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Eloquent Eloquence: Stuff Your Turkey with a Hair Metal Band and Call It TURDOKKEN

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (10)



Dokken+group15.jpg

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. Joker your a joker Rpattz is not a god. He made millions off of Twilight so he need to stfu. Kristen had said all of that she would of been attack Yes or No? you over grown women need to go feed your husband and take off your blinders for a foot face little ungrateful silly little boy. - Kelly

9. I don’t know about the urban myth that is “Vagina Dentata”, but that pic of Ashton and Demi is concrete proof that teeth can be found in assholes. - bleujayone

8. I named my kid Trystyn, and then Isolde the rights to my story to TMZ. - mswas

7. This year, I’m stuffing a turkey with a hair metal band and calling it TURDOKKEN. — bev rage

6. joanna robinson needs to stop making lists about dudes. this site used to be about movies, now it feels like jezebel. so disappointing. — jesus christ

This site used to be about movies? — Three-nineteen

Jezebel makes lists of dudes? — Ghisent

Jesus Christ needs to stop reading and commenting on blogs about movies. He used to be about helping people help themselves, now he sounds like Glenn Beck. So disappointing. - RobP

5. Thanks for the heads up.

My spinoff script-Krill Bill - should be finished tomorrow. - clocker

4. Yes. A thespian scene should definitely be a priority to develop the characters and show the range of the actresses.

Theron - But, soft! what flashlight through yonder shattered window breaks?
It is the east, and Elizabeth is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious facehugger,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal liver is but sick and green and acidic
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.

Rapace - Oh Meredith, oh Meredith! wherefore art thou M41A1 Pulse Rifle Meredith?
Deny thy Newt and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be ensconced in secreted resin.

Theron - Let us scissor.- admin

3. It’s hard to take your “manliness” seriously when you’re wearing Leather Battle Panties. - StoatCat

2. “I liked the part when the krill danced his feet on the ice to break it at the end…”

— E, 7 years old

um, SPOILERS, ASSHOLE - gp

1. Miramax Pictures Presents - The Black Widower

A Scarlett Johansson Film

Starring Scarlett Johansson as Natalie Wood
Charming Potato as Robert Wagner
Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Captain Davern
Morgan Freeman as Detective Composite
and Christopher Walken as Himself

A beautiful actress. Her dashing husband. He wouldn’t…or Wood he?

Summer 2013 - Greedy










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Comments

First, you tell us "Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.", and then you include two comments from "Three Demo-Friendly Children Offer Mini-Reviews of Happy Feet Two".

I'm confused.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at November 25, 2011 9:26 AM

I'm sorry, #10 needs to be #1. That shit is fucking poetry.

Posted by: admin at November 25, 2011 9:36 AM

I'm allowed to use comments from Dustin's reviews.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 25, 2011 11:20 AM

10. reminds me: I miss Adventureman.

Posted by: , at November 25, 2011 11:22 AM

As a big fan of dokken's music can I just say, boy do they look stupid.

Posted by: Dark Avenger at November 25, 2011 12:02 PM

Nine was good...


So one out of how many number of these you've done?

Either way you got the one! So umm, grats?

Posted by: googergieger at November 25, 2011 12:17 PM

DOKKEN was not a hair metal band...they just had bad PR reps ( I also blame MTV )

Posted by: Whipple "Whip" Hoxworth at November 25, 2011 12:40 PM

I swear to god, I practically live for comments like Kelly's.

Outside of the political wars and race wars(tm), there is nothing I like better than the super-fan comments. They are soooooo serious about whatever it is. CAPITALIZATION. exclamation marks!!!! They been had worst grAMMAR and spellz but would of done wrtie, u jus jelous! you SUCK HATERZ!!!

That shit makes my day.

Posted by: Shonda at November 25, 2011 12:56 PM

Can't say I agree with the choice for winner, but can't say I disagree either.

Thanks Dustin, your PayPal account has been credited.

Posted by: Greedy at November 25, 2011 1:07 PM

Turdokken was one of the highlights of my week.

Posted by: MM at November 26, 2011 4:05 AM