al_pacino5.jpg

88 Words

88 Minutes / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | April 18, 2008 | Comments (88)

Forensic psychiatrist (Al Pacino) testifies, puts away serial killer (Neal McDonough); copycat killer aims to rub out psychiatrist in exactly 88 minutes. Inexplicably shoots at him, blows up car well before time expires. Huh? Frames him for murders. Stupid, nonsensical twists. Poorly acted. Predictable mystery: Numerous red herrings; zero suspense; killer more obvious than AC/DC hook. Moshfuck of tedium.

Pacino overacts (duh); subtlety of donkey punch. Worst movie of career. Hoo-Wah! Paycheck. Buy yourself some dignity, pal.

Answer to burning question: Movie is 108 weeks minutes.

Tick Tock. Blurgh.


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Comments

Nice.

Posted by: 'Ol Don at April 18, 2008 9:01 AM

spot on. tried watching this, think I gave up after 8 minutes.

Posted by: avalanche at April 18, 2008 9:01 AM

Oh, Al. sigh. I'm going to go watch Dog Day Afternoon again, and we'll pretend like the last, um, however long it's been since Insomnia, never happened.

Posted by: whatswrongwiththispicture at April 18, 2008 9:03 AM

Maybe it only deserved an 88 character recap?

Posted by: heddy at April 18, 2008 9:03 AM

"Moshfuck of Tedium" is totally going to be the next Bond film. Many bonus points to you for the phrasing.

Posted by: Rachel at April 18, 2008 9:05 AM

Ok, that answers that question. So is "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" worth seeing or should I just go back to cutting myself until "Iron Man" comes out? Is this the worst year for movies in recent memory or is it just me?

Posted by: Rob at April 18, 2008 9:11 AM

Alright, my options are dropping like flies. Was going to take the Boy our to dinner and a movie today for his birthday, but it seems there is absolutley nothing worth paying to see in the theaters right now....

so next question

whats a great movie to rent along with 2 bottles of wine and subsequently get trashed watching?

Time is of the essence people....you are my only hope (Obi-wan Kenobi)
(sorry...I couldn't help it....)

Posted by: Bethy at April 18, 2008 9:18 AM

Y'know, it's sad. It's SAD! Used to be I could DO ANYTHING... *massive pause, stares into middle distance* and you assholes would eat it RIIIIGHT UP! *Runs hand through lank hair* Now I'm so BORED... with my own WORK... that I talk in BIZARRE CADENCES just so I can STAY... AWAKE!

When did I BECOME... *pause as train comes through sentence* ...DAVID CARUSO?!

Posted by: Al Pacino at April 18, 2008 9:19 AM

And "wordcount" says 89 words. You should have left one out.

You don't count "weeks"; it's stricken. -- DR

Posted by: BWeaves at April 18, 2008 9:24 AM

Brilliant. (The review, not the movie.) It reminds me of an old website where all the movie reviews were in haiku.

For extra artiness, may I suggest that you close comments when they reach a count of 88?

Posted by: Jerce at April 18, 2008 9:25 AM

Al... you wish... you could be...

[puts on sunglasses]

... David Caruso

cue The Who

Posted by: Horatio Cane at April 18, 2008 9:27 AM

You could download a dvdrip of this via bittorrent over a year ago ( 27.03 to be exact ). That kinda says all i need it to, with regards to the quality of the film.

Incidentally that was probably my most favourite review.

Posted by: Alex the not so Odd at April 18, 2008 9:29 AM

[just stares blankly straight ahead, expressionless]

huh? does Al Pacino still have it?
I was in a movie with him?
oh, I must have been high the whole time....


...also, I don't have the ability to smile


[goes back to blank dead stare]

Posted by: Leelee Sobieski at April 18, 2008 9:33 AM

Hmm, that was rather poetic. Well done. I'm with Rachel--"Moshfuck of tedium" is downright catchy!

