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I Just Blue Myself

Dr. Manhattan’s Penis / by Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | March 9, 2009 | Comments (107)

After months and months of hype, eleventy billion dollars in promotion, enough viral marketing to kill anyone with a weakened immune system, and finally the biggest wide release ever for an R-rated film, the one facet of the entire Watchmen phenomena that attracted more attention than any other over the weekend was a goddamn flaccid blue penis. Yeah. A penis. An appendage that 49.5 percent of the world’s population own. Because the deep, puritanical streak running through this nation will never completely die. A director can shove in enough boobies to in a picture to float a hot-air balloon, but one average-sized dong, and all this country’s moral righteousness rears its uncircumcised head. But this is different, they say! Because Watchmen is a comic-book movie, and comic books appeal to children, therefore, Zack Snyder is indirectly slapping America’s youth with a blue, semi-engorged member, just like Joe Camel’s boner schnozzle.

So, for those of you who didn’t go see the movie, and are basing your decision on whether to go on Billy Crudup’s penis, here’s my review: Mostly flaccid, kind of droopy, and hangs reasonably low, although for a stanky that isn’t erect, I have to give Dr. Manhattan points for turgidity. Clearly, he’s not suffering from shrinkage issues. My biggest complaint is its hue: Glow-in-the-dark blue doesn’t exactly scream, “Let me in! Let me in! Rock my world, Blue Man Goob.” It says: “Fuck me, and you’ll be pissing Smurf chunks for a week and shitting urinal cakes.” Although, the color does obscure the veins, which is a nice chameleon-like advantage. And, like any decent movie, Crudup’s penis leaves a few unanswered questions that will be debated among geeks for decades: What color is his urine? His semen? Can he procreate? What would a lil Manhattan look like?

But the biggest unanswered question? Where is his extraordinary nutsack?









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Comments

I guess a review on Dr. Manhattan's Manjunk was a long time coming. (Though whoever decides to make the porn equivalent would have their work cut out for them. They could just call him Dr. Mandingo.)

Posted by: Mike R. at March 9, 2009 11:37 AM

God dammit Dustin...

Posted by: Shaun at March 9, 2009 11:37 AM

I still think it's funny that it seems to be disturbing women more than men.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 11:39 AM

In ancient Rome, huge, flaccid, blue penis was always welcome.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 9, 2009 11:41 AM

What..whuh? Flaccid? All this reading about a blue peen and it's flaccid? (tearing up tickets) That's it, I'm not going now!

Also, if he screwed a red person would the baby be purple?

Posted by: legib at March 9, 2009 11:41 AM

If Dr. Manhattan were a lady and HER big blue penis were flapping around, nobody would have noticed because they would have been staring at her big blue boobs.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at March 9, 2009 11:42 AM

What color is his urine?

My elementary school lesson on primary colors taught me that mixing a blue wang with normally yellow piss (assuming he's dehydrated) yields a green stream. Except we used finger paints instead of genitalia to demonstrate the point.

Posted by: branded at March 9, 2009 11:44 AM

No wonder so many people were confused by the plot; they couldn't see the forest for the 7-foot dick.

Seriously, it was not that big of a deal. Though I did wonder if his sperm was causing all of the cancer. (Yeah, I'm sure he loses all the trappings of a "normal" guy, except heterosexuality. My ass, he's be sticking that thing in whatever he came across, just because he could.)

Posted by: frumpiefox at March 9, 2009 11:46 AM

Dr. Manhattan has complete mastery over matter.

Hence, he can make his penis any size he likes. He can make his urine and semen any color he likes. He can configure the composition of his semen such that it is procreative. A young Manhattan would depend upon how the genetic material he renders in his "semen" combines with the woman's egg. He is also able to instantaneously create an erection whenever he likes and can formulate an orgasm for himself at will. He could also orgasm without generating semen at all if he so desired.

