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The Newest Subgenre of Adult Film: Ricci Porn

Black Snake Moan / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | March 5, 2007 | Comments (150)


I can tell you up front that this is not going to be a popular review with many of you. Why? Well, for one, unlike many of the people who gravitate to Pajiba, I don’t actually wet my pants at the prospect of seeing a sex-starved, mostly naked Christina Ricci writhe around on the ground jonesing for cock like an evangelist on sabbatical from his heterosexuality. I mean, come the fuck on. If I had known that all it took to get a movie financed and distributed was to hire an alabaster starlet with body dysmorphic disorder and a forehead that looks like an infant crowning and then throw her in a pair of Daisy Dukes and ask her to thrash about like a goddamn wolf in heat, then I’d be motherfucking Steven Spielberg, now wouldn’t I?

Because if you throw in some archaic racial stereotypes, a severely fucked-up view of the South, and the unholy miscasting of Justin Timberlake, that’s just about what Black Snake Moan amounts to. Add a director — Craig Brewer — with sudden, unearned legitimacy thanks to a film (Hustle and Flow) that Terrence Howard single-handedly saved in spite of Brewer’s worst efforts, and you’ve got yourself a film that, inexplicably, allows hipsters and so-called sophisticated film lovers to watch a skin-flick guilt free, assured in the knowledge that it was made by a respectable artist. Well, fuck that. If you manage to convince yourself that Black Snake Moan is anything other than the outgrowth of an adolescent boy’s desperate wish to have a ready-and-willing vagina chained to his radiator, then you’re deluding yourself. And if you can admit that the only reason you’d see this flick is to add to your arsenal of masturbation fantasies — well, maybe I can respect your honesty (even if you’re a sick bastard for getting off on a character with a history of violent sexual abuse). But anyone who suggests — as many older, white male critics are already doing — that Black Snake Moan is either “art” or “an original slice of the American experience” (where the fuck do you live, asshole?), is a sad, sad little man who mistakes his tiny erection for an epiphanic experience.

Lookit: I can appreciate a good exploitation flick, the best of which serve a higher purpose by sensationalizing sex, drugs, or violence to expose an underlying problem (Dawn of the Dead), irreverently satirize conservative values (Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!), mock ridiculous racial caricatures (Shaft) or, simply, to show off your superhuman hipness (Kill Bill, presumably Grindhouse). But if you’re not going to attempt to serve that higher purpose, you’re going to have to offer something a lot cooler than this Tarantino-hackery, which is exceptional only for its indolence. If Brewer actually meant for Black Snake Moan to be confrontational, or intended to use his offensiveness to challenge the audience’s sensibilities, he would’ve needed to add hell of a lot more substance behind his dumbass conceit: A poor Southern black man (named Lazarus, for Chrissake) who saves a woman from her own nymphomania by chaining her up, feeding her steak, and playing her the blues, as if to say, “That’ll save the bitch.”

The plot, such as it is, involves the po’ trailer trashin’ Rae (Ricci), whose meek and troubled fiancé, Ronnie (Justin Timberlake — and man is he awful) is about to abandon her for boot camp, leaving Rae and her “disease” alone. That disease being an insanely irrational need to have a dick, preferably black (for obvious, stereotypical reasons), in her immediate presence at all times, lest she succumb to rabid, foam-at-the-mouth Linda-Blair tremors that only an orgasm (preferably from abusive strangers) can remedy. So, within hours after her man has left her, Rae heads out seeking some of that sexual abuse she so craves, finding it — after a drug-fueled party — in the form of Ronnie’s best friend (Michael Raymond James), who takes her out in the middle of nowhere, beats the shit out of her, and leaves her on the side of the road for dead.

But, no! She doesn’t die — what kind of moral lesson would that teach us, the viewers? Instead, Lazarus (Sam Jackson) rises from the dead (or, you know, his shack of a home) and rides in on his white steed (here played by a tractor) and picks that poor troubled girl off the road and takes her in, where she’s safe from those mean, mean fellas who would seek to despoil her wilting flower. And how better to keep a woman safe from her own wicked ways than by chaining her up in your goddamn house?

Now, to be fair, had Lazarus not shackled Rae to his heater (forced air, I believe), she probably would’ve just gone right back out and got herself beaten and raped again. So he did what any well-meaning Southern man with a fear of God and a keen sense of hospitality would do, and — as if to excuse his generosity — he even went out and bought that poor little anti-heroine a nice summer dress, bless his little heart. After all, if you’re going to chain up a Southern white woman, you ought to buy her a nice outfit as a way of keeping yourself out of the doghouse. ‘Cause that’s all it takes, apparently.

And you know what? I hear that the chain is some sort of metaphor. But a metaphor for what, exactly? Or is Brewer using the premise to call attention to the role reversal here — the irony that, instead of being a black man chained up, it’s a black man shackling a white woman out of the kindness of his own heart? Hey! That’s hilarious. And to really drive home the point, let’s make sure that the white woman is wearing a thong and a breast-hugging midriff. Frederick Douglass would be proud.

Eventually, Lazarus does cure her of that horrible, ravenous need for sex, through the use of a few home-cooked meals, a couple of blues songs, some scripture, and a drawn-out, laughably contrived confrontation with Mr. Sexy Whatsit, which just made Black Snake Moan all the more ridiculous for forsaking the so-called exploitive nature of the film in the last few minutes in favor of a dumbass Hollywood feel-good ending. And the writing and the acting: Good God, it’s awful — overcooked, overheated, overdone, overwhatever; stick a goddamn fork in it and toss it in a trashcan with the charred remains of Ricci’s acting career.

Honestly, the whole Craig Brewer thing reminds me of Larry Clark, who brought us the “harrowing” emotional sucker-punch of Kids before revealing to the rest of the world just exactly what he is: a B-level hack with a lurid fascination with teen porn (see Teenage Caveman) that we all mistook for something deep and profound in the context of adolescents sport-fucking one another and spreading AIDS on grainy film stock. Likewise, I see Hustle and Flow in a completely different context now — a beautifully shot bad film that was lucky enough to have Terrence Howard along to actually humanize the plight of a down-on-his-luck pimp. Otherwise, it was just formulaic, misogynistic poverty-porn.

But aside from Brewer’s feeble attempts in Black Snake Moan to pass off soft-core Ricci-porn as film, it was his treatment of the South that irked me most. Can we give the fucking Southern Gothic myth a rest, already? Seriously, Black Snake Moan isn’t a period piece, one that depends on some historical context to make its point like, say, The Color Purple. This is a contemporary film, set in the present day. So why, pray tell, does Brewer insist on dragging out every Southern cliché in the book: barefoot women, shitty trailer homes, shacks, steamy backwoods atmosphere, hillbilly fuckers, and an outdated, bastardized view of the co-existence of sex and religion. Jump. Up. My. Ass. Basically, what Brewer is doing by reintroducing the Southern Gothic myth here is giving himself permission to wax poetic about a period in American history characterized by segregation and bigotry and then, as if to excuse it, offering up his own personal Southern credentials as a way of saying, “Hey! It’s OK. I can talk shit about the South because I’m a Southerner.” That’s fine, Craig. All of us Southerners do, but if you’re going to make a contemporary film, then at least criticize the modern South and not, as you’ve done here, continue to perpetuate an antiquated view of it.

After all, Southerners haven’t chained up women and saved them with Willie Dixon’s “Wang Dang Doodle” and collard greens in at least a decade now, you dumb shit.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.


Pajiba Love 03/05/07 | Weekend at Pajibas!



Comments

Mmmmmm ... collard greens.

Posted by: Tim at March 1, 2007 3:04 PM

Tell me how you really feel.

Posted by: Stella at March 1, 2007 3:17 PM

If Ricci's character has "an insanely irrational need to have a dick, preferably black (for obvious, stereotypical reasons), in her immediate presence at all times," then why she engaged to Timberlake who is, besides being untalented and a general waste of DNA, kinda white?

