new-fifty-shades-freed-trailer.jpg

'Fifty Shades Freed' Teaser Trailer: The Final Chapter About Two Jars Of Mayonnaise Who Really Like To F**k

By Brian Richards | Film | September 11, 2017 | Comments ()

By Brian Richards | Film | September 11, 2017 |


new-fifty-shades-freed-trailer.jpg

For those of you who couldn’t get enough of Anastasia and…um…(goes to Wikipedia to look up the name of the main character because he’s so boring I couldn’t be bothered to commit anything about him to memory) … Christian …

For those of you who couldn’t get enough of the sexual-chemistry-that-is-about-as-hot-and-steamy-to-watch-as-an-episode-of-Bojack Horseman between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan…

For those of you who are in the mood for another inaccurate two-hour-long portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle …

For those of you who really like poorly-executed sex scenes where the women get completely naked and the men keep on their pants (like, what is that?) as you also find yourself wondering unexpectedly about The Chronicles of Riddick poster you see in the background of teenage Christian Grey’s bedroom (yes, really)

For those of you who don’t care that you see more dick in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story or the pilot episode of The Deuce than you will ever see in one of these films (sorry, Jamie Dornan fans, but he really likes keeping on his pants the way Bryce Dallas Howard liked keeping on her high heels in Jurassic World) …

For those of you who are still really upset that Charlie Hunnam backed out of playing Christian Grey and deprived so many women and men of seeing him do this…and this (WARNING: these links are SO not safe for work)…

For those of you who are desperate for something to spend money on that will keep you entertained until Black Panther drops the following weekend …

For those of you who don’t have the patience or good sense to just stay home and instead watch Keanu Reeves fail miserably at speaking with a British accent (1. Bless his heart 2. He makes up for that British accent by looking really good in a turtleneck 25 years later in John Wick: Chapter 2) opposite Winona Ryder in Bram Stoker’s Dracula until they reunite onscreen once again and hopefully have lots of R-rated sex as Not-Jimmy and Not-Gretchen in You’re The Worst: The Movie or whatever this movie is going to be called …

…the wait is almost over , as evidenced by the newest teaser trailer for Fifty Shades Freed, which opens in theaters February 9, 2018:



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