Yes, I had a conversation about this in bed with my girlfriend last night, and I was wishing for Dr. Manhattan sex powers.

And someone wake me up in a few hundred years when people stop being so uptight. Good lord - it seems half of the message board chatter on this movie consists of bellyaching about a penis. These people can't seem to stop their tittering and reflect upon the fact that "God" would have no need for modesty.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 9, 2009 11:49 AM

I want to see an IMAX review followup.

Posted by: EricD at March 9, 2009 11:49 AM

I did not see the big deal at all, and this is coming from a girl who hasn't seen many normal peeners in her life and only one other one that was colored and glowing.

(Yeah, I'm sure he loses all the trappings of a "normal" guy, except heterosexuality. My ass, he's be sticking that thing in

Reaaaaally.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 9, 2009 11:51 AM

If this dude had my proportions his penis, in a flaccid state, should at least be 17 feet long.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 9, 2009 11:52 AM

Also, if he screwed a red person would the baby be purple?

Posted by: legib at March 9, 2009 11:41 AM

Ask The Pink Hulk...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 9, 2009 11:54 AM

frumpiefox:

You may want to be more careful of your context when using the proclamation "My ass".

Just being helpful.....

Posted by: feramones at March 9, 2009 11:54 AM

I think dick is the equivalent of cooter, not boobies, and people absolutely lost their shit when you could see a nanosecond of Sharon Stone's promised land (and let's be real, all you could see was a tiny bit of hair, it's not like her labia were flapping in the breeze).

In fact I think the bigger double standard runs the other way. McConaughey has had his shirt off on film more than every young starlet in the history of film combined. That may include porn.

Posted by: Eep at March 9, 2009 11:54 AM

I believe the colour of his urine would be determined more by what he is eating than the outer colour of the dermis. If he consumes a lot of multi-vitamin packs, you'd expect to find more of a luminous yellow stream whereas if he prefers to get his nutrition via your basic legumes, a woody green would be the norm. Several cups of green tea a day would dilute the stream resulting in a very pale primrose hue. Of course if he suffers from kidney stones, there could be some leaching of blood into the kidneys resulting in a pinkish tinge. Would you like me to go on?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 9, 2009 11:55 AM

Sabrina--yeah, I realized that was a poor choice of words after I hit "post"...I'm blaming friggin' daylight savings time. And Freud, of course.

Posted by: frumpiefox at March 9, 2009 11:56 AM

A dick story with this comment? "My ass, he's sticking..."

Posted by: Dr. Freudhattan at March 9, 2009 11:57 AM

If Dr. Manhattan were a lady and HER big blue penis were flapping around, nobody would have noticed because they would have been staring at her big blue boobs.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at March 9, 2009 11:42 AM

You mean like Rebecca Romijn's big blue boobs in "X2"? Where was the hue and cry from the keepers of morality over THOSE appendages. Damn... I could kill a homophobic religious zealot or 10.

Posted by: Spender at March 9, 2009 11:58 AM

To me, the main difference between seeing a naked guy and a naked girl on film is the mystery. You can't tell if a woman is aroused just by looking at her (unless she's leaving a snail trail behind her). But with men you can tell if they're aroused, so if he's flaccid all you see is a naked dude. But if he's aroused your mind wanders.

Who am I kidding? Your mind wanders anyway.

Posted by: Sofía at March 9, 2009 12:00 PM

Ask The Pink Hulk...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz

My Guru, I am here to serve you.

Posted by: Sofía at March 9, 2009 12:02 PM

Rowles, I must admit your writing about movies is some of the best I’ve ever seen, but when you write about the male body you turn into William fucking Shakespeare.

Posted by: Pookie at March 9, 2009 12:04 PM

I'm pretty sure it shoots tachyon particles. This is based purely on my own research into the Man-Snake Religion of Alan Moore.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 9, 2009 12:04 PM

Also, if he screwed a red person would the baby be purple?

