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I See Dead People, But I Just Don’t Care

The Happening / Daniel Carlson

Film Reviews | June 13, 2008 | Comments (101)


It’s safe to say at this point that M. Night Shyamalan’s increasingly weak storytelling has outstripped his inherent skill as a filmmaker. He’s always been a technically gifted director, able to manufacture an air of suspense and terror with nothing more than a well-composed close-up. He’s always been a master of mood, even as his scripts grew progressively clunkier, but with The Happening, he finally loses his way. In addition to featuring a weak plot, uninvolving characters, and a (by now typically) disappointing reason behind all the madness, Shyamalan’s film is almost completely devoid of tension and drama. Loud music cues and sudden pans aren’t enough to create suspense or horror, and after a while, they become annoying reminders that Shyamalan’s too involved in what he sees as a powerful story with a message to bother investing time in the characters and letting the audience connect with them.

The film opens in Central Park, in a moment that will eventually become representative of Shyamalan’s miscalculations about the story. Two women are sitting on a bench, chatting idly, when one of them hears a brief scream in the distance. She turns to look, unable to see the source, but then notices that the rest of the people walking past her have gradually come to a standstill, including her friend. The friend slowly pulls a long hair pin from her bun and drives it into her own neck. Meanwhile, a few blocks away, construction workers begin throwing themselves from a building to the understandable concern of the foreman. They aren’t terrible scenes, but they’re indicative of the problem Shyamalan never overcomes: He thinks the story itself is cooler than the people in it, and that makes him a cold, uncaring director. Rather than show these things happening to or near the as-yet-unseen heroes of the piece, or even after we’ve met them, Shyalaman opts to jump right into the mayhem. It’s only after these scenes that he shifts the action to Philadelphia, his hometown and the setting for most of his films.

Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) is a high school science teacher who tries to get his kids involved in the subject by being cool, but he isn’t having too much luck asking them for theories about a news report that bees have started disappearing from North America. Not even the apocryphal Albert Einstein quote about how man would only live for four years after the disappearance of honeybees has any real effect on them, but before the discussion gets old, Elliot’s called out of class by the vice principal for an emergency staff meeting. The teachers are told about the events in New York, which are being attributed to some kind of terrorist attack, so they close the schools as the city’s residents begin to get out of Dodge, hoping to avoid disaster by staying away from metropolitan areas. Julian (John Leguizamo), a math teacher, plans to head to his mother-in-law’s place and offers to put up Elliot and his wife, Alma (Zooey Deschanel), until the panic or whatever it is blows over.

From there, Shyamalan’s narrative follows Elliot, Alma, Julian, and Julian’s 8-year-old daughter, Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez), as they and a horde of people trek into the country. At first they take a train, but the conductors stop in Filbert and kick everyone off because the spreading event — taking the form of more and more mass suicides through the northeastern United States — has made them lose contact “with everyone.” Why this means the train has to stop, Shyamalan never makes clear; he just needed a way to strand Elliot and Alma in the country, and this is it. The fleeing townsfolk decide to keep heading west into more rural areas, but Julian decides to make for Princeton, his wife’s last known location, leaving Jess in the care of Elliot and Alma. It’s another unbelievable turn, since Julian’s two-dimensional character sketch was of a fiercely overprotective father who also didn’t think Alma was right for Elliot, so there’s no way at all he would so easily consent to leaving his daughter behind, let alone come up with the idea on his own, but there it is.

As Elliot, Alma, Jess, and a few other survivors head off through the fields, Elliot and a local farmer collaborate on the cause of the virus that’s causing people to kill themselves. They come up with the idea that it’s coming from plants, trees, and grass, which have grown weary of being abused and polluted by mankind and have decided to fight back the only way possible: by rapidly adapting and evolving their chemistry and releasing a certain natural toxin that reverses a human’s self-preservation urge, turning into a desire to commit suicide. As such, The Happening is Shyamalan’s most direct film yet in that it neither hints at nor delivers some kind of shattering twist at the end that will realign the story and give it new depth; this is simply the way things are. Elliot’s working theory turns out to be true, so wherever large numbers of people are gathered, at least in New England, a wind sweeps through and unleashes the airborne toxin from plant life, causing the deaths of anyone nearby. Elliot’s only hope for survival is that he and Alma present such a small threat that they can stay ahead of the wind and avoid fatal self-mutilation.

Shyamalan also pulls some curious performances out of his two main characters, apparently coaching them to act steadily more repressed and unnatural in the face of mounting death and chaos. Weirdly, Wahlberg and Deschanel both speak in slightly higher registers than usual, with Wahlberg’s voice coming out in an earnest Dirk Diggler whine and Deschanel’s completely robbed of the gravelly alto that gives it character. They’re both talented actors, and they’re both completely wasted in roles that are nothing but placeholders that allow Shyamalan to chase someone through the woods one more time.

It’s not hard to see why it’s Shyamalan’s least thrilling script, though it’s his most graphic film to date. (One man lays down in front of a combine and lets himself get mowed to death, causing no small amount of spray.) His better films relied on the supernatural, like the horribly maimed ghosts of The Sixth Sense or the surprisingly chilling aliens of Signs. But by downshifting from super- to just plan old natural, Shyamalan loses his grip on suspense and comes up with only a mildly creepy message film: If you don’t recycle, Earth will eat you. Some of his earlier films had some genuine shocks — the dead bicycle rider standing calmly next to a car, an alien hand moving through a sewer grate — but after seeing them, it’s hard to get scared by trees blowing in the wind.