Posted by: MO at April 18, 2008 9:34 AM

God, Pacino and De Niro are [i]this[/i] close to becoming complete fucking jokes. At least Jack Nicholson looks like he's having a grand time pissing away his legacy, Al and Bob make it seem like a well-paid chore.

Posted by: Katattack at April 18, 2008 9:38 AM

Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that this was intended and not just a result of not being able to type anymore because you lie bruised and bleeding from the massive geek attack of yesterday afternoon. Nicely played Mr. Rowles.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 18, 2008 9:48 AM

And "wordcount" says 89 words. You should have left one out.

You don't count "weeks"; it's stricken. -- DR

Dustin, I disagree. It's crossed out, but it's still a word and I read it as such. It also takes up a words worth of space in the review. And you meant it to be read along with the following word to make a point, so you can't say it doesn't count. Sorry.

Good review though!!!

Posted by: BWeaves at April 18, 2008 9:48 AM

Jesus God, BWeaves, and I thought I was a nitpicking anal-retentive pain in the ass...Thanks for boosting my self-esteem a little this fine morning.

Posted by: Jerce at April 18, 2008 9:58 AM

I don't know if it was from here or not, but a question came by me this week - "What movie would you see just for an actor, no matter how badly it sucks?"

I think 88 minutes might be that for me, cause I'm a sucker for Alicia Witt.

Posted by: Jim at April 18, 2008 10:16 AM

Bethy: Love to help. Any particular genre you are looking for?

Posted by: Rob at April 18, 2008 10:18 AM

I could not even watch him on Letterman for 15 to 20 minutes no way was I going to sit through this. I really think he is trying to mimic Brando. All he has to do is some sort of take on The Freshman, and he would of come full circle. Maybe Dane "the crapbag" Cook in the Broderick role, Heigl in the Penelope Ann Miller role and Andy Garcia in the Bruno Kirby role and Shazam a career that come full circle. At the end of the movie instead of walking into the sunset with some sort of lizard on a leash, he could walk off with a Flamingo fluttering behind him.

Posted by: richmac at April 18, 2008 10:18 AM

"Moshfuck of Tedium" is totally going to be the next Bond film.

Rachel, you just made me spit my coffee out all over my keyboard.

Posted by: courtney at April 18, 2008 10:19 AM

I had no idea that acting successfully in movies for almost 40 years makes a man so fucking stricken by poverty that he has to take every single god-damned HOO-HA role that comes along the pike. I'm looking at you too, DiFuckface. I mean, look to the older generation. Paul Neuman didn't spend his 60's pissing on the celluliod of his early-career. Hell, he followed Color of Money with Nobody's Fool and Hudsucker Proxy. HE NEVER BECAME A PARODY OF HIMSELF.

And now Al and Bob are gonna be in a movie together, at long last. (I don't count heat cause they need to show up on set on the same day to be considered "together). And it will be 88 minutes of screaming and squinting.

Posted by: Withnail at April 18, 2008 10:19 AM

OH!I think I saw him on L O S T H I S M I N D dot C O M.He is dating this beautiful woman.I love him.Read his profile.Chicken giblets!

Posted by: boo-spam at April 18, 2008 10:23 AM

Oh,so cute!I love her.Maybe she want to find more new friends,she is on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ".On "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m",there are many beautiful girls and rich,handsome
men,they want to find more friends,find their lover.On that site,they make friends each other.If you are single now,I think you would come to the site.Please believe yourself,you will
find your lover.Come on!

Posted by: Strong at April 18, 2008 10:26 AM

Too late, suckah!!!

Posted by: boo at April 18, 2008 10:28 AM

aaaaand boo hits a new low. talking with the 'bot on the comment thread...

just kill me.

Posted by: boo at April 18, 2008 10:29 AM

I sat through one of the trailers for 88 minutes and, as an experiment, I counted how many seconds would go by before Al began his HOO-WA screaming tirade... I think it must've been some kind of record because I waited an entire 108 seconds before he started shouting and I have to say, I was a bit disappointed.