Author's Note: Timberlake's character is the exception, apparently. He's a calming influence on her life and has the magical ability to suppress her loins (I am not making this up).

Posted by: bartap at March 1, 2007 3:29 PM

this is one hot movie.but don,t take your girl with you.you will to be alone.lol

Posted by: big steve at March 1, 2007 3:30 PM

Now *that's* how you do scathing.

Posted by: AM at March 1, 2007 3:32 PM

This is the best review ever.

So do you think they decided to just go with the porn-version title of this movie? I mean, Lord of the Cockrings is one thing, but Black Snake Moan? Wow. Really stretching the creative brain cells there.

Posted by: nexus 6 at March 1, 2007 3:33 PM

ha ha! I thought the point of getting married was to find someone who WASN'T a loin suppresser.

Thank god I don't live in THAT south.

Posted by: nexus 6 at March 1, 2007 3:35 PM

Fucking great review... looking forward to seeing the movie anyway. By the way, I thought "Teenage Caveman" was by far Larry Clark's best film (or least bad film), if only because it didn't have those annoying artistic pretentions that make him look like such a hypocrite.

Posted by: Godard at March 1, 2007 3:38 PM

Gawdday- I say, Gawddayum that's some loathing right there!

Posted by: that bees chick at March 1, 2007 3:45 PM

Merci, Mr. Rowles!

Posted by: Katie at March 1, 2007 3:51 PM

Bravo, reviewer. Bravo. Do you get to see Ricci's tits or what?

Posted by: david waters at March 1, 2007 3:57 PM

This is very likely the best review in the entire history of mankind.

Posted by: Gersemi at March 1, 2007 3:58 PM

Hoooooo-wheee! Litelysalted is lovin' herself some Pajiba today!

Posted by: litelysalted at March 1, 2007 4:06 PM

Haha, you rock.

The moment I saw the trailer for this movie, I wondered how the hell it had got to be made. It just has a lot of issues embroidered on it and offends such a wide range of sensibilities for no payoff at all.

Posted by: MJ at March 1, 2007 4:08 PM

That you use "epiphanic" and "lookit" in the same literary breath makes me love you.

Wanna chain me to a radiator?

Posted by: superedna at March 1, 2007 4:15 PM

How does JT keep getting film work? Seriously? I like his music, but I do buy the loin suppressing thing. Not as cute as he used to be.

This made me laugh hysterically.

Posted by: em at March 1, 2007 4:22 PM

Sorry for my awful grammar, btw. Me no speak gud.

Posted by: MJ at March 1, 2007 4:28 PM

daaaaaaaamn that was one hell of a rant. It was cathartic just reading it. Awesome, Dustin. Way to verbally pummel the shit out of a clearly deserving target.

Posted by: Heqit at March 1, 2007 4:38 PM

"the charred remains of Ricci's acting career"??

What about Jackson's? I mean, is there really any meat left on the cinematic bones he's been throwing us lately?

Posted by: Cheryl at March 1, 2007 4:44 PM

This is the best movie review I have ever read. Loved it, thanks.

Posted by: Elle at March 1, 2007 5:09 PM

Not a word about Samuel L. Jackson's performance? I swear it feels like I'm the only person who realizes he's a hack. With the exception of Pulp Fiction, in which he grated on my nerves, has he acted in any film that didn't suck?

Posted by: shaggy at March 1, 2007 5:16 PM

I'm with you, Shaggy. The new Star Wars series was shitty enough, but his stilted performance really put the last nail in the coffin, in my opinion.

Posted by: AM at March 1, 2007 5:20 PM

"And you know what? I hear that the chain is some sort of metaphor. But a metaphor for what, exactly?"

You know, a friend and I came up for a word for this in high school, when we kept being told that shit in books we were reading were metaphors, yet the teacher could not tell us what the thing was actually, you know, a metaphor for.

We called them anaphors.

So the chain is an anaphor, my friend.

Posted by: paco at March 1, 2007 5:23 PM

I too, feel this is the best review of anything ever.

But if she really wanted teh sex so bad, you'd think a radiator couldn't stop her. You would think.

Posted by: Gudrun at March 1, 2007 5:32 PM

The only reason you didn't like it is because you ain't black.

...
...
...

Just kidding. Great review. And I am glad someone else realizes that Hustle and Flow was saved by Howard.

Again, Justin Timberlake's emotional issues seem to be coming to the fore with this choice of role. Blonde, horny, halfway-clothed-most-times ex-girlfriend that nails every dude she can find, only to subsequently run back to his arms? Sounds familiar.

And while I don't think Sam Jackson is a hack, as shaggy so eloquently put it, I am disappointed that there was no mention of his performance as well. Obviously, he didn't save the film ala Terrence Howard, but how bad was he really? And am I mistaken, or are you the Pajiban that liked SoaP?

Posted by: Vermillion at March 1, 2007 5:39 PM

Ahhh, and Sam Jackson's death knell (you thought it was Snakes on a Plane, didn't you?) rings out over the barren wasteland that is Hollywood.

I must say, I thought, before I saw any previews of it, that Black Snake Moan might just be shocking enough to be decent, but I see now that I was wrong. First there's JT. Wasn't Alpha Dog enough? And as far as Ricci is concerned, my dog, who is 17, blind and deaf, could act circles around her. And is probably more attractive.

But the real shame belongs to screenwriters, not only for Moan, but the majority of the 'films' coming out of the Hollywood establishment today.

Posted by: Smokin at March 1, 2007 5:41 PM

Also, what the hell happened to Ricci? I had a crush on her since Addams Family, but this is not the woman I fell for. Where the hell is her body? She looks like a Q-Tip: all head and a stick for a body! She is supposed to be alluring, people! If this is what Brewer and Co. thinks Southern women look like, he needs his Mason-Dixon Card revoked ASAP.

Posted by: Vermillion at March 1, 2007 5:44 PM

Great review, and right on about Hustle and Flow. Besides Terrence Howard, that was the most overrated movie of recent memory.

Posted by: kevlar at March 1, 2007 6:30 PM

I gotta say I completely disagree about what how you choose to demonize those who would label this art but goddamn if you don't have a hilarious way of writing even if I don't agree with the review. Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Andrew831 at March 1, 2007 6:49 PM

Wow, are you pissed. This is my favorite Pajiba review ever.

I won't see the film, not because of your wonderfully descriptive review, but because I am boycotting Ricci's unnecessary (and godawful) plastic surgery. Jesus, I am so sick of these chicks turning themselves into cartoon characters, I can't even tell you.

Also, and way more importantly, Black Snake Moan sounds entirely too much like Long Snake Moan, and I don't need my girl Polly Jean tainted by such dreck.

I never said my reasoning was sound.

Posted by: juliagulia at March 1, 2007 6:50 PM

love the review, was happy to see you eviscerate the movie. The marketing campaign for the movie alone was beyond appalling.
Not to forgive them the choice of picking this title, but "Black Snake Moan" is an old blues song- it's not that they just made it up. It doesn't change anything, just useless trivia.

Posted by: B at March 1, 2007 7:15 PM

Dear Dusty,

Take a pill. Love the review! But, take a pill.

Posted by: slouch at March 1, 2007 7:16 PM

I'm with David up there. Do you get to see her cans or what?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 1, 2007 7:17 PM

OK, New Yorker, what qualifies you to say what defines the South?

Nothin but hillbillies there from what I've seen.

Posted by: Eric Blade at March 1, 2007 7:24 PM

bravo, sir. this is why i come to pajiba, other critics seem to fall in line once somebody labels something "art" but you call it out as the insipid, pseudocontrovertial garbage it is, hideous antiquated racial stereotypes and all.

bravo.

Posted by: the-ian at March 1, 2007 7:34 PM

OK, New Yorker, what qualifies you to say what defines the South?