Posted by: legib at March 9, 2009 11:41 AM

Yes, like Mace Windu's lightsaber.

Posted by: admin at March 9, 2009 12:11 PM

I was thankful for the normal state of affairs, for once. As soon as I knew it was there, I could relax and feel like things were as they should be. Not covered up by a pair of unnatural boxers or briefs (although there was that one scene with a weird pair of underoos/loinclothish thing) - or worse yet, pants. It was just the way it should have been.

All hail the glowing, blue, natural penis!

OK, I admit to wondering if it was based on a real one or enhanced for the big screen.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 12:13 PM

*sigh* It'd have been nice to read an actual review of the movie. Oh well.

Posted by: Noelegy at March 9, 2009 12:13 PM

I guess a review on Dr. Manhattan's Manjunk was a long time coming. (Though whoever decides to make the porn equivalent would have their work cut out for them. They could just call him Dr. Mandingo.)

Posted by: Mike R. at March 9, 2009 11:37 AM

I'm fairly certain I broke something laughing at this.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 9, 2009 12:20 PM

OK, I admit to wondering if it was based on a real one or enhanced for the big screen.

Rumor around these parts is real. Billy Crudup has been taking advantage of Spambot's generous offers.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 9, 2009 12:21 PM

This isn't anything new... seen the recent what past 3 Apatow movies? I don't see why people are moaning about this when the Apatow movies have not garnered the same type of response.

http://www.hollywood.com/news/Apatow_Makes_Penis_Promise/5018566

Then there was Zack and Miri...
Watchmen is just...well accurate to the book and all...

Though I do ponder why the good doctor didn't go with a one eyed snake... might be convenient having an eye down there...

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at March 9, 2009 12:25 PM

And the porn remake will certainly have to be called "The Snatchmen."

Posted by: MG at March 9, 2009 12:32 PM

My analysis of "Won't someone think of the children?!": Parents are afraid that if a boy sees a man's junk on screen he's going to turn gay. So not only must a movie have no penises, but boobs must be popping out at every opportunity to ensure that gay boys are turned straight.
This is working off the Idiocracy principle that the stupidest reason is usually the best.
Anyone have another take on WSTOTC?

Posted by: Inaras at March 9, 2009 12:37 PM

WSTOTC: I thought it had to do with the fact that penises are universally thought of as icky, whereas boobs are as close to visual perfection as you can get here on earth. (Blue boobs are perfection +1.)

Posted by: frumpiefox at March 9, 2009 12:40 PM

For a film so dedicated to capturing the exact look of the graphic novel, I have big bone to pick with Billy Crudup's casting. He penis is too big to be Dr. Manhattan's penis. I know because I whipped it out during the film and compared the size. Definitely bigger than the drawing.

Posted by: Robert at March 9, 2009 12:41 PM

I just realized that Dr. Manhattan has perpetual blue balls. Now that's funny.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 9, 2009 12:47 PM

Didn't they have to change the name of 'The Vagina Monologues' in Florida because a woman didn't want to have to explain to her granddaughter – who, if I remember rightly, was about 12 – what a vagina is/was/could be?

That's how I explain 'Won't somebody think of the children?' A bunch of middle-bred people too scared of their shadow to approach a possibly 'difficult' subject with any level of rational maturity. Cowards, basically.

I'm all for more cocks in film, and I don't care what colour they are either.

Posted by: Zuffle at March 9, 2009 12:55 PM

noelegy, The Watchmen review was posted on Friday here:

http://www.pajiba.com/film_reviews/watchmen-review.php

Posted by: Elsie at March 9, 2009 12:57 PM

I posed the "missing nutsack" question in the movie thread, but have yet to hear any theories. I am beyond intrigued by this question. The only explanation I can come up with is that its omission springs from a sense of geographic sensitivity, as anything hanging below the male member of a character named Dr. Manhattan would surely be referred to as his Jersey Boys....

Posted by: sansho1 at March 9, 2009 12:59 PM

All glory to to the blue penis.