Posted by: lux at April 18, 2008 10:29 AM

Too late, suckah!!!

Fucking A, boo, how did you do that?

Chicken giblets!

I love that.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 18, 2008 10:33 AM

I refuse to believe this is the same motherfucker that did Dog Day Afternoon and The Godfather? Damn Al, WTF! Say what you will about Bobby D, not even that motherfucker will do some shit like this.

Posted by: Pookie at April 18, 2008 10:33 AM

Hey Jerce: Pajiba, Scathing Reviews, Bitchy People.

I feel bitchy today. It's been a long week, and Dustin knows I love him.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 18, 2008 10:37 AM

Say what you will about Bobby D, not even that motherfucker will do some shit like this.

Are you saying that Rocky & Bullwinkle was more dignified than 88 Minutes?

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 18, 2008 10:37 AM

Courtney, that's exactly why I never drink and read. The possibilities for disaster are endless here.

Hope the keyboard's still functional!

Posted by: Rachel at April 18, 2008 10:47 AM

socalledonlycousins, you are right. Only after I posted my comment did I remember Rocky&Bullwinkle. But truth be told, Pacino is always doing a half ass job, more so than Bobby D. I'm starting to think Pacino doesn't even care any more.

Posted by: Pookie at April 18, 2008 11:02 AM

Are you saying that Rocky & Bullwinkle was more dignified than 88 Minutes?

Quality source material at least.

Posted by: Jay at April 18, 2008 11:04 AM

Is 88 weeks a reference to last night's 30 Rock? If so, nicely played.

Posted by: sleater at April 18, 2008 11:05 AM

SoCalled: the only answer I can come up with is that I am magnificent beyond words. One day, I will rule the spambots and their artificially intelligent world, and then all shall bow before me in awe, fear, and slight annoyance. In my bot world, no one will escape the millionaire online dating service. No one.

After I posted, and thought I should have gone with turkey neck. But I'm happy with how it turned out.

Posted by: boo at April 18, 2008 11:05 AM

I just assumed a long time ago that Pacino has been joking and pulling the longest prank in the history of Hollywood. Similarly, I am convinced that Laurence Olivier was a brilliant satirist whose true calling was SCTV.

Posted by: celery at April 18, 2008 11:07 AM

"...a review of your album, Shark Sandwich, prompted one critic to write this two-word review, calling it (quote) 'Shit Sandwich'."

No Spinal Tap references yet?

Posted by: Oh Henry at April 18, 2008 11:08 AM

If I worked at Pacino's bank I would refuse to deposit his paychecks, just on principle alone.

Make that slacker either stand in line for the ATM or apply himself to some worthwhile projects.

I'm kind of petty.

Posted by: Mella at April 18, 2008 11:08 AM

"Moshfuck of tedium" is where I'll be sitting for the next 8 hours!

Posted by: Bev M. at April 18, 2008 11:10 AM

I've already seen both Nick of Time and DOA, so I was planning to skip this one anyhow.

Posted by: KateNonymous at April 18, 2008 11:21 AM

Rob, mostly just nothing depressing or too serious

and obviously nothing I can't semi-follow along drunk

Posted by: Bethy at April 18, 2008 11:25 AM

Has anyone else noticed that the Spambot really increased her output in the Hellboy thread? Does the Spambot specifically target the geek sector? Does the Spambot have research that shows geeks really want rich men? Enquiring minds need to know.

Boo: Since you two seem to have a thing going, could you ask her for me?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 18, 2008 11:28 AM

Paddy, how are you so sure Spambot's a she?

Posted by: TK at April 18, 2008 11:36 AM

OK...so Dustin had to watch this. It sounded painful. I need to remedy that. I'll make myself feel better so as to help Dustin get over his blah experience.

It's 75 degrees and sunny. It's 11:39. I think I'll leave at noon. I need time to reflect on Dustin's suffering.

OH. And the Flyers wooped ass last night. And they play again tomorrow. And GSP is gonna beat Serra. Good weekends rule....

