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An Imagined Conversation Between Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively in the Car Ride Home After the Premiere of R.I.P.D.

By Dustin Rowles | Film Reviews | July 19, 2013 | Comments ()


ryan-reynolds-blake-lively-ripd.jpg

(After slipping through the crowd after the R.I.P.D. premiere, a noticeably quiet Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds jump into Reynolds’ sporty-but-roomy four-door Audi and head to their home in the Outpost Estates neighborhood of Los Angeles.)

Lively: Wow! Did you see that skirt that Mary Louise was wearing?

Reynolds: Hell yeah, I did!

Lively: That takes some courage to wear at her age.

Reynolds: Great gams for a 48-year-old, right?

Lively: Yeah, I mean, I guess so.

[Silence. Lively looks out the passenger window.]

Reynolds: Well …

Lively: … Well what?

Reynolds: Well, what did you think of the movie?

Lively: Oh. Yeah. I mean, it was fine.

Reynolds: Fine? That’s all you have to say? Fine?

Lively: Well, yeah. You know, it was fine.

Reynolds: Fine like Safe House or fine like Green Lantern?

Lively: I dunno. Fine like Green Lantern, I guess.

Reynolds: Oh, brother.

Lively: What?!

Reynolds: What did you not like about it?

Lively: I said it was fine!

Reynolds: Yeah, but you’re my wife. Saying something is ‘fine’ is like telling me it’s OK when I can’t get it up.

Lively: You’ve never had the problem with me.

Reynolds: You’re damn right, I haven’t!

[Lively smiles, looks bashfully in Reynolds’ direction.]

Reynolds: So what did you not like about it?

Lively: I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t understand some of it?

Reynolds: Like what?

Lively: OK, so you’re dead, right? Your partner shot you in the face.

Reynolds: Right, Kevin.

Lively: Who?

Reynolds: Kevin Bacon. The guy who played my partner.

Lively: Yeah, that old guy. What else has he been in?

Reynolds: Uh, what has he not been in is the better question?

Lively: OK. Whatever. So, you’re like in limbo or something, because you stole some gold while you were working as a cop.

Reynolds: Yeah.

Lively: But you were going to give it back!

Reynolds: Correct.

Lively: Well, I just don’t understand if, you know, it’s Judgement Day, and you’re being judged by God, I mean, shouldn’t He have known that? That you’re essentially a good person. And shouldn’t He have, like, sent you on your way to heaven, instead of making you be a police officer in charge of catching dead guys for 100 years?

Reynolds: I don’t know, Blake. It’s just a movie. You have to suspend your disbelief.

Lively: Don’t you mean ‘belief’?

Reynolds: Let’s not go through this again.

Lively: OK. Whatever. Anyway, right. So, Mary Louise sends you back down to Boston as, like, someone who looks like an old Asian guy, and you and your partner …

Reynolds: Jeff Bridges, yeah …

Lively: … yeah, that other old guy, whose fake identity on Earth looks like a prettier version of your ex-wife …

Reynolds: … Blake …

Lively: Sorry. So, you’re supposed to catch all the Dead-O’s who haven’t been judged and sent to hell yet.

Reynolds: Uh huh.

Lively: Why haven’t they been judged? I mean, can’t God or whoever just send them to straight to hell after they die?

Reynolds: Were you not paying attention to the movie? They explained it. There’s, like, a backlog of dead people in prison cells waiting to be judged because God can’t get to them all at once ..

Lively: … That’s weird. I mean, He’s God …

Reynolds: … and some of them escape and go back to Earth and wreak havoc.

Lively: They didn’t seem to be wreaking very much havoc until you guys came along.

Reynolds: Blake. Sweetie. It’s just a movie. Go with it.

Lively: OK, fine. So the evil people who escaped their prison cells and went back to Earth, they look like regular people, except that Indian food will transform them into their inner monsters?

Reynolds: Well, yeah. I mean, it’s not the Indian food itself. It’s the cumin.

Lively: Cumin? That’s kind of weird, isn’t it? That all it takes is some cumin to turn a regular-looking dead person into a monster-looking dead person.

Reynolds: Again, Blake. It’s a movie. And I didn’t write it. I was just playing a part.

Lively: And you looked so handsome doing it!

Reynolds: Thanks, sweetie. But what else did you not like about the movie?

Lively: I liked it! I did! It was … it was fine! It’s just that … why did those monsters look like that?

Reynolds: Like what?

Lively: Like cereal-box cartoon characters?