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.


Pajiba Love 06/13/08 | Incredible Hulk, The



Comments

I'm sorry, the twist of the plot is that all the plants got together and decided to off everyone? You can't be serious. That has to be a joke. I know studios have put out some massively ridiculous shit in the past, but there is no way someone would put there job on the line for a plot that asinine. This has to be a hilarious Pajiba joke, right? Right?

Posted by: Marra at June 13, 2008 7:18 PM

Wasn't Day of the Triffids about killer plants, too?

Posted by: markus at June 13, 2008 7:23 PM

FADE IN



[EXT. -- FOREST -- NIGHTTIME]


MARKY MARK: Right, you little blighters, we've had quite enough of your evil mischief.



Ficus plant begins to glow with an eerie blue aura. It begins to speak....



FICUS: But you're the one who's been bad. You've been sneaking puddings.



MARKY MARK: But, but ... how did you know?



FERN PLANT: We know all your secrets.



FICUS: [to minister] And you pilfered the poor box.



ELM TREE: And doctor, we know that you and the bootblack have been rogering the fishwife in the crumpetshop.



[the crumpet shopkeep spits out a bite of crumpet]



FISHWIFE: Lies!



MARKY MARK: Get them! Quickly!



FICUS: We can't have that.



[the plants begin glowing again, and the townspeople, strangely, begin to attack themselves with their own weapons]

Posted by: Senor Cardgage at June 13, 2008 7:28 PM

Wow, that is way more space between lines than preview showed.

Sorry everyone.

Posted by: Senor Cardgage at June 13, 2008 7:29 PM

I plan on pirating this with a huge amount of alcohol. I'm not a particular fan of M. Night (stunning visuals aside, a good film they do not make) but... it's hard to resist apocalypse movies.

But I can't in good heart contribute any money to it, hahaha.

Posted by: AlexaCastro at June 13, 2008 7:31 PM

The funniest thing about this movie is that the advertising campaign centers solely around the fact that this movie is rated R. Seriously, every ad I've seen just says, "From director M. Night Shyamalan comes his first R-rated film!" How is that a compelling reason to go see a movie? They may as well have used the tagline, "The Happening: Kinda like The Ruins, only dumber and more boring...but just as R-rated!"

Posted by: Sarina at June 13, 2008 7:38 PM

Maybe you should warn people you're going to tell them the twist.

Posted by: umm at June 13, 2008 7:39 PM

Love, love, love the review. I already read Chez's take on "Night", and I've been maintaining for years that he's a one-trick pony who's fooled people into thinking he's a good director....but to see his public humiliation played out on screen is more than I can bear. Not only won't I watch this, out of disgust for a potentially moderately entertaining story given the "twist" treatment...but I will laugh my ass off at anyone I know who does...regardless of whether they liked it.

(If I find out they liked it, at least I know where they live for the good of the species)

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 13, 2008 7:45 PM

Wasn't Day of the Triffids about killer plants, too? Yeah, but that was a good, creepy movie.

Posted by: jadeblue at June 13, 2008 7:49 PM

Maybe you should warn people you're going to tell them the twist.

But it's not "the twist"...it's the PLOT. Like, that's all there is to the plot. That's the whole shebang. There is no twist. As Mr. Carlson very clearly stated, "...The Happening is Shyamalan's most direct film yet in that it neither hints at nor delivers some kind of shattering twist at the end that will realign the story and give it new depth; this is simply the way things are." It would be a pretty lame review if it failed to mention the basic premise of the plot, no? It's hardly the reviewer's fault that the movie is goddamn retarded.

Posted by: Sarina at June 13, 2008 7:50 PM

It's a mess, but an enjoyable mess.

On the plus side, for people who are naysayers, Shyamalan made a film without a twist. The plant thing is well defined and only the laziest film goers won't realize where the plot is going. When you hear Mark Wahlberg lecture his students in the first six or so minutes on the ramifications of the disappearance of the honey bee in North America, it's pretty clear the film's not about terrorism. No twist. Just a plot. Sorry the trailers were misleading for people who wanted a movie about airborne terrorism destroying the world.

On the negative side, for people who are naysayers, Shyamalan really has decided he is the Messiah (defined in Lady in the Water as the artist who will be sacrificed to save the world) and made a preachy film about how we are ruining the environment. It was more disgusting to me than the Oscars where everyone applauded themselves for getting out of their hummers and riding hybrid cars for a block to watch an awards show with green lighting.

It's a campy B-Movie.

It's green propaganda (not that the Green movement is a joke, I support it, but not the "You people" approach).

But Zooey Deschanel sure got pretty eyes.

Posted by: Robert at June 13, 2008 7:55 PM

At some point, Night is going to give up the "auteur" tag and start directing stuff written and created by other people. The faster he does it, the better.

Otherwise he's gonna go the way of so many directors who end up directing straight-to-DVD fare.

Posted by: BFFredo at June 13, 2008 8:04 PM

M. Night Shamlongadingdong teaches us a brilliant lesson: Trees are evil and conspiring to kill us all!! We must destroy all trees now before they kill us! Where is a bulldozer when you need one? I am off to the park to tear down an ancient oak right now. Its my civic duty. Fucking Weeds.

Posted by: JP at June 13, 2008 8:18 PM

Shyamalan might want to try letting someone else write the movies and he can direct them. Perhaps that would work better.

