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The 10 Best Comments of the Week Featuring the True Story of the Vajazzle!

By Prolixity Julien | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (26)



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Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. I, for one, welcome the hand-in-ass rule of our new Communist overlords. - admin

9. I think my favorite childhood memory involving Catholicism involves my mother and her sister nearly getting into a fist fight on my aunts front yard over which saint’s statue you are supposed to bury upside down in the front yard for good luck in getting a house sold.

I swear we are one rung above the ancient pagans. We got a fucking saint for everything. - Diablo

8. Tonight on Lifetime:

The story of a lonely blogger, a struggle for intimacy, and a how a horribly gone wrong accident in crafting ornaments resulted in a multi-million dollar idea.

The True Story of the Vajazzle! - W. E. Coyote

7. I used to say that I am half-Romanian. I will now change that to “approximately 125% Romanian.” - firedmyass

6. p.s. I have just bought a jumbo bag of kittens and will be executing one every day from the start of the hiatus until Community is restored to our screens.

Who’s a little furry hostage? You are! Mew, indeed. - Ender

5. I thought the DFW Metroplex was a wrestling finishing move… - Bert

4. I was really disappointed they didn’t title the Parks and Rec episode “The Knopes Monkey trial” - PaddyDog

3. Rudin’s reaction does come off sounding rediculous (“You’ve very badly damaged the movie by doing this”) and while that makes it seem like his point is trivial and insignificant I do think he has a legitimate reason to be upset.

David Denby, and even moreso his editors at The New Yorker are supposed to be professional journalists. They were given the benefit of an advanced screening and they signed an agreement not to publish a review until a certain date. Then they promptly violated that agreement in order to get page hits and sell magazines. Fuck those guys. They aren’t champions of the people fighting the good fight against the tyranny of greedy movie studios. They are assholes.

How can anyone even consider faulting the producers of the film in this case? Why does every smartass with an internet nickname think they are in a position to judge how harmful or insignificant this action is to the filmmakers?

Look, David Fincher (who I happen to have immense respect for, but that is beside the point) and a bunch of other people got together and spent a lot of time and money working really hard to create something. It’s their project and they should have some control over it’s release and distribution.

What is it about the internet and pop culture that gives people such an out-of-control sense of entitlement? They don’t owe you advance screenings and readily available youtube trailers. You don’t get to justify violating their wishes regarding their work because “oh what’s the big deal, I’ve concluded by way of self-serving assumption that it won’t do any harm, and they are a giant Hollywood bullshit machine anyway so fuck em even if it does.” (or my other favorite “Oh, it’s a shitty movie anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”)

Everything isn’t immediately in the public domain before it is even completed just because you have broadband and a keyboard. Shut the fuck up and wait a week. Have a little respect for the talented and hard-working people who spend months and years of their lives on large collaborative projects. - Yossarian

2. No cock rings in earlobes in Colorado? That’s kind of a deterrent for going to Colorado. I would like my beer to be served to me by some guy with cock rings in his earlobes. If there can also be a cock in the ring… even better. - MissNev

1. If your mother got raped by a bird, and then decided to keep the child, and that child was you, would you not end up making questionable career choices?

That is to say, I think you’re overlooking the main issue, which is that - based on that header pic - Rob Schneider is actually a giant blue peacock-human hybrid.

I think he’s done better than I would have in his situation. - zeke the pig









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Comments

Am I the first to comment on the comments? Very well then....

No Comment

Posted by: kirbyjay at December 9, 2011 9:05 AM

My fragile sense of Internet self-worth thanks you for this honour.

Posted by: zeke the pig at December 9, 2011 9:28 AM

Yosarrian was on a roll in that review embargo thread. I still disagree that the producer looking for a publicity opportunity for the film is blameless here (as every write-up of the exchange said "the New Yorker wrote a positive review, but that's not the point," which in turn plants the seed that The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a great film before a single review is out), but that rant is a thing of beauty. I especially like when he calls out the public domain thing. Too many people don't bat an eye of IPR infringement. It's a damn fine point to make.

Posted by: Robert at December 9, 2011 10:02 AM

I think it would be cool to include which post the comment came from in case someone may have missed it. As a Coloradoan, I am extremely interested to find out exactly what MissNev is responding to :))

Posted by: Laura at December 9, 2011 10:15 AM

I miss the days when the eloquence was prefaced by the thread from which it came. Sometimes, I just can't(won't) read all the posts during the week. It would be handy to be able to go back and read those I missed(skipped).

Posted by: No Pithy Name at December 9, 2011 10:18 AM

Laura,

If you click on the commenter's name it'll take you to said article.

