Pajiba

To be honest?

Sydney Wells (Jessica Alba) is a classically trained violin soloist who, having been blind since early childhood, undergoes a double-corneal transplant.

That's pretty much all you needed to say.

Parker Posey, I want you and Steve Zahn to take a good look at yourselves. I'm very disappointed in you both.

I saw the original Hong Kong version of The Eye some time ago. I remember it being very interesting, but not terribly scary. I also hard a clip on the radio yesterday of the scene where thay are talking about cellular memory and I just had to laugh at the sheer ludicrousness of it all. I don't remember that being in the original. I think if you're going to go with a wacky premise to begin with, then you should just go all out with it and leave the lengthy exposition about the who's, what's and wherefore's at home. I'm usally able to susepend belief enough to get past the wacky premise without needing an explanation of it.

My Mom and I rented the Chinese original a couple years ago, based solely on reading a blurb in a magazine that Tom Cruise's production company had bought the rights to make an American version.

I have to say that we were not all that impressed with the original. It had it's scary moments, and it was certainly above average where compared to most horror films, but the plot was thin and the truly great scares were few and far between. Also, it had a real happy ending, not a trick one, which revealed the film to be a light romance rather than a horror movie. I'm not surprised that the American version is poor.

Having said that so nicely, Jessica Alba is a fucking ridiculously awful actress and I pity the fool that sits through anything without at least one decent shot of that ass.

Jessica Alba refusing to show her bare ass in a film is like Marty Feldman refusing to do the googly-eyed thing in a film -- like, why are you here then? Except that Marty Feldman had way more range.

So this is an even crappier version of that old horror flick "Body Parts" with Jeff Fahey (which was actually decent, if a bit campy)?

That's right Alba, JEFF FAHEY made this movie better than you.

She uses the Internet to research the phenomemon?

I mean, it's a US remake of an excellent Chinese film. It was going to be bad. But the Internet?

Then again, they seem to think taking a character who was the worst member of her orchestra (a blind orchestra, to be specific, resulting in the most powerful moment of the original) and make her the greatest player ever is a necessary improvement.

Silly me for expecting common sense from a remake.

This movie reminds me of a movie in the 80s or 90s with Madeline Stowe and Aiden Quinn; it was called 'Blink.' Does anyone else remember that movie?

Although Alba refuses to appear nude, I think she's missing out on something special. Why women refuse to appear nude is beyond me, I just think that if you've got the body you should show it. I can understand a fat lady not wanting to show her goods, but a hot young thang like Alba should be the first in line to show it all. I don't want to hear from the cunt patrol bad mouthing what I have to say. I just think that if you are fat you should not show your disgusting body. I work hard at my job trying to make ends meet, and if I want to spend my hard earned money on pretty looking thin girls I should be able to without having to look at the fat women.

HATE JESSICA ALBA? please read the link. http://jezebel.com/344785/the-jessica-alba-you-dont-see

'But Snake, you're d-d-d-dead!'

'I know YOU are, but what am I?'

Erin: Was that the movie abvout the woman who sees a murder while her eyesight is slowly coming back, or something like that? I saw it ages ago, and my memory's shot to begin with.

I remember "Blink" - I saw that in theaters and it sucked, too. Can't just be the shared premise, can it?? Nah. Even at the time, Madeline Stowe and Aiden Quinn were way out of their respective depths headlining a box-office release, especially since the movie played like a "made for tv" piece with a slightly higher budget.

But the original for this film was hardly great. It was just this side of benignly boring and it did have the cellular memory schtick in it, though they didn't make a big deal out of it the way this one does. I remember thinking at the time, "This movie has the shades of dead people and supernatural abilities, like, you know, seeing the shades of dead people. Did we need mitichlori... I mean, some pseudo-scientific gobbledegook to move the plot forward. They coulda just said 'magic!' and we'd have happily gone with."

So, I was actually kinda hoping that the remake could fix some of the mistakes of the original. No chance of THAT, I guess.

I liked this premise better when it was a simpson's 'Treehouse of Terror' vignette and it was Snake's hair instead of a psychic's eye.

I don't blame Alba for trying to be more than just a perfectly shaped ass, but I hate when Hollywood takes a positive and scorns it to showcase their mediocrity. Fine, don't get naked...But its usually your talent after the act that makes your career. Ask Hedy Lamar.

Hedy Lamarr* Damn keyboard.

It's 'Jian Gui', not Gin Gwai (I'm not even sure how to pronounce that), literally meaning 'See Ghost', referring to the ability some have to, well, see ghosts.

