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Best Remake Ever?

The Magnificent Seven / Claude Weaver III

Film Reviews | January 22, 2008 | Comments (80)


Seven men, all killers by profession. Warriors whose time was coming to a close. All of them searching for meaning in their lives.

A small village of farmers and their families. Men and women of the land, all trying to find a way to survive one more season.

A gang of ruthless bandits, parasitically feeding off of the farmers while holding them in disdain.

We all know the story by now. The warriors are hired by the desperate villagers to rid them of the bandits, as one would call an Orkin Man to free a home of fire ants. The warriors find a new purpose, and reluctantly allow themselves to feel a connection with the townspeople. Trust gives way to betrayal, and that gives way to heroism and sacrifice.

It is a classic story, told many a time over and never losing its meaning. It is the story of a movie that was born of a great film, and became a classic in its own right. It is the story of The Magnificent Seven, the movie I chose for Classics Week.

But I have a confession to make.

Before this past weekend, I had never seen The Magnificent Seven. Or the original Seven Samurai, either.

I mean, I had heard about them, and understood the basics. I had read several critiques and analyses and reviews. I knew that it was the inspiration of such directors as John Carpenter and Lawrence Kasdan. I even knew it was the movie Three Amigos was spoofing.

But I had never seen it before.

My reason? I was scared of it. I was afraid I would hate it. I mean, who am I to say The Magnificent Seven sucked? This is a classic piece of cinema, and I was scared its grandeur would be ruined for me. But when given a chance to face said fear and finally watch it, I took it gladly. And now, several hours and four straight viewings later, I don’t regret my decision a bit.

It was like a harmonic convergence, planets coming into alignment as you saw the actors come on screen. I mean, look at this lineup: Yul Brynner playing Chris Adams, the stoic leader of the seven gunmen, all decked out in black. Steve McQueen as Vin, Chris’ right-hand man and sly jokester of the group, his face speaking the volumes the script did not. Charles Bronson filling the role of Bernardo O’Reilly, the reluctant brother figure to a trio of village boys, admiring the villagers for their sacrifices. James Coburn as the mysterious Britt, a master of both gun and knife, which did all the conversing he needed. Robert Vaughn in the role of Lee, a wanted man who feels his best days are behind him. Brad Dexter as the conniving Harry Luck, who likes to think he was only out for the money, but by the film’s climax showed his true colors. And even the relative newcomer Horst Buchholtz as Chico, the wannabe gunfighter, whose prejudice covers a deep shame. If you didn’t get a twitch in your nethers watching these guys at work, you were either lying or an asexual paramecium made to look human.

(Mini-Diversion: who would you cast in a hypothetical modern version? I have a few guesses as to who might dominate, but I would rather here it straight from the Eloquents.)

The script, penned by many hands but currently credited to William Roberts, was economical and utilitarian. Few actual words were uttered, and those that were present didn’t waste time, but both propelled the plot and strengthened the personalities of the characters. Even such unscripted and seemingly unrelated events, such as Chico pretending to bullfight a milking cow, managed to put personal flourishes on these character that helped connect them to the viewer.

This movie succeeded where so many other remakes failed, and the reason for this is so dirt simple, it’s amazing so few seem to get it: true love and respect for the source material. Nearly everyone involved with the picture had seen Seven Samurai several times, and loved every frame of it. Many of the cast and crew made it a point to meet Kurosawa, and the script was practically a full English translation of the original. They were not in it to make a quick buck, or to “improve” on a classic. They did it because they wanted to be in that movie, but they couldn’t. There were lawsuits filed and friendships tested, and Steve McQueen even wrecked his car in order to fake an injury (so that he could film the movie while “out sick” from his television show). That was how much dedication and emotion was put into this movie. Have you ever heard of anyone willing to do that nowadays, putting their own health on the line, just so they could be in a movie that had no guarantee of being successful?

