howshemove.jpg

It’s All the Same; Only the Names Will Change

How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | January 31, 2008 | Comments (102)

A film about a disadvantaged teen who rises from poverty and achieves her dream through dance, How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 doesn’t bring anything new to the urban dance genre, but by mixing eye-popping dance moves with a familiar formula, it achieves a measure of success.

How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 follows Raya (Rutina Wesley), a bright girl with a criminal past from Chicago, who is forced to cope with the sudden and tragic death of her brother from drug addiction. Saddled with guilt because her brother was on his way to one of her dance competitions when he overdosed and was killed by a gang member, Raya’s problems are further complicated because her Caribbean parents can no longer afford tuition at Truth University. She is thus forced to return to Baltimore and live with foster parents in a ghetto apartment. Returning to the inner-city for the first time in years, now as a white girl, she’s immediately seen as an uppity outcast by her peers, who view her suspiciously. Troubled and alienated from her old friends, Raya breaks into the Maryland School of Arts and is arrested and sentenced to community service — the judge forces her to tutor the one girl she hates the most: Her ex-boyfriend’s (Columbus Short) current girlfriend, Nicky (Julia Stiles), a ballet dancer from the wrong side of the tracks.

In a stroke of good luck, while she’s serving out her community service hours, Raya’s interest in dance is rekindled. She wants more than anything to escape poverty, attend a private all-black school, and open a recording studio, and she feels that dance is her ticket out of the slums. She decides to follow that dream by joining a co-ed fraternity, which courts Raya because of her uncontrolled, frenetic street moves. With the fraternity, she enters a dance competition; the grand prize of $50,000 is enough to attend that prestigious university, open up a recording studio, and pay off the gambling debts of her troubled but talented boyfriend, Derek (Sean Patrick Thomas). But, more importantly, she enters the step/ballet/stomp competition to beat her arch-nemesis, redeem her second chance at life, win the respect of her peers, and step up to a life larger than she ever expected.

Complications arise, of course; she is suspended from school after her boyfriend’s father, who is the dean, discovers that he’s dating a black girl. Moreover, her disapproving parents, who have struggled through 16-hour workdays to put Raya through school, think she’s tossing her future ballet career away by hanging out with “thugs,” who they feel are keeping her from achieving her true potential.

Inspirational plot aside, How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 is really about the dance rehearsals and, ultimately, the stomp competition. Her step team incorporates the ballet she picked up off the street, those disapproving parents are won over by her beautiful stomping, and her dead sibling is ultimately honored by her hard work and determination. More importantly, the choreography is stunning — the performances are lively, energetic, and visually impressive. And the final competition, involving army fatigues, ballet-stomp, pouring rain, and a Busta Rhymes/ “Swan Lake” remix will blow your mind.

But, as far as urban dance movies go, what can I say: If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. But, if you’re into electrifying dance moves, bodies that writhe and bend like sweaty, quadruple-jointed contortionists, and percussion-heavy hip hop music, you can hardly go wrong with How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife and son in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.


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Comments

Um, is "How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2" really the movie's name? Because if it is, that's just ridiculous.

Posted by: Cady at January 31, 2008 2:40 PM

I fully intend to star in one of these movies one day, since apparently they plan on making enough of them so that everyone on earth will eventually get their turn.

Only it will be about Irish clog dancing.

Upgrade.

Posted by: Dingles at January 31, 2008 2:40 PM

The title is actually "How She Stepped Up, Stomped The Yard, and Got Served While Bringing It On." My friends have a hard time forcing me to stop whimpering whenever I see a preview for this.

Posted by: Kris at January 31, 2008 2:44 PM

This both made me 1) laugh & laugh and 2) hate myself a little for enjoying the Step Up 2 trailer more than I should have.

Posted by: Smello at January 31, 2008 2:45 PM

Wait.

This is a review about one movie?

I seriously thought it was just a really short review about three separate films (She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 (a sequel to the original Got Served)), each of which had the same general plot.

I thought it was some retrospective on these types of movies since How She Move was either just released or will be released soon.

Huh.