Cram it, you puritan douche waffles.

Posted by: George at March 9, 2009 1:04 PM

Rumor around these parts is real.

I'll have to tag an extra half star onto my review.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 1:09 PM

although there was that one scene with a weird pair of underoos/loinclothish thing

That's in the book, not a movie invention. He gives less and less of a shit as time goes on and then only clothes for his TV interview.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 1:12 PM

"A penis in every movie..."

Is that like "A chicken in every pot" promise during the Depression?

I also vote for more random cock shots in movies. Any color, any size, at any price.

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at March 9, 2009 1:12 PM

Zuffle: "Didn't they have to change the name of 'The Vagina Monologues' in Florida because a woman didn't want to have to explain to her granddaughter . . ."

In Orlando, Florida (of course) they did Shakespeare's "Henry VI" in the park. They changed the line, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers," to "The first thing we do, let's KISS all the lawyers." Why? Because a bunch of lawyers were big donors to the free play. Dillweeds.

Posted by: BWeaves (from a different IP address) at March 9, 2009 1:17 PM

BWeaves, serious?

I'm surprised they didn't just change 'lawyers' to 'liberals'.

Fuck it. That's it; I'm moving to Mars.

Posted by: Zuffle at March 9, 2009 1:22 PM

this country’s moral righteousness rears its uncircumcised head.
- hehehehe

What would a lil Manhattan look like?
- New Jersey?

Sharon Stone's promised land (and let's be real, all you could see was a tiny bit of hair, it's not like her labia were flapping in the breeze
- That was "C-G". You work out what the acronym stands for....

I have big bone to pick with Billy Crudup's casting.
- hehehehe

Posted by: Odnon at March 9, 2009 1:25 PM

the "missing nutsack" question
-It was cold that day?

Posted by: Odnon at March 9, 2009 1:27 PM

Zuffle:

What exactly is "middle-bred"?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 9, 2009 1:51 PM

He gives less and less of a shit as time goes on and then only clothes for his TV interview.

A philosophy we should (perhaps?) all adopt.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 2:01 PM

I'm too fond of my clothes though, Cindy. Indeed, I'm already becoming disturbed at not being able to wear as much of them. Plus people start fucking around outside and clogging up Little Five Points and its parking on a Saturday afternoon when I'm just trying to buy one damn thing from Criminal Records! I've been remaining damp after getting out of the shower the past few days! It has begun! The six months of anger!

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 2:07 PM

Three-breasted woman in Total Recall: Cheers and Chortles.

Mystique from X-Men(Blue Boobies): Barely registers on cultural radar.

Blue wang on Mr. Nuclear: Oh mah gawd sign o'the times!

Posted by: Recondite at March 9, 2009 2:26 PM

I'm never disturbed at being able to wear less clothes. But perhaps I shouldn't be so literal. I just think it's a shame that we Americans are so afraid of nudity. Nipplegate and a big blue penis: Quick! Cover up or the kids will turn gay! I really belong in Europe, I suppose.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 2:29 PM

Paddy-Dog: It was a really bad attempt to mix 'middle-England', 'middle-America' and 'middle-Anywhere' without using many words or much brainpower. Apologies.

Posted by: Zuffle at March 9, 2009 2:31 PM

No, I understand you, I'm just mad that the spring/summer hell is starting.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 2:49 PM

Isn't there a scene in the first Terminator movie where we're all treated to some full-frontal Schwarzenegger-swagger? I recall some Austrian Weinerschnitzel...and I don't recall anyone going too nuts (two nuts?) over that.

Posted by: Adam at March 9, 2009 3:02 PM

(Blue boobs are perfection +1.)
Posted by: frumpiefox

BLOOOBS!!!

Posted by: Odnon at March 9, 2009 3:03 PM

Really, Robert? In a conversation about penises, you say "I whipped it out during the film"?
The people sitting next to you must have been surprised!

