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Do You Wanna Hang Your Head and Die?

Bride Wars / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | January 9, 2009 | Comments (99)

Anne Hathaway plays Emma, a mousy, big-toothed school teacher, and the weakfish half of a best friend duo, opposite Kate Hudson’s Liv, an aggressive attorney who picked up some legal jargon TNT’s “Raising the Bar.” She is what people call Type A. Because their lives are so empty and meaningless, all they’ve ever wanted was to get married in “The Plaza” in June and have Marion St. Claire (Candice Bergen) be their wedding planner. They get engaged on successive days. Because of a scheduling mix-up, they are booked on the same day at “The Plaza.” Both refuse to change their wedding dates, and they refuse to seek the simple solution: A double wedding. They have a falling out. In order to bring meaning to their empty, sad little lives, they decide to be petty and sabotage one another’s wedding days. This is called the narrative hook. Emma gets increasingly aggressive; she dyes Liv’s hair blue and steals her best friend’s thunder at a bachelor party by dancing more sexually provocative than Liv. Liv begins to lose her aggressive streak; she switches Emma’s light-honey tanning cream with dark orange, then loses her edge at work, rolls over and cries. She places her hand on her sternum repeatedly to indicate sadness. Her fiancé supports her; he is a good guy. Emma’s husband is kind of a dick. Liv’s brother (Bryan Greenburg) is a good guy with an eye for Emma. Emma’s father is played by the guy who played Paulie in “Mad About You” (John Pankow). Kristen Johnson plays a self-absorbed drunk forced to fill in as Emma’s maid-of-honor after the falling out. Gary Winick (Tadpole), who was once thought to be talented, directs. He is no longer thought to be talented.

Bride Wars is a bad movie. It is a very, very bad movie. Do not go see it. Unless you are an older lady with a very low threshold for entertainment, you will regret it. I have wasted more time writing about it than the movie deserves.

The End.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives withi his wife and son in Portland, Maine You can reach him via email, or leave a comment below.


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Comments

Lots of people will see it Dustin, it turns out that if you live alone with 20+ cats you don't actually need a babysitter or anything, they sort of take care of themselves. I'm expecting this to top Mall Cop, at least. Could be the start of a big trend of shittiness.

Posted by: Xtreme at January 9, 2009 2:33 PM

BUT WHAT ARE THE DRESSES LIKE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Posted by: Sofía at January 9, 2009 2:36 PM

Wha?! Bride Wars...a bad movie?! Surely you jest, good sir. When I see Kate Hudson radiating from the screen at my local multiplex, I expect, nay DEMAND that all others silence themselves and their spawn as I bask in her Godly glow.

Fool's Gold...you'd have been a fool not to see it.

You, Me and Dupree...make that You, Me, and a Giant Erection of Entertainment!

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days...had me hanging around like a lost puppy on day 11!

She even wrote and directed her own film, you know. So when you discourage a vital and versitile talent like Kate Hudson, I shall have you know that you discourage the filmmaking process itself! Good day to you!

/sarcasm

Posted by: Mike R. at January 9, 2009 2:37 PM

Please GOD let this put an end to the incomprehensible jack-offery on this site regarding Horseface Hathaway. If it does, Dustin, then your time spent watching and reviewing the movie will not have been in vain.

Posted by: jimbob at January 9, 2009 2:37 PM

The commercials for this piece of shit are omnipresent and make me want to claw my own eyes out. Kate Hudson should be shot in the face. I'll give Hathaway a pass for now.

Posted by: Nicole at January 9, 2009 2:37 PM

Bride Wars is a bad movie. It is a very, very bad movie.

But I need a comparison! Is it like drunkenly groping your cousin bad or whoops, how did that slip in there bad?

Posted by: admin at January 9, 2009 2:40 PM

Ha! I felt like I was reading disjointed Twitter updates while Dustin was watching the movie. Quick and relatively painless, but still leaving me wanting a prescription for percocet.

Posted by: branded at January 9, 2009 2:40 PM

I mean, it's called Bride Wars, I was pretty much done right there.