Nothin but hillbillies there from what I've seen.

Um.....because the New Yorker was born and raised in the South? Arkansas, I think? I think he's a tad qualified to comment on the depiction of the South.

Posted by: Daphne at March 1, 2007 7:40 PM

"white stead (here played by a tractor)" i actually laughed out loud

Posted by: sara at March 1, 2007 7:45 PM

It is like Pajiba is our Secret Service, willing to take a bullet for us. I am so glad that I will not subject myself to this cinematic train wreck. Would it be wrong to say that I have a man-crush on you? I don't even know what you look like, but your writing style just makes me want to chain myself to a radiator...or not.

David and BarbadoSlim, such talk is demeaning and completely unnecessary. But goddammit, Dustin give us an answer! We want boobies!!

Posted by: ScarletKnight at March 1, 2007 8:00 PM

This kind of review is the reason i come to pajiba first. "Ricci-porn" hahaha... that phrase is going to echo in my mind for days, and every reverberation will cause more and more laughter! Who needs it anyway...I am unashamed to say that Dustin makes me hot.

Posted by: razh at March 1, 2007 8:01 PM

You know I'm not exactly sure where in the South this goes on. Don't get me wrong, I sure there's some effed-up stuff going on, but growing up in a small town in NC I can't say I remember tales of chained up girls who love the peen. Believe me sexual repression is prevalent there what with all the Southern Baptists, but it's annoying that the director (from what I can glean from the review)depicts misogyny and that way of life as Southern America-specific. I mean have you ever been to Fontana, Ontario, or any of the Inland Empire here in Southern California. Holy crap. Talk about racist backwards rednecks.

Go Heels!

Posted by: taylormade at March 1, 2007 8:38 PM

Does anyone else think that Christina Ricci's arm in that picture up top looks kind of...large? Also really muscular and ropy? Is it just her purposely-doll-like head, or did she hack off a man's arm and stuff it under her t-shirt?

...um. How many male body parts did she need to have near her at all times again?

Posted by: Heqit at March 1, 2007 8:43 PM

P.S. In that screenshot Ricci looks like she's playing the harp or something. Also great review. I hated this movie before I read it soley based on the billboard near my house of a scantily clad Ricci and the headline, "It's hotter down South" or something stupid like that. Give me a break. It's hot and humid. We got it.

Posted by: taylormade at March 1, 2007 8:45 PM

Dude, awesome review.

I was worried about condemning the movie too quickly. It looked awful, but studios fuck with marketing all the time so you're seeing a completely different movie than you paid to see (see, e.g., The Village). But I see from your review my instincts were right on.

Thank you for saving me ten bucks and two hours I might have otherwise wasted in the faint hope that this movie had anything of substance to offer.

Also, JT should learn from his ex's mistakes and stay out of the movie business entirely.

Posted by: The Law Fairy at March 1, 2007 9:07 PM

I saw the trailer and thought, "How could they possibly make this work?" Good to know the didn't. Particularly since Ricci plays a blonde. That to me is more disturbing than the surgery. Why'd they have to make her a blonde? As a contrast to Samjy Jackson's blackness? Talk about cliche . . .

Posted by: Kitty X at March 1, 2007 10:15 PM

"but if you're going to make a contemporary film, then at least criticize the modern South and not, as you've done here, continue to perpetuate an antiquated view of it."


yeah...I'm from NC too, and it's a bit annoying how hollywood depicts the South like it's 1906 in every movie. if they think having collards and sweet tea automatically means having 4 teeth and a white hood in your closet...then I pretty much don't know what to say. go read a book or something.

Posted by: Dingles at March 1, 2007 11:38 PM

Venomous!

Posted by: Lola at March 1, 2007 11:55 PM

It's all in the title: "Black Snake Moan." How can anyone take that seriously? It sounds like reptile porn; I guess Ricci-porn isn't too much of a stretch, then. [shudders]

Posted by: bonnie at March 2, 2007 12:20 AM

Kudos to you, Dustin. Yours is hands down THE best review I have ever read on Pajiba. I could not agree more about this total piece of shit passing as art and I especially agree with your take on Larry Clark. In 1995 I sat in a dank art house theatre, Binghamton, NY's only one, and watched Kids while some dude in the row behind me wacked off through nearly the entire thing. When the four of us got up to leave the flick (and we were the only people in the entire place), Mr. Fun For Everyone notably stayed for the next showing. I would much rather watch porn straight up than something marketed as "art" for the same ultimate purpose.

Posted by: Amy Rowan at March 2, 2007 1:27 AM

And if you can admit that the only reason you'd see this flick is to add to your arsenal of masturbation fantasies -- well, maybe I can respect your honesty (even if you're a sick bastard for getting off on a character with a history of violent sexual abuse).

To be fair, one could be using the film as a masturbation fantasy solely because of the imagery without respect to the context. The nature of the character she's playing need not even come into play. The guy might just be a Christina Ricci fan, possibly (although not necessarily, given that nudity is nudity) with an S&M fetish.

Posted by: Rob at March 2, 2007 2:32 AM

nice review but man seems allmost like you took it personal...haha. Great comment about Hustle Flow, sub par movie saved by a good actor. But hey I am happy to see people make it.

Posted by: jay at March 2, 2007 2:52 AM

THIS is why it's called Scathing Reviews for
Bitchy People. Touché my good man, touché. Did anyone else find it funny that this is the second movie Jackson has done with "about" snakes? What's next?

Posted by: Graceful Dave at March 2, 2007 3:02 AM

While I do not agree that Kill Bill was an exploitation film, I respect your review.

I do, however, wish to see this film because I am a huge fan of Christina Ricci as an actor. It has nothing to do with sexual attraction - bitch can act circles around most people in Hollywood, and yet she seems to get no respect.

I also want to see this film for the musical numbers, and for another excuse to mercilessly mock Justin Timberlake.

I hate that guy more than you hate horror cinema.

Posted by: Robert at March 2, 2007 7:02 AM

I figured that movie would be shit. Thanks for the awesome review. I liked Ricci until she did Monster-Pussy (Or Monster) with Charlize Thereon.

Posted by: Hunty at March 2, 2007 8:42 AM

Every time I am sideswiped by a movie trailer with Christina Ricci in it I get seriously depressed.

Posted by: djo at March 2, 2007 9:25 AM

I can't resist a provokatively execrable exploitation flick (did I just write that? shoot me), so I'll probably end up renting this one at some point. I haven't seen anything really hands-down _infuriating_ (as DR's reaction suggests this to be) since Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens (or was it Supervixens?)--which took me completely by suprise because other Meyer can be so awesome.

BTW someone better qualified needs to explain myself to me--how someone who chafes even at low-grade essentialist comments can still somehow appreciate Jess Franco et al. To paraphrase juliagulia above, reason = sound not so much.

Posted by: ranylt at March 2, 2007 9:26 AM

I agree Hunty, Ricci was the weakest part of MONSTER. She was brilliant in THE ICE STORM and THE OPPOSITE OF SEX, but has stumbled since. I hope she can bet back on track again.

Posted by: Andrew at March 2, 2007 9:28 AM

This is an amazing review. It's reassuring to have a reviewer feel disgusted and outraged by the horrifying misogynistic message of the movie - when I objected aloud to my friends I got a 'listen to the crazy feminist' eye roll.

How is it a positive message to imply that "them sluts, they might pretend they don't want you controllin' them, but secretly, they're begging for you, as a big man, to choose the proper path for them. oh will they thank you in the end"? Chilling.

And the racial stereotyping? This 'film' is a horror show.

Go Dustin!

Posted by: March at March 2, 2007 9:38 AM

wow, not even "so bad it's good", then? being from arkansas, i'm not down with the southern stereotypes (or sj, or ricci, or most especially jt), but i have to admit morbid curiosity will eventually put this in my netflix queue.

