Eloquent Eloquence: Hemswort Is a Daily Supplement We'd All Take
Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in reviews and on the caption contest are not eligible for inclusion.
There is a link in the commenter's name that will take you to the original post. Also? Dragons.
I'm exhausted, and it's only September.
F**K YOU, that's my name.
• The K.I.S.S. Comment of the Week goes to googergieger because I could not stop laughing:
"Your life. Your time".
• The Those LARPers Are Just Posers Comment of the Week goes to Quasimofo Smith for keepin' it real:
The problem for them would be that 99% of them are just good at making costumes and have no practical knowledge of the genre they have fetishized.
• The Aren't You Brave? Comment of the Week goes to Carlito and a most excellent burn (which is something Smith should try to avoid):
Matt Smith is doing a nautical reboot of The Machinist?
• The **Shooting Star** Comment of the Week goes to POINGjam , although perhaps it should go to his father, but it sounds like he's too busy to notice:
Classical musicians are crazy and fuck everybody. My dad is a retired violinist in his 70s and he still gets laid way more than me.
• The Look Back, Look Back At Me Comment of the Week goes to Pants_are_a_must for seeing that Peter Jackson has a cunning plan:
Mmmmm, Richard Armitage. I see your Aragorn 2.0 ploy, Peter Jackson. And in a pure Freudian slip, I almost wrote "Aragporn" there.
• The "Liz and Dick" Comment of the Week goes to Quatermain. [Insert double entendre jewelry jokes here]:
When they make a porno parody of that Elizabeth Taylor biopic, they won't even have to change the name.
• The This Gives a Whole New Meaning to Pull the Lever Comment of the Week goes to Slash . Is anyone else sensing a theme?:
Eh, say what you want, the Mittster is still a damn handsome man. I have no idea how old he is, but picturing him nekkid is not giving me the heebie jeebbies. Actually, this election has probably the most attractive (when you average them all) lineup ever. I'd do 3 of them. I know they're all married, just sayin'. If I HAD to do one of them to save the planet or a bus full of children, I would. You know Ryan is a freak in the sack. He probably has his wife dress like a nun. Or a priest. Whichever. And I'm cool with it.
Hottest presidential lineup since the 1816 election, James Monroe/Rufus King vs. William H. Crawford/Simon Snyder.
• The Two Genres, One Explanation Comment of the Week goes to PDamian, although I would have gone with Dreaming of You:
I've always likened horror movies to cheesy romance novels: unless you genuinely like and respect the genre, you're always going to find works in that genre to be slightly suspect and unworthy of your time. And just as with romance novels, horror movies are ubiquitous and mostly unremarkable, and as you consume them, you wonder if you'll ever read or see anything worth your time and energy. And then, wonder of wonders, an amazing, shivers-inducing work comes along, like Sweet Savage Love or The Exorcist, that reaffirms your love affair with the genre. And even the clunkers have their charms, for those that are willing to succumb to them.
I have a sister who reads romance novels almost compulsively, and endures a litany of "OMG, you read that crap? It's just porn with crinolines!" And I watch horror movies every chance I get, and endure a constant chorus of "OMG, you watch that crap? It's just so teenagers can get cheap thrills!" I don't care. I'm with Stephen King:
"I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out. I'm not proud."
As for Sinister, I'll see it. Judging from the trailer, I doubt it'll have anything new, but I'll see it. I'm not proud.
• The You Can Add It to Your Fassblender Smoothie Comment of the Week goes to BobbFrapples, and don't forget to do your cumbercrunches. (I'm sorry, they can't all be gold):
Hemswort is a daily supplement I'd be willing to take. Yum.
• The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Justin Rapaport. Dustin totally owes him a muffin basket of apology:
I exist, Dustin! And I seethe at my computer every time you get me mixed up with that Michael guy!
Stop using my name as a punch line. I find it offensive and it makes this site inhospitable to me. I understand free speech, but seriously, do you lack the ability to review a show about a mob doctor without insulting the Justin Rapaports of the world? Is your imagination and humor so limited that you can't joke about anything else? Are you just playing to the audience? Why are you insulting me like this? How can this type of humor, which chooses a specific group of people and insults them based on their name, be acceptable? Please, just stop.
If you can't stop yourself from making such thoughtless comments at least get better at it. Show a little imagination, creativity, and humor. Seriously, it's like you're not even trying. I'm going back to my Justin Rapaport support group now, where we enjoy complaining about how marginalized we are, especially by bloggers and commentors on the internet.
(Pictured: What Justin Rapaport Probably Looks Like)