Posted by: greer at June 13, 2008 8:41 PM

After reading the thing in Pajiba Love it tickles me that this movie stinks so bad.

Posted by: EricD at June 13, 2008 8:46 PM

M. Night needs to stop writing his own stuff...and stop talking to his actors...and stop acting.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at June 13, 2008 8:57 PM

Honestly, if you guys can't recognize the latent genius in every mood music-filled scene and every line M. Night's characters speak, it's your own fault for being too stupid. Any dislike of his films is clearly the fault of the viewing audience, potentially encompassing the entire population of Earth, and not the filmmaker. It's not his fault he's so brilliant he confounds the mere mortals he is forced to share his existance with. Seriously, at least recognize that he is too great for you to comprehend if you must insult his works. He has a message. He is going to singlehandedly save the planet. What did you do today? Drink alcohol and blog? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at June 13, 2008 8:57 PM

At some point, Night is going to give up the "auteur" tag and start directing stuff written and created by other people. The faster he does it, the better.

Actually, is he still working on the live adapation of The Last Airbender? God I hope not. My kids and I love that series.

Posted by: EricD at June 13, 2008 9:01 PM

What did you do today? Drink alcohol and blog?

I'll have you know, good sir, that my blogs are witty and insightful and full of soul-opening cleverness. Particularly when I drink. Especially when I drink. Or smoke. Really especially when I smoke...

Wait...where was I going with this?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 13, 2008 9:01 PM

From the trailers I kind of got the feeling that this movie was about 90 minutes of Marky Mark, staring into the camera and looking slightly confused and scared at something off screen.

Posted by: kennbenj at June 13, 2008 9:04 PM

So....

Did the plants take out all the vegetarians first?

Posted by: Tatertot at June 13, 2008 9:11 PM

What did you do today? Drink alcohol and blog?

And I'll have you know, I went to the gym in between those things.

Posted by: Stacey at June 13, 2008 9:14 PM

I really like most of Night's stuff, even Lady in the Water if only because of Paul Giamatti. This movie was pretty suspenseless, but not that bad. It was a decent little movie that needed more character development. Wahlberg and Deschanel had zero chemistry. Jon Leguizamo was the only character I really cared about, but at least Wahlberg had some pretty good lines.

We've just seen Night do better stuff. I agree that he needs to direct something he hasn't written. I think he would do a great job.

Posted by: kelsy at June 13, 2008 9:46 PM

Stupid Things I Gotta Do to Prepare for the Looming Apocalypse:

1. Stock up on Round Up
2. Check the oxygen tanks and gas masks
3. Hide the knitting needles

This dystopic future doesn't seem quite as scary as our Zombie Overlords, the Spambot Revolution, or even Y2K.

Posted by: Wednesday at June 13, 2008 10:05 PM

This movie was a mess. Unspeakably awful. Fuck me, I just can't write anymore.

Posted by: Xanthippe at June 13, 2008 10:25 PM

When my roommates and I first saw the previews for this movie I bet them it was global warming causing everything.

Thank you M. Knight for one large Chicago style pizza.

Posted by: Andy at June 13, 2008 10:30 PM

I haven't seen this yet, but some other people in my department (entomology) have. The funny thing is, Shyamalan bastardized the research going on in our department. The talking trees thing, mid 1980s paper in Science by Schultz. Plant volatiles - De Moraes, plants release volatiles that attract parasitoids that attack the herbivores eating the plant. Colony collapse - we just got a large grant from haagen daz to deal with that.

We're waiting for the DVD. When that comes out, we're having a party and you have to take a shot anytime your advisor's research is butchered and everyone drinks when evolution is invoked incorrectly.

Posted by: acbug3 at June 13, 2008 10:44 PM

Killer Tomatoes anyone?

Posted by: Babbs at June 13, 2008 10:55 PM

In honor of M. Nights new movie:

I think that I shall never see
Something as deadly as a tree

A tree whose deadly poisons make
People lay down in front of combine rakes.

A tree that hates the human race
for making the earth such a polluted place

A tree that when the wind blows fast
releases deadly invisible gas

Bad movies are made about such trees
and we're the fools that will pay to see

Posted by: kennbenj at June 13, 2008 11:16 PM

I've seen every Night flick in the theatre except for Lady in the Water. I'm a hometown movie ho. Yeah, I said it. Planning on catching a matinee this weekend.

Posted by: Nicole at June 13, 2008 11:36 PM

This movie was laughable. Like something you'd catch on SciFi on a weekend afternoon. And I was so ready to love it, too. Pity. I liken the experience of going to see it to going into a quickie mart with a hankering for a Snapple Iced Tea, only to discover after the first few sips that you accidentally bought Diet, but you finish it anyway because you're thirsty.

And did anyone else notice that M. Night didn't make an appearrance in this one?

Agreed...Zooey Deschanel does have big, pretty eyes.

Posted by: trey shacksit at June 13, 2008 11:41 PM

I think it would have made for a good twist ending if when Mark Wahlberg's character was looking through that crazy woman's house and saw that creepy doll on the bed, said doll turned out to be the porcelain avatar of the jigsaw killer from the Saw series. And then the doll would sit up and say "Hello Elliot. Would you like to play a game?"

And then the door slams and the credits roll!

I have another idea that involves the Cloverfield monster, but its not as believable.