If Magnificent Seven ended up even half as well as Samurai, they would have been ecstatic. Everyone involved wanted to be in a great movie and that desire and love came forth in the celluloid. True, there was some showboating and goofing around (McQueen in particular), but they never let it get in the way of the story. Even when the Mexican government sent censors to change the scripts (so that the villagers wouldn’t seem as pathetic and so in need of the Americans’ help), the story was so strong, it survived their edits, and in some ways made even stronger.

The issue of adaptations of popular works has been discussed extensively here. One excellent point made was that a film adapted from another medium, such as a book, should be viewed differently than the source. One could not truly judge a film by the same standards as the book it is based on, due to the different ways the story is told to the audience. As long as the film was accurate to the spirit of the book, if not the letter, then it can be considered a good adaptation. Well, the same should be said for remakes as well. And, I would add that a truly great adaptation should stoke curiosity in the material, and Magnificent Seven does that in spades.

True, there are some differences between The Magnificent Seven and Seven Samurai, and there are going to be folks that feel that those differences, plus the fact it is an American remake, are grounds for dismissal. But the spirit was still there, making it in my opinion the best remake ever. And coming from a neophyte, it is a great film all on its own. Besides, if it was good enough for Akira Kurosawa, it is more than enough for me.

Claude Weaver III, aka Vermillion, is a mild-mannered college student and part-time flame-war diplomat. Due to the confusing feelings that arose seeing so much awesome MAN in this movie, he has entered rehab. He promises to give Isaiah Washington a punch in the face. You can read more of his ramblings on his sometimes-updated blog, Vermillion’s Brain Receptacle.









Doctor Zhivago | Pajiba Love 01/22/08


Comments

It has been ages since I have seen this movie. Unfortunately, I saw it when I was much younger and much more apathetic. I just wanted to watch something else and it was cold as hell outside. So, I suffered through it and kinda liked it. My dad always loved that movie and I think in tribute to my old man, I will go find this movie, pop open an Old Milwaukee and enjoy it again, for the first time. My thanks to the House of Vermillion.

Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 22, 2008 12:52 PM

Who would I cast in a remake?

Well shit.

Clive Owen as the badass. Tilda Swinton (yes that's right) as the leader. Christian Bale as second-in command.

I mean, I'm just tempted to stuff in all my favorite actors and dream. I love this particular story setup, as this and the original AND the recent anime remake.

thanks for reviewing this : )

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2008 12:56 PM

"Before this past weekend, I had never seen The Magnificent Seven. Or the original Seven Samurai, either."

[stunned silence]

I'm not sure if that makes me angrier, or happier, about you getting this one.

Perhaps a little of both.

Posted by: TK at January 22, 2008 12:59 PM

I'll leave your original description in the comments, as I think this will help explain my choices. Unfortunately, not only would all the planets have to align, but hell freeze over, the Israeli's and Palestinians make peace, and the lion lay down with the lamb before we would ever see a film of this scope and beauty remade with any skill at all. That said:
Ben Kingsly playing Chris Adams, the stoic leader of the seven gunmen, all decked out in black.(Bloodrayne aside, this would be an easy transition from his character in You Kill Me)

Nathan Fillion as Vin, Chris' right-hand man and sly jokester of the group, his face speaking the volumes the script did not. (paging Captain Malcom Reynolds)

Jason Patric filling the role of Bernardo O'Reilly, the reluctant brother figure to a trio of village boys, admiring the villagers for their sacrifices.

Jason Statham as the mysterious Britt, a master of both gun and knife, which did all the conversing he needed.

Ben Affleck in the role of Lee, a wanted man who feels his best days are behind him.

Robert Downey Jr as the conniving Harry Luck, who likes to think he was only out for the money, but by the film's climax showed his true colors.

Unfortunately, all I can come up with for the Chico character is Shia Labeouf, and my snarky heart shudders at putting him in a movie with the rest of these cats. So I'll leave that to the casting agents.

Posted by: the cox at January 22, 2008 1:06 PM

"We deal in lead, friend."

Put this, The Great Escape, The Dirty Dozen, and The Wild Bunch on an endless loop and I'm a happy camper. Of course, I'll die of testosterone poisoning.