Posted by: CatBallou at March 9, 2009 3:05 PM

Destroyer of worlds wrestling w/Viagra complex?

There's gotta be some symbolism there.

Posted by: Recondite at March 9, 2009 3:17 PM

Proof you are not in the vicinity of New England, Jay.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 3:20 PM

This post deserves a ROFL. Because what the hell. I love you, Dustin.

I haven't even seen this movie, but now I'm inexplicably curious about the blue peen. I can't explain it. I'm not normally curious about peen. Not at all. But suddenly, what the hell, the blue peen is like...a mystery.

BLUE PEEN.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 3:28 PM

As I said to my brother after seeing this. "I haven't seen that much blue peen since the snuff film I saw where Cookie Monster and Grover tag teamed Janice from the Electric Teeth Band behind Mr. Hooper's Place."

It's weird, I have blue balls and no one seems to want to celebrate that....or take care of it.

Posted by: Rubble44 at March 9, 2009 3:43 PM

I have to say Nixon's nose was far more distracting than Jon's dong

Posted by: cockroach at March 9, 2009 3:47 PM

Proof you are not in the vicinity of New England, Jay.

Thanks for REMINDING me.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 3:50 PM

Nixon's nose did look like a dick...

Pale Peen!!!!

Posted by: Rubble44 at March 9, 2009 3:57 PM

The only similarity between Nixon's nose and a penis is that it grew as he lied.

... or is that just me?

Posted by: ben(thpbt) at March 9, 2009 4:33 PM

No, I understand you, I'm just mad that the spring/summer hell is starting.

Jay - I have to say that when you start to get all grumpy about it being too warm where you are (Georgia, right? I know that it's somewhere in the South.), I always wonder why you just don't move North?!? Sure, it got near the 60s this weekend, but now it's back into the 30s and we've had snow off and on for most of the day.

We do have libraries in New England you know.

And as someone who grew up in the Mid-Atlantic region, trust me, they do not know the meaning of spring here.

Really, I think you should start planning your move. I know that it's not the best time for a new job search, what with the economy all freaked out and whatnot, but it doesn't hurt to look.

I'm just sayin' is all.

Posted by: tamatha at March 9, 2009 4:50 PM

You mean you wish you were up here Jay? Digging out from under pounds of snow, sleet, ice, etc.? Trust me, it gets old after about a hundred shovel lifts.

Not to say it's all bad though...the charm, the chowdah, the (searches brain for sensible "ch" word) children?

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 4:56 PM

I'm pretty sure there's no sack because, as much as I love all parts of the male anatomy, nuts just aren't that aesthetically pleasing. Not that they're not great for other things, just not so much to look at.

Also,:

anything hanging below the male member of a character named Dr. Manhattan would surely be referred to as his Jersey Boys....

Posted by: sansho1 at March 9, 2009 12:59 PM

Too many jokes. Brilliant.

Posted by: Marra at March 9, 2009 5:07 PM

I want to go northwest, actually. New England's still got those wicked summers, and I'm willing to sacrifice some dry cold for some milder summer action. I basically just got back on my feet financially last year so I haven't given up yet.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 5:15 PM

Some mother brought in her son that couldn't be more than 6 years old. I wanted to drop kick her down the stairs.

Posted by: Trollin' at March 9, 2009 5:16 PM

Well...there was a whole brouhaha about Janet's boob, so I can imagine a penis would indeed be a problem. Would it be better if the penis weren't blue? Also...why is he blue? The dude can rearrange himself in any form/shape/size he chooses...pick a fucking normal colour, your blue dickness!

Also uhm...the sex scene where he splits himself into many people...awesome. I don't know what SS was bitching about, the ungrateful bitch.

Posted by: Joker at March 9, 2009 5:32 PM

Eh, you seen one, you seen 'em all.

Kidding.

But if America is barely ready for a big blue peener, you think they're ready to see big blue testicles? Nuh uh...