Meh. Western remakes of Asian horror films have never, ever managed to be any bit as good as the originals. Western horror is just...not subtle, and depend too much on in-your-face boos, shocks and gore. Asian horror, whether Chinese, Korean, or Japanese, are much subtler, creepier and prey on your imagination for days after.

I'm getting goosebumps just remembering scenes from old Asian horror flicks!

Who the hell did she get the corneas from? Haley Joel Osmot?

@ Jadeite: actually both are correct. "Jian Gui" and "Gin Gwai" are the Mandarin and Cantonese pronunciations respectively of the same Chinese characters. Agreed on the differences between Asian and Western horror though.

I can't stand Jessica Alba and I hope her 15 minutes is up soon. She's a talentless twit. Hopefully after her pregnancy with Mr. Nobody she will become Mrs. Nobody and fade away.

"...Instead, we are blessed with a lengthy exposition about the recent advances and benefits of stem-cell research.."

Gee I think I'd be more entertained by going to an American Medical Association symposium on the subject. WITH the added benefit of not having to endure Miss "I'm not latina" Alba for two hours.

Is Alba in a bikini? A skintight bodysuit? Leather pants? No?

Then what's the point?

She's not a strong enough actress to carry a movie on her own or even as a major lead (Re: Honey, Awake, Good Luck Chuck, Into the Blue). Her entire career is based on her beauty and she seems to not want to accept that.

On top of which, she's picked nothing but bad projects. This is just the latest in a long, long line.

But what should she care? She'll retire by age 30 with more money than I'll see in a lifetime. So I guess she wins.

Posey and Nivola could tempt me to this cinema wise...but the Alba Hole of Suck is just too vast and i fear it.

Hmm... This sounds like a grimmer version of Over Her Dead Body except Jessica Alba is blind and can apparently play the violin and is not engaged to Paul Rudd. (Bless his soul!)

Alba as a "talented" violinist is about as credible as Denise Whatsherface playing a "nuculear" "scientist" in that Bond movie.

I don't know if it's just me, but it seems that a certain basic element of the character has to already exist within the actor for the portrayal to be successful. See Penn's Spicoli, some of that guy was within Penn, same for DeNiro (before he went douche) or Pacino (before he went all ham all the time), Streep pulls it off on a daily basis and even Emilio Esteves waaaay back when he did Repo Man. Believable characters portrayed by actors that had/have chops and not just a pretty little ass.

Everyone keeps going on about the differences between Asian and Western horror, but the point I was trying to make (and I think at least one or two people made the same basic point) was that THE ORIGINAL WASN'T THAT GOOD EITHER.

Seriously, do you know how many movies get made a year in Japan/China/Korea? Do you really think they're all good? Or even all better than their Western counterparts? C'mon. Mindlessly endorsing their movies because we don't recognize the names of the money-grubbing, soul-less conglomerates that green-lit whatever subliterate project is currently under consideration doesn't make them any BETTER. So we know that Bruckheimer sucks. Who's his Chinese counterpart? I don't know, and therefore I don't know to shut off the TV when the ideograms for his name pop up on screen... but that doesn't mean he doesn't suck just as hard.

Besides, there's a huge selection bias going on here. A movie that sucks in China is less likely to get exported to our shores (although it's not impossible). The "Asian horror movies (or any kind, really) are better than Western ones" meme gets mindlessly repeated by folks who have seen, what, maybe a half dozen, a dozen such movies at most? Besides, what's being compared to what, anyway? Is "Jian Gui" being pit against "Slumber Party Massacre"? Or is "Unplugging Nightmare" being put up against Kubrick's "The Shining"? Or, heck, even "Descent"?

I was trying to make (and I think at least one or two people made the same basic point) was that THE ORIGINAL WASN'T THAT GOOD EITHER.
Posted by: Landon at February 2, 2008 5:31 PM

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If it's the same one I saw, I don't remember it as being a horror film at all. It was more of a coming to terms/psychological sort of thing. Of course, these stupid coked-up Californians have tried to turn it into something it never was.

Not that I was going to see this, but I was hoping Alba's performance would be...passable.

The thing that gets me about Jessica Alba is that everyone said she was great in Dark Angel. I never watched it, but was she really that good? Or did the show make up for her poor performance? I don't think that talent comes in bits and pieces; you either have it or you don't. It seems like any cred she gained from that show has been long gone.

Wait a second. A body double? Seriously?

Jessica Alba's ass was the only reason I was even considering seeing this movie, since going to see a movie with Jessica Alba in it necessarily involves sitting through over an hour of her "acting". Now you're telling me that her ass isn't even in it?