Hey, cox, I'll steal from twig and say that I think Christian Bale would be an excellent Chico. Besides, I'd love to see Russell Crowe channel Steve McQueen.

Posted by: alone in the dark at January 22, 2008 1:09 PM

Who can hear that theme music without getting chills and wanting to kick some bandit butt??

and Brad Pitt as as Vin. no other choice makes sense.

Posted by: EricD at January 22, 2008 1:10 PM

Cox;

Shia might work. Chico's hardly supposed to be a heavyweight anyway.

And holy hell Nathan, yes. Damn. And Robert Downey Jr.

Oh shit, forgot about Chiwetel Ejiofor. He can be whoever he wants. (God, this is fun)

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2008 1:11 PM

I bought this DVD before I ever saw the movie for three reasons:

1. I effin LOVE The Seven Smaurai.
2. Yul Brenner.
3. Steve McQueen.

Drool.

And yes, I love this film. I was surprized at how they captured some of the small nuances from Samurai with this remake.

Good stuff for a Hollywood remake, I must say.

Great review Verm!!

Posted by: boo at January 22, 2008 1:13 PM

Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck?? jeez, ruining the movie before its even out of fantasy.

But Robert Downey Jr is an awesome pick.

Posted by: EricD at January 22, 2008 1:14 PM

Darling Hubby and I spent several nights watching all the old Akira Kurosawa movies and their corresponding Western remakes. While the Clint Eastwood "Man without a name" westerns are almost scene by scene copies, complete with copying the way the scenes "wipe" from from one scene to another, The Magnificent Seven seems to be its own movie. First of all, the western is hours shorter than The Seven Samurai, which I think makes the Western's story much tighter and to the point. Still, all the versions are good and worth seeing. I'm still amazed how much Kurosawa's movies look like westerns, when they are set in feudal Japan. It's easy to see why they were remade as Westerns.

Anybody Tommy Lee Jones or Harrison Ford in this?
Russell Crow? Matt Damon?

Posted by: BWeaves at January 22, 2008 1:22 PM

This is such a good movie. Like alone said, combine it with The Dirty Dozen and one of my favorites, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and a person could die of testosterone overload.

I am very glad that you have seen this.

Posted by: Melody at January 22, 2008 1:22 PM

Wow. Scarlet, you and I have the same memory of this movie. Did one of us reproduce via mitosis to create the other? Perhaps...but with one fatal error to the memory. I would swear it was Busch my old man drank in my memory, NOT Old Makemewalkfunny.

And as far as modern-day casting...that's too much cool for my mind to comprehend. Every time I try, I soil myself and pass out for 19 seconds.

Besides...Am I the only one who thinks that if the whores of LA remade this movie today they would, NO DOUBT, fuck it up beyond all recognition? There would be unnecessary explosions, interactions, sub plots, and dialogue. And something tells me Steve McQueen's turn as Vin would become Kevin James getting hit in the balls a few times and screaming like a girl when he finds a scorpion in his long underwear. Maybe even meeting with the unfriendly end of a cactus when he opens the trap door as well.

Wow...it's disturbing how easily that visual came into my head. I just died inside a bit because I have that much faith in Hollywood to fuck this up if it ever happened again. Thanks Hollywood. Fuckers.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 22, 2008 1:22 PM

instead of another American remake, i'd really like to see this movie continue on around the world. in particular i'd love to see a middle eastern or even Russian remake. sure the story is classic, but i think the most interesting part is the cultural identity that has been infused into the film so far by Japan and U.S.

...and Clive Owen, absolutely.

Posted by: protest at January 22, 2008 1:23 PM

Boo, good calls all around. Although, my favorite line in the movie is delivered by Calvera:

If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.

God, I fucking love this movie.

Posted by: TK at January 22, 2008 1:28 PM

...and the queue keeps growing, God dammit. Magnificent 7 will have to wait a while as this week I'm getting my classics on by watching Rocky (never fully seen it, I'm a horrible Philadelphian) and Roman Holiday (if I can sit through it, I'm in an mood that better befits "eating babies" than "romantic romp with Audrey Hepburn).