Posted by: Matt 2.0 at June 13, 2008 11:55 PM

Actually, SoD, it's good madame. Wait, that makes me sound like I run a brothel. And no one around here would be interested in anything so debauched as a brothel, would they.
...
Attention, Pajibaland, I am now opening a brothel. I shall call it Godtopussy, and it will be run by Pajibans, for Pajibans. I can only presume Julie will be there, in some context or other. Pookie is on preemptive probationary status. Lists of your five freebies/same sex top five must be submitted at least a week in advance of an apointment, with your entries ranked in order of preference. Taco dip will be provided, though not permitted in the game room, because it is a bitch to pick scrabble tiles out of.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at June 14, 2008 12:53 AM

As a new poster to Pajiba, I know I am not allowed access, but can I request that when the Murdertank does get operational in the upcoming Shamaladingdong Mother Nature revenge fantasy, I get to at least sit on the front fender filming celebutards offing themselves so that the You2CanBeAPope video will comfot those few survivors with the promise of a better world?
P.S. As a son of immigrant Indians, I once felt pride in knowing that Kal, M. Night, and the ineffectual doc from Heroes were Indian. Now I just feel shame. Damn you, Rise of Taj!
Screw this, I'm going back to drinking till I'm blind. It's Father's Day weekend, so I am off morning duty till Monday. Yay Rye!

Posted by: W.E.Coyote at June 14, 2008 12:57 AM

*signs up for Godtopussy immediately*

Posted by: Cookie at June 14, 2008 1:45 AM

I wonder if Mr. Shymalan is aware of that old anime film Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind?

Posted by: XiaoLi at June 14, 2008 2:19 AM

Attention, Pajibaland, I am now opening a brothel. I shall call it Godtopussy, and it will be run by Pajibans, for Pajibans. I can only presume Julie will be there, in some context or other.

You can borrow her temporarily, but she is my mistress. I get first dibs.

Though you may want to stock up on Scrabble tiles...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at June 14, 2008 2:53 AM

Isn't Mr. Night now trying to throw a veil over the movie by going around saying it was intentionally campy? Or is that just a little interweb rumor I heard?

Posted by: DanDan at June 14, 2008 3:13 AM

And that my friends, is exactly why I kicked that tree on my way home from the bar tonight.

Posted by: perfectjargon at June 14, 2008 4:10 AM

Saw this last night. OMG, but was it bad!!!! Seriously, it was plain awful. No suspense, no logic, horrible writing, mediocre directing and easily some of the worst acting by A List actors I have ever seen. EVER! When I say that Elizabeth Berkley´s acting in "Showgirls" was Academy Award worthy compared to most of the actors in "The Happening", I am not exaggerating. A day later and I´m still trying to digest how bad this movie was.

From someone who has liked/loved every one of Shyamalan's movies (with the exception of the also awful "Lady In The Water"), I now think he may not ever get another chance to make a big budget film in Hollywood after this craptacular failure. Avoid this one like the plague (or at least an extremely potent suicide inducing airborn bacteria that comes from evil plants and the fierce winds that they have the ability to control). It was bad in a way that makes my teeth hurt.

Posted by: Tallsonofagun at June 14, 2008 5:02 AM

Am I the only guy that doesnt like Paul Giamatti?

Posted by: EricD at June 14, 2008 5:15 AM

Why no zombies? When I think mass suicides I just assume it was to make zombies. I really wanted it to be a zombie movie and not Plants are going to kill us movie. SO LAME!

Posted by: clair at June 14, 2008 5:50 AM

Ripping off an episode of The Tick is just low, man

Posted by: cockroach at June 14, 2008 6:08 AM

So, Biblio? Are you acceptiing resumes for your new establishment? I can work weekends.

Posted by: greer at June 14, 2008 8:06 AM

Shyamalan, you've effectively blown your last load, now you can take your ass back to India. And take Benny Blanco with you. The next time I call to get a credit limit increase motherfucker, don't be giving me no lip about my payment being late.

Posted by: Pookie at June 14, 2008 9:51 AM

i saw this last night, not because i wanted to, but because i made my boyfriend see dreamgirls in the theater last year and he's been harking for repayment ever since. (and he actually wanted to see this. i honestly don't know why. we do not agree on movies/music/books whatsoever) it was highly offensive in every sense - badly written, woodenly acted, bizarre cinematography, incredibly miscast, and a boring-ass plot. what was creepiest to me was that shyamalan clearly relished the whole people-offing themselves thing. it was like i could picture him sitting in his bedroom late at night, giggling as he thinks up new ways to 'artisically' portray people committing suicide.

Posted by: eat my shorts at June 14, 2008 10:27 AM

Wait a second ... so the people in NEW YORK CITY, which is 99% concrete and asphalt and such, start offing themselves FIRST, and then everybody goes running for the COUNTRY, where all the, you know, trees and grass and such are? Shouldn't all the RURAL people have killed themselves first?

I was going to bring up "Little Shop" but Danae beat me to it. At least Audrey II had a sense of humor and could sing, but not dance so well. Could we convince Night his career is in Audrey II, and he should look for it?

Posted by: bucdaddy at June 14, 2008 10:53 AM

Eat my shorts, I agree with your assessment of Shyamalan's movie. Your insight is very refreshing. May I enquire as to your situation as it relates to being married or single?

