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Eloquent Eloquence: Christina Hendricks Bacon Whiskey Baby Ninja Star

By Prolixity Julien | Posted Under Eloquent Eloquence | Comments (18)

christina-hendricks-dennis.jpg

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the 10 best comments of the week. Comments in film reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

10. Pajiba ipsum snarky bitchy reviews. Community this list is missing bangable eloquent eloquence. Sexy celebrities are better than us fuck electric bugaloo Human Centipede trade news mindhole. Comment diversion RDJ hot excellent review cannonball Olyphant, Hollywood, overrated, bunk, Emma Stone. Christina Hendricks bacon whiskey baby ninja star, Baby Goose, seriously random list liquor overlords. Fassbender. Almost Famous rhymes with vagina basement murdertank butthole. ipsum

9. TK, are you alright? Are you sure you don’t feel like burning something? Perhaps just a hamlet?

I’m a bit worried - I don’t think you even swore at us. ginmonkey

8. A-man I feel your pain, his work touched a lot of people. He showered everyone with happiness. His passing was hard for many people to swallow. He was one in a million, they don’t come any better than him. When he became big, he didn’t leave any of his friends behind. His passing left a big hole to fill, he came and gone to quick. Pookie

I’m sorry a-man I thought you were talking about John Holmes, not John Hughes. Pookie

7. BiblioGeek:

I don’t know what you mean. We’re just having a nice chat between girls here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I was in the middle of cursing of those Julii bitches.

By the spirits of my ancestors I curse Atia of the Julii. Let dogs rape her. Let her children die and her houses burn. Let her live a long life of bitter misery and shame. Gods of the Inferno, I offer you her limbs, her head, her mouth, her breath, her speech, her heart, her liver, her stomach. Gods of the Inferno, let me see her suffer deeply, and I will rejoice and sacrifice to you. PaddyDog

6. The nice part about having two complete nobodies involved is that you can pretend that these guys are going to be the next David Mamet and Ridley Scott. There is no evidence to the contrary. Monday is Optimism Day! ed newman

5. Was there a corpse in your tape dispenser too? If not, why would anyone even question eating a potato chip out of it? Three-nineteen

4. The Palin photo was taken right before she let the puppies go and then shot them from a helicopter. snapnhiss

3. A Typewriter that makes cocktails. Dellegible.

I can think of no better way to transcribe the works of Hemingway and Kerouac.

Loquacirrhosis of the liver, HERE I COME! branded

2. At the sight of Sam Worthington climbing out onto a ledge and threatening to jump, many floors below the pavement recoiled in horror at the prospect of soon having to interact with something far, far blander than it. zeke the pig

1. Shut the eff up! Clive Owen is bangable no matter what he looks like. I would still shag that man even if that thing on his upper lip was a REAL caterpillar.

Hell, I would grow a mustache just so that his mustache and my mustache could make beautiful, forbidden mustache-y love. Kelly










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Comments

Whatever you go, nothing beats that pic. WIN for life, dude [fistbump.]

Posted by: Meander at September 30, 2011 10:00 AM

Second Meander.

Damn I wanna be at that party.

Oh, and thanks.

Posted by: zeke the pig at September 30, 2011 10:26 AM

One of my favorite pics ever.

Christina Hendricks and The Waitress gettin' D.E.N.N.I.S'ed, yo.

Posted by: Martin at September 30, 2011 10:47 AM

I won this thing once, many many years ago, but I'm not in this league anymore. I'm slogging away in AAA EE these days, and the manager looks like he wants to call me into his office and give me the "We've decided to go a different direction" speech. When even Pookie is way funnier than you are, it may be time to hang 'em up.

Or head to Japan.

Posted by: , at September 30, 2011 11:12 AM

This:

2. At the sight of Sam Worthington climbing out onto a ledge and threatening to jump, many floors below the pavement recoiled in horror at the prospect of soon having to interact with something far, far blander than it. zeke the pig

Nice.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 30, 2011 12:49 PM

She's getting D.E.N.N.I.S'ed and doesn't even know it!

Posted by: Allen at September 30, 2011 1:45 PM

I don't always drink beer... but when I do... I don't care if it's crappy because I'm hanging out with Christina Hendricks.

Posted by: lubeg at September 30, 2011 1:54 PM

I won this thing once, many many years ago, but I'm not in this league anymore. I'm slogging away in AAA EE these days, and the manager looks like he wants to call me into his office and give me the "We've decided to go a different direction" speech. When even Pookie is way funnier than you are, it may be time to hang 'em up.

Or head to Japan.

Posted by: , at September 30, 2011 11:12 AM

I don’t even know if that was an insult or not.

Yesterday I went and got star wars on blu-ray, I’ve defended Lucas in the past. But the abomination that is now “A New Hope,” is a motherfucking travesty with all the shit that Lucas put in post production. I usually spend the money that I have left over after paying bills on fuck books or skin magazines. My wallet is closed to Lucas.

Posted by: Pookie at September 30, 2011 1:54 PM

Pookie,

You might want to invest in lube as well. Chafing, you know.

Posted by: The Wanderer at September 30, 2011 1:57 PM

Lube, I don't need no stinking lube.

Posted by: Pookie at September 30, 2011 2:06 PM

Christina Hendricks is demonstrating that one can properly hang their boobs out there, even in casual wear.

Glenn Howerton is demonstrating that it's OK to look like you might be hitting on married women as long as everybody knows you're Dennis. I mean it's kind of expected no?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 30, 2011 2:14 PM

Yay, boredom at work paid off with a spot on the EE!

I bow down again to branded's wit.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 30, 2011 2:24 PM

I kinda feel sorry for that guy that Hendricks is married to. He doesn’t know it yet but their marriage is over and she’s already on the Rivera getting eaten out by some big time Hollywood producer.

Posted by: Pookie at September 30, 2011 2:38 PM

That gives new meaning to "belly up to the bar"

Posted by: MRod at September 30, 2011 2:45 PM

Glorious.

They should have sent a poet.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at September 30, 2011 3:31 PM

I won this thing once, many many years ago, but I'm not in this league anymore. I'm slogging away in AAA EE these days, and the manager looks like he wants to call me into his office and give me the "We've decided to go a different direction" speech. When even Pookie is way funnier than you are, it may be time to hang 'em up.

Or head to Japan.

Posted by: , at September 30, 2011 11:12 AM

Cheer up , I've been nominated 3 times but I haven't won yet. I know they say the nomination is the thing but it would be nice to win...

Posted by: logan at September 30, 2011 7:51 PM

Listen logan, I’ve won EE a couple of times and I’ve been in the top five a few times and the top ten about twenty times. It’s good to win and all, and if you’re lucky you can parlay a win into getting a piece of ass. But at the end of the day it’s not the Oscar’s, so lighten up.

Posted by: Pookie at September 30, 2011 8:20 PM

YES!!! I KNEW my love and undying devotion to Clive Owen would give me something other than eye rolls and dirty looks from my husband.

Yay!! Proving Canadians are funny one "Eloquent Eloquence" at a time.

Posted by: Kelly at October 1, 2011 12:16 AM