Posted by: Julie at January 22, 2008 1:35 PM

"If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep."

Ok, now I have to bump it to the top, because that line is tremendous.

Posted by: Julie at January 22, 2008 1:38 PM

Well, well, The Magnificent Seven, so that would be a multiple wet panties day for most of us then!
In truth the other classics covered so far were mere sorbets to cleanse the palate. Here we have the piece de resistance, the featured entree.
But unfortunately, I can't play the game:
1) I can't abide the thought that some Hollywood scum might try to remake this forcing me to quit my job, my house, my husband and my dogs and pursue a homicidal vengeance like none the world has ever known (thank you PissBoy for imbuing this site with enough threats of violence that I only appear to be mildly unhinged in writing this).
2) Despite nice casting options such as Christopher Ecclestone as James Coburn/Britt, I just fail again and again to be satisfied with anyone other than Yul Brynner as Chris.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 22, 2008 1:38 PM

We'll break this into two chunks-one...I have to agree with you Vermillion about having stayed away from this movie out of fear. I'd seen Seven Samurai and hadn't wanted to ruin the beauty of things with Magnificent Seven. I'd leave the house when my Gramps would put it on and only return for The Dirty Dozen, The Great Escape or various other classic 60's manly films were on. Even Yul Brenner couldn't get me to sit down and watch it till this last year. I now regularly force others to watch and soak up the utter brilliance of Magnificent Seven and I think The Dude is mildly jealous of my crush on Yul Brenner.

Second-I have to agree with the others who would rather have toothpicks jammed into their eyes and be forced to watch the next Jessica Simpson 'star' maker than see this be remade. The majority of saps working in Hollywood have no notion of subtlety and the movie would likely be their way of digging up the greats that put so much love into the original then raping their corpses and pissing on them. Am I really overreacting? I agree that the story could be moved to another locale and done skillfully-I think Afghanistan would be another great parallel.

Posted by: Ms. Parker at January 22, 2008 1:49 PM

I love Seven Samurai, but I've never seen this. You've convinced me that this must be remedied. I'm gonna be dead before I'm even halfway through my Netflix queue, aren't I?

Posted by: Sarina at January 22, 2008 1:54 PM

Paddy... I try to carry the load so everyone else can have a good time. Violence is just something I viddy quite well.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 22, 2008 1:56 PM

Oooh, one of my favorite westerns (and that's saying a lot because I love westerns.)

The casting question is interesting. If I were remaking it, I must say I wouldn't do it as a western. I'm not sure where I'd set it, but I think I'd go British as my casting theme...

Chris: Clive Owen
Vin: Sean Bean
Bernardo: Ray Winstone
Britt: Vinnie Jones
Lee: Colin Firth
Harry: Ewan McGregor
Chico: Hugh Dancy
Calvera: Jason Statham

Posted by: Siege at January 22, 2008 2:09 PM

Anything with McQueen in it is automatically bad-ass. The rest of that cast is just icing on some very sweet cake, you can't recreate that shit.

Good work...Claude.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 22, 2008 2:11 PM

RE: The question raised by Claude about a movie like this ever happening again.
Sure, it seems unlikely, epsecially the part about McQueen faking injury, but...
look what Clooney put together for the Ocean movies. The fact that they worked for peanuts, (three times!) on them aside, think of the money they lost for doing those rather than some studio summer blockbuster du jour. If Clooney can pull that off, why not if he was pitching some decidely greater source material? What if Robert Reford wanted to do this, and made a few calls...
Of course, there would be no point to it, since both of these fillms are fantastic and its hard to imagine them being any better, regardless of casting decisions. (Sorry, long post.)

Posted by: Jay at January 22, 2008 2:16 PM

Twig, good call on Mr. Ejiofor. We could bump Jason Patric off my list, and then set the movie in mid 90's Africa. Very similar themes taking place there, and it might stand a chance of not sucking...

who am I kidding, this is a pipe dream if there ever was one. This would be a situation where I'd rather destroy my invention rather than risk it falling into the wrong hangs. And those hands belong to Bay!