I would definitely like to see more male nudity in the mainstream movies and TV. And not just naked fat guys, either. Or old guys. No offense, but if men get to feast on Halle Berry's and Jessica Biel's bits, women should get some eye candy of equal quality.

Posted by: Slash at March 9, 2009 5:32 PM

However, I fear that the magical land where it's the j.crew fall/winter catalog year-round is probably only a fantasy, wherever I may roam. That's part of the problem with warmer weather: I can't dress how I want to, and nobody else dresses like I want them to, and they don't seem to care that I'm mourning this fact, the flimsily-attired jerks! It's rough, I tell ya.

But those balls are pretty understated. I just checked a big still and they sure seem to have wilted in the intrinsic field. Guess he's sterile!

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 5:33 PM

Halle Berry? Come on, aim higher!

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 5:40 PM

(mind you, plenty of people here bitch about cold and don't move south, I just happen to be the one that hates the sun)

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 6:07 PM

Come here, it never gets below 50, and it rarely goes over 80, except in high 'summer'.

Seasons? what are "seasons"?

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 6:12 PM

If Nudity isn't a big deal, why don't we see pussies in movies? Sorry MORONS, but a cock is not the same as tits. A PUSSY IS! I have a question, let's take the Simpson's movie. Bart showed his penis in the movie and everyone thought it was so funny. What if it was Lisa's vagina they showed. Don't you think that there would have been an uproar and it would've started with the Feminists. Funny how women have complained for years about tits being shown, but now they think dicks are no big deal and men are just homophobic because we don't want to see them in the movies we watch.

Well, they should show pussies and humiliate women just as well and then there can't be any complaints from either gender. The MPAA chooses to be biased against males which is wrong. I still think women will complain if pussies are shown though. Feminists, homosexuals and other women are the reasons why dicks are shown now. They have been picketing at the Oscars and hounding the MPAA for years to show penises in movies. Maybe men should start writing the MPAA and picketing to show pussy.

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 6:23 PM

Ah yes, Rex, ever since I saw the Piano when I was ten, I believed it was to be my life's work to bring more dicks to the big screen.

I remember the first time I picketed for peen. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, the birds where singing, the commuters were honking at my "Honk if You Want More Celluloid Cock" sign. Me and all my homosexual, feminists friends were out in full force, walking the line for willies.

Posted by: Marra at March 9, 2009 6:38 PM

Ah Anna, when I picture my coupling with Dr. Manhattan, I can only imagine our union would result in blurry shades of lavendar spectacular enough to inspire Alice Walker novels for ages.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 9, 2009 6:42 PM

wait, was I wrong? I swear when he was walking towards Adrian in Karnak at the end his ballsack was jangling from side to side. Because I definitely laughed, and thought about the poor guy who had to animate that. Weeks and weeks of anatomically correct bouncing testicles. BLUE bouncing testicles.

Also, with a name like Jon Ostermann, he's...um....not Jewish? Or did he just decide to leave the turtleneck when he reassembled?

Posted by: sciencerules at March 9, 2009 7:05 PM

Marra, You may be joking, but feminist and homos have been picketing at the Oscars for years and years literally with signs. That's how stupid and pathetic they are.

If the MPAA is going to make it ok to show a dick, then they should make it ok to show a pussy. Their double standards and biases is what causes resentment towards the genders when it comes to nudity in movies. They should allow all full nudity or just chests and asses.

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 7:07 PM

What do you mean "make it okay"? I saw Kelly LeBrock's crotch 25 years ago, Kate Winslet's 9 years ago. Are you regarding pubic hair as a form of censorship? "Look, if there's a full bush it's alright, otherwise you are NOT getting an R".

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 7:13 PM

Oh what the hell am I doing reasoning? Stupid.

Pookie, take off the mask, you already spoiled your "I'm not coming back".

