Pajiba

'Look, the Space Needle!'

Does this mean Seattle is back in style?
Or is it still cliche?

Movies really shouldn't be named after phrases like "Shit happens." It just invites comparison.

I told my wife that I'd accompany her to the film of her choosing, sometime in the next month or two, in exchange for her seeing Zombieland with me. I'm not sure how strenuously I'm hoping that she doesn't cash her chip in with this movie. After all, cliché is better than skull-searingly obnoxious, right?

I just hope she's smart enough to take somebody fucking else to the next "four bitchy old broads and the men who inexplicably love them" shit-fest. Somebody who won't hate her for it afterward.

Dear Jennifer Aniston (and any other female lead in a 'romantic comedy'),

You obviously aren't hurting for money. I'm pretty sure that you are set for the next 5 lifetimes or so. So what are you doing? You have to be smart enough to recognize that the entire movie is a cliche and everyone knows it. This movie has been made a million times before and we're all tired of seeing it. In fact, I think you've even been a few of them. So here's an idea. If you stop signing on to make these movies, THEY WILL STOP MAKING THEM. Please. Just stop.

Sincerely,
Wanting to see something different

If Aniston would take a part as a catty, barely likeable bitch in her next movie I'm pretty sure it would garner some love for her from a lot of her detractors.

MM:

:-}

Hey, I'm in Portland, maybe there should be a Pajibacon PNW!

The best part of this review (for me) was, about halfway in, "cliche" started reading like "touche" to me.

I guess those ladies' campaign to prevent the movie's release was unsuccessful. Damn you, those ladies! You had a responsibility to us all!

Nice letter Jeni. If that doesn't work, maybe this one will:

Dear Jennifer Aniston (and any other female lead in a 'romantic comedy', also pretty-boy male leads, minor comics taking leading roles and "Hollywood"),

You obviously aren't hurting for money. I'm pretty sure that you are set for the next 5 lifetimes or so. So what are you doing?

You have to be smart enough to recognize that the entire movie is a cliche and everyone knows it. This movie has been made a million times before and we're all tired of seeing it.

But, if you don't care about that, maybe I can bring up something you do care about - you. Doing something actually unique, original and compelling (or any one of those, really) would change your life. If you succeed:

* Vapid fame-whore groupies would be replaced by literate fame-whore groupies. Trust me. The literate ones do the weird stuff.

* Your name would be remembered and celebrated for time without end. You know that Hitchcock guy? What's he put out lately? Still people are talk, talk, talking about him. Wouldn't it be grand to have recognition and acclaim independent of nether-flashing, drunken, clueless rant-stunts arranged by your publicist?

* You might learn something. While clearly this isn't an experience familiar to you, statistics show that over 93% of people who actually learn something have not died of head-explosions a year later. Learning - approved as safe and effective by the FDA. (And if your head explodes, think of the headlines.)

* Something original could actually hit, large. Think of the residuals. Two words: "Star Wars." Way too many words: "The Lord of the Rings: " But you do remember the checks the cast got just because their original deals didn't allow for a hit that big? The check the estate got a kabillion years after the original was penned? Besides, wouldn't you like a ranch and production company named after your own movie - and everybody gets the reference?

So please. You can afford long-shot. How about, rather than grubbing after yet another same thing paycheck (because, really, the world needs another Rambo movie), take a chance. The worst that can happen is you'll have an adventure. You remember adventures? Those things that happened back before you accidentally got paid way too much that one time for no reason. From before you got on the treadmill stocking the star maker machinery, day after day?

Sincerely,
Appealing to the lesser angels of your nature - because that might work.

Re: all these rooting for Aniston posts that imply she is better than the crap movies she has been making.

Am I crazy? When has Jennifer Aniston ever been good in anything? She has been in a few movies that were good, but they were good despite her, not because of anything she added.

She was in Friends, a show that aimed at the middle and was a success because of the writing, not the acting. Jennifer Aniston can't act. Her million bucks per episode in the final seasons of friends has falsely convinced her she could. This sometimes happens with child stars and television stars who experience success while doing nothing to deserve it.

Yeah, Brad Pitt left her for Angelina. This has pretty much defined her existence post-Friends and that is kind of sad, if I could get it up to pity a shallow, uninspiring, talentless pretty face who should be making $9/hour as a waitress or cashier and would then have no problem marrying some average Joe Briefcase and having a family of four in obscurity.

Am I wrong? Is there any reason Jennifer Aniston is in this movie besides a lucky break at the Friends casting call and/or sleeping with David Crane (oh wait, he's gay isn't he? Maybe that was Schwimmer...)

This is my favorite Jennifer Aniston movie next to Rumor Has It She's the Picture Perfect Object of My Break-Up Til There Was Polly Who's Just Not That Into Me.

She's a shit "actress." She's more boring than a soggy saltine on the sidewalk on a cloudy day being stared at by a sad clown.

(Wait, that right there's getting kind of interesting--she's WAY more boring than that.)

If she was available in pill form, insomnia would be instantly cured. INSTANTLY, y'all.

In fact, I'm boring the shit out of myself writing about her. And I'd rather have Tom Cruise scoop out my eyeballs with grapefruit spoons and then eat them than watch anything with this shit actress in it or any movie this banal, this trite, THIS FUCKING INSIPID.

