"Zombie Jambalaya" with Paul W.S. Anderson and the 10 Best Comments of the Week
By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (15)
Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.
There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.
10. Ugh. I don’t want to live in a world where someone can say “Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill”. - JakesAlterEgo
9. Every single part of me wants the second paragraph to be true, and we learn that Dustin has always been a prophet blessed by the Divine. Some call Him Godtopus, but really, at the end of the day, He’s the God of Entertainment. The One responsible for giving us Breaking Bad, Justified, Drive, even Pajiba and every now and then he fills in when the God of Economy is too busy snorting lines of coke off those fancy plates they use to print money. We should’ve known, all along, that Dustin was more than he appeared (NOT like any of the Transformers movies) that his insight, wit, and most of all, his sarcasm could only come from supernatural, heavenly origins. It is, in fact, his sarcasm that holds the most power. His sarcasm is the literal Word of Godtopus. If we believe, and lend him power through page-views, his sarcasm will set right this horrible world. His sarcasm will see Whitney cancelled and it will be as though the Killing never happened! We’ll get an entire summer back! If we just believe… - AngelArm45
8. Muahahaha…..Erotica and Musicals. I want to see this done.
Debbie Does Chicago
Evita, MILF
The Diddler on the Roof
Seven Brides For One Brother
Schwinging in the Rain - NateS1973
7. I always forget that fingering scene on the roller coaster. Then I watch it again and am amazed and how hot that scene actually is.
I wish I had gotten fingered on a roller coaster as a teenager.
Hand job…
I mean I wish I had gotten a hand job on a roller coaster as a teenager. - DeistBrawler
6. There’ a terrific amount of carnage in Awakenings
Sure is! Remember the part where De Niro sneaks back into the hospital and murders all the other coma patients while they sleep? Then Robin Williams comes back and fights him to the death! That was AWESOME! - Sean
5. I’m on a budget here, so I’ve just got an etch a sketch and a sock. - Mrcreosote
4. Buttery Orgasms is my new band name.
And my tribute band will be I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttery Orgasms.
We’ll sound like the real thing, but we both know it’s fake. - branded
3. Fine.
You really want to know why? You really want to know?
The people at Sundance banned us because they said, and I quote, “(that) permitting your staff to attend would be both contrary and detrimental to the Sundance spirit. This is mainly due to the fact that it appears that your readers (based on the comments we have observed on your site) are relentless and rapacious assholes, who should probably be relegated to some sort of work camp for mouth-breathing morons, if not outright executed.”
So thanks a lot, you fucking pricks. - TK
2. How do we know it was a “conservative” that killed the cat?
Answer: You don’t.
Posted by: A Guy. at January 23, 2012 11:07 PM
Yeah, when he wrote “liberal” he was actually signing it. - Gregorio
1. Hi there! And welcome back to another episode of “Cinema Cookin’!”
Well I hope you’re hungry because today we’ll be making “Zombie Jambalaya” with Paul W.S. Anderson. We know time is short so here’s the recipe…
1 skinny, dressed Kiev bird with no breast meat
12 pounds Anderson superego, diced
1 can of rotten tomatoes
1 medium hackneyed script
1 pointless action pepper, seeded and karate chopped
1 reheated plot
1 pint of cooking sherry (not for the recipe, but you’ll need to take a couple of slugs of it)
2 celebrity stalkers, restrained
2 teaspoons Ashanti seasoning
1 Colin Salmon, boned
3 Michael Bay leaves
90 minutes of wasted thyme
1 pound frozen hacked and overdone sequels, thawed
4 short trailers of other better movies
Heat producer oil in large dutch oven. Throw everything in a large Uwe Boll, stir vigorously until everything is well blended. Drop mixture into dutch oven. Simmer for hours on end and serve up to audience by flinging onto screen in a hot mess. Constantly serve until no longer profitable.
Tune in again next week when we’ll be whippin’ up a batch of “Fire in the Hole Chili” with Brett Ratner. - bleujayone
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Comments
Posted by: Robert at January 27, 2012 9:29 AM
I don't know how I missed NateS1973's comment. I would have gladly pointed out that there actually is a Debbie Does Dallas stage musical. No need for the cross-over. It already exists. So do Oh! Calcutta! (sex revue musical), Candide (very rapey in content), and Jerry Springer: The Opera (adult baby fetishism).