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Eloquent Eloquence: In Pajibaville They Say, That the Ladies' Ovaries Grew Threw Sizes That Day

By Prolixity Julien | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (31)



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Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. This article isn’t trying to blame “Man Up” for Stuart Walker’s murder — Rowles states that explicitly. It is a cultural observation and one that is not often given enough screen time: though it would be far too simplistic to blame complex behavioral patterns on a given TV show, movie, song, etc., this type of show is both of a product of and a reinforcement for the sort of ubiquitous discourse on masculinity that leads people to commit crimes of this nature.

No one is claiming this show will result in a hate crime, but the point is that it is both lazy and negligent to pander to a those who cling to a paradigm of heteronormativity.

In my understanding, this piece does not condemn the show as the worst offender of its type, but as one of many poorly conceived bits of pop culture that point to a more insidious problem. It is not a call to arms, simply a call to reflect. — Colin

9. “…whoever writes that website is jerking Cruise’s junk a little too much there.”

Yeah, that’s a regular Reacher-around, amirite?

*Starts tap dancing off stage - falls into orchestra pit*Groundloop

8. Congratulations.

That was going to be my entire post but I almost just typed ‘Ender’, so if you see me just repeating my own name like a confused zombie on a thread, it’s because my brain hates me and is trying to sabotage me every time I stop concentrating for even a second. — Ender

7. At first, it was a cinch. Then the modern day kicked in and I was done for. Done for. It is safe to say I will be rolling my eyes for the rest of the day. Signing my kids into the dentist. Stopping by Sonic. Making Parmesan chicken. All with only the whites showing.Agogagogo

6. Don’t anyone dare play music while I’m dying. Have a little respect. Pfft

I mean, what if I have something profound to say and you can’t hear me over Morrissey bleating in the background? Pfft

5. Fuck you, New York Times, you don’t know shit. Take those high heels and jam them sideways. The second you find me sporting high heels is the second I am faaaaarrrrr too drunk to know what’s going on and you’ve convinced me that teetering around in a pair of Mahnolo Blahniks is a new type of trippy roller coaster and no one is around to tell me different.Kballs

4. Is there any way we can blame this on Disney?

How many trainwrecks has Disney spawned now? Are there enough for a “Girls of Disney” spread, at least? Not that that would ever see the light of day, it’s just fun to think about. Slash

3. What an intergalactically skewed and discriminatory list. We should learn to embrace non-humanoid alien sexiness, because if the aliens do show up one day, the odds are that they aren’t going to look much like us.

Can I get some sexiness appreciation for Kang, Kodos, and ALF? DarthCorleone

2. There should be a Hendricks Law in the vein of Godwin’s Law, that any mention of Christina Hendricks on the internet will inevitably lead to someone calling her a fat chick or finding the need to criticize her figure. Yeah BIG TITS NEED SUPPORT. We know. She only has a few years to make the most of her assets before they head for the basement, so I say GO FOR IT, sister! Lindsey with an ‘e


1. And what happened then,

Well in Pajibaville the say,

That the ladies’ ovaries grew THREE sizes that day. (*SPROING!)

And then,

The true meaning of ovulation came through,
and the ladies bits all released,
ten ova…PLUS TWO!

Ladies…you know where to find us. We’ll be waiting. bleujayone









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Comments

So talking about a woman’s monthly curse will get you top billing these days?


Rowles, I blame the current state of EE on you. I understand that your days are filled with trying to figure out a way to squeeze another nickel out of your website. I understand your situation, I’m a small business man myself, so I understand the pressures you face. But dude, there are some things that you just can’t farm out, and turning over the keys of EE to someone that’s not quite up to the challenge is not the way to run a business. I don’t have a problem with the current EE administrator, hell, I kinda like Lady Julien. But this is the business we’ve chosen. I implore you to rethink exactly where you want to take EE.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2011 10:28 AM

"small business man"

*so many ways to interpret that*

...

Heh, just yankin' your chain, Pooks.