Posted by: ajax19 at January 31, 2008 2:45 PM

Brilliant...! I had to imdb this one :D

Posted by: YOCEAN at January 31, 2008 2:46 PM

"Returning to the inner-city for the first time in years, now as a white girl, she's immediately seen as an uppity outcast by her peers, who view her suspiciously."

I'm confused. Is she trying to pass as a white girl, or do the others see her as "white" because she attended college? If she's trying to pass, why does she want to go to an all-black college? This plot sounds too complicated for a dance movie.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 31, 2008 2:47 PM

This made me both 1) laugh & laugh and 2) hate myself a little for enjoying the Step Up 2 trailer more than I should have.

Posted by: Smello at January 31, 2008 2:49 PM

One movie, huh?

Interesting.

I also thought it was a combined beat down of three movies not worthy of their own review.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 2:50 PM

I know these movies are bad and formulaic and cliche ridder, but man, the pretty people can dance. More importantly, after watching them I feel like I can dance. It has the power to make a small bookworm of a girl with no rhythm or inherent dance abilty believe, if only for a moment, that she too can stomp the yard, step up or bring it on with the best of them.

Posted by: ziva at January 31, 2008 2:51 PM

ahem -- that would be ridden

Posted by: ziva at January 31, 2008 2:56 PM

Ah, dear sweet How She Move. You forgot the part where said boyfriend tells said oppressive parents not to put Baby in the corner. And then there's a crazy dance-off. And then everyone gets a free ride To Julliard. The end!

Posted by: b at January 31, 2008 3:01 PM

I'm with Cady. The title alone is so stupidly ill-conceived that I was looking forward to a great 'parody' kind of review like the one Dustin gave us for April Fool's Day last year.

But no, it seems this dreck actually exists, and Julia Stiles continues to amaze by working in crap that's surprisingly fitting for a one-note no-talent like her.

Posted by: TMax at January 31, 2008 3:02 PM

So this is basically a silly combination of a lot of other movies - most notably Stomp the Yard - which I believe was thoroughly trashed on Pajiba.

It has a ridiculous name which acknowledges the fact that the plot doesn't offer anything new.

And Julia Stiles is in it.

And...you thought it was okay? What? The fuck? Is this some kind of sick joke?

Also, is this girl from Chicago or Baltimore? You say she's from Chicago but also say she's returning to Baltimore. And what do you mean she returns as a white girl?

Dustin, did you churn out this review during a time out on the porcelain throne?

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 3:03 PM

I definitely won't see this, but it's kind of cool that this is a Canadian movie getting wide release in the States, because that rarely happens.

Now, if only a GOOD Canadian movie would get wide release in the States...

Posted by: KatyBelle at January 31, 2008 3:04 PM

I need to finish reading the review, but first, I have to ask: Is it already April 1st? Seriously, where has this year gone??

Posted by: pinkcheese at January 31, 2008 3:05 PM

Fun review and great title for "How She Move", D.
I like how all of these formulaic dance movies all made their way into this one review, including the characters from the other movies too. Nice touch.

And like every January brings blistering cold, whipping snow driven winds, and early darkness so too does it bring shitty Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer films and inspiring dance fueled films about overcoming life's impossible obstacles. God bless America.

Posted by: jen310 at January 31, 2008 3:09 PM

Stomp the Yard is still in my Netflix queue. It's the only one that Netflix thinks I will give 1 star.

And yet, when I saw the trailer for Stomp the Yard, it was the only time I've ever yelled "holy shit!" at the top of my lungs in a movie theater. I forget the exact dance move it was in response to, but it had to do with flipping, jumping, and slow motion.

Maybe someday I won't be paying attention, it will come in the mail, I will watch it, fall asleep with Cheez Its in hand, and dream that I can pop and lock, drooling (with a smile on my face) on the couch in my state of unconsciousness.

Posted by: vinniedelpino at January 31, 2008 3:09 PM

Dustin, you sommbitch. This is a review for How she Move, isn't it? And Julia Stiles isn't in that. You lying bastard. I am pretty pissed that I believed you.

