Eloquent Eloquence: Temper Klaxon Edition
Eloquent Eloquence, Temper Klaxon Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews and spoiler-laden Game of Thrones discussions are ineligible for inclusion which means a lot less reading for me this week.
• The But It's Too Late, I've Eaten Everything! Comment of the Week goes to Fredo whose prize is a gift card for Sbarro:
I take a look at that picture and imagine Patrick Stewart narrating the seconds before it. "This slice of pizza smells good and seems to carry a fair amount of toppings. I do wonder whether the heat will score the roof of my mouth. All the same, I have waited my entire life to bite into this delectable concoction. Jonathan Frakes swears by. And if I gotta hear from Seth McFarlane one more time about how he cannot believe I have never taken a bite out of a pizza, I will find the next starlet he's dating and make her my own. No one resists the voice of Patrick Stewart.
OK, here it goes......"
• The Yes, the Bees, YES THE BEES! Comment of the Week goes to Mrcreosote who has made the list as an anti-Sandlerite two weeks in a row:
In a world.....where an oppressed populace is forced to watch horrible trailers for even worse movies.....a crime is committed against humanity.....a sequal to a movie made purely for cash and vanity......and the audience does something unthinkable......this summer watch in disbelief.......as Adam Sandler is covered in bees...in "Stop it Sandler-the Final Chapter"
• The It's Practically the Site Motto Comment of the Week goes to Puddin for doing what comes naturally:
My heart says Inherent Vice, but my genitals say Captain America.
Oh genitals. You win. You always do.
• The Is it Opposite Day Already? Oh God. Oh God. Oh God Please Yes. Comment of the Week goes to TK. One Real Time Review of the Anna Nicole Smith Lifetime movie comin' up!:
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God please no. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME. I'M BEGGING YOU DUSTIN PLEASE DON'T.
• The Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You: Johnny Depp Is Aunt Muriel of the Scarves Comment of the Week goes to Sassafrass Green whose contributions this week resulted in a Sophie's Choice of EE inclusion.
Currently running a combination pottery class/past-lives seminar at the learning annex.
• The When John G. Asks, People Answer Comment of the Week goes to googergieger for letting us know when he first saw Willem Dafoe's undercarriage:
Well for me, it was at an old broken down bridge down at Tijuana. Was told if I looked at his balls, he'd put me in one of his movies. And while he never did put me in a movie, and he looked a lot more old, fat, and Mexican than I remember him looking. And did you know in real life he only speaks spanish? Anyways, the man reeked class that is just downright awe inspiring. Also reeked of booze and wet card board.
• The It's Irie at the Eyrie Comment of the Week goes to Bert_McGurt whose own codpiece is thing of splendour:
Birdman looks like he's headed to a fetish ball at the Eyrie. Personally, I don't think his codpiece is opulent enough.
Do I dare suggest he...put a bird on it?
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Wembley. It puts the lotion on its fur:
How come "Pets in Peril" isn't a genre?
First it's alliterative.
Second, no one ever finds animals to be too cutesy, annoying, worthy of death or the sign of a once successful sit-com trying to hang on by its fingernails.
"Scruffy. I love you. But they are going to take you. When they come, bark at the phone, make them pick it up. Then I can threaten them. Once I say it, it becomes real. But whatever you do, inder no circumstances let them take you for a walk..."
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)