Posted by: , at October 28, 2011 10:34 AM

I know, I was thinking the same thing when I typed it. I'm not good at this early morning typing stuff.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2011 10:39 AM

That is absolutely the nicest Pookie has ever been about anyone. He must have a big crush on Mrs. Julien. You know little boys always pick on the girls they're sweet on.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 28, 2011 11:00 AM

Next thing you know he'll be punching her in the arm and running away from her on the playground...desperately hoping for the ensuing chase.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 28, 2011 11:11 AM

The reason I like Mrs. Julien is because she ignores the fuck out of me which to me is very funny, and for weeks now I've been breaking her balls about EE. And she's not uptight, she seems like the type of woman that enjoys herself. And I find that endearing in a broad.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2011 11:24 AM

If the aliens are wise, they'll use their transmogrifiers to make themselves all look like Christina Hendricks.

Thanks for inclusion in the EE. It's an honor to be back. Congrats to the rest!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 28, 2011 11:42 AM

Wizard-sleeve was robbed.

Posted by: superasente at October 28, 2011 12:30 PM

Wizard sleeve wasn't eligible.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 12:45 PM

Oooh, superasente is right. Wizard-sleeve was robbed.

But also, congrats Miss Lindsey-with-an-e, because I definitely think we need that law. On the books.

Posted by: MM at October 28, 2011 12:45 PM

Wizard-sleeve would like to see the official eligibility rules (long-form).

Posted by: MM at October 28, 2011 12:46 PM

Sleeve Eligibility:

Comments are pulled from Thursday - Wednesday, e.g. Thursday October 27th - Wednesday November 2nd. This delay between selecting and publishing gives me all day Thursday to wrassle the list to the ground for Dustin.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 12:52 PM

And the right to ignore the fuck out of Pookie is explicitly stated in my employment contract.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 12:54 PM

Oh, so there is a method, I just thought that you guys look at the name of the person who’s making the comment and decide. I didn’t know that you actually read the comments. So I guess my theory about EE being weighted in favor of the cool kids is all wrong then?

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2011 1:01 PM

I pile them into a Word document and then toss my laptop down a flight of stairs to see what order they land in.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 1:06 PM

Ooooh! Mrs. Julien used the F-word in a post.

My work here is done.

Building Security will be asking for your badge, your company-issue pearls and smelling salts before you leave the building.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 28, 2011 1:12 PM

I was quoting. Does it still count if I'm quoting?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 1:27 PM

You type it. You own it.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 28, 2011 1:59 PM

MOTHERFUCKER!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 2:00 PM

Mrs. Julien,

In an effort to preserve both your moral purity, as well as your ability to interact with the unwashed Pajiba masses, the rules committee has decided to grant you a F-Bomb exemption, but only when quoting one of us foul mouthed mother duckers.

Yours,

Hardonay J. Buckfutter

Posted by: Groundloop at October 28, 2011 2:07 PM

No love for my awesometastic description of exactly what Matt Smith looks like?

I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice, I cared so little about.

Posted by: googergieger at October 28, 2011 2:25 PM

BUCK FUTTER!

Posted by: superasente at October 28, 2011 3:24 PM

Whoever was in charge of photoshopping Hendricks made her almost look like someone who isn't a fatty fat fat.

Posted by: the EPA at October 28, 2011 5:10 PM

In the boobs.

Posted by: googergieger at October 28, 2011 5:22 PM

I would like to officially inaugurate Hendrick's Law for the EPA with full acknowledgment that we are doing so within the same post that is was ratified as a "thing". It's all so meta, I may have to drink a beer from a brewery so obscure I've probably never heard of it to celebrate. Huzzah!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 28, 2011 5:41 PM

I pile them into a Word document and then toss my laptop down a flight of stairs to see what order they land in.

So, just like college.

That also explains why I get in the mix on occasion & can never tell what will hit & what won't. (I was cracking me up with The Situation as the next Clint Eastwood. No? No? Sigh.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 28, 2011 5:45 PM

Fuck the EPA.

Posted by: GOP Presidential Candidate at October 28, 2011 5:48 PM

In the boobs.

Posted by: googergieger at October 28, 2011 7:26 PM

Try "melonfarmer," Mrs. J.

Posted by: , at October 29, 2011 2:06 AM

"Grew Threw Sizes?" Am I missing something?

Posted by: Frodo Baggins at October 29, 2011 6:29 PM

Woo!

No.'s 3 and 6 are great as well.

Frodo, I believe that's a Dr Seuss reference.

Posted by: Ender at October 31, 2011 6:12 AM