Posted by: the cox at January 22, 2008 2:22 PM

I am so glad you guys liked the review. I thought it was going up Thursday, but now is as good a time as any.

As far as my favorite line, it comes from Britt:

"Nobody throws me my gun and says run... Nobody."

Gave me shivers up my spine.

I have seen part of the Samurai 7 anime, and so far it is really good. Certainly better than that dreadful Seven Samurai 20XX video game.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 22, 2008 2:24 PM

oops, I mean hands. Subconscious mental image of Michael Bay hanging from a noose took over my keyboarding for a second. Hang 'em High!

Posted by: the cox at January 22, 2008 2:25 PM

And this movie is where I learned what "riding shotgun" really meant. Passenger seat in the coach with rifle in hand.

Posted by: Jordan at January 22, 2008 2:28 PM

"set the movie in mid 90's Africa..."

I'd pay good money to see that.

Posted by: Gordon at January 22, 2008 2:30 PM

They already did a (sort of) modern remake. A Bug's Life? Hello?

...

Sorry, I'll go back to sleep now.

Posted by: MG at January 22, 2008 2:35 PM

let me get this straight - people aren't actually championing the idea of a remake, are they?

you're just casting this fantasy remake in an attempt to play hypothetical movie god, in a world where every idea that tickles your fancy becomes a good movie, right?

we all realize that there's a 99.9% chance that what would come of it would make all of us cry tears of sorrow and regret, right?

are you willing to take that risk?

Posted by: vinniedelpino at January 22, 2008 2:37 PM

This casting fantasy is irresistible...

I loves me some Nathan Fillion, but I wouldn't want to see him in the Steve McQueen role. Let Christian Bale or Clive Owen have it.

Fillion would be perfect as Harry Luck, the grinning glad-handing old buddy who reminds everyone at every opportunity that he's only in it for the money.

My favorite of the original Seven was Charles Bronson. I loved the contrast between his brutal physicality and his awkward lecture to the boys who idolize him that he is not a hero--their fathers are the heroes. It gave me chills. I can visualize Jason Statham stepping into that character, but I honestly don't know if he's a good enough actor to really get it done.

Tommy Lee Jones seems the natural choice to play the leader. He could certainly deliver the lines. But somehow it seems to me that it shouldn't be him; I just can't think of another actor to step into that role at the moment...Oh, fuck me: Clancy Brown. Yes.

Lee, the doomed man on the run: Val Kilmer could just dust off his Doc Holliday character from Tombstone and he'd be perfect. Or how about Johnny Depp?

James Coburn's performance gave me a premature sexual chill when I first saw this film that I have never been able to shake off. He was so tall and so long and his movements made me think of a snake. I'm drawing a blank as far as casting that role.

Who would play the kid--the mixed-up, angry tag-along? Ryan Gosling, maybe?

Posted by: Jerce at January 22, 2008 2:43 PM

Ease your worries, vinnedelpino. It is just regular fantasizing.

Besides, if Hollywood really did listen to us, 80--90% of the films on this site would never have existed.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 22, 2008 2:46 PM

I forgot to say: Vermillion, you watched Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven, both for the first time in your life, back to back. You can never know how much I envy you that experience. You are one lucky sonofa.

Posted by: Jerce at January 22, 2008 2:47 PM

NOOOOOOO no Johnny Depp, please.

Posted by: BarbadpSlim at January 22, 2008 2:53 PM

NOOOOOOO no Johnny Depp, please.

Yeah, okay, you're right. Let Robert Downey or Chewel Ejiotof--um, you know, The Operative--have that role.

Posted by: Jerce at January 22, 2008 3:07 PM

Simon Pegg as the man-past-his-prime and Angela Basset as the badass... hrmmmm...

I think I'm out of samurai.

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2008 3:08 PM

who would you cast in a hypothetical modern version?