Note to casting directors: why not just use that girl whose ass it is? She can't possibly act any worse.

To be honest, the American version of "The Ring" was far superior to the original Japanese version, in my view. Better shot, better acted, better scripted. Verbinski did a great job with it. "Ju-on" was better in the original, though. But it wasn't particularly scary.

The real travesty is the American remake of "A Tale of Two Sisters." The original Korean version scared the fuck out of me. So, so well done. I can't see the remake going well at all.

"...The thing that gets me about Jessica Alba is that everyone said she was great in Dark Angel..."

She wasn't, ooooh believe me she wasn't anywhere near good, I don't think she even elevated to mediocre. I'm pretty sure the only reason why she got the part had to with sucking somebody off and Sarah Michelle Gellar and/or Eliza Dushku not being available.

Brie,

Anyone who told you Alba was great in Dark Angel was rendered blind by compulsive masturbation. She wasn't any good and the show wasn't either.

Anyone else see The Eye 2, the sequel to the original, with Shu "I should've been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" Qi? I thought that was a pretty good movie, with a creepier premise than the original. Also, it's one of the only movies where someone jumps out a window and doesn't land on a car (more than once, even, if I remember correctly). Good stuff.

The real travesty is the American remake of "A Tale of Two Sisters." The original Korean version scared the fuck out of me. So, so well done. I can't see the remake going well at all.

Posted by: markus at February 2, 2008 6:20 PM

Oh dear. Please tell me this is some sort of horrible joke or mistake. Indeed the original creeped the hell out of me too. I'm sure the remake will star SMG.

I love the header picture. That's pretty much the same reaction I get when I open my oven. Damn I need to clean the beast.

I'm afraid the remake is very real.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0815245/

....sigh....I saw the trailer for this movie at Christmas and wondered to myself who the hell keeps putting in a starring roles in movies? Has she really ever done anything worthwhile? Dark Angel? Please.

people like pookie should'nt be let near a computer...ever.

Mr. tasty, your attempts to silence me will not work. Tell your handlers I will not go quietly.

"The real travesty is the American remake of "A Tale of Two Sisters." The original Korean version scared the fuck out of me. So, so well done. I can't see the remake going well at all.
Posted by: markus at February 2, 2008 6:20 PM"

Oh no!! Godammnit!!
Listen Hollywood, find your own effing storylines. I swear, me and my ten dollars will strike. That sounds more violent than it would really look, so to be clear: I will not see any of your fukkokda remakes.
(I don't know how to spell fukkokda, but it looks pretty good this way.)

My husband just suggested that if they use the Olsen twins then that Tale of Two Sisters remake could be pretty scary. Can't argue that.

Oh, fer chrissake - no one is EXPECTING this to be anything good, right?

She's foxy, and young, and hip, and all that other shit - and like it or not, that's what the general demographic digs. I mean shit - we live in a time where PG13 bullshit is the norm and Hollywood is A-OK with shoving that mediocre flop down our throats. And really, why the fuck not? "Meet the Spartans" was number one at the box office, right?

If the dipshit masses keep eating it up, Hollywood douchetards are gonna keep fucking making it. Period. Yeah, we can pray that once in a while something decent come out, but we'd better be prepared to fucking search to see it. Why? 'Cause Multiplexes are ready and willing to show "Dude, Where's My American Pie Massacre, Part Whogivesafuck" on three or four screens... And maybe, just MAYBE if a movie with an iota of thought behind it gets a little buzz (i.e. Oscar) they'll throw it on a single screen, once a day, at a completely inconvenient time for maybe a week, or at least until the next "re-imagining" of a flick oozes its way on screen ("Footloose"?! For fucking real??).

Jesus...

Anyhow, bottom line is... Yeah, I'd do her. And that, my friends is why the problem exists in the first place. Because we'd do her.

Dear Jessica Alba;

Why were you Nancy Callahan? Why did you ruin an otherwise perfect movie? Why can't I edit you out of the film and put a real actress in your place? Someone who knows the definition of 'strip club'?

I'm afraid the remake is very real.

Oh, no--Elizabeth Banks?! Nooo! I like her! She's cute and funny!

Oh SHIT--David Strathairn?! What's he doing in a shitty...

pookie and pissboy and TOM BRADY know its about the ASS , the ALBA ASSSSSS.. CALLING MY SHOT PATS 40 NYG 17

B-Slim, or anyone really, because this is something that irks me A LOT. She's not the only person I've seen or met who has done this, but this is as good a time as any to bring it up.