Reynolds: Yeah, I don’t know, honestly. I mean, all I saw was a green screen. I think maybe they ran out of money during post, or they just picked a bad special effects company. They were really bad, weren’t they?

Lively: Oh my God! So bad! I was so embarrassed for you!

Reynolds: They were going for a Men in Black vibe or something.

Lively: They wish!

Reynolds: Hey! That’s my movie we’re talking about! The movie that paid for that gorgeous dress you’re wearing.

Lively: Oh, I know RyRy. I’m sorry! You know I love you. It’s just, you know, why can’t you make more movies like The Proposal? You’re so good in those.

Reynolds: Oh, don’t tell me you’re taking Bill Simmons’ side on this.

Lively: Who?

Reynolds: Never mind. What did you think of my character?

Lively: You were you! And you’re adorable, and I love you!

Reynolds: Uh huh.

Lively: It’s just, you know, the writers didn’t give you much to work with, did they?

Reynolds: Tell me about it! There were better scripts on the “Two Guys and a Girl” reject pile.

Lively: What now?

Reynolds: That TV show I used to do. Before you’d hit puberty.

Lively: Oh yeah! I always forget about that. You were so cute when you were young!

Reynolds: I’m not exactly Kirk Douglas over here.

Lively: Who?

Reynolds: Never mind.

Lively: What was up with your partner, anyway? Was he supposed to be, like, some cross between Colonel Sanders and the guy from Slingblade? What kind of name is Roycephus, anyway?

Reynolds: I don’t know. It was a weird choice, wasn’t it? His whole schtick was strange. But, you know, it’s Jeff Bridges. The Dude! You kind of just let him do his thing and stand out of the way.

Lively: I guess. It was weird, though. It made me uncomfortable. I felt embarassed for him.

Reynolds: Try listening to that for three months while you’re shooting the film.

Lively: Oh, honey. I’m sorry. That must have been so terrible.

Reynolds: It wasn’t so bad. I mean, he IS The Dude. It was an honor to work with the guy.

Lively: Why do you keep calling him that? The Dude?

Reynolds: Big Lebowski?

Lively: Oh yeah. I’ve heard of that. The bowling movie with all those old guys, right?

Reynolds: Something like that.

Lively: Anyway, I’m sure the movie will do fine. And if not, you know, something else will come along, right?

Reynolds: I’m not so sure. I mean, R.I.P.D was kind of my last chance to be an action star. If it doesn’t put up some big numbers at the box office, they’ll never let me make Deadpool. Looks like it’s low-budget Canadian films from here on out.

Lively: No! Don’t say that!

Reynolds: What? I mean, I prefer the smaller movies, anyway. They let me grow out my beard.

Lively: I do love your beard, Ryan. But the paychecks? They’re so tiny!

Reynolds: Didn’t you say you’d love me whether I was rich and famous or a nobody TV star?

Lively: I think you have me confused with Scarlett.

Reynolds: Oh, I know she didn’t say that. Must have been Alanis.

Lively: Yeah. Probably. But don’t worry! I’m sure it’ll all work out.

Reynolds: Did you see the same movie I did? It was garbage, Blake. Just admit it. G-A-R-B-A-G-E. It was worse than Paper Man.

Lively: Which one was that?

Reynolds: Remember that one where I was a fake superhero with Ritchie Rich hair? The one the studio tried to bury?

paper-man.jpg

Lively: Oh, God. That was bad.

Reynolds: I think I’m all out of goodwill, Blake. I need to make another movie with Sandy, quick. What a disaster!

Lively: Well, I mean …

Reynolds: At least I still have you.

Lively: …

Reynolds: I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.

Lively: That’s probably a good idea.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Discostu004

    Is there a chance RyRy can get the Fifteen gang back together? I know Laura Harris has had some sweet gigs like 24 and that LMN movie about the Canadian Air Force colonel slash rapist/killer. I'm sure pepper and Dylan and billy and that godawful Brooke aren't doing anything. Sign me up

  • Bodhi

    Because I loathe Blake Lively, I chose to wholeheartedly believe that she has never seen the Big Lebowski

  • IngridToday

    R.I.P.D. (is it pronunced 'ripped' or do we say each letter) is basically a M.I.B/Dead Like Me mash-up?

    Some of that Joss Whedon love needs to be directed towards Brian Fuller

  • Monica

    Oh, R-I-P-D cuz they're like police?! - Dustin's Blake Lively a couple hours later.

  • Idle Primate

    I liked paperman. Bitter postcrush dustin

  • sean

    I liked Paper Man. Mildly.