Posted by: tim at March 2, 2007 9:41 AM

Dustin, you rock my socks. Thanks for the excellent review, once again.

Posted by: abbie at March 2, 2007 10:29 AM

this is the nicest comment board I've seen. Dustin, you took all our bile, malcontent, and venom. :)

Posted by: nexus 6 at March 2, 2007 10:37 AM

Dustin!

What the hell are you doing! You are off this case! Hand in your badge. I can't let your personal feeling cost this deperatment anymore!

We'll catch this guy. You just go home and sleep it off.

Posted by: the chief at March 2, 2007 10:46 AM

Isn't it nice how stereotypes from as far back as "Birth of a Nation" are still being used today?

Posted by: Juliet at March 2, 2007 11:08 AM

Wow, that was enough vitriol to keep me giggling through the whole weekend! Thanks!

I never had any intention of seeing this movie, but I must admit, I've been looking forward to the Pajiba review since getting sneak snark previews from the Sundance reports.

Posted by: Wednesday at March 2, 2007 11:15 AM

"And if you can admit that the only reason you'd see this flick is to add to your arsenal of masturbation fantasies -- well, maybe I can respect your honesty (even if you're a sick bastard for getting off on a character with a history of violent sexual abuse). But anyone who suggests -- as many older, white male critics are already doing -- that Black Snake Moan is either "art" or "an original slice of the American experience" (where the fuck do you live, asshole?), is a sad, sad little man who mistakes his tiny erection for an epiphanic experience."

First of all, as a writer myself, you just reaffirmed my afinity for epic run-on sentences (editors be damned); secondly, that sentence made my morning, and considering that it's Friday anyway, the bar was set might high, my friend.

Thanks for the review!

Posted by: Becca at March 2, 2007 11:40 AM

God I love me movie reviews that feature the phrase "jump up my ass."

Posted by: Julie at March 2, 2007 11:40 AM

When I read my above post, I swear "affinity" had the requisite two f's and the last sentence contained the word "mighty" as opposed to "might." Perhaps my editors serve a purpose after all.

Posted by: becca at March 2, 2007 11:42 AM

Holy crap, that review was like shooting fish in a barrel. Or maybe black snakes in a barrel.

I can't believe how some people still view the South. Yeah there's a hell of a lot of freaky shit that goes on here - I grew up near a county where 75% of the people had the same last name, draw your own conclusions - and the local Wal-Mart is the scariest place on Earth, but damn. There are some civilized, intelligent, and reasonably normal people living down here. I hate these damned movies that present everyone in the South as backwards, racist, and confined by gender roles with a bit of sick Southern hospitality thrown in. So I second your "Jump. Up. My Ass."

I'll probably rent this movie anyway when it comes out on DVD...just so I can rail and rant against it. It makes me feel good. I've not really had a good rant since I watched the tragic League of Extraordinary Gentlemen so my doctor tells me I'm overdue for a rant.

And what the hell is up with Samuel L. doing another movie with the word "Snake" in it?

Posted by: stardust savant at March 2, 2007 11:49 AM

Your money quote that caused me to spray lukewarm coffee via my nasal passages onto my monitor after reading it, especially the last eight words:

"If I had known that all it took to get a movie financed and distributed was to hire an alabaster starlet with body dysmorphic disorder and a forehead that looks like an infant crowning"

Her freaking forehead....I've always wondered how to describe it, bravo!

Posted by: cleveland at March 2, 2007 11:56 AM

LOLZ at Becca. Doesn't that suck? It always happens when a) you are poking at someone for their bad spelling or grammar or b) you are making any sort of point at all about either/both.

It's like the universe hates us. :)

--

Also, everyone, I have a fivehead as well, and it makes me sad that everyone is making fun of Ricci's. We can't help it that our brains are so big they push out our skulls. :(

Posted by: juliagulia at March 2, 2007 1:01 PM

God. Because, you know, we Southerners NEEDED more negative sterotypical propaganda.

Posted by: Noelegy at March 2, 2007 1:13 PM

I've just re-read this review for the third time and I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. I think I may end my work-day now before something comes along and ruins my good mood.

Posted by: stardust savant at March 2, 2007 1:33 PM

Damn, best review ever! You actually made me want to see the movie only to prove each one of your points. It sounds so bad it's almost good. Just kidding. Keep it up Dustin.

Posted by: Gaby at March 2, 2007 1:40 PM

your review of this movie reminds me of what i think every damn time i see anything from the trashy marketing material for this piece-o-crap. wtf?
glad to see it doesn't disappoint.
is it just me or did ms. ricci seem to, at one point awhile back, have the potential for a promising career?
now it's like she's channeling pia zadora in that craptacular stacy keach incest film.

Posted by: bluefish A at March 2, 2007 2:43 PM

good lord, that was the Sherman's March to the Sea of reviews. totally brutal...

Posted by: lauren at March 2, 2007 3:23 PM

Thanks for the support, Julia! I don't believe in cosmic retribution, but if I were to put stock in karma, the belief would be based on the fact that my rare spelling and grammar mistakes rear their heads just when I'm "educating" someone else or being otherwise cheeky. If there is a god, he/she/it is telling me to stop being such a pompous ass, and maybe to lay off the cabernet. I'll work on the former.

I'm kind of glad you decimated this movie, Dustin, because I was getting a wee bit woozy from the effort of trying to find the brilliance attributed to it by other reviewers. I can now reject the movie without feeling vague uneasiness regarding my own powers of perception. Also, if we want to review artistic snake portrayals in all their thematic glory, nobody does it better than Emily Dickinson. Seriously.

Posted by: Becca at March 2, 2007 4:58 PM

Regarding Ricci's "cans"...this could be complete shit but I thought I saw online somewhere ages ago that she had a giant sparrow tattoo on one of her boobs? Thats classy.

Posted by: Leanne at March 2, 2007 5:32 PM

Sick of the Southern Gothic myth, eh? In all seriousness, it would feel like less of a period piece if you didn't live in Honkytown, NY, Dustin. I think the sexiest thing ever set in Ithaca NY was Will Ferrell's "Sexy Professors" sketch.

Posted by: Lucas at March 2, 2007 5:50 PM

Mr. Rowles, I do believe this is the first time I've ever agreed with you, curse words and all. Thank you for putting this perspective out there. Let's hope more people find your review and realize what kind of poorly conceived smut this movie really is.

Posted by: A Marine's Wife at March 2, 2007 6:13 PM

I've never seen "Hustle and Flow" because, I don't know, I guess I just don't want to shell out $7 to see a sympathetic treatment of a pimp, even if he does supposedly have a heart of gold. And I was pretty sure I didn't want to see this thing, either, just because it sounds so damn stupid, even before I read this review.

I also love how "the South" is treated as some sort of exotic, unknowable country within a country in American films. I know most movies are made by non-Southerners, but damn... it's just lazy. It isn't even offensive, it's just lazy. And yeah, seeing a chick chained up in a movie - that's deep, man. Putting Sam L. Jackson in there makes it classy and meaningful and not exploitative at all. What, Morgan Freeman wasn't available? Or Oprah? Or Barack Obama?

Posted by: LL at March 2, 2007 6:41 PM

I really fucking hate that "tell us how you really feel" response. It's not witty or funny.

I also really fucking hate this movie and I haven't even seen it. Thanks for reinforcing my own preconceived opinion! Awesome review, as always.

Posted by: Eva at March 2, 2007 6:59 PM

I'm bringing "lookit" back!

Posted by: Linds at March 2, 2007 9:01 PM

I haven't seen the movie, but I have a feeling that this review is the only passion you'll be getting out of Black Snake Moan.

Black Snake ..

Moan ..

Oh, dear God, my mind's been shot to the gutters.

Posted by: duckandcover at March 2, 2007 9:22 PM

Dustin,

Love the review. Love the passion.