Posted by: Pookie at June 14, 2008 11:35 AM

Aliens that invade Earth yet are allergic to water. Plants rising up from their enslavement to man.
I predict his next movie will be about solar panels achieving sentience and then going to Norway in December to take over the world. It's an allegory, so shut it.

Posted by: Esher Fern Gamble at June 14, 2008 1:48 PM

"Wait a second ... so the people in NEW YORK CITY, which is 99% concrete and asphalt and such, start offing themselves FIRST, and then everybody goes running for the COUNTRY, where all the, you know, trees and grass and such are? Shouldn't all the RURAL people have killed themselves first?"

No kidding...wouldn't it have been more creative to have an apocalyptic film where just once everyone runs to the CITY instead of the country for safety??

Posted by: Case at June 14, 2008 1:53 PM

Sham Alien?

Posted by: bucdaddy at June 14, 2008 2:42 PM

Spoilers warning, but ou really shouldn't be planning on seeing this anyway. Man, if Shyamalan is claiming this is a 'B' movie he's got some nerve. This could have been an awesome B movie (oooh, the evil trees are shaking, better run before they kill us! Oh no, we've run straight to crazy screaming hermit lady!). instead it's complete crap. It needed about double the gruesome killings (yes it did dammnit, this is what B horror movies are supposed to do.) plus more scenery chewing (Jesus Shymawhatever, B movie acting is over the top, not 'okay, people are killing themselves over the hill, I want you to stare blankly and mumble to yourself, like you're playing Jeopardy at home.') I think the only scene I actually enjoyed was Marky Mark talking to the potted plant he didn't realize was fake. "uh, we're just going to use the bathroom, is that okay?"
Speaking of movies with awesome concepts that could be done better, has anyone seen Karaoke Terror? First japanese movie I've ever seen that I actually want an American remake of.

Posted by: s. pisaster at June 14, 2008 3:52 PM

Warning: Pet peeve coming (and possible afternoon diversion?):

What's the point of remaking movies that were good to begin with? What they SHOULD do is remake movies that had, as s. pisaster says, "awesome concepts" badly executed.

Posted by: bucdaddy at June 14, 2008 4:29 PM

duh...rural wasn't attacked first because the pollution and populace threat was greater in the metropolitan area. plus the people weren't sure about the plants so of course they thought the "terrorists" wouldn't attack little towns out in nowhere.

i actually LIKED the movie. the whole environmental issue is disgustingly ignored in our society. its ridiculous. so give me a movie that is subconsciously alarming and has funny lil actors and you get my love.

the characters were not well developed but because these actors are specifically loveable and quirky I found them interesting to watch.

Posted by: lily at June 14, 2008 4:42 PM

I took most issue with dialogue used as an blunt force object for character development. So much for subtext.

Posted by: lizella at June 14, 2008 4:57 PM

oh pookie.

i can't tell if you're being facetious or not.

Posted by: eat my shorts at June 14, 2008 5:23 PM

1. This has got to be one of the stupidest fucking movie concepts I've ever heard of. Ever.
2. lily: "the whole environmental issue is disgustingly ignored in our society" seriously? Maybe it's because I'm a student at a small, liberal arts college, but I swear, the environmental issue is all I fucking hear about...Okay, yeah it's definitely just because I'm a student at a small, liberal arts college.

Posted by: joe at June 14, 2008 5:40 PM

Lily, The New Yorker had an article a year or two ago making the highly counterintuitive point that NYC is possibly the greenest big city on the planet. The public transit's terrific and people use it, it's very vertical, therefore uses less energy, it's smoke-free, for Godtopus' sake.

So of course the plague starts in ... possibly the biggest expanse of green in any major city on earth?

And joe: No, it's not.

Posted by: bucdaddy at June 14, 2008 8:15 PM

I'm grateful to our reviewer, as he has saved me ten bucks. There was a little part of me that wanted to see this movie, but after reading this I certainly won't bother.

I have enjoyed some of M.N.S.'s movies in the past especially The Sixth Sense. The one scene that really stuck in my mind was the hidden movie of the little girl being poisoned - that was some high class creepy.

Posted by: StephanieS at June 14, 2008 10:30 PM

A pity about this. From the red band trailer, this looked like it could have been gruesomely terrifying.

If you want to see what actual environmentalist propaganda looks like, watch The 11th Hour. The only way it could have been more propagandizing would have been if they had cut out the second half of the documentary, which actually had some useful information, and compared oil corporations to the Nazis.

Posted by: NF at June 15, 2008 1:04 AM

I'm so glad that people are finally catching up and realising that Shyamalan sucks. I still hold a grudge on people making him a star director based on the fact that they were too stupid to see the Sixth Sense "twist" coming.

Posted by: Steve at June 15, 2008 3:45 AM

"I still hold a grudge on people making him a star director based on the fact that they were too stupid to see the Sixth Sense "twist" coming."

Well, aren't you fucking special and brilliant. Just because I didn't see it coming makes me "stupid?" Get back under your bridge, troll.

Jerk.

Posted by: I Love Beets at June 15, 2008 7:12 AM

It took some thirty+ comments, but we finally got someone claiming they don't like MNS because they knew the twist of 6th sense right away. I'm so fricken tired of that. Sure you did buddy... let me buy you a beer for being so goddam smart.

Posted by: Matt K at June 15, 2008 4:04 PM

Just a juicy little tidbit . . . the Einstein quote on the chalkboard regarding the bees . . . Einstein never wrote that. It was first written about 40 to 50 years after Einsteins death.