The more I see about how society perceives brides or the way women getting married are expected to act, the more I fondly contemplate eloping when the time comes.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 9, 2009 2:43 PM

I want to kick both of these women in the vagina for agreeing to be part of this entirely insulting (not to mention implausible, hello, one wedding in the morning, one in the evening, this is not fucking difficult) premise. They do not deserve to even own vaginas after this. I propose that their vaginas be repossessed and put to a more acceptable use. Anyone need a place to store their weed? A nice set of oven mitts perhaps?

Posted by: MG at January 9, 2009 2:43 PM

Blech. I'm glad for the brief review, but it's nothing I didn't expect. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that Hudson ends up with the brother, and lets Hathaway have the real wedding day, since she's the "mousy" one, which can also mean the underdog in stories like these.

But the bi-curious girl in me does think that Anne looks pretty good in the promo at the strip club.

Posted by: Brie at January 9, 2009 2:44 PM

Why is Kate Hudson's head so fat?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 9, 2009 2:46 PM

Horseface Anne Hathaway? Kate Winslett needs to lose 15-20 lbs?

What the fuck is wrong with kids theses days?

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at January 9, 2009 2:50 PM

Kate Hudson should be shot in the face.

Agreed. Fucking right this minute.

Great review, Dustin. Really love that you didn't give it more thought, because what the hell for? The title alone tells you everything you need to know about this piece of shit.

EVERYTHING about this movie makes me angry. But what I hate more? People will go see it. And there will be more movies about women being horrible to each other for stupid reasons.

See, I'm mean to Kate Hudson, but that's only because she's a stupid waste of fucking space, and she needs to be shot in the head immediately. I'm completely justified.

Posted by: figgy at January 9, 2009 2:50 PM

How much you want to bet this piece of shit is either number one this weekend, or right behind the Marley crapfest?

Posted by: Cindy at January 9, 2009 2:50 PM

Anne Hathaway has the crazy eyes in that picture up there.

crazy eyes. I'm telling you.

Posted by: lizzieborden at January 9, 2009 2:50 PM

I don't know why, but they ran a trailer for this...this thing...before Let The Right One In.

It was offensive. Like a skidmark in your dates underpants before you make wild, passionate vampire sexy times.

I wanted to punch the back of the person's head in front of me for no reason, and I knew I would never be the person I was before those few terrible, soul melting minutes were thrust upon me.

Kinda reminded me of Christmas with my family.

Posted by: boo at January 9, 2009 2:51 PM

Cindy I bet you're right.

That fucking makes me want to cry in rage and frustration.

Posted by: figgy at January 9, 2009 2:53 PM

awesome review! this is totally going on my neflix queue. i'm hoping to get laughs out of how bad every line, every plot and every delivery is. but i'm not willing to pay $12 for it.

Posted by: surly suzie at January 9, 2009 2:56 PM

How does a school teacher afford a wedding at The Plaza????

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 9, 2009 2:58 PM

And let's not even start on how big a SKANK Hudson is in real life and how Hathaway should be in lock-up serving as tongue bather for a big gal named Shawanda.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 9, 2009 3:03 PM

"Anne Hathaway has the crazy eyes in that picture up there. "

Yes.

And it makes her even hotter.

Why she persists in hurting me in starring in dreck like this will forever baffle me.

Posted by: TK at January 9, 2009 3:04 PM

SHHHHH PaddyDog!!!!!

You cannot apply reason to this miasma of female-targeted slop!! The universe will implode!

You have no idea how close you came to killing us all.

Posted by: boo at January 9, 2009 3:04 PM

BSlim, did you get dumped today or forget your pill? You are on a major wimmens-hating rampage.

I'll be crying too figgy.

Posted by: Cindy at January 9, 2009 3:12 PM

Boo, you're absolutely correct...and frankly, this world doesn't deserve to exist if it continues to pump shit like this into our mind sockets. So I say, let the whole fucking mess fall...

Why don't they get married simultaneously?

(The Earth rumbles slightly.)

Why does Kate Hudson continue to get work?

(Hollywood sign disintegrates.)

How could they sucker Anne Hathaway into this picture?

(California breaks off into the ocean)

Isn't this EXACTLY the kind of shit 27 Dresses was all about?

(A gaping hole starts to open in the center of the Continental United States.)

Can Fox really justify making shit like this while trying to delay the release of Watchmen?

(The continent breaks apart, and lava begins to spew forth.)