But the degree of your hatred for everything that is this film makes me wonder if you, during your formative years in the South, were the victim of some sort of chained-to-the-radiator rape scenario.

Just wondering...

Keep up the good work, man.

Posted by: nirradus at March 2, 2007 10:07 PM

Hey, quick (somewhat unrelated) question:

How come Pajiba isn't linked to Rotten Tomatoes? I was under the impression that the site was a compilation of all, or mostly all, reviews from around the country.

I'll take my answer off-line.

Posted by: nirradus at March 2, 2007 10:13 PM

After reading your reviews for "Daddy's Little Girls" and "Black Snake Moan," I conclude that you have a problem with Black Dick.

Posted by: Yessuhmassah at March 2, 2007 10:15 PM

I'm not interested in the movie, but I must say the soundtrack is worth the twelve bucks at Best Buy (at least if you're into that sort of music). You can listen to the soundtrack at the movie's official website, and the beauty is that you can start the player and then navigate away from the site. I'm listening to it now.

Posted by: superedna at March 2, 2007 10:38 PM

I really didn't want to see this- and won't -for all the same reasons expressed here. That and for the ridiculously pornograohic title that always brings to mind this idiot that I went to language school with that yelled at girls about his "Alabama black snake". So irritating.

On a funny note though, last time I was at the movies I walked by an elderly couple arguing about the movie board display. He very clearly was interested in seeing it while his wife just kept repeating "trash" and shaking her head. Very amusing.

Posted by: Jen at March 2, 2007 10:39 PM

The comments about how the South is depicted puts me in mind, unfortunately, of the piece of trash "film" Dr. T and the Women. I saw about thirty minutes of that crap and pressed stop.

Thanks for a laugh out loud fantastic review. I echo whoever said a great review is one that includes the words "jump up my ass." Indeed.

Serious HATE for this flick, it won't even be a rental in this house.

(Dustin seriously, WHY do you have to be married?)

Posted by: Kathy at March 2, 2007 11:27 PM

Well dam, I knew it would be bad but dam...

Posted by: Candy at March 3, 2007 12:49 AM

I just got back from seeing this movie with a friend (she suggested it, and I hadn't seen it for a while, so I went along and sort of MST3K'ed the whole thing). The review was spot-on. What was amazing was that as I made snide comments to my friends throughout the film, suggesting what might happen next, many times those exact things would happen:

I would whisper "Motherfucker" after a Sam L. line, and that would be the next thing he'd say...

I thought, I bet she is going to jump that boy and do him...guess what (my friend actually screamed "oh shit" at this point and burst out laughing)...

"Hi Mom" as Ricci met an older woman...guess who she was (was it supposed to be a surprise, Brewer?)...

Everything that was supposed to be shocking or a twist was just so painfully obvious. Like Ricci's ribs. Though I was glad to see the racial equality expressed in the film: in the town, there were always two old men sitting in folding chairs next to a truck selling produce. And yet, one was WHITE and one was BLACK!!!! Zowie!!!! Ah, nothing brings people together like shared loathing and misogyny. I wondered if those guys ever left the square. I figured someone just threw a tarp over them overnight.

Oh, and I totally didn't need to see Justin Timberlake having sex with Christina Ricci. I want that five minutes of my life back, and the rest of the two hours as well, if I can get it.

Posted by: Cat at March 3, 2007 1:10 AM

Gawdamn. That has got to be the most brutally awesome, matter-of-fact, skewering of a piece of stereotypical Hollywood shitburger of a movie I have ever read. Way too many "mainstream" critics out there want to justify this cimematic garbage as "art" and "important" simply based on the overblown reputations and egos of "stars" such as Samuel L. Jackson and Ricci. As a born and bred Southerner, I am personally offendedby the depiction of southerners in this movie. I am amazed Jackson would make a movie that portrays blacks in the manner this one does. Thanks for writing what many of ous feel.

Posted by: Timbo at March 3, 2007 1:22 AM

well-said, timbo. and great name.

dustin, you continue to reign supreme. southerners always take it up the ass in film! i'm so sick of it!

Posted by: susan at March 3, 2007 2:31 AM

I gotta say I didn't even think about the stereotyping of the south in this movie until it was mentioned in the comments. I guess after the continuing Kansas Evolution v. ID and Top Gear's episode on Alabama it would get tiring for a Southerner to see these kinds of negative perspectives of their hometowns and culture.

But then as someone who grew up on offensive comedy like Eddie Murphy's Delerious and even worse besides, I'm kind of desensitized to when people attack others...unless I have some personal reason to react to it or find it offensive.

Posted by: Andrew831 at March 3, 2007 4:34 AM

Excellent review. Thank you. I have, nor ever had, any intention of seeing this film, but last night my husband and I rented "Babel" and were "treated" to the trailer for "BSM" (Bull Shit Moan?). Way to treat that Oscar-nominated film's target audience! Very classy... I hadn't seen the trailer before. All I could think of was this was that stupid-ass Ricci's way of saying: "Look at ME! I'm SKINNY now, people! SKINNY! LOOK AT MY RIBCAGE!!! I am no longer the little CHUBBY girl in "The Ice Storm." You know, the girl who was chosen to play ROSIE fucking O'DONNELL's adolescent self in that stupid movie with Demi Moore nobody even saw! I'm not even the CHUNKY sexpot from "The Opposite of Sex." I know everyone just LOVED me when I was YOUNG and FAT, that was the SOLE SOURCE of ANY appeal I ever had, but now I'm 27 and I haven't had a decent role for years and years and I MUST be seen as SEXY, and GOD knows I'm no KATE fucking WINSLET so I made myself SO GODDAMNED SKINNY NOW IT PROBABLY MAKES YOU SICK TO LOOK AT ME, and I'm FINE with that because I've got mental problems and this movie is all about appealing to the GUYS in the audience who get off on little-girl S&M torture porn! I'm SO PROUD of MYSELF! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!

Posted by: R at March 3, 2007 10:08 AM

OMG, how do I begin? I guess by telling you that I had the misfortune to see this thinly-disguised porn movie last night and walked out after an hour (to get my raincoat of course) and forgot to go back.

I admit I love Christina Ricci's body and will be glad for the mental image of her nekked when the lights are out and I'm under the covers gettin' busy wit myself.

Not that the image of a panty-clad white girl chained up was foreign to me. Now when I lived in a small town in Texas back as a yungin' in the 60's (where the townsfolk proudly displayed a huge billboard over the courthouse which read: "Greenville, home of the blackest land and the whitest people." I shit you not) I saw that all the time. Heck, my Mom eventually stopped covering my eyes after awhile as it was so routine.

I just wish I'd known it was porn going in. I would've dressed appropriately (raincoat), gone alone (nobody likes to slam their meat next to a friend), brought tissues (of course) and sat waaaayyyyy the fuck in the back corner.

Perfect, spot on review, by the way. But man, that Christina's got great tits............IMHO

Posted by: Michael C at March 3, 2007 11:28 AM

"I really fucking hate that "tell us how you really feel" response. It's not witty or funny. I also really fucking hate this movie and I haven't even seen it. Thanks for reinforcing my own preconceived opinion! Awesome review, as always."

Wow, the hypocritic nature of that astounds. Fucking hate the movie and haven't seen it, hunh? Anyway. I actually liked this movie, and HAVE seen it. Loathe as I am to post a dissenting view, I saw this at the same time as Dustin (opening night at Sundance) and I think, because I had no preconceived notions, I was able to enjoy it. Whatever my disdain with the "metaphor" and hackneyed stereotype of this movie (noble savage, etc.), I thoroughly enjoyed SLJ and Ricci's performances. Sass, humor and emotion make a potent combo. And JT was aiiiight, not great, but not as dreadful as I would expect. The music was phenomenal. Also, what diffused my feminist outrage, was to hear Ricci say she didn't think her character needed to be "cured" but rather shown an appropriate expression and demonstration of love. If that comes in the form of Mr. Sexyback himself, who am I to reject a D in a B?