Chew on that one M.N.S.

Posted by: Jennifer at June 15, 2008 7:28 PM

I was disappointed. I was hoping this review would be bitchier. If anyone deserves the Pajiba wrath, it's M. Night Shamalaldingdongwhatshisname

Posted by: Simon Owens at June 15, 2008 8:10 PM

Simon Owens, I was expecting a bitchier review, too.

I don't hate M.N.S. as much as most people around here seem to, and the trailers were creepy, so I was foolishly excited about this flick and tried to give it a chance.

But oh dear. It was so terrible. Ridiculous plot, bad dialogue and seriously no chemistry among the characters. I like Mark Wahlberg and adore Zooey Deschanel, but they were awful together and both of them were just ... weird in this movie. I agree with the review - they WERE speaking in a higher register. Marky Mark sounded like he was doing his squeaky-clean teacher voice the whole movie.

At times I've wondered if this was intentionally campy, but if it was it didn't go far enough. Still, I do think it will be a good movie to watch with like-minded friends and mock mercilessly.

Posted by: Kristin at June 15, 2008 10:36 PM

I'm about to drop a Haiku all up in this bitch, muthafucka!

M. Night Shyamalan
Don't drag Zooey down with you
She still has talent

AWWWWW YEAH BOIIIIII!

Posted by: Jeremy at June 15, 2008 10:41 PM

I am so happy that this movie is yet another suck fest from this guy. Never liked him...saw The Sixth Sense and felt cheated -- wasn't the movie supposed to be about helping a young boy come to terms with his psychic abilities rather than about the struggle of a dead yuppie to realize that he was a dead yuppie and that he needed to move on?

The title of this one made me laugh because it was earlier (1967) used as the title of one of those free-wheelin' hippie movies...but had a theme song ("The Happening" oddly enough) by the Supremes that is a hoot. Check it out on iTunes -- Miss Ross and the girls sound like they are backed by Lawrence Welk and so far from letting it all hang out that it is a total scream.

Now that M. Night has failed in his first R rated movie, I wonder if he is going to move on to making porn or something? Thats a genre where his surprise endings might really be appreciated!

Posted by: Marty at June 16, 2008 12:45 AM

Jeremy,

First line supposed to have five syllables. So how do you pronounce Sham Alien's name? SHY-ma-lan? SHAM-a-lan? Just askin'.

And YEAHHH BOIII, I loves me soma dat early Public Enemy too.

Posted by: bucdaddy at June 16, 2008 10:04 AM

WTF did you expect? Zooey Deschanel, or whatever the fuck her name is, sucks festering donkey cock as an actress. She always looked wide-eye shocked at everything, and she wear a curtain of nearly immobile hair over her forehead, thusly rendering the primary tool of expression, her face, half-obscured. Not that she'd be able to muster up anything even remotely looking like an adult facial expression.

But, more to the point, Shyamalan sucks, too. His movies are progressively terrible, and illogical. He's a hack, has always been a hack, and will always be a hack.

Posted by: Spork at June 16, 2008 11:06 AM

As always, Spork, I am in awe at your artistry with the written word. Well done, sir.

Well. Done.

Posted by: TK at June 16, 2008 11:12 AM

Screw you guys. Let's see you make a movie. You just don't get it, do you? I. AM. AWESOME.

Do you know who invented the "twist"? Hmm, I don't know... Oh yes... ME.

Any idea who made "I see dead people" into a pop-culture phenomenon? Uh, let's see... Oh I know... ME.

I am the Shamalamessiah, bitches. I am unstoppable. I. AM. AWESOME.

M. Night out...

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 11:19 AM

SPOILERS ABOUND:

Okay, fine, fine... the grass speaks to the trees and lets them know how many people are standing on it. If the number is high enough, the trees release their toxin. Even if I believed all that... how does the wind get involved??

This plot was so farfetched, it went past laughable into appalling. I've liked every one of Shymalan's movies before this, but I now can no longer pay for his films in good faith. I HATED this movie. So much of it made no sense. The ominous closeup on the model home (Did anyone else think of Indiana Jones?)? The inexplicable shotgun deaths of the teenage boys? The creepy old lady? What did any of that have to do with anything? Why was it there? And when Zooey's character asked Mark's character what color love was on the mood ring, why didn't he say orange??

...I need to crawl into a ball somewhere and forget this film exists. It's too much disappointment for a Monday.

Posted by: Jen Diff at June 16, 2008 12:03 PM

Allow me to clear up a few things, Jen Diff:

"...how does the wind get involved??" - Are you serious? The fact that you even asked that is reason enough for me not to answer it. How does the wind get involved, indeed. Der.

If you can't figure out the significance of the symbolism the mood ring holds in my film, you've got no business being at one of my films. Why would he say orange? Didn't I make it clear with the opening sequence? Did anybody pay attention to the sunsets? Or the position of the hairpin? Did you look at the brand name of the combine? Jesus, people... PAY ATTENTION!

Look, I'm giving you mouth breathers one more chance. That's it. When considering my next film, I'll try as hard as I can to dumb it down to a level that you can understand, okay? Listen, I'm not sure if you realize what you're doing when you sit your ass in the theater - You are about to witness a Manoj Nelliyattu Shamalamadingdongdoo event.

Keep in mind that The Sixth Sense grossed over $600 million at the box office worldwide. That's SIX HUNDRED MILLION! $600,000,000 (go on, see if you can count how many zeroes there are - you can use your fingers if needed).