But now the review makes sense.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 3:10 PM

Nice, but I did find this through imdb.com: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? It's a musical!!

Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 31, 2008 3:11 PM

Gack!! It's real?!?!?! Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!!

Posted by: pinkcheese at January 31, 2008 3:12 PM

Ha. Ha.

Dustin make big, big funny.

You funny man, Dustin.

Posted by: Alabamapink at January 31, 2008 3:15 PM

Dear Pajiba Staffers:

Dustin needs a vacation. Like, now. Please steer him gently to the exit and try to make sure he boards a cruise ship or a plane to Vegas or something.

Read the review above and take pity on poor overstressed Dustin.

Posted by: Jerce at January 31, 2008 3:18 PM

Clearly he's joking...obviously How She Move and Step up 2 aren't worth the time of real reviews. I commend you Dustin...made me laugh though :oP

Posted by: Ms. M at January 31, 2008 3:20 PM

Genius. Just genius.

Posted by: twig at January 31, 2008 3:23 PM

Yeah, what KatyBelle said. I'd rather have seen a film like Bon Cop/Bad Cop get the star treatment (although, too many Canadian in-jokes in that one...but you get my drift, eh?)

Also, I thought How She Move was set in Toronto...Dustin, is the Baltimore bit just your wiseassery? You had me confused with the Julia Stiles bit as well. My sarcasm bone is acting up today.

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:24 PM

Yeah, what KatyBelle said. I'd rather have seen a film like Bon Cop/Bad Cop get the star treatment (although, too many Canadian in-jokes in that one...but you get my drift, eh?)

Also, I thought How She Move was set in Toronto...Dustin, is the Baltimore bit just your wiseassery? You had me confused with the Julia Stiles bit as well. My sarcasm bone is acting up today.

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:26 PM

If you caught on right away...that means you've seen all the movies Dustin's referencing ...

Tee hee.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 3:26 PM

Pardon the double post.

By the way, who's taking bets on how soon Dance Movie will be made? Shall we nominate Dustin to write the script?

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:28 PM

WHYYYYYYYYYYY can't I find a copy of Bon Cop/Bad Cop anywhere?!?!

Posted by: twig at January 31, 2008 3:29 PM

Good to see I'm not the only one who thought this was combined movie review

Posted by: Brian at January 31, 2008 3:31 PM

Hell yeah Scarlet! I saw that movie reference on Animal Planet last week when they were talking about paralyzing venom and how some animals are controlled by parasite and such. I am now desperately searching for a copy!

Chef: Stan, what the hell did you dance back for??
Stan: I thought I was supposed to!
Chef: Now you've gotta compete against them in the dance competition on Saturday!
Stan: But why??
Chef: Because if you get served and served them back, then it's on! Don't you know anything??

Posted by: PissBoy at January 31, 2008 3:33 PM

Twig--I just checked Chapters.ca, and they have it for $15 cdn. (think they'll ship anywhere)

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:33 PM

I'm going to rent this only to do my national duty of supporting Canadian content, and I won't promise that I'll hate it. These stupid dance movies are my cinematic guilty pleasure. Once a year, I let my brain declutter while watching pretty people writhe sexily and covered in sweat on screen. That being said, I have never seen Honey, I do have some standards.

Posted by: Agente provocatrice at January 31, 2008 3:35 PM

Ah ha! Brilliant, Dustin. I think that the joke may be going over some of your readers' heads, however. As an afficianado (I have a weakness for dance films), let me see if I can decipher:

1) The recording studio is from "You Got Served."

2) Baltimore and the community service is "Step Up."

3) Chicago, Julie Stiles, and the ballet is "Save the Last Dance."

4) Truth University is "Stomp the Yard." So are the gang members.

5) Hmmm. The tutoring and Rutina Wesley and the disapproving parents are in "How She Move."

6) The white girl is in "Step Up and Save the Last Dance."

7) The poor, impoverished teenager who fulfills her dreams through dance: That's all of them. Right?

How'd I do? You left out "Bring it On."