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 7:14 PM

Jay, you gave 2 arguments 25 and 9 years ago. Neither showed anything more than hair. So no, that doesn't count. 95% of women shave their pussies so make it realistic. I'm not suggesting a spread eagle pussy shot. I'm talking about normal views like I would see my girlfriend, who happens to agree with me by the way. She is shocked by how far the movies have gone showing male nudity and how often in the last 3 years, yet pussies are always obscured by hair or dim lighting. We also say how little there is of female nudity nowadays.

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 7:23 PM

Yes Jay, I did make that statement. Lately there has been a concerted effort to remove me from pajiba. I have been told by certain people that have proven their loyalty to me that behind closed doors my exit had been planned, but it was quickly thwarted by people sympathetic to my cause.

Posted by: Pookie at March 9, 2009 7:36 PM

FYI Rex, I'm more partial to women with hairy pussies. Shaved pussies just aren't that all sexy to me. Oh don't get me wrong, I'd pound a pussy that was shaved bare, but my preference is a hairy pussy.

Posted by: Pookie at March 9, 2009 7:46 PM

Jay, they all feel the same, but looks wise, I'll take shaved with some hair on the mound. Definitely not completely shaved. Just don't go down on a girl with a lot of hair. It gets caught in your teeth. LOL

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 7:53 PM

I just think it's a shame that we Americans are so afraid of nudity. Nipplegate and a big blue penis: Quick! Cover up or the kids will turn gay! I really belong in Europe, I suppose.
That really is different over here (Berlin, probably not so much in the UK). I'm in Prenzlauer Berg which is where everyone moves to have children. Round the corner there is very nice, well frequented, playground with a wall illustrated with colourful monsters, one of them really has a bright red penis, right at ground (child's eye) level!

Posted by: ChrisD at March 9, 2009 7:56 PM

Allow me Jay, Rex, my good man, with all due respect you might not be all that skilled in the fine art of cunt eatin'. Because if you are getting hair in your teeth, your skill set might not be what you think it is.

Posted by: Pookie at March 9, 2009 8:07 PM

That really is different over here (Berlin, probably not so much in the UK).

I lived in Germany for about five years, and things were pretty free around München- and in turn, so was I.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2009 8:12 PM

Pookie- Thank God I am young enough where most of the girls my age shave their pussies completely so I have never gone down on a girl with a hairy pussy. I actually try to talk them into growing some hair because I really don't like the completely shaved look. The girls with some hair look much better.

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 8:14 PM

Did I mention that cocks are awesome?

Also, Rex, the difference between an actor flashing his (possibly cg-affected) cock and getting an A-list actress to spread her kidneys for a paying audience is huge. Seriously, I'd flash my tiny, chihuahua-nose glans for anyone – that shit flops around at the best of times – but I can't really see Gwyneth Paltrow giving us the full Predator in a movie anytime soon.

On the subject of Dr Manhattan's ball-sac, I'd like to think that if I were a living God, in control of all matter, I'd probably forego the bits on the outside that only really cause pain on a material level as well. Especially if I could still ejaculate like a falls without them, due to my huge understanding of all the dimensions of the universe.

Posted by: Zuffle at March 9, 2009 8:18 PM

Marra, we need to start a band, and we need to call it Picketing for Peen.

Word.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 8:20 PM

I'd probably forego the bits on the outside that only really cause pain on a material level as well.

The banana is designed for human hands? Who the hell designed fragile testicles stuck on as an afterthought because the internal temperature control system never got worked out?

Sloppy. Pretty damn sloppy.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 8:24 PM

Zuffle- There are plenty of actresses who would show their pussy and I'm not talking about A-listers. A-listers, male or female don't get nude often. It's why they're A-list. Harold and Kumar tried to show a pussy and the MPAA wouldn't allow it. The girls at the bottomless party had to wear a fake vagina (seriously) if they wanted to show it. The director was disappointed that the MPAA had such a problem with showing labia and wanted to slap the movie with an NC-17.

