Pajiba

BSlim - wait, is Prisco the assclown (I've already called him an asshat today) or is Santa the assclown?

I'm so confused. /Said a la the grandfather in Moonstruck.

We need the perfect main character. Somebody who embodies the spirit of the season without succumbing to cliches.

How about someone in college, but not like it's usually portrayed on film. I'm talking a graduate student, law, medical, something, not a douchey frat person, someone who is overworked and understimulated, falling apart, but is desperately trying to make it. Maybe they are beginning to think they can't quite cut it and are giving up hope. Lonely, listless, needs something.

Or is that cliche after all?

Prisco just forgot to do his homework again.

Who the fuck do you think you are taking away our eloquence like that? Fuck you, you fat sack of shit! You don't like Vince Vaughn? Well I didn't like not getting a puppy for the first 6 years of my life, assclown. I don't need you passing judgement on me; if I want someone to tell me I've been naughty I'll give my sex-toy ex a call. I ain't doing shit for you, motherfucker - Don't think I don't remember sitting on your lap, telling you all I wanted was for my parents to get back together, and you laughing and then feeling up my leg. I was eight, you chester! You can just push your belly like a bowl full of jelly aside and suck your own dick.

You know what? You're not even fucking real. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Wow... This is just like that time I saw the Easter Bunny fellating the garden gnome living in Nana's bush.

Actually, that there's a pretty good plot - now gimme a goddam shirt...

Wow, Marra...I'm simultaneously frightened and more than a little turned on.

Christ. This is just like high school English all over again, you crabby asshole. I'm not cobbling together anything, fark off. Have at it:

Lower middle-class boy dreams of elusive perfect Christmas, takes awesome Roseanne-style family for granted. Girl has crappy over-privileged existence and crappy family who are never home for Christmas. Blah blah, boy meets girl, falls in love/lust/indifference, girl yells at boy for taking his awesome family for granted, he learns a lesson and gets a little over-the-sweater grope action then goes home to his totally rad and awesome family and she gets to go home to her frozen turkey dinner because families never really change.

Made by Disney, probably in the 80s, and no fucking Santa Claus to be seen.

Goldie That was made in the 80's. Santa Claus: The Movie. All that Plus the super-duper-looper.

Not to be confused with the fucktardary that is Tim Allen. I saw a manager at a fast food place wearing one of those awful sweaters. I wanted to push his face into the fry-machine.

How about this one:

A group of faithful, hard-working, in good standing movie site regulars beat some clown who goes by the name Nyambr Crispo.... to death.

And here's the kicker: they get away with it.

Think HEAT, without Pacino and a lot more beatings to death.

INT. SANTA'S CABIN - DAWN

A small space, not nearly as cozy as you'd expect the Fat Man's hideaway to look like. There are ice picks on the ceiling, and creepy CHILD-LIKE VOICES singing "la-la-la-la-la" in a music box half eaten by termites. There's a SINISTER SHADOW on the wall that belongs to a man wearing a Santa hat. The camera PANS to the left and we can finally get a visual of the owner of the disturbing shadow. It is indeed a man wearing a Santa hat. Instead of the traditional red it's actually camouflage. His skin is BLUE and fuzzy, almost looking like fur. This is SANTA CHE GROVERA, and he's carving bowling pins from tiny bones.

We hear a SWOOSH and Santa Che Grovera turns to the door. A tin man enters. This is BARBADO SLIM.

CHE GROVERA
What are you doing here?

BARBADO SLIM
Don't act like you don't know, commie.

CHE GROVERA
I thought we'd settled this a while ago;
Christmas was mine and Easter was yours!

BARBADO SLIM
You should know better than trusting my
word, you cum-addict sociopath.
(turning to someone off screen)
Cue "Rudolph the Raindeer", Phil!

An unseen man plays a record. Sure enough, it's Rudolph the Raindeer.

BARBADO SLIM
(rubbing his nipples)
Hand over the hat, fuckface.

CHE GROVERA
No! You'll have to kill me first!

BARBADO SLIM
No problem.

Barbado Slim sneers and snaps his fingers, sassy-ghetto style. Seconds later the earth starts to shake. Santa Che Grovera is confused... His greatest fear is confirmed when the all-mighty MURDERTANK smashes the wall and destroys Santa Che Grovera by throwing Tyler Perry grenades. Barbado Slim watches the scene with great pleasure.

BARBADO SLIM
Hehehe...
(rubbing his nipples)
I'm the Slim who stole Christmas, bitches.

FADE OUT.

Oh, Marra... You know I love you, too.

You naughty, naughty girl!

*twists vibrator on*

I stand corrected... Sofia totally wins.

*twists vibrator on*
:hand starts heading south:

Ladies, not here! Quickly, to the secret Paheeba sex cave!

How about this:

Mrs Claus (played by Tina Fey) decides her wastoid whiner of a husband (played by Vince Vaughn) needs to be taken down a peg or two. So she beats him up, puts him to wash all the dishes in Elfland and clean the house GOOD damnit. She takes over Christmas, but not before she starts a sweaty hot affair with the Easter Bunny (played by Nathan Fillion wearing nothing but boxers and bunny ears). So she recruits an army of Pajibettes dressed in Slutty Santa Costumes to deliver awesome gifts like magic vibrators and such to all the girls in the world, thereby making men completely obsolete except as sex toys. First victims will be every studio head motherfrakker who highlights movies like '4 Christmases'.