Posted by: Olivia at January 31, 2008 3:36 PM

Ha. If I wanted to see anything in this genre I'd go rent Baz Luhrmann's Strictly Ballroom instead.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at January 31, 2008 3:36 PM

I'm so confused. Is this a real review? I was incredulous going, but the mention of Julia Stile and Sean Patrick Thomas pushed me to the side of complete disbelief. Just no.

Posted by: becca at January 31, 2008 3:37 PM

Aaaand the irony is that the fevered machinations of Dustin's maniacal imagination sound a HUNDRED TIMES more interesting than the real plots of any of these airplane movies.

And by airplane movies, I mean that these God Damned Dance Movies are always being shown on the plane I'm on. Except for that one time I got to see Breach *and* The Shooter, at which point I began to wonder if I had actually missed my flight and was, instead, in bed and dreaming.

But seriously... "army fatigues, ballet-stomp, pouring rain, and a Busta Rhymes/ "Swan Lake" remix"? I might actually like to see that. But only on a plane, of course.

Posted by: AM at January 31, 2008 3:38 PM

Woops, incredulous going IN. If this is in fact a real review based on a film in current distribution, I'm sending a stack of the Want Ads to Julia Stiles asap.

Shit, my company's hiring. Being a desk monkey is more gratifying than appearing in the same movie, literally, twice.

Posted by: becca at January 31, 2008 3:40 PM

Scarletknight - I found that zombie movie on IMBD too! Can we please have a review of it, it sounds fantastic!

Dustin - Your talent is endless...hysterical!!

Posted by: SloGirl at January 31, 2008 3:43 PM

Dustin, you sir, are awesome for this alone.

Hee Hee Hee...

Posted by: Melody at January 31, 2008 3:43 PM

For those of you confused (myself included) the movie being reviewed is the new release How She Move that came out last week. Thank you IMDB and Box Office Guru for helping with my confusion.

Posted by: Brian at January 31, 2008 3:43 PM

Exactly how many hours of sleep aren't you getting at night these days, Dustin?

Posted by: Kolby at January 31, 2008 3:45 PM

According to previews, the dance style featured in this particular film is stepdance.

Am I the only one here for whom "stepdance" is a Scottish thing? Lots of footwork, arms stiffly at one's sides? I took stepdancing lessons as a wee, be-kilted lassie in New Scotland.

So yeah, very different stepdancing in this film. I can't say as I ever danced on a car.

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:50 PM

Your review was fantastic and hilarious, but I laughed harder at most of the commenters.

Posted by: Amanda at January 31, 2008 4:02 PM

Hilarious review. I'm unashamed to admit that I completely love all ridiculous dance movies and have even been known to have a crappy dance movie marathon every once in a while that include all of those alluded to in the review AND what might be the worst-acted (but entirely fabulous) dance movie ever: Center Stage. My favorite part is at the end in the big final dance number when the star ballerina changes costumes and very intricate hairstyles in a matter of seconds. Ridiculously absurd, but awesome nonetheless. What can I say? They're my guilty pleasure.

I think my next guilty pleasure will have to be a musical about zombies. Headed to imdb right now.

Posted by: Sarabelle at January 31, 2008 4:02 PM

this review is perfect...i was just thinking about the same thing yesterday.

its just like everything else in the movie industry, once more than 2 people see a movie then copy cats follow and we are flooded with the same crap that wasn't that good in the first place.

i love the part when she comes back to baltimore now as a white girl!

tip of my hat to you sir!

Posted by: pabs at January 31, 2008 4:03 PM

this review is perfect...i was just thinking about the same thing yesterday.

its just like everything else in the movie industry, once more than 2 people see a movie then copy cats follow and we are flooded with the same crap that wasn't that good in the first place.

i love the part when she comes back to baltimore now as a white girl!

tip of my hat to you sir!

Posted by: pabs at January 31, 2008 4:05 PM

I think I'll put this in the Snakes on a Plane file...

Posted by: boo at January 31, 2008 4:18 PM

I read the whole review with a smile/smirk on my face at how clever Dustin was being. And then I died a little when commenters were confused. Dustin needs to know that he's brilliant, not confusing at all!