Posted by: Rex at March 9, 2009 8:29 PM

Rex you have a very open mind, you haven’t been brainwashed as yet. I implore you not let a hairy pussy stand between you and Shangri-La.

Posted by: Pookie at March 9, 2009 8:34 PM

How is it that a perfectly safe and beautiful discussion about cocks turned into something as vile and reprehensible as a discussion on a girl's hairy sweet meats? I mean, seriously, I've lost my appetite.

What the fuck kind of site is this turning into? Jeremy! Anna! I need you stat!

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 9, 2009 9:13 PM

Odnon and CatBallou, you win the prize for picking up on really obvious double entendres in my post. For this you receive a big round of applause and the satisfaction of knowing you cracked the Robert humor code.

Posted by: Robert at March 9, 2009 9:13 PM

Wait. This conversation seems somehow incomplete. Oh, I get it...

Mandatory drive-by Whedonisting:

But, is the hammer his penis?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at March 9, 2009 9:29 PM

What the fuck kind of site is this turning into?

Slow your roll Pinky, there have been about 600 posts dealing with giant blue wang, now let the clam shuckers discuss important matters.

The real equity question is this:

If Dr. Manhattan was a woman, would we still have an issue with a giant blue hoo-hoo. I say no.

And hells yeah I would hit that.

Posted by: admin at March 9, 2009 11:22 PM

Of course we wouldn't have a problem with it, Admin, because it would just be Mystique. And EVERYBODY wants to hit Mystique, psoriasis or no.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 9, 2009 11:31 PM

Damn, Pookie/Rex you say your going to leave Pajiba but you can't even last a few hours. You're worse than a crack addict. I hope you've amused yourself with your idiotic, baiting comments between your alternate personalities. You've really impressed me with your "imaginative" characterizations that really show you're All Man. Oh, and "Girlfriend agrees with me" really sold me on your desirability. With as much time as you spend commenting on this site, any woman what didn't require oxygen through a tube would have left you already (unless you're extremely wealthy and she's a goldigger).

I wish the new format had a Pookie I.P address comment redaction function.

Posted by: Iwantsprinkles at March 10, 2009 3:12 AM

Figgy, Done and done. I don't even play an instrument, but Picketing for Peen cannot be left unused.

Posted by: Marra at March 10, 2009 11:09 AM

Iwanttinkles.

Posted by: Pookie at March 10, 2009 1:56 PM

Robert, can I assume that I have also cracked your sarcasm code?

Posted by: Odnon at March 10, 2009 4:56 PM

And if that's the case, Robert, although I chuckled at your "really obvious double entendres" (12:41 pm), they were really more like "single entendres", or even "non-tendres".


And don't get me started on your dangling participles...


Posted by: Odnon at March 10, 2009 5:49 PM

Iwantsprinles, if you're going to write something on here at least make some sense you idiot!

Posted by: Rex at March 10, 2009 5:49 PM

anybody else notice the quick cameo by nite owl's floppy friend?


it's true...you really do see more in imax.

Posted by: bigal at March 11, 2009 7:57 AM

Poppy, you are another homosexual with the same immature argument . Every time someone brings up the why can they show a penis when they will not allow a vagina in a movie, someone with no common sense always brings up a size issue or homophobia. Listen up, it has nothing to do with anything other than equality and fairness. If you let a penis be shown then let a vagina. Simple as that, yet women and homosexuals still can't figure that out. I've heard enough of the ridiculous argument that they show breasts so they should show a penis. Breasts are not genitals. Let's hear your stupid response now! By the way, it's the stupidity that spews out of people like you that piss me off because you can't have a normal discussion about it without saying something stupid like you must have a small penis for it to bother you or you must be homophobic. I guarantee if vaginas were graphically shown women would cry that it's gratuitous and be angry about it. Show vaginas and penises or don't show either.

Posted by: Jimo at March 12, 2009 8:39 PM