...but man...I need to leave.

Posted by: PissBoy at April 18, 2008 11:39 AM

I was surprised to see this reviewed here since the movie is already out on DVD here in Norway. And in the half-price bin.

I wondered when I saw it in the video store how the hell an Al Pacino movie slipped under my radar. Now I know.

Posted by: PartTimer at April 18, 2008 11:52 AM

Bethy: A bit off the radar but "White Noise 2" was surprisingly not horrible, but will depend on how you feel about Katee Sackhoff and Nathan Fillion. We saw the movie just because they were in it so I was predisposed, but I dug it. It doesn't make a ton of sense so following along isn't necessary.

I can't think of a lot of good non-heavy easy to follow along recent flicks other than "Waitress", "Enchanted", and "Stardust". Last Saturday we popped in "Boogie Nights" again and got nicely toasty. That's a fun one. Also if you are into music getting a concert DVD can be a fun night if you've got it properly cranked up.

Sorry this may not be much help.

Posted by: Rob at April 18, 2008 11:54 AM

Leeleelee Sobereskinee is fucking creepy. I hear she collects hair... Call me a kook, but isn't that some sort of warning sign... like, a gateway drug to collecting Flesh-Cheetos?

Pacino needs to be beaten about the head and neck. Not hard, but hard enough to learn how to slide into obscurity with an ounce of self-respect and grace, letting us remember him and the good things he used to do.

By the way, whoever posted as Captain Al? Brilliant!

"Moshfuck of Tedium"? Dustin, m'man - that was fucking brilliant. I will be incorporating that into my ever-growing lexicon... And should I ever learn how to play spoons properly, that will be the name of my band.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 18, 2008 11:57 AM

Wonderful! I love this review.

Posted by: BG at April 18, 2008 12:06 PM

Where, oh where is the review for Forgetting Sarah Marshall? I have read two good reviews, but I won't drop my $10.50 until it gets the Pajiba of Approval.

Posted by: Ariel at April 18, 2008 12:19 PM

Why can't everyone talk like this? Perfect review.

Posted by: fairmaiden327 at April 18, 2008 12:29 PM

Oh Al. I love you. But... I just can't keep on seeing shitty movies in hope that you invoke some of that Godfather charm. Or even charm from Author, Author. Maybe even Sea of Love. Hell, I'd just settle with you acting the way you did in Heat. JUST STOP FUCKING SCREAMING. And pick some better movies. Remember Glengarry, Glen, Ross. Yeah.

Posted by: Raye Raye at April 18, 2008 12:31 PM

"Hoo-ha! Paycheck!"

Why do I see him saying that exact thing when they gave it to him?

Seriously though, I love me some Pacino. I once nominated him for "Old Dude Over 50 Who I Would Most Definitely Bang." For the record, Gabriel Byrne was the winner...but Al should still be proud.

Posted by: citizen_cris at April 18, 2008 12:34 PM

I was hoping for a review, so I'll make do with this mini one. I usually love Pacino and I thought it looked good in the trailers, but now I don't think I'll bother going to see it.
Thanks for saving me some cash Dustin!

Posted by: StephanieS at April 18, 2008 12:39 PM

"White Noise 2" was surprisingly not horrible, but will depend on how you feel about Katee Sackhoff and Nathan Fillion.

Fillion did his usual wonderful job. I was not familiar with Sackhoff but she was just fantastic, too. Both of them tried their best to make a silk purse out of a fucking sow's ear of a story...Alas, their efforts were doomed to failure.

As much as I love Nathan, White Noise 2, aka White Noise The Light, completely sucks ass. It is not scary and it is not coherent. I would only recommend it for use to stabilize a wobbly table.

Posted by: Jerce at April 18, 2008 1:02 PM

I didn't even know there was a White Noise 2, but I've seen White Noise and sometimes, when I'm severely intoxicated, it takes physical restraint or the confiscation of my phone to stop me from calling people and whispering, "Go now!" and hanging up on them.