Posted by: Theresa at January 31, 2008 4:21 PM

Ahahahaha. Very nicely done. The scary part is that the mishmash you just threw at us could very well be a real movie.

Congrats. I bow to you.

I hope you do a teen movie review in the same fashion.

Posted by: Goldie at January 31, 2008 4:29 PM

OK, Pajiba is officially off the rails. I'm kinda loving it, although those of you who thought this was real: HANG YOUR HEADS IN SHAME!

Dustin, if I had a hat, I'd tip it to ya. Now please, have a whiskey and a nap.

Posted by: TK at January 31, 2008 4:30 PM

Theresa: really? You died a little? How unfortunate.
I just thought everyone was being super sarcastic and clever in their own ways, but alas, no. (although I have to admit, the first couple of "is that title FO REAL?" comments had me cracking up.)

Posted by: boo at January 31, 2008 4:31 PM

Aren't Pajiba commenters usually a little quicker than this? I don't think it's Dustin that needs a vacation.

Posted by: Chrissi at January 31, 2008 4:36 PM

MO, thank you. Other friends have raved about it and I must see this grand thing.

Posted by: twig at January 31, 2008 4:36 PM

Scarlet, I too IMDB'd the extremely long title of this film, and I too giggled with glee to see the result of the search: "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?".

Dustin, was the review of this title an incredibly well-thought out plan to ensure the masses heard of this heretofore unknown masterpiece?

Posted by: gaping maw at January 31, 2008 4:37 PM

boo-
okay "died" was a little strong. But disappointed that people were apparently not getting the joke. I was feeling protective of Dustin's cleverness since I know I have none of my own.

Posted by: theresa at January 31, 2008 4:38 PM

Ah, Dustin - great review for a movie that doesn't actually exist, yet at the same time, does. It'd be an interesting experiment to start all of them at the same time on different screens, pour a generous amount of Scotch and cue the whole fucking mess to "Dark Side of the Moon"...

With Natalie Portman of course...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 31, 2008 4:55 PM

I read the review thinking the movie could not possibly be real, but the commentors all seemed to think so, so then I was confused . . . Being the good little researcher that I am, I looked it up and couldn't find it--breath of relief. Funny stuff. I also liked the Zombie title that came up on IMDB. :-)

Posted by: nutmeag at January 31, 2008 4:57 PM

GOD. You all are the dummiest dummies I've ever known. How could you not realize Dustin was just being the big, brilliant shining star that he is, and playing a big joke on you morons. I knew even before I clicked on the link that it would be a joke. Before I read a single word! And I just, you know, kept knowing it the whole time!!! And I smiled about it!! Until I read your comments, that is [*exasperated sigh*]. A retarded monkey would have known this wasn't a real movie. Which means y'all are dumber than a retarded monkey. I'm so disappointed in you. So. Very. Disappointed.

I think Dustin and I must be soulmates, because he is so smart and clever and awesome and I obviously am too, because I picked up on his joke right away, faster than you could blink, and all you fucktards didn't. I left you in the dust!!

Dustin, call me!

Posted by: late to the party at January 31, 2008 5:05 PM

The reason I didn't realize what Dustin was doing is because all I only watched a half hour of the Julia Stiles dance movie on the plane once and I never plugged in my headphone. I knew something was off, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Not sure I've seen any others (except for parts of the cheerleader movies on cable)

Posted by: Brian at January 31, 2008 5:12 PM

MO

According to David Denby's review in th New Yorker, "rough consensus is that (stepdancing) originated in Africa, where it may have served as a means for people without a common language to get to know one another."

FYI

Posted by: sansho1 at January 31, 2008 5:13 PM

'The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!' is a so-bad-it's-REALLY-bad 60's cheapo flick directed by some sick fuck named Dennis Ray Steckler (who also likes to appear/star in his travesties).
It is NOT entertaining in it's stupidness; it has butt-ugly "actors" and one guy whom I dare you to understand a single line of dialogue from; the 'musical' numbers are truly agonizing to sit through; there's no blood or gore like you could at least expect from an H.G. Lewis movie; and for the life of me, I can't remember actually seeing a single zombie in this shit-pile.
I'd sit through all the 'Saw' movies at once rather than have to watch this monstrosity again. The title of the movie IS the joke- there's nothing further to even warrant your curiosity, so do yourself a favor and avoid this at all cost.