What is it with her and that whole negation of her latina heritage? There's got to be some weird pathology behind that, because we're not in 'Put The Blame on Mame' territory here. Her success is not contingent upon her hiding this. But dang, there is some Merle Oberon-level denial at work here.

I know that I have no right to tell people how to self-identify, and I will freely admit that I have a bias, so I have a knee-jerk reaction to this stuff. I'm a visible minority, and yeah, things have progressed for ethnic women. And if a person were to say that we've come to a point where women of all races are regarded equally in actractiveness (generally speaking), I'd have to respectfully, but vociferously disagree. Fine.

But the way that she treats it, as if it's a disease--it just seems so disrespectful and declasse. Please Ms. Alba, explain to me why it so disgusting and horrible to not be 100% white. I'm sure it will be very edifying for all of us, and I'll understand more clearly all the ways and reason for me to hate myself.

Haven't any of her family members taken her to task on this? My niece and nephew are bi-racial, and if I caught either of them pulling that shit (for either race), there would be some long, long discussion periods ahead. They would have to endure a lot of righteous lecturing from...everyone. And righfully so.

Anyway, no one's fooled, and the waxy molten look she sports when she's in her Sue Storm regalia doesn't exactly scream 'Nordic Ice Princess'. The way I see it is, heck, she's a pretty lady, acknowledge where it came from. She's a tragedy of a human being, but...I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.

I would write another dialogue about this, but I fear that it would just in Guillermo del Toro breaking a bottle in her face, and that's not right. I may be an ugly, bitter husk of a girl, but bitches: I BELIEVE IN PEACE!

-Besser OUT!

Oh, Ms. Posey. Really???

Is there an award for never seeing anything Alba's been featured in, movies or television? Because I think I'd win it.

Wait, I saw Never Been Kissed. Damn you, Drew Barrymore!

"....She's foxy, and young, and hip, and all that other shit - and like it or not, that's what the general demographic digs. ..."

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 2, 2008 10:39 PM.
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I'm not sure this is true, this weekend it barely pulled in 5mil (in 2,400 theaters) coming in behind the Hannah Fucking Montana Tour Movie (only on 683).
And like I've said before, all these flavor of the month "phenoms" are brought to us by marketing people not by the people on the acting or creative end of the spectrum, i.e. "Phil" from Marketing THINKS this is what the kids want to see.

Note on Parker Posey: Girlfriend is really REALLY starting to burn through all her accumulated indie goodwill.

So does Jessica make this movie an alba-tross? Sorry, really can't help myself with bad, cheesy puns. Seriously though, I can't stand looking at this girl. I've never been so turned off by someone so good looking. The girl should really find some other career, and quit torturing us with her crappy movies. The girl is really only good at this point for posing on "Us Weekly" covers, with her preggo eggo.

Dark Angel had an interesting premise that they never really did anything with. Jessica Alba was "good" in that she was nice to look at, which is pretty much the extent of her talents as far as I've been able to tell.

There wouldn't necessarily be anything wrong with that (plenty of women have made careers out of it), but she seems to spend all her time complaining how annoying it is to be so good looking. That's going to sound pretty stupid when it starts wearing off. And it will.

I saw the Chinese version a few years ago. Unfortunately, in the version that I saw all of the subtitles were off by one line, so while the long monologues made a bit of sense, the dialogues were like that scene from "Singing in the Rain" when the dubbing goes awry. It added a bit of humor, but it also completely ruined the suspense since the line would read "AAAAH! What was that?" at the end of a scene instead of at the beginning of the next one, where it should have been. I've watched a lot of K-Horror and C-Horror, and this one wasn't the worst of the lot, which is about all that I can say.

The original HK version is far more interesting than this tripe of a remake. Alba is so untalented, yet the only redeeming quality about her (that allows her to still work in Hollywood that is) is her ass. There's something vaguely facist AND sexist about that when I think about it. Sure, she says she won't get naked for films, but if this is the only reason why people (and especially MEN) go to see her shitty films then what's the point in NOT taking off your clothes? She might make far more money for just that, fuck it!

*sigh*

I don't remember what the movie was called either, but yes there was another American movie about a violinist who received eye transplants and witnessed a murder while her vision was coming back. The chick who played Jackie in Roseanne played her best friend. It was completely inconsequential that she was a fiddler, though. I don't think it ever came up again in the movie.

IMDB used to have a listing for an American remake of Battle Royale. My friends and I were taking bets on a) if it would ever actually get made and b) if they would make the kids 16 and above to fit in with American sensibilities.

AllGussiedUp - Heehee, "alba-tross"! Love it!!

