Eloquent Eloquence: Wall-E Is a Spambot Wandering the Wastes of the Internet Performing Its Useless Spamming Tasks
By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | May 18, 2012 | Comments ()
Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.
There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.
Do you doubt the magnificence of your Overlord? Foolish mortal.
so it’s Powder with skin pigment and not all that confusing homosexual subtext.
Guilt was no match up against adolescent hormones — if life’s a game of rock, paper, scissors, an erection wins out every goddamn time.
——-Even against scissors???
the world has returned to farming and pre-industrial revolution ways of life
So…. people just suddenly stopped using buildings? Because… the White House couldn’t be maintained without electricity? I mean, I can see why you wouldn’t use the upper floors of city skyscrapers, but why wouldn’t you use the lower ones? And why would vegetation just spontaneously start growing out of the upper floors? And how did someone get a boat to the middle of a city street?! AND HOW IN THE HELL DID EVERYTHING GET *THAT* OVERGROWN IN FIFTEEN YEARS?!?!!?!?!?
I hate this show already.
Posted by: Anna von Beav May 14, 2012 10:47 AM
Plus also, and I could be wrong about this, but cars wouldn’t just *stop running* when the electricity all … SOMEHOW went away. Once they’re started, the gas is what runs them, right? So the lights might go out, and the radio, but the engine isn’t just going to shut off. Sure, you wouldn’t be able to *start* them, but jesus god.
Also, steam trains would still work.
THIS WHOLE SHOW IS KILLING ME RIGHT NOW. ALREADY.
Posted by: Anna von Beav May 14, 2012 11:14 AM
Soeaking of fetching men in GQ…
Soeaking? A combination of speaking and soaking? Freud is so slippery, isn’t he, Joanna? ;-P
Devil Child for a complete lack of equivocation:
I refuse to believe that Sacha Baron Cohen could make a worse movie than Bruno.
A thousand monkeys crapping into a thousand orphanages for a thousand years couldn’t produce something more disgustingly, hatefully worthless than that movie.
Photographer: Alright, Charlize, we need to make this shoot a little sexier.
Charlize: Um, okay but I’m not sure I see why…
Photographer: Sex sells, you know that. Maybe you could take off your top or something.
Charlize: No. Absolutely not.
Photographer: Really? No? I mean, you want people to see the movie, don’t you?
Charlize: I was under the impression that the point of this shoot was to show off the space-suits as a way of teasing the sci-fi aspect of the film.
Photographer: Yeah, well, I was under the impression that I was the photographer and you were the model who does what I say, so…
Charlize: I’m an actor.
Photographer: Whatever. Just unzip that top and we’ll finish this thing.
Charlize: No. No, I’m never going to do that.
Photographer: (dramatic sigh) Well…fine then, can I at least take some pictures of your ass or something?
Charlize: The suit isn’t really all that sexy, y’know.
Photographer: Yeah, I know. That’s why I want you to take it off.
Charlize: I don’t see Mike taking his suit off.
Photographer: You might be surprised.
Charlize: (sigh) Well, listen, I’ll angle my ass towards you if you want, but I don’t think you’re going to get the result you want.
Photographer: You let me worry about that.
[click click click]
Photographer: …maybe give it a little slap for daddy.
Okay, no fucking way is TipToes anything but a “Funny or Die” sketch. No. Way. NONE. You could show me the entire movie and I still wouldn’t believe that it’s real.
None of you are real, Pajiba isn’t real, REALITY isn’t real, and HAHA GUESS YOU OVERPLAYED YOUR HAND WITH THAT “TIPTOES” THING, MATRIX MACHINES!
OH GOD, WHY WON’T I UNPLUG?!? WAKE UP! WAKEUP!
I thought the Avengers cast was pretty much the Avengers of acting, or at least the American main team, as it were. I suppose the cast of Gangster Squad can be the West Coast Avengers.
The British, of course, have their own Avengers teams. The Harry Potter cast is the main team, the cast of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is the Melatin-Challenged British Avengemen (Kathy Burke has petitioned to change the name, but probably not going to happen), and the cast of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is the Silver British Avengers.
Is there a HOLY coupling of Pirahna and Anaconda? One that would have the blessing of a benevolent God? I imagine ScyFy has a hat full of animal names and they just pick two. “Tarantaconda! Allipus! Sharktipine!”
I picture the Spambot as an internet Wall-E, long ago abandoned by its creator and now wandering the wastes of the world wide web performing its useless spamming task to the best of its abilities.
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