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the cryogenics lab, where I've got a small army of frozen clones thawing out and ready to kiss my brilliant ass...

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 12:25 PM

Okay... so I've checked out a few other reviews "critics" have had of my latest film, and have decided that the lot of you are better off sitting in your apartments watching The Real World than wasting your time not understanding what I bring to the entertainment industry.

3.5 out of 10 stars?

M. Night Shamadon't?

It ain't "Happening"?

Again, The Sixth Sense = $600 million. Take a second to read that again. Six hundred million. That's right.

I'm at a loss here. Aren't you people seeing the big picture? I. AM. SHAMALAMADINGDONGDOO. 'Nuff said. I could film my dog eating a piece of shit, and it would be better than ninety percent of the crap that gets put in theaters nowadays. Iron Man? Pssh - a guy in a frigging robot suit huh? Where's the twist in that? The Strangers? Wow. Haven't seen anything "stranger" than a couple people out in the goddamed woods. I'm shaking in my boots...

I am a film-maker of the highest order. You can kiss my six-hundred-MILLION dollar ass.

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 2:22 PM

Here's an idea - How about a make a movie about a bunch of elitist bloggers who make comments about stuff they're too dumb to understand? Sounds pretty good, huh? Here's the twist: NO ONE CARES WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY! Get it?

I hate you people.

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 2:25 PM

I love the commentary by Mr. Night.

I refuse to spell your last name as that will require more energy than I am willing to expend.

Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 2:28 PM

M Night, you're kind of a dick.

Posted by: TK at June 16, 2008 2:33 PM

I certainly hope you're not being aloof, Melody - I am the Shamalamasupreme, and if you'd like an opportunity to bask in the aura of awesomeness, give me a ring. I'll show you how a MILLIONAIRE filmmaker gets things done - both in and out of a satin-encased bedroom - if you're down with that. You've spent far too much time with this lot. Experience Shamalamacountry...

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 2:36 PM

Yeah, SHAMalam. You're a friggin' weiner.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at June 16, 2008 2:37 PM

Nah. Egos that large are just compensating for something else.

Besides, this movie sounds like it blows.

Posted by: Melody at June 16, 2008 2:43 PM

Bucdaddy, I pronounce it Shah-Mah-Lahn. I'm pretty sure that's wrong, bur Shyamalamadingdong was too long.

Posted by: Jeremy at June 16, 2008 2:52 PM

Melody, c'mon. I'm not compensating for anything. I just... I'm just so lonely. So very, very lonely.

Follow the Signsand come on down to my Village, where you can show me your Lady in the Water. In turn, I'll show how Unbreakable I am. I'll awaken your Sixth Sense and we can both see what's Happening between us.

I am the Shamalamastud, and I've got a way with words, mama...

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 2:54 PM

Ok, we get it, you're hilarious.

Moving on...

Posted by: J at June 16, 2008 3:00 PM

I can't move on when the Shamalamasubject is my Shamalamafilm...

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 3:07 PM

Shamalahello? Am I Shamalamalone? I'd just like to take a moment to say I'm Shamalamasorry for The Happening. It's been a rough couple of years, and I'm just trying to get my Shamalamashit together. I think I might have been Shamalawasted when I wrote it. I'll try to do better. That's a promise...

Shamalamout.

Posted by: M. Night Shamalamadingdongdoo at June 16, 2008 6:04 PM

There really is only one thing to say here

Shamalamadingdongdoo ... in my pants

Posted by: Paris at June 16, 2008 6:23 PM

i thought this was a good point.
From Chris Orr's review @ The New Republic

"Perhaps oddest of all, The Happening imagines itself to be a powerfully pro-environment movie. The snatches of televised commentary we see at the end of the film declare that this murderous act of nature was a warning; everyone seems to assume the obvious lesson to take is that we'd better treat nature nicer lest it decide to start wiping us out again. Allow me to suggest, contrarily, that if millions of Americans were killed by some tree-originated pathogen that could be released again at any time, the immediate result would not be a renewed enthusiasm for peaceful coexistence, but rather a program of deforestation so aggressive it'd make the Brazilian lumber industry look like tree huggers."

Posted by: Scott at June 16, 2008 8:15 PM

What a shame. I really had high hopes for this movie.

I think the real lesson that will be learned from the film is that if he doesn't stop making absolute crap, he's going to have trouble getting funding for his movies.

Posted by: jvon at June 17, 2008 2:19 AM

Save yourself $10 and a couple of hours, and just go to Movies in 15 Minutes' parody. You'll enjoy yourself.

Posted by: Camera Obscura at June 17, 2008 11:25 AM

Its.sad...

I.just.watched.Unbreakable.last.night...

There.was.a.point.(a.2.or.3.movie.point).of.unique.
story.telling.
Like.Daniel.sad,hes.a.master.of.setting.up.supreme.
shots.and.his.use.of.color.(at.least,in.the.older.
films.).always.stood.out.

Ah.well.

After.2.bombs.in.a.row.,maybe.he.will.get.somebody.
else.to.write.good.films...?

Posted by: WhatThe? at June 17, 2008 4:35 PM

M. Night jumped the shark when he broke ties with the only producer who dared call him on his bullshit, Lucy Fisher, and it's all been downhill since that dustup. His ego is the only happening that's taken over, and he's right-it has erased any self preservation instinct he might have, but the urge ain't coming from a plant, it's coming out of his own ass.