Posted by: TMax at January 31, 2008 5:17 PM

Totally off topic, but you CANNOT do comment diversions on Wednesdays. I travel on Wednesdays. I'm with clients on Wednesdays.
I will not be left out. Curses on you all.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 31, 2008 5:18 PM

..And 'Late to the Party' is the exact kind of fuckhead I bet Dustin would avoid like the plague.

Posted by: TMax at January 31, 2008 5:24 PM

Sansho1--huh, that's very interesting. Wonder if there's any link to Scottish stepdancing...similar origins; stomping as a means of communication, perhaps.... I'm intrigued! Thanks for the info!

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 5:27 PM

MO: In fact, step dancing with arms tightly by the side is the Irish version (the arms by the side was not always a standard: it was introduced after the famine as a mark of grief so that even while dancing one could remember the dead). Step dancing with arms crooked at the elbows and hands on the hip is the Scottish version. While there may be a version that originated in Africa, it's been well-documented that Irish immigrants brought step dancing to the US and since they were considered the same as Blacks way back then, they lived among Black people and an amalgamation of styles led to soft shoe and tap dancing. Ironic aside: after Irish people got an "up" in the US and started to prosper, they became horribly racist instead of remembering where they came from and how much the two cultures had in common. Now back to the hilarity.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 31, 2008 5:29 PM

For those that think we did not get the joke, perhaps that may be due to the immense number of movies made with names similar in style. As evidence I give you Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth. The thought that a movie in the same vein of parodying parody with the name Dustin provided is all too real. In fact, a retarded monkey could probably write something better. The joke was never over our heads, the joke is that a Hollywood exec is already mulling this crap over. Just wait for the tag line - "From the retarded Siamese twins brothers' of 2 of the 6 writers from Scary Movie..." That is the joke. Unfortunately, WE are the punchline.

Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 31, 2008 5:31 PM

Okay, okay, now that EVERYONE has come their senses and realizes it's a mish-mash of a bunch of the sa...

Fuck it - can you please explain why the hell the cars are being destroyed in this piece of shit? And Canada? What? And how come there's no Hammer-pants up in this beeyatch?

And perhaps most important of all... who's willing to join my dance team? Pissboy seems to have a handle on the outfits. I just need me a crew of homies who can bust a friggin' move y'all (preferably while intoxicated and/or in a state of rage - which pretty much includes ninety percent of the commenters here). Word...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 31, 2008 5:32 PM

Oh, and I'm not trying to mess with greatness Dustin, but a nice addition woulda been:

How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2, Electric Boogaloo.

Just imagine the confusion then!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 31, 2008 5:48 PM

I will join your team, Skittimus. I certainly can't throw down, but I can sure as hell throw out (my shoulder, back, etc...)!

Posted by: ScarletKnight at January 31, 2008 5:48 PM

PaddyDog, thanks for the brief history o' dance. Cool stuff!

Though I'm definitely no scholar of local Celtic culture, I've absorbed some info through osmosis. Cape Breton stepdance is of the arms-to-the-side variety, though our origins are Scottish, not Irish. Our fiddling is apparently different from that of Mother Scotland as well.

OK, I'm well off topic now. Time to sign off. Besides, the local pub is calling my name.

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 5:50 PM

Skittimus - I'll join so long as we can dance on cars. Or around garbage cans that are on fire.

Also, can I please wear Hammer pants? And a tube top, ala Honey?

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 5:52 PM

Ohmygawdthatwouldbesweet! Hammer pants and tube tops? Hells yeah!

I'll tell you what, I won't even shave my fuzzy-belly-goin'-downward patch. Which actually helps to camoflage the sad fact I have but a single ab. And it's buried under a little load of gut... But anyhoow, FUCK YEAH!!