Even that little outburst was more than it deserved. Good day.

Whenever I see her in a movie these days, I'm always reminded of a scene from The Good Girl, where Aniston is staring blankly up at the ceiling, waiting for sex to be over.

I guess that's what we're supposed to do, too: just wait for something that we were hoping to be entertaining to be over.

@tcfkab: Telly Savalas.

@LindsEy: Maybe someday! I doubt anyone will want to actually travel here, though. "The weather, ach!"

@Snuggiepants: Between "She's more boring than a soggy saltine on the sidewalk on a cloudy day being stared at by a sad clown" and "It's like a meal of plain lettuce and lukewarm caffeine-free Diet Coke for your brain" on the Valentine's Day thread, I have now read the perfect descriptions of utter blandness. Both made me laugh really, really hard.

I'll start:

Mr. T

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at September 18, 2009 5:37 PM

--------------------------------------------

Robert Pattison
Whoopi Goldberg
Jamie Lee Curtis
Buckwheat

Mini-diversion: Other actors/actresses known for distinctive hair.

Nicolas Cage.

You can't tell me that the mans hair doesn't steal the show in every movie he's in. Remember Con-Air? Of course you don't, but you remember the Cage's hair don't cha?

I'm going to have to add Kristie (Kirstie?) Alley, after Wrath of Khan and North & South it was pretty much about her hair.

(Which was awesome btw)

Mini-diversion:
Kid (of Kid 'n' Play)
Yul Brynner
Steve Martin

Mini-diversion:
Kid (of Kid 'n' Play)

Good call! I was in high school when Kid'n'Play was popular, and one of my high school friends deliberately grew his hair like that. It just got higher and higher and higher. Good times.

Guess Who!, the only thing in Seattle is fucking hipsters and aging hippies.

I'm with Yossarian. Jennifer Aniston was the cute girl on Friends for about five minutes; got her star hitched onto Brad Pitt's which extended her shelf life for a few years; got the left-behind-divorced-wife sympathy to extend it a year or two more. Good acting never really entered the picture.

mia farrow's pixie cut that I WANTED

mia farrow's pixie cut that I WANTED

I actually asked for that exact cut last time I had a short 'do.

Well, it's all growed out now. It's curly and bigger than the entryway to most houses (well, only if I don't use enough glop).

Love it! I hope you don't do that creepy thing with your eyes though.

Viggo. *sigh*

You know what I really wanted to see in this movie? A forest fire behind Aaron Eckhart. Now THAT would be some interesting shit.

Burt Reynolds rode the mustache...well, actually, Sally Field rode the mustache!

/thank you, I'll be here all week!

On Aniston: her one good movie was Office Space and she's the weakest part of that movie. I've never seen anything with her on the big screen.

Diversion: Billy Ray Cyrus' mullet was so hypnotic that it made America dance like morons for a full year. And it gave birth to Miley Cyrus. Betcha you thought her mom did that, but you're wrong. Miley, like Athena, sprouted from the top of her daddy's epic locks; in this case locks that knew the arts of country rockin' and makin' millions of dollars. And so, she too was ready to rock and cash in.

Damn you, mullet!

FTW: Carrot Top

Rubble44,

I'm thinking something like pudding wrestling/roller derby/steel cage match where the four women are dragged through the most humiliating competitions possible and THEN locked in a cage and ordered to fight savagely to the death until there's only one left, being poked with cattle prods as much as necessary (and that would be a lot). Meanwhile, RDJ grows bored with it all and takes off with the ring girl.

It's said that more and more celebs and rich singles have profiles and their sexy photos on ~~~~~~_____WealthySocial.COM____~~~~~~The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs... You should check it right now~~~~~~~~~~~

Not that they didn't have anything else going on but:

Louise Brooks

Jean Harlow

Don King

Pink (or I guess 'P!nk' now. Blergh)

Josephine Baker (she started a 'The Josephine'- type (huge) hair craze, but she was leagues beyond Aniston in intrest/style)

Portia di Rossi (she had commercials in Canada during her Ally McBeal stint that consisted of nothing more than her flinging her hair. Good thing she's got more going for her than that. That was strange)

I'm pretty sure that in 1985, Geddy Lee and Aimee Mann were the same person. Of course, neither of them were hair and nothing else, but still...makes me want to check the archives.

Crystal Gale

Does anyone remember Jane 'I Don't Wanna Fall in Love' Child?

Mollie Sugden: I love you so!

Sinead O'Connor

Quentin Crisp

Hey, ya'll, think about this ... As shitty an actress as Jennifer Aniston is, there's SOMEBODY going to see her movies. Hollywood ain't about making art, it's about making money. I say we find out who these people are that keep going to see her in the same role over and over and over again, and take them out. Same thing for the fans of Sandra Bullock and The Rainbow Killer. And while we're at it, let's just get rid of Megan Fox. I hate that bitch.

This movie should come with a warning label. For those of us that have lived thru this kind of tragedy of DEATH of a close family member The cutie movie trailers present a warm and fuzzy comedy but you are subjected to a Grief recovery program on steriods!!!! This movie should come with a Large bucket of Prozac powdered Popcorn!!
THIS SUCKED! BEWARE!!!!!!!

I made the mistake of seeing this movie last night. Total suckfest. Is it me, or does Eckhart resemble fallen evangelist, Ted Haggard?