Oh yeah...let it all fall, bitches. I WILL END US ALL!

Posted by: Mike R. at January 9, 2009 3:14 PM

The quality of a movie seems to be inversely proportional to amount of commercial time purchased for it on The N (TweenNick) and We (TV for Women, not the homophone porn mag).

I don't really need to read movie reviews any longer. If my 12 y.o. sees an ad and pronounces a movie "Cute", I know it will be terrible. It's sad, because she used to have good taste, and I had high hopes for her since she is the only one in her peer group with no use for Twilight. But lately she's developed a fondness for Adam Sandler movies, and I think that means I should probably start drug-testing her.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 9, 2009 3:15 PM

And it makes her even hotter.

Whatever floats your boat, TK.

(Not that I think she's fugly or anything, I'm just disturbed by the crazy eyes.)

Posted by: lizzieborden at January 9, 2009 3:20 PM

But TK, Hathaway looked so pretty and happy whilst holding her crystal statuette and babbling her acceptance speech last night for Rachel. My heart grew three sizes.

Posted by: Nicole at January 9, 2009 3:20 PM

BWHAHAHAHA!!! My teenage daughter and her gay best friend are going to see this tonite!!!! They asked me if I wanted to go, and I said I'd rather tear my eyeballs out and eat them.....

http://www.wishtv.com/dpp/news/texas/death_row_inmate_pulls_out_eye_eats_it2155023

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 9, 2009 3:20 PM

Ha! Oh, Dustin, this review is about as great as the one you did for Click, where all you wrote (at first) was...

I walked out.

Keep `em bitchy, Pajiba-style.

Posted by: brouhaha at January 9, 2009 3:28 PM

Were you expecting an emmy winning performace from a movie about two girls who fight eachother because of a wedding? Bitch please just go check out any bridal shop when they open their door for a sale. I bet you a 2 dollar bill that it will be more entertaining, the acting will be better and all around you will come out more satisfied, losing an eye and you won't be able to wait for the sequel!

Posted by: Angelmonster at January 9, 2009 3:32 PM

Umm, unrelated, but I finally noticed during one of the 10 billion trailers for "The Unborn" as well as the ad directly below this column, that GARY FARKIN' OLDMAN is in this what looks to be a gargantuan turdicle festival!!! What the hell? Dude, you are Jim Gordan, Sirius Black, Zorg, Sid Vicious, STANSFIELD for Chribus sakes!! (ok, there's also Lee Harvey Oswald, Dracula, and some other crap) but DAMN BOY!!!! You can do SO MUCH BETTER than this!!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 9, 2009 3:32 PM

I'm sorry, but the "Bedazzler" gets me every time. To my great chagrin, I have to admit to liking the preview.

Except for the parts where Candice Bergen is not a badasss. Where is MURPHY BROWN?

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at January 9, 2009 3:35 PM

I noticed that too Janet. Then I pretended I hadn't.

Posted by: Cindy at January 9, 2009 3:36 PM

Dustin seems to be getting more and more bitter. He's going to need an intervention It's a Wonderful Pajiba style.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 9, 2009 3:37 PM

Its just wrong.....maybe he likes Beethoven?

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 9, 2009 3:37 PM

btw, Dustin....is that a Possum Kingdom reference?

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 9, 2009 3:39 PM

But I like the picture at the top of the article. That scarf-handle thing Anne Hathaway has going on is cute in a north pole mannequin sort of way.

Posted by: Lucas at January 9, 2009 3:46 PM

my wife wants to drag me to this. we just got married like a month ago and going through the planning with her was hell. don't get me wrong, the day was great but now i know why people go away for their honeymoon. does any body know billy mays' phone number so i can have him yell at me to buy crap during this movie? maybe that sham wow tool knows.

Posted by: pabs at January 9, 2009 3:57 PM

The more I see about how society perceives brides or the way women getting married are expected to act, the more I fondly contemplate eloping when the time comes.

Hear hear, Genny. This is why I just don't get married.

Except to my secret lover Shay. But we're totally eloping.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 9, 2009 4:02 PM

Eeeeewwwww! Why why why do these movies keep getting made? It's insulting! I'm not adverse to a dorky chick flick and even sort of enjoy parts of How To Lose..etc, but I cannot stand this whole trend about women being really shitty to eachother because that's how girlfriends just are and isn't it so hilarious! Whatever assholes. I bet they both have gigantic NY apartments, too.

