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Eloquent Eloquence: Socio-Politically Meaningful Gay Sex Edition

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | June 28, 2013 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence, Socio-Politically Meaningful Gay Sex Edition, is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in non-Dustin reviews and spoiler-laden Game of Thrones discussions are ineligible for inclusion.

This is Pajiba!

Just talking about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is such fun!

The Even the Food Has Jazz Hands Comment of the Week goes to klingonfree whose prize is a loaf of bread and some spinach dip:

You know when you go to an open house at Christmas time at your mom's Aunt Lillian's condo in Costa Mesa and 39% of the attendees are 89 yrs-plus old and and she lets her cat jump up on the kitchen counter there's bowls of mixed nuts and candy dishes of stuck-together hard candies and on the buffet table are chafing dishes of rumaki and teensy tooth-picked "meatballs" and there is inevitably a cheeseball studded with walnut slivers and surrounded by wheat thins like a giant buffet table obelisk and simultaneously an icon of bygone buffet-table glory and NO ONE touches it and it sits and it sits in all its cheezy cheeseball glory? THAT's how cheesy Hemlock Grove is. Plus Lily Taylor.

The Get Thee to Some FanFic Comment of the Week goes to Al Borland's Beard whose prize/torture is getting to look at the gif again. Enjoy:

I keep looking at the Freeman/Cumberbatch one and they never kiss, but it seems like they get closer every time.

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The For God's Sake, They're Just Breasts Comment of the Week goes to L.O.V.E. for speaking truth to power the choir:

Now that is just ridiculous.
Salma Hayek's breast have been certified by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site based on its "special cultural and physical significance".Therefore, any alterations or modifications are strictly prohibited without Committee approval. And by complete happenstance, this particular sub-committee is made up entirely of male construction workers.
Also, I have already opened up a dialogue with Salma's breasts, and they say those quotes were taken out of context, and are nothing more than the crazy missives of a vicious and jealous propaganda machine and militant group known as the I.B.T.C., which stands for the Itty Bit..., well you get the picture. Anyway, I was directly told that they remain firm, supple, potent, vigilant, large and in charge.
(P.S. With that said, Pascal's Wager dictates I upvote your post and vow never to downvote you. Just too much risk to take the chance)
(P.S.S. I realize I just compared Salma's breast to God. He just gave me an approving head-nod)

The Uh, I Get Ranty About This Subject Comment of the Week goes to DominaNefret who provided the comment, the intro, and the reality check:

Unfortunately, I think this is something people don't even think about. Big boobs and being sexy are awesome, right?! It's like, the feminine ideal! Therefor why would any sexy, busty lady experience any prejudice? It is totally easy being a sexy lady. Everyone knows that.
I mean, I have actually had people tell me that numerous times. That sexy women get whatever they want, and it is very easy to be a sexy female, so I don't have anything to complain about ever.
Except it being a pain in the ass to find clothing that fits.
Except for being harassed constantly. (I can't ride the metro by myself without being relentlessly hit on, and guys can get NASTY if you make it clear you just want to be left alone).
Except for automatically being labelled as "trashy" or "slutty" or "dumb" or "bitchy".
Except for articles like this, written by other women, which imply that having big boobs is bad. About four of those "if your cleavage is this, than it is bad" apply to me even when I'm just wearing a tank top with a built-in.
Except for people applying different standards of what is "appropriate wardrobe" to us. After my boobs popped in high school I was forced to put my gym shirt on or had my parents called all of the time, for "dress code violations", for wearing tops/dresses less revealing than what a lot of other girls were wearing.
On top of that, women aren't supposed to find themselves sexy, even if it is just an understanding that to much of society "fit + big boobs + butt = sexy", so it is very easy to get labelled narcissistic, egotistical, and self aggrandizing.
Basically, my body causes me enough trouble in my daily life without other women writing articles saying my cleavage is bad and implying I am trashy because I have big boobs.

The Magnificent Display of Appropriate Sarcasm Comment of the Week goes to Xvi. [Head bowed. Fist raised in solidarity]:

Two women walk into a bar, and talk about the Bechdel test.

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The Audience Members in the First Three Rows Will Get Wet Comment of the Week goes to TheOtherGreg who is secretly hoping for a musical:

I'm willing to pay $150 to see the next Avengers, but only if it's performed live.