Yep, this should just about do it:

Steve Carell as Chris Adams, the black-clad leader of the seven gunmen

Seth Rogen as Vin, Chris' right-hand man and sly jokester of the group

Paul Rudd as Bernardo O'Reilly, who befriends the boys and admires their fathers

Jason Bateman as the mysterious Britt, a master of both gun and knife

Kevin Nealon as Lee, a wanted man who feels his best days are behind him.

Will Arnett as conniving Harry Luck, who likes to think he was only out for the money, but by the film's climax showed his true colors.

And Michael Cera as Chico, the wannabe gunfighter.

Eat that, George Clooney.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 22, 2008 3:17 PM

we all realize that there's a 99.9% chance that what would come of it would make all of us cry tears of sorrow and regret, right?

Modern Hollywood does The Magnificent Seven

Director - Uwe Boll. I'm scared to suggest Paul Haggis
Musical score by - Celine Dion

Cris Adams - Tom Cruise, he can even make mounds of dirt to stand on
Vin - Will Ferrell or Jack Black
Bernardo O'Reilly - Vin Deisel or Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson
Lee - Dane Cook
Harry Luck - Ben Stiller
Britt - Nicholas Cage, doing some kind of Madonna British accent
Chico - Zak Efron

Petra - Jennifer Lopez, who now straps on guns and joins the guys
Calvera - Danny DeVito or Bernie Mac
Old Man - Morgan Freeman in a really big sombrero. narrates of course

Posted by: EricD at January 22, 2008 3:20 PM

Anyone else notice an interesting pattern in the fantasy cast: about 90% of them are not Americans?
Could some of the posters weigh in on why?

Oh and Siege: I presume your re-make would be set in Majorca and feature a bunch of local Spaniards who need to stave off the army of British ex-pats looming down on their town to turn it into a cheap resort full of tandoori take aways.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 22, 2008 3:22 PM

Vin Diesel's not a bad actor, though.

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2008 3:24 PM

Morgan Freeman in a really big sombrero

[snortle] Classic. Reminds me of the old Jay Pinkerton site "The Trailer Trash" and his take on Daniel Day-Lewis's giant tophat in Gangs of New York: [arrow >] Big Fucking Hat!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 22, 2008 3:25 PM

Vin: You elected?


Chris: Na. But I got nominated real good.





Great review Vermillion. Every time someone sees this for the first time, a [blank] get's its [blank(s)]. If Satan herself gave me the option of getting to second base with Ellen Page if I gave up my ability to watch The Magnificent Seven, I would have to turn it down.

By the way, howdy Pajiba. Long time, first time.

P.S. If someone in Hollywood tries to remake this, I will officially lose all faith in humanity.




Toro. [Pouty face] Toro.

Posted by: Grrargh at January 22, 2008 3:27 PM

Paddy, I think it's because these are roles for gritty men made of bone and regret. Most American actors come across as pretty soft nowadays -- we got nobody who can rival Daniel Craig or Clive Owen.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 22, 2008 3:28 PM

EricD...way to be on the same wavelength of 'Inevitablefuckupability' on this one. If it's ever rumored, it's is our job as pajbans to make sure that all those involved meet with a nasty end.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 22, 2008 3:32 PM

"Petra - Jennifer Lopez, who now straps on guns and joins the guys"

Oh no, no. That's so 2003. We need to cast Jessica Alba's ass.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 3:32 PM

Ellen Page as the badass.

"Marge, look at the little guy! He hasn't done anything yet but when he does you know it's going to be awesome!"

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2008 3:40 PM

This was a great review. I haven't seen this (or the original)--mostly because a) I dislike Westerns and b) I hate Charles Bronson. Thanks to your review, I may have to watch both back to back.

Posted by: Girl with Curious Hair at January 22, 2008 3:44 PM

This was a great review. I haven't seen this (or the original)--mostly because a) I dislike Westerns and b) I hate Charles Bronson. Thanks to your review, I may have to watch both back to back.

Posted by: Girl with Curious Hair at January 22, 2008 3:45 PM

I'm liking the Brit remake idea - I'm picturing some Straw Dogs-esque small town and I could do without Colin Firth but I love the idea of Eccleston and Simon Pegg in it! Also, Sean Bean, brilliant!