Yeah, MO, that was actually one of my finer ones, so I'm glad you liked it.

Go Giants!

ph,

Sexist I get. But FASCIST? Methinks you may have picked the wrong word there.

"very interesting, but not terribly scary" - Elsie

That is spot on how I felt about the original, Elsie. That one part in the subway was pretty clever. I'll watch the Alba remake on cable, just to see how they handle the ending.

So, in being able to use the interwebs for her research, was it made clear when she learned how to read?

I'm scheduled for a corneal transplant of the left eye (keratoconus) next week.
As I'm shit scared of the procedure and its risks, maybe I should watch the movie and get a good laugh?

staramour -- Good point there! To my knowledge, Braille and the latin alphabet is a bit different from eachother...

I know this is coming in really late, but is she screaming into an oven? That's what it looks like. It appears that she's yelling at something in her oven. A roast maybe? Did a quiche fall? Cookies burn? Did she accidentally put an animal in the oven? What the fuck is going on here?!

I might have to watch the movie to have these questions answered... (shudder!)

WHY IS SHE SCREAMING AT THE OVEN??!!!

(...crickets chirping...)

I'm...so...alone...

This movie and the Chinese one it was adpated from are blatant rip-offs of BLINK:

http://www.starpulse.com/Actresses/Stowe,_Madeleine/Trailers/19/

This movie and the Chinese one it was adpated from are blatant rip-offs of BLINK:

http://www.starpulse.com/Actresses/Stowe,_Madeleine/Trailers/19/

piedlourde,

I hope it goes well for you.

Jo 'Mama' Besser -- Thanks! I guess only time will tell if it's successful or not.

Aw. I liked Alba in "Honey." The acting was not spectacular, but I admired the fact that she learned to dance for it -- not any little pokey dancing either. Plus it gave me a chance to see Lonette McKee. Anything that enables Lonette McKee to appear in public is big-time commendable in my book.

Aw. I liked Alba in "Honey." The acting was not spectacular, but I admired the fact that she learned to dance for it -- not any little pokey dancing either. Plus it gave me a chance to see Lonette McKee. Anything that enables Lonette McKee to appear in public is big-time commendable in my book.

Aw. I liked Alba in "Honey." The acting was not spectacular, but I admired the fact that she learned to dance for it -- not any little pokey dancing either. Plus it gave me a chance to see Lonette McKee. Anything that enables Lonette McKee to appear in public is big-time commendable in my book.

Aw. I liked Alba in "Honey." The acting was not spectacular, but I admired the fact that she learned to dance for it -- not any little pokey dancing either. Plus it gave me a chance to see Lonette McKee. Anything that enables Lonette McKee to appear in public is big-time commendable in my book.

Aw. I liked Alba in "Honey." The acting was not spectacular, but I admired the fact that she learned to dance for it -- not any little pokey dancing either. Plus it gave me a chance to see Lonette McKee. Anything that enables Lonette McKee to appear in public is big-time commendable in my book.

THE GODDAMED OVEN!!!

WHY IS SHE YELLING IN AN OVEN??!!

Fertheluvvagawd, somebody please answer so I don't have to spend any money on answering this question...

So... cold.... (sob)... the oven, why?

Well, I tried to answer your second plea via email because this movie truly would be a waste of time and money. Is that address out of order? - AB

Skittimus, I'm with you. I'd have been here earlier but it's Mardi Gras down here, so I had some drinkin to do, but i'm sorry you were so cold, and alone. Here, have a daiquiri. And some bourbon.

Maybe the Agent would be so kind as to tell us in the comments?

Skittimus, I'm with you. I'd have been here earlier but it's Mardi Gras down here, so I had some drinkin to do, but i'm sorry you were so cold, and alone. Here, have a daiquiri. And some bourbon.

Maybe the Agent would be so kind as to tell us in the comments?

damn drunken double postings

I haven't seen the movie, mostly because the trailers bored me, and based on the review and the comments above, I'm going to err on the side of caution and not bother. I mean, what's the point of spending $10 on another bad horror movie with another B-list starlet headlining?

Now, I might see the original, only because the premise as a romance rather than a horror movie intrigues me.

Lastly, what's her deal with being Latina? I'd much rather be Latin than Lithuanian. What's so exciting about being Lithuanian? Sure, my genes have ensured I have a better chance of surviving a nuclear winter than Jessica Alba, but I'd prefer to not blind people by reflecting sunlight of my pasty white skin. And then there's the food--which cookbook would you buy: "1001 Ways to Cook Chiles," or "Cooking With Lard?"