Posted by: HB at January 9, 2009 4:10 PM

dammitjanet, I've always thought that ad looked like Gary is engaged in some seriously hardcore banging with Odette. While reading.

Posted by: Snath at January 9, 2009 4:14 PM

Nice use of Liz Phair in the title, Dustin.

Posted by: Claire at January 9, 2009 4:17 PM

I don't think Anne Hathaway has crazy eyes in that picture. I just think she's gone full retard.

Posted by: jimbob at January 9, 2009 4:20 PM

Snath, THAT'S a movie I'd pay big bucks to go see!!!! That was the best part of "Dracula"....hot simulated vampire sex!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 9, 2009 4:23 PM

Screw whatever, if I get married I am having a bash of epic proportions. Emphasis on food, booze, and dancing, but damned if I'm not wearing the big white dress and making the day all about me. Suck on it.

Posted by: Nicole at January 9, 2009 4:29 PM

AvB - I was about to give G(aR) the exact same advice.

Just don't buy into any of it (it being the whole marriage thing).

Posted by: tamatha at January 9, 2009 4:35 PM

(John Pankow played Ira on "Mad About You"; he called his cousin Paul (Paul Reiser) "Paulie.")

sorry...got that off my chest.

otherwise, good review--i particularly loved this description: "then loses her edge at work, rolls over and cries. She places her hand on her sternum repeatedly to indicate sadness." i think this encapsulates what you like call "actressin'."

Posted by: kara at January 9, 2009 4:35 PM

Even the goddamn commercials for this movie suck the life out of me, and technically I'm still a honeymooner...

Go get married in a park. With a huge bar-b-que. And loads of good friends and strong drink. You'll be much happier.

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at January 9, 2009 4:50 PM

dammitjanet, it bugged me until I got it -- it's Liz Phair's Polyester Bride.

Posted by: JohnnyEye at January 9, 2009 5:00 PM

Dustin, you are awesome. Period.

Posted by: 99 at January 9, 2009 5:00 PM

Who cares if the movie sucks....anytime you get to elicit a Liz Phair line it gets balanced out.

Posted by: richmac at January 9, 2009 5:03 PM

ooooooh I want to get married in this place and it's awesome and i'm so awesome and ooooooo some things make me unhapppy and ooooo I'm so purty and

(THWACK)

They're both dead. My fantasy. The end.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at January 9, 2009 5:08 PM

I'm well past 40, I live alone with 2 cats, and I would rather have a root canal without anaesthetic, then see this colossal piece of crap.

Posted by: Elena at January 9, 2009 5:08 PM

Again, movie rating based on Porn Movie name. "Bride Wars"? How about "Bride Whores"? Too easy?

Posted by: Xtreme at January 9, 2009 5:10 PM

For some reason I had the hope that this movie would be a "War of the Roses" take on this glamour wedding hysteria that has popped up in recent years. Then I saw the trailer. Then I saw it was fucking "PG". And I waited patiently for the review. Dustin, I gotta admit I was expecting more. Or did you save the vitriol for Paul Blart and his mind blowing "Home Alone"/"Career Opportunities" hybrid?

Someone at work said "I can't wait to see that." when the flick was mentioned today. It made me sad that now I'm going to have to kill my stupid, stupid friend to prevent him from mating and making MORE fans of revoltingly insipid comedies.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 9, 2009 5:18 PM

Bride Wars...in my pants.

Posted by: sweetpea at January 9, 2009 5:34 PM

"Gary Winick (Tadpole), who was once thought to be talented, directs. He is no longer thought to be talented."

priceless. cracked. me. up.

Posted by: aprileee at January 9, 2009 6:07 PM

Wait...this isn't a sequel to Dragon Wars? Couldn't they combine that crappy movie with this one?

A romantic comedy featuring brides with dragons.

Posted by: Fredo at January 9, 2009 7:09 PM

I've read many a review of Bride Wars because I wanted to know how bad it was, apparently pretty frickin' bad. Oh, and A LOT of people laughed at it when the preview came on before Ben Button flick. But I intuited it would be so bad that Dustin here couldn't even make fun over how bad it was. FAIL!

