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This Week's Eloquent Eloquence Asks: Is Appliance Intercourse Considered Sodomy?

By Prolixity Julien | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (19)

200906_hugh-jackman-gay.jpg

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. Pennywise the Clown.

You listed a motherfucking, hateful, painful, godsdamned spawn of every hell CLOWN as #1?

I have to admit it’s the right decision. — The Wanderer

9. A French American (who can’t do accents) playing a Scotsman, a Scotsman (who can’t do accents) playing an Egyptian via Moorish Spain. What could go wrong?

My favourite exchange…..
Ramirez: You are Immortal!
McLeod: Why is zis so?
Ramirez: Why doesh the Shun rishe in the morning? And are the shtars jusht pinpricksh on the cloak of night?
Who knowsh Highlander…… — frank_247


8. Also, Hugh Jackman?! People, please. There are 7th grade girls whose rooms are decorated with unicorns and glitter who are manlier than that prancing sissy. — Tracer Bullet

What Tracer said, about the scotch. And about Hugh Jackman. He’s got more than a little sugar in his tank.Smokin

7. {takes MM’s Pajiba card}

{tears it apart}

{sets it on fire}

{buries the ashes}

{salts the earth where they’re buried}— TK

6. I find it kind of sad that liking your wife is “unmanly,” but concede that network tv usually defaults to the henpecked schlub / horrible bitch stereotype.

“He loves his wife? That’s so gay!” — Edith

5. I’m pretty sure any form of appliance intercourse, regardless of its sexual proclivity, is considered sodomy.

Now excuse me whilst I crucify my washer/dryer combo for living in sin. BURN HEATHENS! — Smatt584

4. Yum! But how are we supposed to watch this when it comes out? I can hardly wander casually into my local cineplex with towels and lube and just wait in line beside the little kiddies waiting to go in to Nanny McPhee 7: The Reckoning. — PaddyDog

3. This list is lame…

And if anyone should know anything about lame, it’s me. — Kenny G.

2. Didn’t he rape someone? CroatianSpaceStation

Tough one to prosecute. All the evidence mysteriously disappeared. — Bert

1. Is he pulling off a Princess Leia or is he one of Christ’s executioners? — Adrien









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Comments

What did MM post to provoke that response from TK?

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 21, 2011 12:04 PM

There's a link on TK's comment you can follow to the thread.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 21, 2011 12:14 PM

Isn't today supposed to be the end of the world? You know, the one that was rain-checked from last May?

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 21, 2011 12:15 PM

None of your beeswax, people! Can't we just let my shame be buried in a forgotten thread?

It hurt, too, because TK is assuredly my idol. (He's my favorite.)

Posted by: MM at October 21, 2011 12:20 PM

I'm standing right here MM.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 21, 2011 12:29 PM

Okay, I'm a teensy bit thrilled to be included. I don't write the kind of comments that make EE usually, and don't try to, because I'd fail miserably. I'm beaming a little right now. Thanks!

Posted by: Edith at October 21, 2011 12:34 PM

Don't worry MM. I'm sure Dustin will print you a new card. Also, TK won't remember he destroyed your card in the first place, he'll be too busy ranting and raving against the next pop culture injustice. This is just a temporary set back.

Posted by: tamatha at October 21, 2011 12:50 PM

Paddydog, yes, today is the rain-checked rapture, although I hear that they are back-peddling again.

Can't they just leave and get it over with? Hell, I'll help them out if they'd just line up on the bridge and await the hand of god to push them.

Considering the earthquakes yesterday, I'll bet they are kicking themselves for not going a day earlier.

Posted by: Drake at October 21, 2011 1:04 PM

MM, I enjoyed that movie too. I would have admitted it there in solidarity with you but TK frightened me with the card tearing massacre.

Posted by: Paultera at October 21, 2011 1:06 PM

I'm going to write a YA novel called Rain-Checked Rapture. It will have intertwining themes of teen abstinence and the apocalypse.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 21, 2011 1:16 PM

Mrs. Julien, you're my Pajiba BFF, for sure. But TK is my idol. When I very first came to read Pajiba... a long time ago now... some article of TK's was the first thing I read, and I thought, "I think I like this guy. I'd like to subscribe to his newsletter." The rest, as they say, is history.

Posted by: MM at October 21, 2011 1:19 PM

I've got this rain-checked Rapture thing figured out. I'm predicting that seven billion years from now, give or take several hundred million years, our planet is going to be fried by the Sun. Assuming humans are still around then and using this planet, those doomsayers are going to finally be able to get it right!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 21, 2011 2:03 PM

I'm pretty sure Rain-Checked Rapture has already been made into a Lifetime TV movie

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 21, 2011 2:10 PM

Man, not even a mention of my name this time. Talk about a boner killer.

See that's some award winning spunk right there.

I do like that Kenny G thing though. Talk about a b.k. amirite?! Fun kind though.

Posted by: googergieger at October 21, 2011 2:22 PM

That's it. From now on, all Pajiba cards are dipped in spider venom before shipping.

Posted by: TK at October 21, 2011 2:27 PM

Good thing I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to spider venom.

Posted by: MM at October 21, 2011 2:31 PM

Sorry folks-Rain Chequed Rapture is already a line of waterproof tingling KY lube.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at October 21, 2011 4:59 PM

Man, this is a GREAT week! 9th in the EE, AND an honourable mention in the Reverse Remakes!

I may have to go for a lie down......

Posted by: frank_247 at October 21, 2011 5:53 PM

Huzzah! Made the list and the title of the posting! Now if I can just get the Westboro Baptist Church to stop picketing my laundry room I can die happy.

Posted by: Smatt584 at October 22, 2011 4:17 PM