Eloquent Eloquence: We Are Guest Legion Edition
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Eloquent Eloquence: We Are Guest Legion Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 21, 2013 | Comments ()


Eloquent Eloquence, We Are Guest Legion Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews and Game of Thrones discussions are ineligible for inclusion and, as I am a delicate flower I refuse to look at the Hannibal article. You can berate me in the comments if something particularly delightful was overlooked, or you feel I have besmirched the honour of this column.

Great Godtopus, people. What is up everyone's tushies lately?

The Because of the 99 Upvotes Comment of the Week goes to kushiro, although I am loathe to imply that this is a democracy:

18-month-old with fauxhawk.
Named Jaxson.

Be careful, mom. One strike left.


The Finally, an Explanation That Makes Sense! Comment of the Week goes to Ben who, judging by this contribution, will be back:

Cars is set in a post apocalyptic world, they didn't build that stuff, the humans did. The cars took over with the help of the sentient military machines (You see sentient 'car's types fighter jets doing a fly over, so it stands to reason that all the other military vehicles are sentient too) It's basically a kidsy cartoony version of the world after skynet wins.

The Lather, Rinse, Repeat Comment of the Week goes to Zen whose prize is a wall oven. Efficiency, people!:

*head desk*
*head wall*
*head oven*

The We're So Funny and Educated Comment of the Week goes to NateMan for being able, aces, admirable, awesome, dynamite, egregious, exceptional, fab, first-rate, hellacious, marvelous, masterly, mondo, out of sight, super-duper, tremendous:

I was attacked by a pack of wild Thesauri once. It wasn't pretty. Had to defend myself with a shovel....

Exactly. I practically elucidated myself when they tried to maul me.

Thumbnail image for towerofpower.jpg

The Someone Get Tiffany Gibson on the Horn! Comment of the Week goes to Captain D, Slash, TK, and Steven Lloyd Wilson. Don't you just love Pajiba?:

Captain D: would it have killed them to at least add some sharks, wildfires, or tornadoes to the clip? Perhaps a tornado consisting of either sharks or fire?

Slash: SharkFireNado. The next made for SyFy movie. With a special effects budget of $15 (an all-time high).

TK: I'm not gonna lie - the word "SharkFireNado" makes my movie dick hard.

Steven Lloyd Wilson: I base all my entertainment decisions on a precision measurement of TK's movie tumescence.

The Not Everyone Is Happy for Channing Tatum Comment of the Week goes to Demps351 who has had more success this week than a certain "would be movie star":

Somewhere Taylor Kitsch is just sort of sitting around not really doing anything. He might go to the gym later.

The Who Is Already Sick And Pale With Grief, That Thou Her Maid Art Far More Fair Than She Comment of the Week goes to alwaysanswerb who will cut a bitch:

I WILL NOT STAND for Matt Bomer being DISRESPECTED like this! I don't care if he plays the blandiest McBlanderson in all of Afblandistan! Some light through yonder TV breaks; it is the east, and Matt Bomer's face is the sun. So say we all, amen.

The When Cindy Passes the Ball to You, Run With It! Comment of the Week goes to Bert_McGurt for his contributions to the airwaves of Westeros:

These are so fantastic I can't resist trying to come up with more:

This Old Keep
The Iron Price is Right
Keeping Up With the Baratheons
and of course, Dancing with the Dragons.

And I can't wait for the paternity testing episode of Varys!

Thumbnail image for varys.jpg

The If This Were an American Gods Kind of Reality, He'd Only Be Making You Stronger. Plus, Obviously You Manifested Him Comment of the Week goes to Maguita NYC for introducing her Downvote Stalker to [tips hat for intro] competitivenonfiction:

Oh, how rude of me! CNF, let me introduce my Pajiba stalker. My lil' pet dog.

Little pet, please meet CNF. Quite the nice and knowledgeable Lady.

Wondering what?? Well, I have earned the right to an obsessed fan. Someone who thinks about me, yearns for me all the time. Follows me around, shadowing my every post, hungering for my every word. And whenever feels neglected, for I am a cruel master with an easy whip for bad little xenophobes and misogynist pigs, I get downvoted for my thoughtlessness.

You're thinking it is not normal for a grown-ass man to stalk a woman, even on the interwebs. You're thinking it ain't accepted behavior. I tell you leave my dog alone, for this is adulation at its best.