Posted by: ph at January 9, 2009 7:39 PM

My hatred for Kate Hudson is now complete, along with my hatred for any and everyone who greenlighted this piece of crap. My best friend and I would have happily negotiated some compromise - unless, of course, we were the sort of shallow half-wits who spent our entire lives dreaming of a wedding at the fucking Plaza. Then, I would imagine, I would kill myself rather than live another day in such a meaningless existence.

My whole wedding cost under $3K (largely because my brother, a chef, catered the affair as a gift) and was thrown together in the three weeks following my then-fiance's discovering that he had two weeks leave between base postings. Hollywood can kiss my ass with their wedding mania.

I made wedding dresses for seven years, and not one of my brides was that shallow. That's saying something, considering how fucking awful a fair number of them were. The mellower ones are still married. Go figure.

Posted by: Reba at January 9, 2009 7:46 PM

I guess its time for me to muddy up these waters here goes: We all have trails and tribulations and it is the way we handle these situations that will determine our lot in life. Now my problem is that when I see two hot bitches I immediately begin to ponder if they are into man-juice swapping, that is my cross to bear.

Posted by: Pookie at January 9, 2009 8:07 PM

*trials* its still funny, trust me.

Posted by: Pookie at January 9, 2009 8:10 PM

"But we're totally eloping."

Let me know when you plan to be gone, I'll book someone else for that Tuesday ...

*Cunnilingus Wars*

EASY, ladies, EASY! For fuck's sake, just get in line, dammit. It's a four-hour slot, plenty of time for everybody.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 9, 2009 9:26 PM

I hear ha Reba! I have been a wedding consultant at a large bridal salon for the past two years. I have met some doozies, but I don't think any of them were as bad as these two appear to be.** Some of my co-workers want to go see this as a group because they can't wait to see it either. I just hang my head in shame.

**The exception would be a bitch who was throwing together a shotgun wedding in six weeks. A few of her bridesmaids dresses had arrived with very minor stains. We offered to refund her money, but she insisted on having them replaced. So, we spent a lot of money to have new ones overnighted, but for some reason, she wanted to bitch about it instead of thanking us for going to extreme measures to help her, not to mention the money we lost. So, somehow she got a hold of my manager's personal cellphone number and called her while her dad was having open heart surgery. My manager explained that she had done everything she could have possibly done for her and she no longer cared about it because she was in a hospital waiting room while her father was having surgery and hung up on her. That bitchface had the nerve to call my manager's boss and bitched her out for it. Oh, it gets better, so the corporate pussies I work for CAVED IN to this woman and refunded her money, yet still overnighted her fucking dresses while my manager was reprimanded. My boss, who was amazing, quit and I seriously contemplated quiting too if it wasn't for our shitty ass economy. Moral of my very long story, I FUCKING HATE bridezillas and I hope that woman's bastard child comes out ugly.

Posted by: Austin at January 9, 2009 9:44 PM

Pookie, did you used to be a spambot?

Posted by: Cindy at January 9, 2009 10:08 PM

Spambot?

Posted by: Pookie at January 9, 2009 10:24 PM

As an upcoming bridesmaid, I contest that for some reason this insane bride/wedding thing is unfortunately true. My friend who is getting married is an intelligent and generally humble girl. However, when she got hold of the reins on planning her wedding, she became insane. Overpriced dresses. Overpriced catering. Changing the date more than once or twice or three times. Threatening to call off the whole thing if she doesn't get her way. I think her whole attitude has been fueled by movies like this along with shows on television that glorify spending insane amounts of money on wedding dresses/weddings, etc..., and try to define what a woman should aspire to have in a wedding ceremony. Although I have an already tainted view of marriage (I'm a history major, it wasn't pretty in the past for either the bride or the groom the majority of the time, starting from the beginning of the institution of binding a man and a woman together), I wish that women (and men) would view marriage to what it is SUPPOSED to have evolved into being about: spending your life with another person. It should not be about the dress or the ceremony. It should be about a commitment that you want to embark on. And with divorce rates at a record high, I think everyone should rethink the "fairy tale" wedding. I especially contend to this with people losing their jobs and the economy being in shambles. My friend lives in Mississippi. I can't imagine the insanity when people have tons of money to blow in the more prestigious states. This movie just plays into the idea that women have to be princesses who have the "perfect" life, rather than creating perfection in their own way.