Despite my differing opinion, I loved the vitriol of this review and, as ever, Dustin's turn of phrase.

Posted by: Joanna at March 3, 2007 1:42 PM

Bravo, Dustin. I always read your reviews first.

I think I might be able to help you understand some of the symbolism in the film that has you stuck.

The CHAIN is symbolic of the internal struggle going on for theater patrons watching this dreck-I want to leave because this is such a piece of shit but I just paid ten fucking dollars to see it and I hate throwing away money like that!

The RADIATOR is a symbol of all of the idiotic reviewers who BURNED us by heaping praise on this film, making us want to see it.

CHRISTINA RICCI is a symbol of those wanting to be taken seriously but, for some inexplicable reason, pull some totally out of their fucking mind bonehead move, thinking it's ok and ruin ANY chance of redemption or respect. Like the guy who designed the Titanic. Or Whitney Houston.

SAMUEL L JACKSON represents those who gave up long ago. "I want those motherfucking snakes out of this motherfucking white girl!"

I hope this helps.

Posted by: Kate at March 3, 2007 1:55 PM

"I want those motherfucking snakes out of this motherfucking white girl!"

Giggle. Props, Kate.

Posted by: ranylt at March 3, 2007 3:13 PM

"Frederick Douglass would be proud."

WOOT!

And you are so right about its uncanny appeal to old white guys like Roger Ebert (two dicks way up!). "Black Snake Moan" is the 21st century's "Birth of a Nation".

Posted by: lula at March 3, 2007 5:01 PM

Just adding a note to the pile, not sure if you read all the way down here, but: Awesome review.

Posted by: Molly at March 3, 2007 8:22 PM

Seriously,

BEST REVIEW EVER!!! I WANT TO READ MORE MORE MORE!!!

It makes me want there to be another bad movie coming out.

Manixview

Posted by: Manixview at March 3, 2007 8:41 PM


THIS MOVIE IS TO WOMEN'S RIGHTS AS TOM CRUISE IS TO MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS.

SO GLAD someone finally gave a deserving review to what is essentially an excuse for medieval "father knows best" bullsh*t thinking.

Does Lazarus get to beat Ricci's character with a stick no bigger than the width of his thumb too?

Posted by: M.Rene at March 3, 2007 10:14 PM

Breathe dude, breathe. I have no doubt that this movie sucks as hard as you say, but this overheated venting style is as earnest as it is ugly. It's that sophisticated Pajiba charm that set's your site's reviews apart, so please assign yourself to some of the non-bottom-of-the-barrel fare for both our sakes. As for the South, sorry to break it to you, but it's still a pretty fucked-up place.

Cheers!

Posted by: DW at March 3, 2007 11:05 PM

Thank you for the biggest laugh of my evening, what a delightfully spiteful review!
(also, Taylormade made me giggle, ranting about the 909...)

Posted by: demondoll at March 4, 2007 1:57 AM

did you know you can drink your own pee?

Posted by: jermain taylor at March 4, 2007 6:35 PM

the movie looks like it sucks anyhow, Ricci did slutty in the Opposite of Sex already, with maybe 15 lbs on her and she was way hotter than this crap...and JT? he's gotta stop making movies, he's really messing it ALL up for us...really!

Posted by: gina at March 5, 2007 12:06 AM

Sorry, but some of us have been waiting to see a chained up white bitch for decades in film. In fact, I would have called the movie chained up white bitch. I thought the Black Snake Moan was going to be something totally different. Boy, was I disappointed.

Christina Ricci? Even white girls in the south have ass and titties. Britney Spears. This could have made her an artist (OK, I know, but she couldn't have made this movie any worse). And she's doing all this shit in her real life anyhow.

Posted by: brandonjaye at March 5, 2007 9:10 AM

Jump.Up.My.Ass.

...awesome.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 5, 2007 9:43 AM

Samuel L is the black Michael Caine. Physically and intellectually incapable of providing any expression, emotion, reaction, line of dialogue or awareness other than those of their own personality and experience. Many actors play themselves but few have made as much money with so little talent.

Posted by: colin at March 5, 2007 1:34 PM

"Epiphanic"? Fuck, you are my hero. That was an awesome review. I have to say that when I saw the preview for this, I actually found myself laughing at the shit that was on screen. I mean, come on, where the hell did he get that chain?! Does he train giant gorillas in his spare time? And "Lazarus"? They might as well as named his character "Soulful brotha".

Am I the only one that doesn't find Christina Ricci attractive in the slightest?

Posted by: Manny at March 5, 2007 3:53 PM

i cant help it. I have some weird irrational unabashed love for Christina Ricci. So it sucks for me that she made such a dumb movie. Come on Ricci pull yourself up by the bootstraps! And no more blonde! This doesn't have to be the end...

But...has anyone seen her on the cover of Mean or Los Angeles Magazine this month? Hot. and. Brunette. Hot and Brunette!

Posted by: lesigh at March 5, 2007 7:37 PM

I watched the director's commentary for Hustle and Flow and I shut that shit down the second I heard that douchebag say "You know, this is really a ladies stand by your man movie." pretty much right after T. Howard's character tells his friend that his wife needs to have a dick shoved in her mouth because she objects to her husband hanging out with a drug dealing pimp.

And when I saw the trailer for THIS movie with C. Ricci in a thong CHAINED UP I knew that it would be a misogynistic piece of shit.

Thanks for remembering the ladies, Pajiba. I love your feminist tinged reviews.

Posted by: Miranda at March 5, 2007 7:55 PM

I'd bet all the money in my pocket that the mouth-breathing lowlifes at aintitcool will love this flick. It looks wretched, but just edgy/sexy/alternative enough for them. In fact, I'm gonna go check right now.

Author's Note: Do share your findings, TK. I'd look myself, but anytime I check AICN, I can actually feel Harry Knowles stale breath on my neck. Very unpleasant.

Posted by: TK at March 5, 2007 8:57 PM

Yup, I was right.

*sigh*

Posted by: TK at March 5, 2007 8:58 PM

"But anyone who suggests -- as many older, white male critics are already doing -- that Black Snake Moan is either "art" or "an original slice of the American experience" (where the fuck do you live, asshole?), is a sad, sad little man who mistakes his tiny erection for an epiphanic experience."

Cause nothing says class quite like verbally attacking people who disagree with you about a film. Attack the movie all you want, but everything you said was pretty much null and void after this remark. I mean, if some wrote in a review "Black Snake Moan was a great movie and anyone who things otherwise is a fucking moron" would you consider that review valid?

As for the film being bad because it misrepresents the South...well...it's fiction. It owes nothing to the South. Saying that is like saying all of Scorsese's gangster films are bad because they portray all Italian Americans as gangsters. All I ask is that a film stays true to its own world and own internal logic...I don't ask that it represent all the nuance of an entire region. If that's what one wants out of a film, one will be continually disappointed.

Posted by: VVV at March 5, 2007 9:37 PM

Dustin, you asked, I answer. From "Capone", at AICN:

Here's the conclusion, which pretty much says it all: "But after the dust and boobies settle, it becomes clearer what Black Snake Moan is really about, which is, of course, Lazarus' personal redemption and his rediscovery of the things in his life that once made him a better man and a terrifying musician. Brewer drenches his subjects in blues folklore and culture, and you leave this film feeling both educated and invigorated. Black Snake Moan is a deeply spiritual piece, and as strange as it might sound, I could see some churchgoers finding many positive lessons about salvation in several scenes in this work. The course this film takes and the way it leads the audience is unexpected and wonderful, and bless Craig Brewer for carving out this music-fueled niche for himself in the film universe and teaching us not just about playing music but about what inspires those who create it. The year is young, I know, but this is my favorite movie of 2007 so far."