  • APOCooter

    You know, I'm kind of amazed given how popular Ryan Reynolds is that Two Guys,a Girl, and a Pizza Place hasn't been released on DVD.

  • Guest

    Paper Man is a nice, well acted movie, and does not deserve to be associated with the dreadful R.I.P.D.

  • Fredo

    If only Ryan Reynolds had come out with a hit single titled "R.I.P.D." to coincide with the movie. They could have used the beat from Patrice Rushen's Forget Me Nots.

  • toblerone

    I assume the motion capture photo above is from Turbo in order to create the most life like snail possible?

  • Ofir Fishkin

    RyRy is the best pet name

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie. Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie. Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie. Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie. Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie. Please don't let my Deadpool movie hinge on this movie...

  • Naye

    I really tried to watch Paper Man. But about halfway through I turned on Back to the Future. His abs were the most redeeming part of the whole movie. God those abs.

  • AudioSuede

    Two things: Blake Lively sounds really stupid in this little scene of yours. I'm not saying you have a Sorkin women problem, but she seems halfway to being a child. Also, Paper Man was kind of a decent movie. It's not much to write home about, but it's nicely whimsiquirkilicious and the cast is solid.

  • pajiba

    SERIOUSLY?!

    ... And this is why I love you guys.

  • It's okay. He'll come to his senses and see who REALLY loves him someday.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Two things: You are right about Blake Lively and the way she is being presented. Also, I love it when you explain to us that we are wrong.

  • AudioSuede

    I might be overthinking this, but I can't tell if that's a burn or a compliment.

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    Clearly, you've never seen the woman in an interview.

  • Well yeah...I've seen her in an interview. But then, seeing her, I kinda couldn't hear anything she was saying anymore.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Even if that's the case (I have no idea), it's a little insulting to say that Reynolds is the one buying her dress. Blake is doing just fine for herself (and probably doesn't have to actually pay for many dresses herself).

  • Captain D

    Oh, is there a new America Ferrera movie coming out for her to co-star in?

  • I think Dustin still has a bit of jealousy re: anybody attached to Ryan Reynolds. He never did completely denounce the abs, did he?

    Seriously, this does seem a tad unfair to both Lively and Scarlett. Really, only Alanis escaped being the gold digger inferences? It isn't like the former two were all that dependent on him (hell, one could argue, career wise, Ryan has a tendency to date upwind a bit).

  • Mrs. Julien

    Even God only has two hands with which to give.

  • $27019454

    "...with which to give."

    *sigh*

  • tatertot

    I believe you'll find that Godtopus has eight hands. Four with which to give, and four with which to take away.

  • Mrs. Julien

    But at any given time, two of those hands are occupied palpating Ryan Reynold's abs.

  • tatertot

    Well - even omniscient cephalopod deities need a hobby!

  • Mrs. Julien

    True, but the other six are occupied with furiously acting out His approbationary fervour for Tatiana Maslany.

  • Bistro

    Oh god, that's him in Paper Man?! It shows up in my Netflix suggestions all the time and looking at that picture, I always thought it was a photoshopped John Slattery!

  • TK

    Cumin.

    Fucking cumin.

    [walks out of room muttering angrily, slams door]

  • lowercase_ryan

    I have to ask, what did you expect??

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Not cumin, I guess. Somebody must really hate the stuff.

  • lowercase_ryan

    It's the bomb in chili yo!

  • The same way Affleck was in Phantoms?

  • lowercase_ryan

    I make at least one comment in that vein at least once a week. It never gets old.

  • Fredo

    In Spanish, it's called comino.

  • Calla Dain

    Where they make the clones?

  • That is the dumbest thing I've seen this week. And I watched the last hour of Battleship last night.

  • Mrs. Julien

    [whispering and gesticulating wildly at basement occupants] Go! Go! Go!

  • Wigamer

    [Whispers back] Wait, I'm not sure I want to go anymore...[sheepishly]...I kinda like him.

  • Mrs. Julien

    He put Beauty and the Beast on a loop again, didn't he? You're coming with me, Stockholm Syndrome.

  • Slash

    He does look awesome with a beard. Blonde hair, not so much.

    I assume he still has abs to die for.

    I do like him as an actor, I wish only the best for him (and his second wife, I guess). He needs to get Mark Wahlberg's career. But it's starting to look like he has Brendan Fraser's career. Maybe get a better agent, Ryan.

  • '(Lively smiles, looks bashfully in Reynolds’ direction)'
    Times like this I worry about you, Dustin.

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