. I was working on some potions and damned if I didn't come up with some kind of canine aphrodisiac. Bad news - they're kinda busy with their own procreation, rather prolifically it seems, for the time being (you do NOT want to go into that igloo, let me tell you!); good news - we should have another 2 or 3 sled teams in a few months. I'll be traveling by snowshoe for the foreseeable future, and will try not to get distracted by the onset of hockey season.

Take off, eh!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 9, 2008 1:03 AM

Whoa, hold on! I'm more than happy to get busy with my lovely husband (especially with the Admin people in puffin suits for inspiration, rowr!), but no procreation for me. My beaver did not sign up for that, dammit. You westerners, always making fiendish plans after Atlantic Time bedtime.

Instead, I'll happily train my cats to throw harpoons. Hey, if Sarina can train her cats to go potty, I think I can harness and hone their killer instinct into something useful....

Posted by: meaux at October 9, 2008 6:31 AM

Good enough, I suppose. Maybe you could take advantage of their natural stealthiness and train them in assassination!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 9, 2008 12:02 PM

i don't "get" the appeal of Anne Hathaway

Posted by: lama at October 9, 2008 1:17 PM

Gah! I plowed through ALL OF THAT and all I really wanted to know was whether or not Bill Irwin gets sucked under a table or a drape or a BBQ grill or a rosebush or anything in this movie.

Posted by: Grandma Ben at October 9, 2008 4:30 PM

"Let me tell you what the deal is with Anne Hathaway, androgynous issues aside.

She's a terrible actress, she's from the "quirky" school. She's like Portman's even less feminine cousin. These types don't act, they are doing their "thing" but they ain't acting. Hathaway NEVER becomes the character NEVER. She was the worse thing about Devil Wears Prada. Go ahead, compare the performances of Streep and even the hipster-pseudo-envirometrodouche Adrian whathisface, and the people who played her friends, they were ALL believable. 'cept for her."

BarbadoSlim, this is pretty much my view towards Anne Hathaway. She's untalented, she's just a pretty face and she's doing the oldest trick in the Oscar book in my opinion. Going ugly but not too ugly just for an Oscar. I must admit this film has something going for it, but the Anne Hathaway aspect of it turns me off. I mean Get Smart was bad, Prada blew, Brokeback Mountain bothered me, she wants to prove she can be a serious actress when she still does nothing for me.
At least she's in kind of not the most important part of the movie. And I may sound mean and crabby, but seriously, the praise for Anne makes me cringe.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at October 9, 2008 9:22 PM

I liked this movie. It made me sad. Shes pretty but so what? She killed her little brother, and felt guilty. Whats all this stupid conversation about hands and stuff? You guyz are boring. Bye.

Posted by: odalisque at October 10, 2008 11:47 PM

It was a dreadful movie that just went on and on. And it was predictable. I mean, the minutes she comes home and goes to that bedroom and stares, I thought, "Hm. Boy's bedroom. Boy is dead? Her fault?" Seriously.

And it wasn't "pleasantly shambling." It was the Hell of being trapped at your roommate's sister's wedding for the whole weekend, and there is no television, and there is no internet, and you can't... get... out.

Posted by: Einah at December 28, 2008 5:13 PM





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