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Eloquent Eloquence and Porn Names for Literary Classics

By Mrs. Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | July 22, 2012 | Comments ()


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Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter's name that will take you to the original post.

  • The Then She's Going to Bite Her Pillow! Comment of the Week goes to MG for taking Agent Bedhead's bait:

    Newsies and Swing Kids?? Preteen me is so writing mean things about you in her diary.

    The In Praise of Priscovisceration Comment of the Week goes to AmbroseKalifornia for a lovely bit of approbation:

    God damn. Y'know, (and this is interesting, given what I just read on FB) I have always seen you as one of the best things about Pajiba, and representative of what makes Pajiba one of the best sites on the internet. Depth. Talent. Honesty. You guys are all amazing, from Drew's thoughtful critiques, to Wojtek's fantastic insights into history, to Dustin's incandescent, blazing fury. But I've always really liked everything you've written. I've seen more movies based on your recommendations than anyone else, (movies I would have had otherwise had no interest in seeing) and made friends read your accompanying reviews!

    To me, Pajiba has always set itself apart by not including a ratings scale, and forcing the reader to READ the review. This puts quite a bit of responsibility on the writer's shoulders, and Dustin has done a fine job in picking writers who are engaging, informative and witty, while having a diverse enough group to give us a feel for each critic's personal tastes. Take superheroes.(Or not, Dustin) I've never confused a Rob Payne article for one of TK's. All of the voices are eloquent, and I write just enough myself to know how good all you are.

    And among them Brian, you stand mighty. Never forget this. Pajiba might not be what you have always wanted to do with your life but you are a paragon of what this site, this amazing shared experience, can be.

    The I Hope the Chocolate Doesn't Make the Puppy Sick Comment of the Week goes to NateMan who puts us back on track as awful, but funny, people:

    "Puppies and candy? Its not clever, but I think it would be really hard to choose between puppies and candy."

    They're both so delicious, I just can't decide! And that's when we create candy-coated puppies. They're like M&Ms but extra delicious because of the cruelty.

    The Two Great Tastes that Taste Great Together Comment of the Week goes to Bert_the_Pajibian for a charming neologism. I demand an SRL!:

    So... a cadass, then?

    The I Don't Think You Really Tried Comment of the Week goes to googergeiger because, honestly, that's just laziness:

    I once dismissed a movie because it was impossible to make a porno version out of it.

    The If It's Literature, Should We Call it Erotica? Comment of the Week goes to a not lazy Yossarian, although Quivering Heights and The Old Man and the Semen were also high points:

    To Thrill a Mockingbird
    Maidenhead Revisited
    Great Expectorations
    Love in the Time of Chlamydia
    The Mount of County Cristo
    Madame Ovary

    The Here's the Real Madame Ovary Comment of the Week goes to mslewis as I ask you all to check out the oeufs on her. It's just this kind of dissent that gives Pajiba its spice:

    After reading and hearing about "Game of Thrones" for the past couple of years I was really excited when Netflix finally sent me the first three discs. Couldn't wait to watch. After the first four episodes, I sent them back and deleted the other discs. This thing is AWFUL!! Seriously. What are people talking about? I guess I'm just not cool enough for this stuff. I do love Peter Dinkage so, there's that. I'll just watch "Station Agent" again.

    The You're a Heartless Bastard! Comment of the Week goes to PaddyDog. Let's send her strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff:

    You didn't like Reign of Fire? I'll bet you were happy when little Jackie Paper grew up and left Puff all alone as well.

    The Shooting Star Comment of the Week goes to Vivanne ValdeMar because the more you know... What is the rest of that statement anyway?:

    Revered! His nickname was "The Impaler" and it wasn't because of his
    gentlemanly pursuits. I don't think "revered" is a description of
    particular historical accuracy in this case.


    Depends who you're asking, Mr. Wilson. Ask any Westerner who's studied history, and they'll tell you that he was probably a monster. Ask any Romanian worth his salt, we'll tell you that he was a man whose love for his country, hatred of the Ottoman empire, personal ambitions and daddy issues steeled him into doing any- and everything necessary in order to keep the the Principalities of Wallachia and Moldavia from becoming Mehmed II's playground. In doing so, he also kept a lot of Western arses safe.

    The moniker "Impaler" was attributed to him posthumously, so as to further disgrace him. Also, the name he himself used, Dragwlya, later translated as Dracul, meant "Dragon", for he was a member of the Order of the Dragon, intended to protect Christianity, especially from the Ottoman Empire. Later on, "Dracul" took on the darker meaning of "devil", which added another blemish to his reputation, again posthumously.


    The Comment of the Week Comment of the Week goes to Pants_are_a_must , although Dobby might beg to differ:

    The last poster, oh my god. Even Malfoys would go "we don't look THAT inbred".



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    Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


    • mswas

      Ditto, AmbroseKalifornia , ditto.

    • Alberto Cox Délano

      Ass, you like it?

    • Skyler Durden

      Hee hee. The Old Man and the Semen was mine. It is probably as close as I will get getting into EE. I'll take it!

    • Maguita NYC

      Thought your "semen" was hilarious!
      On a side-note, still don't understand why some were up-in-arms at the classics being expanded into erotica? Has everyone conveniently forgotten Ms. Anne Rice's delicious take on Sleeping Beauty?

    • Rubble44

      I wasn't able to get my porn titles on here, did them on FB though. I was very pleased with a couple:

      All Quiet in the Western C#nt
      1984....Penises
      Great Ejaculations
      and who can forget...Moby's Dick.

    • Sara_Tonin00

      Ok. the 1984 one made me laugh.

    • L.O.V.E.

      Catch Her In The Eye?
      That seems counter-productive.
      Prefer: Catch Her In The Thigh.

    • Fabius_Maximus

      "In"? That sounds unsanitary. And potentially lethal, depending of how deep the cut is.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Owned this EE like Tom Hardy owns lips.

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