Doggie, onwards to the Vice post.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Xtacle Steve Go You Huskies!:

Eskimo snuff films never really took off as a genre, despite Eli Roth's attempt at rebooting Snow Dogs.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • e jerry powell

    I was preoccupied with a Paula Deen comment storm, so I am late to appreciating this week's cavalcade of snark. Apologies.

  • emmelemm

    I did love the Eskimo snuff film comment.

  • alwaysanswerb

    I'm just happy that my inclusion has led to this header photo. YOU'RE ALL WELCOME (also ty Mrs Julien!)

  • Boats and cocaine for everyone!

  • e jerry powell

    Pablo, is that you?

  • emmalita

    I have noticed Maguita NYC's serial down-voter. At first I was confused and thought it was related to her actual comment. Then I went back through and noted that she had between 2 and 4 down votes on most of her comments. It confirmed what I had already ascertained for myself, Maguita NYC is an intelligent woman not afraid to speak her mind.

  • Maguita NYC

    Thank you Emmalita, that is quite generous and kind!

    And thank you once again Mrs. J. I'll be telling everyone at work, "You know I'm an Eloquent today". Hopefully someone will understand the value of such feat, and pay for lunch as celebration! (*Hint to Kushiro).

    EDIT: Special thanks to the fabulous Ms. CNF for reminding me my manners.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Is it douchey of me that I wanted to downvote you ironically?

  • Maguita NYC


    Sexy superstar siren Salma Hayek has opted for major breast reduction in protest to douchey downvoting . Said the actress:

    "These horrible downvoting techniques are making my breasts so sad and saggy. Like a dried-up well that could no longer feed all the hungry children. So In support of Maguita... and her comparatively modest, yet lovely offerings (!), I now stand at a petite 36B. "

    Added the Oscar nominee: "Let it be known that my mammary challenges will forever shrink in accordance with downvoting madness, and that particular brand of monomaniac-ism will gain you nothing but lost cleavage opportunities."

    Brava Ms. Hayek, Brava.


  • L.O.V.E.

    And, honestly. How could you even joke about such a thing. Do you get joy out of seeing an ol' man cry?


  • L.O.V.E.

    Now that is just ridiculous.
    Salma Hayek's breast have been certified by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site based on its "special cultural and physical significance".Therefore, any alterations or modifications are strictly prohibited without Committee approval. And by complete happenstance, this particular sub-committee is made up entirely of male construction workers.
    Also, I have already opened up a dialogue with Salma's breasts, and they say those quotes were taken out of context, and are nothing more than the crazy missives of a vicious and jealous propaganda machine and militant group known as the I.B.T.C., which stands for the Itty Bit..., well you get the picture. Anyway, I was directly told that they remain firm, supple, potent, vigilant, large and in charge.
    (P.S. With that said, Pascal's Wager dictates I upvote your post and vow never to downvote you. Just too much risk to take the chance)
    (P.S.S. I realize I just compared Salma's breast to God. He just gave me an approving head-nod)

  • competitivenonfiction

    No problem, just making sure everyone is being appropriately civil. As Miss Manners always says "one must introduce one's downvote stalker whence commenting on the internets."

  • Maguita NYC

    Damn that Miss Manners, she truly does cover everything!

  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    So tempted to downvote :D

  • Maguita NYC

    Only if you're paying for lunch!

  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    Deal. The day I have the impudence to disagree with something you say, lunch shall be yours, gratis, with a side order of compulsory downvote. Logistics be damned.

    You watch your opinions now, I'm terribly sensitive.

  • Mrs. Julien

    She has people for that.

  • emmalita

    I had noticed it on the great suicide debate thread and thought about asking, but decided there was enough shit storm happening so let it drop. Good luck on that free lunch. :)

  • kushiro -

    I honestly don't know what to do right now.

  • e jerry powell

    Order an ice cream cake?

    (And lots of bottled water.)

  • Mrs. Julien

    I called Mr. J and said, very quietly, "I made the list." By my, woefully behind, reckoning this is at least your third appearance.

  • kushiro -

    I can't believe that could be true. I make so few legitimately funny comments that I tend not to read the eloquence articles out of pure shame and envy.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Weeks of November 9, 2012, December 14, 2012, plus this week.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Hmm. I think we found the Pajiba stalker.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You aren't quietly impressed that I keep stats?

  • emmalita

    Bask, have a nap, rest on your laurels and come back stronger than ever, look down on people who don't appreciate your brilliance.

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