Posted by: raye raye at January 9, 2009 10:47 PM

Oh, and props to the Liz Phair quote. It put the cap on an awesome review.

Posted by: raye raye at January 9, 2009 10:55 PM

this movie is so bad that it will even disappoint the target audience.it was without a trace of humor and suffocated the talent of the hathaway/ hudson team. at least it should replace " 27 dresses " as dustin's favorite punching bag. compared to this snorefest, the heigl opus was " gone with the wind ".

Posted by: snake at January 9, 2009 10:59 PM

You know, did you get paid for talking about sex? Or were you an automatic lunchmeat?

Posted by: Cindy at January 9, 2009 11:00 PM

Oh it was absolute comedy I saw early in today it is non other than Bride Wars (2009) two girl fighters are truly against each other. Just like personal attack did not feel any difference they are acting. Some time cunning adventure. But most of the time it is the interest of who's wedding is to happen. At last oh no its better to you to see whether what happen. The movie was entertaining. I saw on http://www.80millionmoviesfree.com because it more easy to me. I've recommended it to a lot of people on here and I've gotten good reviews

Posted by: frnasy1953 at January 9, 2009 11:43 PM

TK IS A HOMO!


wait./.... what's this all about?

whatever, TK's A HOMO!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 10, 2009 1:34 AM

...on a totally unrelated topic: I just saw The Dark Knight for the first time.

I think I may be the last person on earth to have seen it...

Posted by: popejenn at January 10, 2009 2:00 AM

MOTHERFUCKERS!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 10, 2009 4:47 AM

I hereby pledge to not be a crazy bride.

I don't get it. I've been planning my wedding sanely and with absolutely no trouble so far. Maybe it's because I want something really simple and relaxed and not some overpriced monstrosity at the plaza, but I just do not get insane brides. What the HELL, people? You make yourself suffer because you damn well WANT the drama and an excuse to be able to throw a tantrum whenever you want to.

I hate these people. They make all of us future brides look insane.

Posted by: figgy at January 10, 2009 11:59 AM

Marriage is for assholes.

Sorry, I got dumped a couple of days ago.

I eat bridal viscera for brunch...I eat it with a side of cantaloupe.

Back to the library for me!!!!!!!!

Ugh.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 10, 2009 3:07 PM

I had a guy tell me on Thursday that I looked like Murphy Brown. I'm not sure why I always get comparisons to old people. I've gotten the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond a few times. She's 50.

The first guy tried to amend it to "early Murphy Brown," but even then she was twenty years older than me.

The one time I got a hot chick comparison (Alyssa Milano), a male acquaintance laughed in my face when he heard. I guess this means by the time I start thinking about marriage, I'll be much too haggard to find a man and therefore won't have to ruin my friendships over wedding plans. Hooray!

Posted by: Sabrina at January 10, 2009 4:18 PM

Um, I kind of sort of LOVE Kate Hudson's hair in the movie. Really, I do.

Posted by: Kolby at January 10, 2009 5:09 PM

Both chicks in the photo are creeping me out.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 10, 2009 7:05 PM

Gee, I wonder if the issue is resolved when Emma's wedding is cancelled because her fiance is a jerk. She ends up with Liv's brother, though, so it's o.k. and everyone is happy. I"m just guessing here.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at January 10, 2009 8:50 PM

Never getting married. Every bride I ever met (including all body-snatched former friends) frightened me half to death - to the point where my laughter at the expense of it all was interrupted by a strong urge to take my taj mahel shaped glass paperweight and lob it at them to put them out of their misery. Also - never eat the dessert at the traditional chinese wedding banquet. Worst food experience ever (squid ink dumpling in sweet soup - no warning).

Posted by: replica at January 10, 2009 10:36 PM

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Posted by: Amy at January 11, 2009 1:55 AM

i wiah i was a spam bot "sigh"

Posted by: GILP at January 11, 2009 3:20 AM

Kate Hudson is proof that Goldie Hawn's worst work wasn't limited to the 90s.

