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Eloquent Eloquence: Just Remember, I Love You Where You Tingle the Hardest

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | October 14, 2011 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. Bowfinger?!?

BOWFINGER!?!?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- Renaldo

UUUUUUUUCKKKKKK
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! -- Renaldo

9. Pretend this comment is repeating everything Pragmatist said. Jordan

8.

If by some miracle she gets something from this lawsuit, I'm going to sue the Twilight people. According to their trailers it's an epic masterpiece, not a sparkly shit-fest. -- Paultera

But then you'd have to admit watching it in the first place. I don't know of any amount of money that could wash away that shame. -- phase10

7. 'snapnhiss', I'm sorry I fucking offended you with my fucking asterisk. -- OldSchool60

6. Quit supporting zombie rape culture -- Protoguy

5. Featuring Academy Award winner Charlize Theron as Katherine Heigl. -- Scott

4. I'm for whichever one has Tim Curry in it. He's always awesome as the Evil Queen. -- BierceAmbrose

3. These complaints pop up every once in a while: accusations thrust upon the population of Pajiba that they're/we're some kind of malicious, volitile cabal. Like a swarm of angry bees that attack interlopers for the egregious sin of poking the hive.

I think if we all take a step back and examine this we'll all feel a lot better about it.

1. People with similar tastes tend to group. It's not that there is some sinister group-think; it's that most of us are here because most of us tend to like the same movies, TV shows, and other assorted nuggets of pop goodness. I doubt many have spontaneously changed their mind just to fit in better. At it's absolute worst, this kind of behavior manifests when someone tries something new that has received vehement endoresements from the site. For example, I watched Almost Famous a few months ago for the first time and really enjoyed it. It never had much appeal before, but I'm glad I was willing to open up and try something new. People I frequently agree with advised it.

2. We're still individuals who occasionally disagree. Googergeiger has no interest in Drive. I have no interest in Friday Night Lights. Someone else will have no interest in Dr. Who. Somebody else might totally love Katherine Heigl. When those desenting voices arise, they're not trolls. They're just different from you. Sometimes they're so different from you that they're not going to enjoy the site's taste and/or sense of humor and they're going to leave. All on their own. It's not anyone's place to tell other commenters to leave the site. In my experience the only people who have had to go are those that have said something too terrible to endure. And even then, this isn't your house and you don't get to ask people to leave. You're a guest here like everyone else.

3. The number of balls I have.

So, the next time you're thinking about calling someone a troll and telling them to leave, just remember that you're being a dick and shut your face.

And the next time you're thinking about having a dissenting opinion which will be posted in a comment, just remember that I love you where you tingle hardest.

Good night. Let's write in Cthulhu in the next election. Because seriously...why choose the lesser of two evils. superasente

2. I walked out of Edward Scissorhands. I was 16. When Winona Ryder started spinning in the swiftly falling shaved ice, I said (out loud), "Oh, fuck this." and left. I ran into the man who would become my husband in the lobby and although we knew each other, he decided to skip his movie to talk to me. So fuck your unrequited, topiaried vision of disaffected wha, wha, whaaaaaa! Edward can keep his sad ass tragic stare. But I'm glad I went to see it. I give the lobby two thumbs up! Agogagogo

I was actually on my way to see this movie years ago in the theatres. Out came this angry, but attractive girl. She later became my wife. So, thanks to Tim Burton, I'm stuck in a sexless marriage.

Fuck.-- Whoops

I went to see this movie in theaters years ago, but ran into a couple in the lobby who were apparently hitting it off pretty well. After enjoying the movie, I went out to the parking lot and saw that same couple in the back of station wagon sticking their fingers in each other's butts. Juicy Weatherbee

I saw this movie on video years ago so I never got to see angry, sexless, butt hole finger sticking couples or the wierd guy who watches them.-- Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen'

1. See nerd sensory overload aka Grand Mal Tarkin seizures. -- branded



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