(FYI - I WILL be smoking as I dance)

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 31, 2008 6:08 PM

My bad, Skittimus: on the cover of the Honey DVD, Alba is wearing a sports bra, not a tube top.

We can still wear the tube tops, though, unless you want to switch over to the sports bra. Your call.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 31, 2008 6:21 PM

Uh, I guess I could wear a sports bra. That... that won't like... uh, won't change who I am like... I mean in a sexually orientated way, y'know. I mean... uh.

Whatever. I'm still gonna smoke though...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at January 31, 2008 6:25 PM

WHY WHY THE FUCK WHY does EVERY fucking movie from the black perspective HAVE to have some criminal/dancing/gang/stomp/serve/sass-mouth fat-ass/tude/swivel head element?

WHY? That IS NOT black culture, that is just a very minor and unsavory sub-culture. MOVE ON people, move on.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 31, 2008 6:27 PM

I've always thought of Scottish/Irish "step-dancing" and black "stepping" as totally different forms of dance. Do they have similar origins? Huh. Cool!

Posted by: Smithy at January 31, 2008 6:34 PM

How'd I do? You left out "Bring it On."

Cheerleaders. Different micro-genre.

But Jessica Alba's "Honey" is pretty much the same movie!

Posted by: Meander at January 31, 2008 6:44 PM

"Saddled with guilt because her brother was on his way to one of her dance competitions when he overdosed and was killed by a gang member, Raya's problems are further complicated because her Caribbean parents can no longer afford tuition at Truth University. "

Shut down the internet, people!
We have found it: THE GREATEST SENTENCE EVER WRITTEN!

Posted by: Jason at January 31, 2008 7:46 PM

Wow, that's random as hell. Is anyone going to actually see this movie?

Posted by: the_Wakeful at January 31, 2008 7:50 PM

Yeah, we're all going. We're getting a big ass bucket of popcorn, and we're going to root for the heroine, and talk at inappropriate times, and start a slow clap at the very end. Then we'll sneak in to see at again at the next screening.

You down?

Posted by: AM at January 31, 2008 8:36 PM

Oh Dustin, your wit truly bemuses me!

Posted by: Kamakazi Feminist at January 31, 2008 9:49 PM

Great review! Are some not getting the joke? And, hey, Sarabelle. Please live near me so we can have a dance movie marathon together. No one else will watch them with me. Did you ever catch Fast Forward from the 80s? And we must include Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Posted by: Sharon at January 31, 2008 10:35 PM

Oh dear.

It really wasn't until the the review claimed that Julia Stiles appeared in the film that I realized: this is a joke. And I promptly smacked myself in the face.

But then I scrolled through the comments and found people genuinely asking if Ms. Stiles is, in fact, the leading lady.

This IS a joke, people. The point is, that we all fell for it because it is apropos.

But I would pay money if it did include some kind of Irish stepdance. And a legitimate way to include all of it into some great, award-winning cheerleading routine. I need some help taking home that district title next year...

Posted by: Bree at February 1, 2008 12:10 AM

I got the review and thought it was funny, and I haven't even seen any of those movies. Nothing else to say, just wanted to gloat about being superior to those who are/were all "WTF??/". Carry on.

Posted by: Kris at February 1, 2008 1:54 AM

I did realise that this was a fabulous mish-mash, but as I have not heard of either 'How she move' OR 'Step Up 2' I had no idea of what was actually being reviewed...classic work, though...

I did actually have to sit through the first Step Up, though, because my friends were in love with the lead guy with the poncy name but he didn't ever take his shirt off so the whole experience was sort of pointless...

Posted by: rach at February 1, 2008 6:35 AM

I've seen all the dance movies ever spawned. I just fast forward through the "plot" and only watch the dancing. The funniest part of the review was when the first commenters didn't get the joke.

Posted by: joker at February 1, 2008 6:45 AM

Has anyone seen The Soup's take on this movie? It is equally hilarious. kudos.

Posted by: Jack at February 1, 2008 7:59 AM

"By the way, who's taking bets on how soon Dance Movie will be made?