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 1:07 PM

Jerce: I don't disagree about the coherency of the plot. But I didn't think it was any worse than any other PG-13 horror movie of late. I jumped a couple times but that was probably more to do with the surround sound than anything. Admittedly, the movie would be useless with Sackhoff and Fillion. I thought my tv was going to melt in a geekgasm when Mal and Starbuck make out.

Posted by: Rob at April 18, 2008 1:22 PM

Oh lord... I'm sitting here at work hung over as all hell after watching "The Hunt For Red October" last night and making a drinking game out of it, and then I read this review and smile.

I'm happy now. But I really want a mimosa too... damn.

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at April 18, 2008 1:31 PM

Thank God Sarina doesn't have my number because that would scare the shit out of me! (I have a ghost thing.)

Posted by: Popsi_zen at April 18, 2008 1:43 PM

Skittimus, the really weird thing about LeeLee is that when asked Tom Cruise for a lock of his hair, he refused. So for a minute, he was less weird than someone else.

Unless his giving a lock of hair meant he was betraying a Scientology principle or something.

Posted by: Brie at April 18, 2008 1:53 PM

Becky


Give me the fucking directions to the drinking game already!!!!!!


Oh and celery, I assume you've seen "The Jazz Singer", yes? Olivier tore that shit up (sometimes literally). What a crazazy goddamn movie, I love it.

Posted by: Jay at April 18, 2008 1:58 PM

I wonder if that Leeeeeeeleeeeeee Sobieski hair thing would be an effective deterrent to creepy people? Like, to keep them from talking to you? Maybe the next time I get a haircut, I'll save all the clippings in a baggie that I can whip out whenever some socially retarded Weirdy McGee won't take my subtle hints to please go away. Nobody wants to be asked to contribute to a Bag-O-Hair, right?

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 2:06 PM

Nice.

Posted by: Cady at April 18, 2008 2:24 PM

Every time the submarine was in sight, even in photos... we took one drink.
BUT, if it surfaced, even a tiny lil' bit... two drinks.

Any time they turned suddenly and the sub tilted so the camera angle tilted as well, another drink.

I think when someone died we drank then too. It was a sorta hazy evening. We were drinking cadillac margaritas with only fresh lime juice as mix, and we plowed through the entire bottle of tequila during the course of the movie.

Fun times! But I'm paying for it now...

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at April 18, 2008 2:47 PM

"What movie would you see just for an actor, no matter how badly it sucks?"

Jim, I have embarrassingly enough seen every Jennifer Garner film in the theaters. I also own most of them on DVD.

I can only blame the Stuporbowl episode of Alias--the one where she's on the plane and comes out in red lacy underwear and then comes out AGAIN in the black.

After that I would do anything for that woman. Including paying to see "Catch and Release".

Posted by: Masey at April 18, 2008 3:02 PM

Jay : the real question is, have you seen Eugene Levy as Sid Dithers in the "Jazz Singer"? Al Jarreau was Yizzle Dithers, the black son who wanted to be a Jewish cantor, while Sid desperately wanted him to sing R&B.

Sir Larry had his ass kicked.

Posted by: celery at April 18, 2008 3:06 PM

I can only blame the Stuporbowl episode of Alias--the one where she's on the plane and comes out in red lacy underwear and then comes out AGAIN in the black.

Masey, I own that show on dvd and whenever I rewatch that episode I rewind that scene. More than once. And I'm straight. I just can't help it, she's got a body to die for.

Posted by: Julie at April 18, 2008 3:11 PM

I can only blame the Stuporbowl episode of Alias--the one where she's on the plane and comes out in red lacy underwear and then comes out AGAIN in the black.

Masey, I own that show on dvd and whenever I rewatch that episode I rewind that scene. More than once. And I'm straight. I just can't help it, she's got a body to die for.


I just looked it up on youtube...Thanks Masey and Julie. Nice scene...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

Posted by: Riles at April 18, 2008 3:26 PM

I so fell for that...