It'll start a new Matriarchal Era where women will rule the world and men will be nothing but slaves.

In the end we'll get a steamy sex scene between our protagonists and the final shot will be of Mrs Claus with a grin of utter satisfaction looking at the camera and saying

"Godtopussy bless us! Godtopussy bless us every one!"

Holiday Tentpole: "The War on Christmas" (to be released on Christmas Day...hey, it worked for Black Christmas!)

Santa Claus (Christian Bale) has just finished the last batch of toys for this year. They're all polished and gleaming, ready for the little ones. Even his head elf (Michael Caine, as himself) has something to be pleased with, in the fact that he has the workshop all nice and tidy.

Then...HE stuck! A sinister presense (Dane Cook) has broken into Santa's underground lair and Hell has indeed broken loose. The twist? This sinister man is Santa's evil twin, Satan Claus...and he has an elf of his own (Dan Fogler).

After a five minute cat and mouse face off on the roof of Santa's workshop, Satan Claus and his elf are dropped through the roof in slow motion...only to be impaled by a giant assed candy cane. However, this is not where our story ends.

Cut to a warehouse, Satan Claus and his elf are strapped to chairs. For the next two hours, you'll see Santa (with his brass knuckles), Michael Caine (with a shotgun), Jack Bauer (with his voice of justice), and Steven Colbert (with truthiness...and a sledgehammer) each take a crack at interrogating them...BY ANY MEANS NESSICARY!

(Note: This is going to be a HARD NC-17 picture, due to the fact that while we're filming we're actually going to beat the shit out of Dane Cook and Dan Fogler. We've already cleared this with the Justice Department, and we've been pardoned for the double homicide about to be executed. AND, through the modern effects wizardry of ILM, we're going to be animating the interrogation scene with actual depictions of the bodily harm caused to these men. Also, while they're being beaten, we'll mix the soundtrack up with Christmas songs, Beethoven's Ode to Joy, The really cool piano outro of Layla, and at least one Stones song. Martin Scorsese has been attached to direct, but only if he gets to golf club Dane Cook in the teeth.)

Dammit, figgy! The reason we're here, as man and woman, is to love each other! Stand by each other!

Your Christmas is carnage!

Ooooh....we could totally combine all of these.

Mike R's scenes could be all a parallel in my movie, with trapped Santa and his Elf being tortured by Satan Claus while Mrs Claus thinks they're doing the dishes.

In the end we have Mrs Claus and Santa reconciling and having a steamy hot sex scene. Possibly with Jack Bauer as a third party.

OMG this is gonna be the best movie ever.

... Why do all the movies that end up getting pitched around here end up with a ridiculous amount of debauchery? Not all movies have to contain violence and (practically)porn, ya know.

...

Hahaha, I'm just kidding. But I did get a little scared when I read the line about BSlim rubbing his nipples. *shudder* Where'd Pooks in all of this?

Marra, dearest:

The fact that I don't consider myself a feminist doesn't mean I don't believe male and female should have the same opportunities. I want us to coexist peacefully and give each other everything we deserve.

I believe some differences between men and women are biological, and it bothers me when some people are trying to turn them into something cultural. (Are men stronger? Of course they are; evolution made them that way. Except Pajiboys -- you know they're all wimps.) I like that we're different, but I want us to be treated with fairness.

Does this make me a feminist? I think it makes me a person with an opinion. I'm not saying feminism is bad; I just think it's too narrow a concept to define my personal opinions and it excludes other schools of thought I'm interested in.

So it's either that or I'm suffering the concequences of living with my dad for so long.

Sofia, well said! Let us now go back to making out and designing the new dungeon wing of the sex cave.

The movie totally needs a castle.

Well, I hope that's feminism more than figgy's movie is.

Either way I'm thinking Chrissie and I better strike for the hills while that petrol tank is full!

So now we know Marra is a squirter...

Figgy...you vixen you, that's brilliant! Santa's Workshop will be a castle! It'll make the rooftop chase/defenistration more insanely awesome!

Oh, and if this "Male Slavery" thing happens, I tell my future mistress this...go easy on me.