Posted by: Bert at December 9, 2011 10:18 AM

Hey Laura,

Great minds and all that...

Posted by: No Pithy Name at December 9, 2011 10:19 AM

Rowles, while on some level I guess I still do care about the direction that EE is headed. But alas, I’ve spent too much energy trying to right EE’s ship. I am not long for this world; soon I will shake this diseased rancid coil and converse with the gods. EE is now but a distant memory.

Posted by: Pookie at December 9, 2011 10:26 AM

Thanks Bert, probably should have figured that :)

Posted by: Laura at December 9, 2011 10:30 AM

Congrats to my fellow Saskatoonian, (Admin) for making the top ten!!

Posted by: Wormer at December 9, 2011 10:36 AM

Pookie,

Give my regards to Ninkasi.

*raises beer glass*

Posted by: , at December 9, 2011 11:01 AM

zeke's comment really was one of my favorites ever, but I hope I didn't tip the scales by saying so...

And, yes, whenever Yossarian leaves a message, it's always after the beep. Wait. What? He's a good egg, is what I'm saying.

Posted by: RobP at December 9, 2011 11:23 AM

Soon we shall rule all, Wormer.

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2011 11:25 AM

I wouldn't worry about it, Rob; what's done is done.

Now where's that drink I owe you...

Posted by: zeke the pig at December 9, 2011 11:37 AM

Prolixity (may I call you Prolixity?) - I was introduced to a guy last week by another dude who's always trying to get me out to these trivia nights he does. Dude presented me as some kind of pop culture brain trust, because the one time I did go out to play that's pretty much what I contributed. He also implied I was awesome because our team won because of said knowledge. I think that was an exaggeration, as there were entire categories about things beyond my erudition, and I am not even certain that we did win that night, but in any case, it's not the point of this story. So.
The other guy, I can't recall his name now, maybe it was Jerome? Dave? Anyway, he was presented as a veritable treasure trove of data about movies and television. Dude said, with much awe, that Dave* is one of those people who even knows the names of producers, writers, show runners. So I'm looking at Jerome**, and I get this tingly sense that he probably knows about Pajiba. I keep telling people in my life, like my sister's boyfriend***, about the site and it hasn't caught on with them yet; here, though, HERE was someone who surely would know about this awesome corner of the internet.
I wanted so much to just look him in the eye and say "Pajiba?" but I couldn't make myself do it. For one thing, I am one of those heathens who always wants to say pah-gee-bah, even though I know it's meant to be said padge-eye-bah. Worse still, I do not comment. Imagine if he was here, was an eloquent even, and I would have to admit that I am but an inveterate lurker.
Oh the shame I felt just then. And so here we are - here I am - today.

* The guy was almost certainly NOT named Dave.
** Pretty sure he wasn't actually Jerome, either
*** My little sister's boyfriend is name Dave, furthering my suspicion that that guy wasn't. There are only so many Daves I know.

Posted by: Berecka at December 9, 2011 11:41 AM

Posted by: Prolixity at December 9, 2011 12:26 PM

So glad to see that my smuttiness is appreciated SOMEwhere!!

Posted by: MissNev at December 9, 2011 1:00 PM

Ender and PaddyDog deserve 1 and 2...

...but, all in all, a good list.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at December 9, 2011 1:05 PM

Berecka, I think that was one of the most amazing first comments ever.

Posted by: MM at December 9, 2011 1:56 PM

Is it wrong that I am going to bookmark this and show it to my Mom? Maybe now she'll be proud of me. She's always talking about my sister who got a PhD at 24.
It's my time in the sun! I love you all.

Of course she'll probably mock me and ask why I didn't get #1. Damn Indian mother. The stereotype is true.

Posted by: W. E. Coyote at December 9, 2011 2:35 PM

Congrats to my fellow Saskatoonian, (Admin) for making the top ten!!

Posted by: Wormer at December 9, 2011 10:36 AM

You're both from the 'Toon? Guess that makes two Prairie posters on the list - greetings from Winnipeg!

Posted by: Bert at December 9, 2011 5:24 PM

Please don't encourage Yossarian. His rants, while eloquent, are too often in service of being the site scold. And about what, in this case -- picking a side in an "inside baseball" debate that's being conducted (with no particular consensus being reached, incidentally) in far more hallowed grounds than these. The stakes in Pajibans taking a position in this debate are miniscule beyond belief -- but here comes the great principled Yossarian, laying down yet another stentorian, Inherit the Wind lecture, standing bestride the masses and screeching at them for engaging in the occasional intemperate remark. All the while benefiting from the same anonymity that he blames others for exploiting.

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My fragile sense of Internet self-worth thanks you for this honour
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