Posted by: dirkiediggler at June 18, 2008 2:16 AM

Seems like everyone here missed the boat regarding the point of this movie. Like Lady in the Water, if you have Open Mouth Syndrome and don't put any thought into the movie you are watching, you won't get it and you won't like it. This type of movie is referred to as art, and is creative. Unfortunatley most people are just lazy and want everything spoon-fed to them. The major theme of this movie was not the environment (unless you're an open-mouther). The major theme was revealed in the twist, which EVERYONE seems to have missed. (SPOILER ALERT) The twist was, how did MArky Mark, his wife, and daughter survive? LOVE! Hence why the outbreak began in Northeast US cities, and why the old hag was affected alone in her garden. The point was, in our current culture, we don't love each other and we don't love ourselves. The hormones involved in love were protective against the hormones released by the plants. Now, I understand that these days everyone has the if-I'm-not-totally-shocked-and-floored-then-I'm-totally-disappointed-and-this-movie-sucks-and-I'm-going-to-let-all-my-friends-know-about-it-by-repeatedly-texting-them-about-it-with-my-iphone-and-fill-blogs-with-my-all-important-opinion, but, um, just because you need an increasingly shocking experience to get your movie-going rocks off doesn't mean a rather tame theme and twist like this was crap. If you didn't get it, that's your fault. And maybe your parents' and your school's faults, to a lesser degree. If you don't like having to think at a movie, go watch Napoleon Dynamite and just skip M. Night. It's expected that you, the non-thinking, pop-tart audience won't get it. So don't watch it and spare us your bitching.

Posted by: Carl at June 22, 2008 10:57 AM

Hey Carl, I hear it sucked. Any thoughts? ;)

Posted by: Loob at June 22, 2008 11:38 AM

The sad thing is? Carl has the right of it. Somehow, he seems to believe this makes it a BETTER movie.

Plants have attacked us for poisoning the Earth Mother, and only The Power Of Love (TM) can save us.

Does this kind've message sound eerily familiar to anyone else?

Think back a good four decades, if you can remember it through the second-hand weed haze.

Posted by: Meh at June 22, 2008 11:48 AM

What an idiotic premise. And how, exactly, did every plant on the Earth suddenly hit upon the same mutation, one so precise that it only affects a tiny, specific portion of the human brain and creates no harmful side-effect to the plants themselves? This is dumber than Stephen King's psychotic toaster comet.

Posted by: AngryLagomorph at June 22, 2008 5:28 PM

The idea certainly sounds familiar. I'm not claiming it to be a mind-shatteringly new theme. However, if it necessitates a totally unexplored idea to make a good movie, then most movies over the last decade or so are far from good. The Happening was no blockbuster...it was a bit clunky in several ways, but it was far from the joke many folks are making it out to be.

Everyone seems to have loved Iron Man, myself included. But when you boil it down, it was another by-the-book superhero flick. Much more recycled than The Happening was. At least there aren't five movies similar to The Happening coming out every year.

If you don't like M Night's ego because it's the size of PA, then bash his ego. When you try to pick apart his movies for the hell of it, because you don't like him, then you look silly. I like his style because it is relatively unique. Yeah, not every aspect of all of his movies are innovative, but I don't know anyone whose is. I'm just glad SOMEONE out there doesn't do things by the book, or else the moviescape would be even more boring than it is.

Posted by: Carl at June 22, 2008 7:00 PM

Angrylagomorph, was it just that the plants developed said mutation, or was the mutation already there? Maybe it had more to do with the humans, which made them more susceptible...and the plant hormone was already there. Maybe the plants already had the mutation and something simply set it off. As someone wih a degree in biology, I agree that the premise is farfetched, but it's not impossible. And you fail to explore all possibilities. I must ask you if you enjoyed the Spiderman movies? And do you find the spider-bite premise far-fetched, scientifically? How about X-men? Or, really, any dabbling that Hollywood makes into science for that matter? The Happening was a movie, not a textbook. Its purpose was to tie a theme together in an artistic way (which it accomplished, though not at the superficial level), not teach movie-goers about molecular biology.

Criminal law, medicine, science, etc, hollywood simply uses them as a basic springboard into art. If you haven't realized that by now, you're in for a lot of disappointment

Posted by: Carl at June 22, 2008 7:17 PM

Carl, maybe your comments would be better recieved if you didn't initiate this little discussion by calling the grand najority a bunch of "open-mouthed" idiots?

This is not how you sell people.

Secondly, it has nothing to do with originality, it has to do with entertainment value. The purpose of a movie is to entertain, and formulaic superhero movies are more entertaining than "innovative" hippie-horror.

The Matrix: Revolutions made plenty of sense, had a nice message, and was still about as entertaining as a box of pig shit. This is why it blew as a movie.

Posted by: Meh at June 22, 2008 9:49 PM

I actually couldn't accept that I was not watching some SNL parody of an M. Night Shyamalan movie the whole time I sat through The Happening. Because me and most of the audience were laughing a whole hell of a lot. Did Mr. Shyamalan really direct Mark Wahlberg to act like a sing-songy spazz the entire time? And is Zooey Daschanel really just a Keane painting come to life? I must know the answers to these questions.

Posted by: chriso at June 24, 2008 5:40 AM

I'm going to have nightmares about the scene with the lions.

That is all.

Posted by: Noelegy at June 27, 2008 11:02 PM