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at April 18, 2008 3:38 PM

Nice work Riles.

Posted by: TK at April 18, 2008 4:01 PM

Dammit. I tip my hat to you Riles. Two notes on that--one, I feel compelled to watch that video beginning to end if I fall for it. Two, that song is a show stopper at karaoke parties.

However, this is for Julie and anyone else with a pulse...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggdMt0aFSC4

Posted by: Masey at April 18, 2008 4:15 PM

Ha! I just clicked on Riles' link.

Posted by: Julie at April 18, 2008 4:19 PM

Damn you Riles with your wiles.

Masey you are my hero.

Becky I'm hunting down a copy of Red October now. I have a handle of gin that's just crying for a movie drinking game and some scandalously dirty martinis. Plus my knew shaker needs some serious loving to get was should be a long relationship off on the right foot.

Posted by: HedonismBot at April 18, 2008 4:47 PM

Be careful with that movie though. It's dangerous. I went to the bathroom at some point and by the time I came back I had to drink five times to catch up!

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at April 18, 2008 4:54 PM

My roommate's a doctor, so I'll just get him to set us up with some catheters to simplify the situation. The end of the catheter will naturally go into filling beers that I'll convince him to drink later when he's hammered and doesn't know any better. That'll teach the bastard to finish my gin.

Posted by: HedonismBot at April 18, 2008 5:13 PM

Ha...Gotcha bitch! Just trying to amuse myself while getting through a Friday at work with more than the unual amount of fires to put out.

Thanks for playing.

Posted by: Riles at April 18, 2008 5:42 PM

Brilliant. Just like Tyler Perry.

Posted by: D at April 18, 2008 5:42 PM

C'mon folks! There's like... like 10 (or so) more comments left to make here to stop this bitch at 88.

The lucky person who makes the 88th comment gets a small pouch of Pacino's hair clippings! You get yerself one o'them DNA machinamabobs, and you can extract enough juice to grow your own Pacino! Amaze your friends! Alienate your family! Pick up easily boneable members of the opposite/same sex! Have a human dartboard in your basement, keeping score with a series of "HOO-AAHS"!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 18, 2008 5:48 PM

SkittiMax, good call.

Posted by: Riles at April 18, 2008 5:59 PM

What part of the body will his hair be clipped from?

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at April 18, 2008 6:06 PM

C'mon folks! There's like... like 10 (or so) more comments left to make here to stop this bitch at 88.

The lucky person who makes the 88th comment gets a small pouch of Pacino's hair clippings!


Perhaps I can assist my having a conversation with myself? Oh, and hey! I can totally add the prize to my Bag-O-Hair DeCreepinator! So anyway, remember that one time I drove up north with Jenni to see her birth mom and we stopped at this place called Treasure City and I walked around the store in a Viking helmet and then bought a postcard with a photo pictorial of The Many Moods of Loons?

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 6:15 PM

Ohmigosh, I DO totally remember that! That was the same trip during which we went to the legion in Bagley and I had nine gin & tonics and won the meat raffle!

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 6:16 PM

Meat raffles are awesome.

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 6:16 PM

Becky Tri-Tip Goddess, depends on how close I can get to the sumanabatch... I'm not sure if the restraining order is still valid, but I'm willing to go the distance... HOOOO-AAAAARGH!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 18, 2008 6:16 PM

Yeah, hicks are fun. Speaking of which, I totally heard that Mitzy McNichol* is pregnant again. That would be number eight, for those keeping track. That means she's totally winning out over the trashtastic bride with the 10 Things I Hate About You prom bridesmaid dresses for Wedding #4!

*Name changed so'z I don't get sued or nuthin'

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 6:17 PM

Word on the street is that her latest wedding will have an open bar, and she's having that one cousin of hers who keeps getting arrested for public intoxication give a speech at the reception.

Posted by: Sarina at April 18, 2008 6:18 PM

Oh shit - I'm not the winner, am I?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 18, 2008 6:18 PM