Posted by: blue83 at January 11, 2009 4:10 AM

OHHH BUUUUUUUUUUUUURN

Posted by: sabrina at January 11, 2009 4:29 AM

It's simple, do not hold higher expectations for chick flicks and you should be fine.

I did. I saw this last night and I love it. I almost cried in the end though, when they both paused at the doors and wanted to make up. I'm getting this on dvd when it comes out. *sticks tongue out*

Sofie the dresses are amazing.

Posted by: Jean at January 11, 2009 2:07 PM

pookie,of course the jiss is split-up between the brides..i`de donate a splat.kurt might do a little spunk on donovan next sunday,go cards!

Posted by: pasadenamike at January 11, 2009 9:39 PM

I feel like a disappointed parent after a crappy Parent Teacher meeting. Kate Hudson? Yeah, I expected this from her. But Anne Hathaway, you should know better.


Oh, and I'm going to have to steal the "I'd rather tear out my own eyeballs and eat them than see that movie" line. I used to say, "If I see that movie I'm going to slit my wrists with popcorn kernals" when asked if I wanted to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sex and the City and it was effective.

I don't know if that was because people didn't want me to kill myself, or they didn't want to clean up the mess. But it's not working anymore, I think people have grown immune to it.

Just for the record, that method doesn't work with a Choc top. I tried, when I took my brother to see Bedtime Stories.

Posted by: bakers_dozen at January 12, 2009 7:34 AM

And I just wanted to add- plucking out your own eyeballs for a snack (maybe he had low blood sugar?), wouldn't that be easier with an ice cream scoop?

Posted by: bakers_dozen at January 12, 2009 7:37 AM

Well, expectedly, my teenage daughter and her gay best friend REALLY LIKED this movie...then came home with posters of EDWARD from Twilight....what can I say? Teens and their hormones. I expected better from my daughter, after being raised on a steady diet of Jack Bauer, Clive Owen, Shaun of the Dead....basically anything with violence and snark in it. Unfortunately, I am going to have to kill them both now....

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 12, 2009 8:56 AM

Oh, and as I may be planning a summer wedding, I will NOT be a Bridezilla. Hell, I may wear my Pajiba shirt!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 12, 2009 8:58 AM

yeah, I don't get the hubbub over weddings. We got married in our back yard, it was great. Wedding itself probably ran us

Posted by: Stella at January 12, 2009 10:35 AM

Whoa, that was weird. Anyhoodles. We had a very economical wedding that looked like a million bucks.
And our dogs got to take part. Which was nice.

Posted by: Stella at January 12, 2009 10:40 AM

The secret to an economic wedding is when you book anything call it a party otherwise they'll triple their prices as soon as you mention the w word. Apparently in Australia everyone gets white dresses made for proms as well as weddings, and the latter is really an order of magnitude more expensive.

Posted by: ChrisD at January 12, 2009 10:59 AM

I haven't seen this movie and have no intention of doing so now or ever. I just wanted to point out that, in the picture you posted, it looks like Anne Hathaway is pulling Kate Hudson's heart out of her body with her bare hands.

Posted by: Laughner at January 12, 2009 12:31 PM

You know, the more I look at that picture, the more I feel it should be a promo shot for "My Retarded Sister!" Look at Anne Hathaway's face and tell me that it doesn't scream, "I'm sorry folks, but my sister her sure is retarded. Isn't that right sis?" Kate Hudson's face says more than any joke I could muster.

Posted by: Mike R. at January 12, 2009 3:33 PM

OM! i loved this movie sooooooooo much! how was it bad! i thought it was so good i loved it soo much!♥♥♥♥♥

Posted by: Taylor at January 12, 2009 4:22 PM

Tomorrow morning I have to go to work at a crappy movie theater in podunk assfuck nowhere, made crappier still by the fact that one of the two movies it is currently presenting is Bride Wars (the other, naturally, is Marley and Me). The place is crappier still for my coworkers, "It's not my fault I was born looking like a playboy bunny" and "I wish I could have babies right now!!!!" They're both thrilled, and can't WAAAAIT to see Bride Wars seven times. Your review sounds just about right.

Posted by: sheshakes at January 12, 2009 9:26 PM

Have any of you picked up a book and read lately? Just a thought.

Posted by: Lola at February 6, 2009 5:52 PM