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at January 22, 2008 3:46 PM

tt_marie you are right, Jessica Alba's ass is the much better choice. I would complain that its not latina but then neither are freeman, devito or zak.

hmmmm.... how would Jessica Alba's ass hold the gun though? I might actually want to see that.

Posted by: EricD at January 22, 2008 3:48 PM

It just occurred to me. The reason The Magnificent Seven works as a remake is because it's not set in feudal Japan, like the original is. If anyone is going to do a remake of the remake, then they HAVE to set it somewhere other than the old west. I like the ideas of Africa or the Middle East that some of you have mentioned. Perhaps have a British cast in Victorian India.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 22, 2008 3:48 PM

Africa, schmafrica, cast this shit in outer space!
Sorry I'm not taking this seriously, but my gut tells me it would never work out the way we hope it would. Ya'll have the Magnificent Seven on too high a pedestal.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 3:54 PM

Hem, hem. Scuze me. SET this shit in outer space. Sorry.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 3:58 PM

Hem, hem. Scuze me. SET this shit in outer space. Sorry.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 3:58 PM

Damn it to hell. *Slouches, slinks off with tail between legs* [Calls over shoulder] If this double posts, I'm throwing in the towel.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 4:01 PM

Pretty sure a modern remake would feature the Ocean's Eleven guys mugging for the camera yet again. No thanks!

Posted by: shaggy at January 22, 2008 4:12 PM

Longtime reader delurking (is that a word?) to ask a question:

I assume everyone's only speculating about this being remade as a movie? Because it was remade as a television series that aired on CBS for two seasons (1998 and 1999).

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0129695/

Posted by: thephantomqueen at January 22, 2008 4:13 PM

Marie: It's already been done in space.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080421/

*Shudder*

Posted by: Grrargh at January 22, 2008 4:43 PM

This is in the top-5 movies in English ever.

The bullshit 2009 Hollywood remake of this movie would have the cast of Oceans 11 filling the various roles because Hollywood today is a myopic gin mill in it solely for the money like a 50-year-old whore trying to save for retirement.

There's no reason to remake this film. All remakes of this film would fall short -- because Yule Brenner cannot be duplicated.

Posted by: Siloam Springs Hater at January 22, 2008 4:51 PM

Uh Oh, Today's Hollywood digs up another classic and tries to murder it in its sleep.
I feel bad because I haven't seen this movie.
*Hides in corner and weeps*

Posted by: Kamakazi Feminist at January 22, 2008 4:58 PM

Speaking of westerns, did anyone else see that Heath Ledger just died?

Posted by: slower lower at January 22, 2008 5:08 PM

Grrargh: Well I'll be damned. Whoda thunk it? Looks reeeaaally good, too. Have you seen this monstrosity?

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 5:13 PM

socalledonlycousins: "gritty men made of bone and regret". Very nice.

I only hope the poobahs of Hollywood don't read this site, or they might get the idea that a remake would be a good idea. "It's the Magnificent Seven, but they're androids, and the farmers are off world miners and the bad guys are aliens. And it's all in the dark (save on special effects.) We can get Vin Diesel cheap."

You could run endless themes on how bad this would be.

Posted by: dyslexik at January 22, 2008 5:17 PM

Holy moley, I absolutely did not believe you, slower lower, but I found something about it online. Sad, especially since he has a little girl.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 22, 2008 5:17 PM

Great movie. Great music. And Yul Brynner makes me horny. Do not remake.

Posted by: Be Adequite! at January 22, 2008 5:29 PM

Socalled, I'm usually very in tune with you, but "gritty men of bone and regret", em, Colin Firth?
As opposed to Matt Damon?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 22, 2008 5:38 PM

PissBoy: 'Inevitablefuckupability'

If for no other reason, I would come to pajiba for all the wonderful additions to my vocabulary.

Posted by: EricD at January 22, 2008 6:40 PM

All remakes of this film would fall short -- because Yule Brenner cannot be duplicated.