What. The. Fuck.

Author's Note: Thanks, TK ... and I don't even know where to start. Educational? Spiritual? Unbelievable.

Posted by: TK at March 6, 2007 9:21 AM

I never did get the "Christina Ricci is sexy" thing. Fat or thin, she's not good. For masturbation fantasies--which this movie obviously is--I'd certainly have chosen someone WORTH MASTURBATING TO.

Posted by: Brigitte X at March 6, 2007 1:52 PM

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER BODY, SHE IS TOO THIN

Posted by: FRANK at March 6, 2007 4:15 PM

Thank god that there are so many other people who found this film as horrifying as I do.

And I would like to add, I was blown away by the fact that no one seemed to notice the falsehood of Hustle and Flow. It is a film about a pimp and his hos in which the pimp never beats the women in his life. The main way a pimp keeps a woman loyal to him is through violence. The women don't stay because they love him or because he sees something special in them. It's because they are BATTERED WOMEN. And yet in the "honest and sympathetic depiction of a man struggling to get by" he never lays a hand on any of them. total and complete manipulative and selective crap. Anyone can be sympathetic if you leave their worst actions out of the film.

And of course Craig Brewer follows up that mysoginistic piece of lying garbage with this horrific piece of porn. What is wrong with Paramount? What is wrong with all the people in the film?



BTW I caught Ricci's interview on the Jimmy Kimble show. He actually called her the perfect woman because she didn't mind being chained up naked. Even as a joke it's pretty sick.

Posted by: k8o at March 6, 2007 4:24 PM

Ok. Here's the deal. The reason Brewer writes based on Southern cliches is because he grew up in California (not in Tennessee) and only knows about southerner's second hand. He didn't move to Tennessee until he was a grown man. And at the age of 35, he's basically trying to write stuff that he thinks will be marketable (even if he knows little about it) just so he can get his name out there. I mean, I saw a production of one of the plays he wrote in High School and it was quite promising, but I guess after having script after script passed over, he finally decided to sell out and write what he thought people would buy into. Just my point of view.

Posted by: Laurav8_2000 at March 6, 2007 6:20 PM

"Also, what the hell happened to Ricci? I had a crush on her since Addams Family..."

Me too! I saw the trailer and was intrigued, until I saw justin timberlake was in it. Talk about a jarring moment... I think I'll still see it to see for myself, but I'm wary now. Wary wary.

Posted by: Noel at March 7, 2007 1:47 AM

Longtime reader, first time poster.
Great review.

Posted by: thefrock at March 7, 2007 10:31 AM

When I saw the teaser trailer, I thought the premise was hokey and anachronistic and thankfully your review served to confirm that. This is one of the best Pajiba reviews I've ever read.

Posted by: RJ at March 7, 2007 10:37 AM

I made the mistake of watching this movie & couldn't agree with this review more. What a wretched waste of film. If anyone out there thinks that this reviewer is exaggerating, HE'S NOT... Actually, this movie might be WORSE than he's describing.

Posted by: ~ajd at March 7, 2007 11:16 AM

GREAT review. The film is a pretentious piece of crap that lacks the both talent to be a real piece of confrontational cinema and the balls to be outright hardcore porn.

Also, I'm offended by the movie's idea of a "happy" ending. What's wrong with a little cock craving? I have two X-chromosomes and the more I get laid, the happier I am. (Of course, I prefer even my rough sex to be of the consensual variety. Not big on the whole backwoods hillbilly rape scenerio.) Women can love sex without being either victims or sickos who want to be treated badly.

And speaking as a Floridian I join you in saying a big Fuck You to this movie for perpetuating the Southern Gothic nonsense. We actually have cell phone, the internet and indoor plumbing here, Brewer.

Posted by: Nicole at March 7, 2007 5:14 PM

As a European not too enamoured with Hollywood hype, your site is a refreshing antidote.
The review of this film should have mandatory inclusion in every journalist school. It's quite brilliant and entertains.
My only question is: Why does Mr.Jackson need the money?

Posted by: ernseto at March 8, 2007 4:52 AM

FINALLY! Someone reviewing this movie with some fucking truth. The moment I saw this preview I thought, "Ruh-roh George! That looks mighty bad" and I had a good feeling I was right.

The premise is just ridiculous. I love a good camp flick but this is camp pretending to be art. Or perhaps, trash that should be pretending to be camp but instead made the jump to art.

Posted by: fan at March 8, 2007 7:07 AM

Excellent review! It confirms my impression just from the movie poster. Nothing but porn disguised as art. Now I'm no prude and have nothing against porn, but this garbage reminds me of that stripper movie (that I never saw either) some 10-15 years ago. My point is, I don't have a problem with porn - just that these directors should be man enough to label it what it is and quit pretending they are doing a public service. What a crock! We have only ourselves to blame. Every single person that pays money to see this kind of crap is responsible.

Posted by: Ron at March 8, 2007 1:30 PM

Each morning I drive down Hollywood Blvd on the way to work and pass a giant poster for this piece of shit movie. Thank you for this review. I'm sick of racism, stereotypes, and exploitation being passed off as "art".

Posted by: Eileen at March 8, 2007 5:30 PM

TSFSRT....

Posted by: LadyJane at March 9, 2007 12:54 AM

First off I would call this a great rant more then a review. Nonetheless it's fucking great Dustin!

But a few things are off:
1. She wears a bikini bottom underwear not a thong. Thongs generally go up your ass voluntarily.

2. She is beaten and left on the side of the road which happens to be across from Lazarus' house. He does not ride up in a tractor. He walks over and carries her into his house to take care of her.

Now things I like and didn't:

1. I like when Rae beats the shit out of her mother because the mother knew she was being molested as a kid by her boyfriend and did nothing. I liked that for once what you felt was actually reacted to on the screen. Listening to your parent say that the only thing they regret is not aborting should be met by a good ass kicking in my opinion.

2. And last cute underwear but after a day of wearing them wouldn't you want to change them? It gave me the hibby jibbies to see that she must of worn the same pair for atleast 3 or 4 days!

Posted by: lolainchesaway at March 9, 2007 1:33 AM

It seems to me that the individual who wrote this awful review is a bit closed minded. Let me guess....you are single and live alone...wonder why?.

Posted by: TAS at March 10, 2007 11:45 PM

THIS is the reason I come to Pajiba. I love it when someone calls people on their shit.

Speaking of which, does there have to be that one commenter in EVERY FUCKING POST who thinks it is a high compliment that they just spewed liquid from their face onto their keyboard and/or monitor? We don't care what you were drinking, which orifice it ejected from, or where it landed.

Put down the coffee mug while you read Pajiba from now on, otherwise I'll have to ban beverages at your desk.

Carry on.

Posted by: off topic at March 11, 2007 1:23 AM

TAS: lol. Call someone close-minded for not liking a film and then turn around and make a childish insult with little basis in fact. Brilliant. Target demographic for this film, I reckon.

Posted by: markus at March 12, 2007 2:47 AM

I googled black snake moan feminist review and I got to this site. Thank you.

Posted by: linchpin at March 13, 2007 4:06 AM

Decent review, I still managed to enjoy the film.

Posted by: Bob at March 14, 2007 9:10 PM

I agree with LL about the Hustle and Flow thing. I was so pissed of when 36 Mafia won an oscar for 'its hard out there for a pimp.' Yeah, because selling someone else's body for and keeping a percentage of the profit is so physically and emotionally draining. My heart just aches for all those wayward pimps out there, struggling to get poor women herpes or worse. Hard indeed.

And the Barak Obama line. Fabulous.