The Because the Song Has Been Stuck in My Head For Days Now Comment of the Week goes to ferryman because when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and callipygians in your face ... it's time for an EE inclusion:

I like big words and I cannot lie, "lacrimation" means "to cry"...

The No Dexter? No Dexter. The Lack of Dexter Is Upsetting. Comment of the Week goes to Becks with a HT to Joanna Robinson for "volunteering this as tribute for EE":

Joanna, can you look into this? I think comments are showing up from four years ago.

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The It Would Certainly Be Better Than the Demi Moore Version Comment of the Week goes to Claude Weaver. Fist bump.:

If Anna Kendrick was Hester in The Scarlet Letter, in that outfit, it would have been 10 minutes long. And ended with the town saying "Oh, okay. We get it now. Totally worth it. Our bad." And a collective fist bump.

The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to BWeaves and TraceAndM. The infomercial would be AWESOME:

BWeaves:"WHAT IS LEFT?"

Dark chocolate and semen.

TraceAndM: I know the Ping-Ping table didn't work out for you, but you should totally trademark this as the newest fad diet. I'd endorse it.

BWeaves: The Vajiet (TM) (C) 2013.

TraceAndM: I started The Vajiet (TM) (C) 2013 immediately following the breakup of my last five year relationship. It was a trying time in my life, but The Vajiet really helped me to feel empowered. Plus, in the last five weeks, I've lost 15 pounds and made all sorts of new friends!







Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Maguita NYC

    Congratulations to all EEs this week, and may you celebrate heartily this happy happening.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Thanks for the assist on the comment, but I am a bit surprised/dissapointed not to find a "more like SPLOOSH MOUNTAIN" comment to that header pic. Come on, Commentariat/Archer fans, you're better than that.

  • Maguita NYC

    No Henry, No Sploosh.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Guys. GUYS! As of this week 400 people have made the list since I started tracking it in September 2011.

  • llp

    The ferryman comment made me cackle at my desk this week - excellent work.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I can't stop singing it.

  • llp

    I mutter-sing (smutting?) it in my office, to what I assume is the delight of my cubicle mates.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "Smutting in my office" means something totally different where I work. At present, it mostly involves Henry Cavill.

  • Y'know...part of me is sad that I've lost my mojo - it's gotta be a year since I made the list. The rest of me is just laughing out loud in a coffee shop and doesn't care that people are staring.

  • Mrs. Julien

    6 times before that though.

  • I know, right?!? It makes my fall from grace all the more pathetic. ;-)

  • $27019454

    I'm sofa king hungry for rumaki right now.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Well, the last time I made it to EE it was from commenting on John Hamm's pantsnake. Now its from Salma Hayek's breasts. Just playing to my strengths.

    Now, excuse me while I celebrate the inclusion in EE this week by serenading Salma's breasts with a little diddy I penned for the B-Man back in the day.Thats what I call Manilow, because we're such good friends. What a mensch, that guy. Little known fact, I did the bris for his first born. Now that kid had a solid schlong. Anyway, this song is about my first trip to the vet with my cat, Captain Ntenkneel, but it works here:

    http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v...

  • BWeaves

    I had to look up the Bechdel test, and then I thought xvi's comment was brilliant.

  • L.O.V.E., someday - after we finish that porno we've been working on for ages - we'll write the Gospel According to L.O.V.E. and zeke the pig. You've clearly already done the prologue.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Yes, about that. I am actively working on formulating the offerings for our Kickstarter campaign. Also, next month I'm scheduled to attend a feminist porn convention in Las Vegas hosted by Ellen Page. She agreed to help me with casting. Also, can you use your credit card to buy a bounce house and 2 tons of jellybeans? I'll explain later.

    You know, you never really appreciate the work of a movie producer until you get in the business.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    DominaNefret - I am 100% with you! I labor under excessive cleavage-itis. You mention metro - you in DC too?

  • emmalita

    Pajiba-DC con?

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Best Sarcastic and most hilarious!

  • emmalita

    Good convos this week.

  • BWeaves

    Dear TraceandM: I think I'm one of the new friends you just made!!!

    Whoo-hoo! WE WON THE INTERNET!

    Thank you Mrs. Julien. You made my day.

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