Neither could Toshiro Mifune, but somehow they managed it.

Posted by: mightygodking at January 22, 2008 8:16 PM

Ok, Paddy, I didn't say "down to the last man . . ." Heckfire, Matt is on the "If I Had to . . ." list. But DC would give Mattie a beat-down.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 23, 2008 12:40 AM

My dad and I don't often agree on movies, but this is an exception. It's so perfect (casting, humor, setting, soundtrack) that a remake is sheer madness, and hopefully never to be attempted by the likes of Haggis nor Bay.

However, Daniel Craig, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Jason Statham would definetely be perfect for roles! Plus, Joseph Gordon-Levitt would do Chico justice.

Posted by: Io at January 23, 2008 3:40 AM

OR Chico could be played by Jamie Bell! (See Dear Wendy for evidence of gunslinging capability)

Posted by: Io at January 23, 2008 3:43 AM

"Fistful of Dollars" was not that bad a remake of "Yojimbo." In fact, on a scale of 0 to 10, I would give 9.5 to "Fistful of Dollars" and 9.0 to "Yojimbo" (they are that close). What Mifune had to say in words, Eastwood did just that with his body language, without being verbose.

Posted by: Emran at January 23, 2008 10:44 AM

oh socalled, I died a little on the inside when I read that.

Still, any movie with Nathan, Christian, Chiwetel, Robert D... omg I can't even continue. It would be a cold day in hell before the gods see fit to bless me with THAT fantasy movie.

Quick confession: I just recently saw Firefly. Before, I just liked Nathan for the work he did on Buffy. Now, I lust after him with a passion usually reserved for Christian Bale and Divine Bloody Mary's after a hard night of alcohol- infused-WoW playing.

Posted by: Stella at January 23, 2008 11:53 AM

Hey Claude/Verm: don't forget Eli Wallach as the villian Calvera; he delivered that great line about being sheep.
Oh, my favorite line, you ask?

Why, there's nothing up there but murderous cutthroats and derelict old barflies, and if they ever felt exclusive brother, they're past it now.

Kind of like Pajiba.

Posted by: Go Big Red at January 23, 2008 2:00 PM

Oh yeah- and I agree any "dreamake" would have to be in a new setting. I like the "Three Kings" kind of treatment- set it in Iraq and make it a contemporary war movie, with plenty of inner conflict and character development, without the political overtones. Or else, the African setting could really work too- as long as it stays kick-assy and not sentimental. If I want to weep, I can watch Hotel Rwanda.

Posted by: Go Big Red at January 23, 2008 2:10 PM

I married a guy who bet me that I could not name all of the 7 actors. I won. He got 6 right - he remembered Brad and Horst, but forgot Robert Vaughn.

Posted by: Arkansan at January 23, 2008 6:26 PM

BWeaves: It's actually not that surprising that Kurosawa's films can be remade into great westerns because Kurosawa was heavily influenced by John Ford's westerns. In fact, his films were intended to create a Japanese version of the American Western (when he wasn't doing a Japanese version of Shakespeare that is).

Posted by: GCS at January 24, 2008 7:32 AM

Stella - join the club. Captain Mal is such a Pajiba sex symbol.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at January 24, 2008 11:21 AM

Hollyweird, where have the stars gone? The 7 to mix and match as you see fit:

Shia Laboeuf
Nick Stahl
Ryan Reynolds
Ashton Kutcher
Josh Hartnett
Adrien Grenier
Sean William Scott

The director would be

Michael Bay
Bret Ratner
Uwe Boll
Eli Roth

The producer would be

Brian Grazier
Jerry Bruckheimer
Harvey Weinstein
David Geffen

Posted by: OscarTamerz at January 24, 2008 4:13 PM

So by coincidence BYU International Cinema was showing both Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven this weekend and they were so good. I want to say I love old movies, but a lot of times they're just plain boring. Both of these movies are a good representation of what movies should be both past and present.

Posted by: kelsy at January 26, 2008 5:18 PM



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