I'm not exactly in love with Sam Jackson right now myself. I made it through the first 15 minutes of Snakes on a Plane (I did it for my fiance, as snakes make me nauseous)and stormed out in a huff when the first 'attack' occurred. If Jackson makes a movie that doesn't perpetuate violence and sexual exploitation towards women sometime in the next decade, I'll throw him a fucking tea party. Lets just say I won't be buying tea anytime soon. It sucks, because he's way better than these horrible things he puts his name on. Breaks my heart.

Posted by: Fran at March 17, 2007 12:11 AM


Before I finished reading the review, I was thinking to myself, "You must either be southern, or a really unusual person from the north."

Granted, the dude who made the movie is from the south, but many northern people seem to have very similarly "antiquated" views of the south. Like, for example, I've heard some talk about southern racism as if it exists exclusively there in America. (Which would explain why you hear so much about southern policemen's racist brutality.)

Anyway, I thought the movie would be interesting, probably just because I've been curious about blues lately. But now you've got me quite skeptical. And now I also know it wouldn't be such a great idea for me to ask my foreign male friend to come and see it with me or I might end up embarrassed.

Posted by: itsmemimi at March 17, 2007 10:43 AM

Thank you so much for this review. After hearing nothing but praise for a movie that I wasn't sure was intended to be an offensive comedy or a snuff-film, I was starting to lose what little respect I had left for the human race.

Posted by: Montclarian at March 17, 2007 1:14 PM

Well, this could have been a good review, but apparently he hasn't seen the movie since Ricci only sleeps with two black guys - one of them a teenager - and with two white guys and she doesn't have sex with the guy who beat her because she insulted the size of his dick.
And I'll take you to some places that look like this in the South if you come to Tennessee, Alabama or Mississippi - the true South, not the Carolinas or Virginia.
Despite the view through rose-colored glasses that many from the North have, there are awful places in the South and racism is still something we deal with on a daily basis.
Tell you what, when you manage to get out of Ithica, N.Y. and actually go to some of the most economically repressed areas in the world that exist in the South, then you can discuss whether a movie accurately portrays southern life for some, you fuck.

Posted by: Dewby at March 19, 2007 3:22 PM

I'm going to voice something unpopular on this particular thread: I actually really, really liked "Hustle and Flow." There, I've said it.

As for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", I must admit that I didn't take the song literally - I read it more as it being hard out here for a hustler of anybody else just trying to get by. The lyrics are very pimp-specific (never thought I'd write that turn of phrase), but I thought it had a larger meaning in the movie. I don't know, maybe I'm giving the movie too much credit because T. Howard was just so damn good. I'm also a sucker for a hard-luck story (like Rocky I).

Posted by: Samantha T at March 21, 2007 3:09 PM

I've mixed feelings about Brewer and his depiction of the South. I, too, really liked Hustle and Flow, mostly because it looked like the Memphis that I grew up in.
Sweaty.
As much as I hate the stereotype of two-toothed, sister-screwing hillbillies or gold-teef having, wifebeater wearing pimps, I'm equally pissed off at dreck like Sweet Home Alabama. If we're not lynching or chewing hay, we must be on the veranda swilling juleps and curling our hair. Can anybody really get the South right?

Posted by: Pork Chop at March 24, 2007 6:05 AM

I saw the movie and actually really enjoyed it. I live in the south and even though it could be used as bringing back the stereotypes that you mentioned...there are still a lot of places in georgia, alabama, mississippi and parts of texas that are still run-down, trailer-trash, barefoot kids walkin around. I do agree with you that justin timberlake sucks ass. That part could have been played better by a 10 year old. But i dont like justin to begin with. But in conclusion, i thought it was an overall good movie with some excellent music.

Posted by: i disagree at March 28, 2007 1:08 AM

"...hire an alabaster starlet with body dysmorphic disorder and a forehead that looks like an infant crowning"....hhmmm.

Posted by: Frog at March 29, 2007 12:19 AM

The worst part is:

Craig Brewer claims to be from the South but grew up in the suburbs of Northern Cal; a dominant-culture upper-middle-class California conservative voyeur of poverty and blackness. He's here to colonize and gentrify the last frontier: the Deep South. Notice how the characters in the film, oppressed in their own rights, can think of nothing better to do than oppress each other. They desperately hold onto their chains, storing them lovingly in their sheds or tightening them around their bodies. Beware the racist and sexist rhetorics Brewer purveys, and question the way he represents himself as a Southerner.

Unbelievable!

Posted by: Just sad at March 29, 2007 8:56 PM

You wanna see this movie play out in the real world? Should you ever find yourself in Marietta Georgia take a spin on down to a seafood (no I am not kidding) restaurant slash "bar" Barnacles where Black Snake Moan plays out in real life every Friday/Saturday night courtesy of loosely moralled KSU and local white trash. America the beautiful indeed.

Posted by: anon at April 13, 2007 8:11 AM

"It seems to me that the individual who wrote this awful review is a bit closed minded. Let me guess....you are single and live alone...wonder why?"

The best part about this comment is the fact that Dustin's sign-off quite specifically refutes it.

Posted by: Mentalepsy at May 1, 2007 7:57 AM

this review is spot-on. Come on, a nymphomaniac - cured by being chained to a radiator. Christ, what a joke. I saw this movie and it sucked, sucked, sucked - in every way imaginable. It's basically soft porn featuring Christina Ricci. And, being from the South, I can agree with the reviewers comments about using every stereotype about the south. The one and only thing about this movie that was even remotely decent was the music.

Posted by: catherine at July 12, 2007 9:04 PM

I absolutely ADORE this review. I thought this movie was a piece of complete drivel. Ridiculous and COMPLETELY misogynistic. I am tired of these stupid movies that portray a woman's sexual desire to be "BAD" or "scandalous". WHATEVER. If a man acts this way, then he is a playboy. A woman with a sex drive? Oh..what a slut!

In any case, I think Ricci's acting left a great deal to be desired. Contrived. Boring. You can tell she is not into this role...just reading her lines.

It is a total porn flick masked as a deep and insightful portrait of a conflicted parallel life of a southern caucasian girl and an African American southern man. The story is good, but the graphic scenes of rape and violence are unnecessary.

YUCK.

Posted by: Admirous at July 31, 2007 7:34 PM

Great passion but this review is scathingly wrong on so many levels. Not to say this film is a modern masterpiece by any stretch but it was different enough from the usual fare to be worth a second glance, and I don't think you gave it one.
Your one reprieve is that the movie "is exceptional only for its indolence".
Far from any slothful insensitivity to pain it throws it in your face in waves. If you can't stand the heat then you just can't take a joke. Or the dark satire in the case of director Craig Brewer. You actually think he was obligated to create a socially responsible documentary on the human condition???? Get real, it a MOVIE folks.
And as one, I enjoyed it immensely. Not much of a storyline, granted, but the two main performances were worth the price of admission on their own. It takes a certain incorrigible turpitude to carry a character like Rae through a whole film, and Ricci is one of a few actors that can pull it off to such an extent that the character she plays can trigger such heated debates in here about lusts; womens vs. mens., and how they're portrayed. It worked on that accomplishment alone. Anyways, I don't see how anyone could knock Ricci's performance of what was asked of her. Her interpretation of the sassy foul-mouthed southern nympho Rae was not only watchable it was engaging in its honesty of dedication to the role.

Jackson played it maybe a little tired from what we're used to, but his character (and himself) are older, and presumably wiser. Still a penchant for preachy moments of singularity, none the less he tones it down and leaves those moments to blossom thankfully only when he has the musical backup.

Also Timberlake was perfectly cast as a weak little pussy. I don't have a problem with him in this role as he fits the character to a T. Not too deep on the acting side at that point though.

" If Brewer actually meant for Black Snake Moan to be confrontational, or intended to use his offensiveness to challenge the audience's sensibilities, he would've needed to add hell of a lot more substance behind his dumbass conceit"

Nice piece of writing after Brewer, it seems, challenged YOUR sensibilities, Dustin

Posted by: bluemonk at August 12, 2007 4:22 AM