Posted by: MO at January 31, 2008 3:28 PM
--------------------------------------------------

Oh dear god no. BE QUIET! Don't you know that if you say something like that, it might come true? For the love of all humanity...take it back...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 1, 2008 10:35 AM

Would that I could, Shadows o'D. However, I'm pretty sure it's inevitable that this will be made...

You've got to admit though, in Dustin's hands, it could be pretty funny. Come on, Dustin, spare us from someone else's version of this!

Posted by: MO at February 1, 2008 10:47 AM

Oh boy.

How is it that a movie made by the same guy who did "Touch of Pink" can be so...derivative? The only thing that was remotely interesting about this was the Jane/Finch setting because Shawn Desmond having a role isn't encouraging at all. *Shudder*

Posted by: Ms. Parker at February 1, 2008 11:21 AM

In my defense, I have not seen any of these movies, and I don't think I've heard of most of them either. Now that I have checked IMDb, the light shines in. The good news is now I understand the "You Got..." episode of South Park. Didn't realize that was an actual movie.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at February 1, 2008 11:41 AM

Sarabelle: I just watched Center Stage for the first time yesterday, picked it up in the Waldemort Bin O' Cheap for 5 bucks. Agreed, it's a cheesy-ass movie, but it's fun. And it has pretty boys. And you gotta admit the last dance number was pretty damn cool, though I wondered about the elaborate costume changes as well.

Posted by: Cuno at February 1, 2008 12:00 PM

If she can dance and want to escape the turmoil that the inner city has to offer it's very simple. She should become a stripper, they make tons of money, and she can travel the country shaking her money maker. I really don't think there's a problem here.

Posted by: Pookie at February 1, 2008 1:59 PM

People... without even researching it, Dustin says that the brother both overdosed and was shot by a rival gang member. cmonnnn guys, I expect better. But a hell of a lot of you did fall for the April fools one so. . .

Really funny review, but I do like dance movies. It makes me want to be able to pop and lock

Posted by: Erin at February 1, 2008 4:31 PM

Dustin.

Awesome. Simply awesome. I love you a little more each day, but in a totally masculine "help you move a body, then go for a beer" kind of way.

Posted by: Dave at February 1, 2008 6:44 PM

Hahaha, the only reason I want to see how she move is because... I live half a block off Jane & Finch. In reality it's a pretty decent area, just a lot of low income housing.
Best review ever though.

Posted by: IamKateness at February 1, 2008 7:02 PM

Tee hee...I was just mocking my teenagers for wanting to see one of those "Bring It On Again and Again and Again" starring Gabrielle Union's third cousin's babysitter and Kirstin Dunst's body double's sister-in-law.

Posted by: MartDart at February 2, 2008 9:30 PM

You people should know that thinking this movie is real is worse than not getting the April Fool's joke. Some of you have claimed that that you can't be blamed because you have never seen any of these movies. I have not either, but I never believed this for a second. It was such an obvious joke that I can't believe anyone thought this movie was real. And thinking it's real on the authority of previous gullible commenters is just as bad. There is no excuse for any of this, for shame, for shame. Just admit when you done wrong and hang your head so that hopefully you learn something from all of this.

I mean...
a bright girl with a criminal past from Chicago, who is forced to cope with the sudden and tragic death of her brother from drug addiction. Saddled with guilt because her brother was on his way to one of her dance competitions when he overdosed and was killed by a gang member, Raya's problems are further complicated because her Caribbean parents can no longer afford tuition at Truth University. She is thus forced to return to Baltimore and live with foster parents in a ghetto apartment. Returning to the inner-city for the first time in years, now as a white girl, she's immediately seen as an uppity outcast by her peers, who view her suspiciously.

In the immortal words of Gob Bluth, "COME ON!".

Posted by: joe cool at February 3, 2008 3:49 AM

This is funny. I thought you were going to review all three movies, but this was mind-mangling. My head hurts.

Columbus Short is still hot, though.

Posted by: that bees chick at February 4, 2008 3:22 PM

you have no idea how disappointed I was when I discovered that this was not, in fact, an actual review of the greatest spoof movie ever made.

Posted by: MeliG at February 4, 2008 11:03 PM





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