It was a dark and stormy Christmas Eve. Brad and Angelina were in bed, trying to decide whether to fuck some more or adopt. They opt for fucking because, well - it's fucking. So Brad begins to tenderly kiss Angie, eyes closed, losing himself in her giant pillow lips. Angelina pushes Brad off. "I'm so tired of your god-damned vanilla crap sex you mustachioed pussy!" And she jumps from the bed, storms into the master bath and slams the door behind her.
Brad sits alone, trying to understand. Suddenly he hears the clanking of chains. The door to the bedroom opens, and instead of Shiloh-loo-hoo's little head peeking round, he is greeted by his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. "Hey baby," she says, "miss me?" Brad unexpectedly laughs and chokes out "Um, no." Jen comes closer to the bed, rattling some chains that hang from her neck and exhaling a plume of smoke from her unfiltered Camel cigarette. Brad coughs. "I'm the bitch of your Christmases past" she continues, "and I'm here to show you all the bad fucking we did." Brad seems nonplussed. Jen pulls out an iPhone, video at the ready. "You didn't think I wouldn't keep a record, did you?" She taps "play" and the videos begin. Unexpectedly, Brad gets a hard-on. Suddenly, there is a tap at the door. Brad jumps up, covering his genitals in a display of false embarrassment. He opens the door, and there stands Oprah. "Er, hey Oprah" he quizzically utters, "what brings you?" Oprah steps in, also rattling some chains around her neck. Brad scratches his head. "I am the bitch of your Christmases future, and I'm here to show you how bad you are yet to fuck if you don't change your ways. I've brought Dr. Phil, and we're going to help you get your fucking on track." The door pushes open and in saunters that goofy, bald motherfucker. Oprah takes Brad by the hand and walks him over to the bed where Jen is stroking the sheets longingly. "Oh fun!" she squeaks. "Hey Big O! Hey Doc!"
Phil whips out an iPhone and sternly looks at Brad. "You need to sit down and take a look at this." he says. Dr. Phil presses "play".
Brad starts to get an errection again, and Jen looks looks like she wants to cry. Oprah holds Brads hand, and tells him she brought gifts for all of them. She pulls out a dildo. Brad is dumbfounded. Dr. Phil smiles and Jen barks.
Suddenly, the bathroom door bursts open, and Angie steps into the bedroom to survey the scene. She notices Brad's excitement, and a smile spreads across her face. She rips off her robe and jumps back into the family bed. "I knew it honey, I knew it!" she exclaimed.
"You knew what?" asked Brad.

"I knew there really was a Santa Claus!"

Last shot is a fade out of writhing bodies...

Figgy: mmmm....justice. Me likey.

Cindy, did you just make a orgy with Dr. Phil? I don't know whether to abjure you or worship your devious mind.

Cindy...you almost caused me great ridicule there, because I was ready to laugh myself out of a job!

Oh, someone teleport me off this rock.

(though I'll grudgingly give credit for the use of "abjure")

It's not about the T-Shirt, Prisco. EE is about the gratification. It's about validation for a job well done.
And the ultimate Christmas movie has already been made. It's called Home Alone. 'Nuff Said.
'NUFF SAID.

I love the snark, I do, and as a Watcher, I snicker at your little jokes, but going to have to say, can you all suck it up and make up a good holiday movie? One that is heartfelt without being cheesy? Ironic and snarky and vulgar and funny is easy....try doing bittersweet and touching and warm without pissing everyone off...that would be a Christmas miracle.

So noted, Admin. When the Great Christmas Revolution begins, you shall be treated poorly. And you will like it.

INDEED.

Mon Savage, I know I've said on this (and other) threads that I'd gladly munch on many a Pajibette Special Valley, but only you are my great love. Your wisdom impresses me, and whenever I see the words "'NUFF SAID" over your glorious name you make me wish you were making 'nuff-nuff' all over me.

Party pooper!

*crosses Jay off her list*

Ooh yeah. I have a list. I don't know what it does, but it's THERE.

"Bittersweet and touching"?! Hmm, never thought of that. Challenge accepted, Martika:

"Peace Will Be Waiting"

"It's Christmas, and a solider in Iraq is away from home for the first time. All she has to keep her going are regular correspondence from her family and her fiancee back home. News of the recent Presidential election still has everyone buzzing, and some are thinking of what they're going to do when they return home, seeing as this particular unit is being given a pass home for the holidays, after an extended and exempliary tour of duty.

Sadly, all she can think about is her nagging feeling she's going to get stop lossed right back into Iraq, and away from everyone for another two years. When she arrives home, it's as if she's forgotten who she is, and who all these people around her are. She doesn't even remember that it's Christmas back home, and thus is not really in the Christmas spirit.

She'll be reintroduced to home life through baking cookies, last minute shopping, and a particularly interesting family dinner where everyone gives her a gift to remind her of them as she makes it through an assumed second tour of duty. Through the spirit of the holiday, she'll learn that whether she gets stop lossed or not...there will always be people waiting for her to come home, and while things may be turbulant abroad, peace will be waiting for her when she arrives home."

(Note: There will be no shoot outs, no war sequences, and no preaching in this film. Whoever you are, whatever you believe in politically, you should be able to cry with this movie.)

Sorry Sofia you have been labeled a feminist in my book and that's where your stayin'. Protest all you want about being an individual; your protests fall on deaf ears.

Damn you, tamatha! Don't you have guilt issues?

To get back on topic, you know what I think the perfect Christmas movie is?

A Charlie Brown Christmas.

It's short, funny and beautifully sweet. I love how in the end they all get over trying to have the best and most outrageous Christmas decorations and realize through a droopy shedding tiny pine tree that Christmas is all about people getting together and doing something nice for one another.

And dancing around like idiots.

I love that movie to bits.

I'm seriously considering taking away his status as Stalkee #1.

http://progressiveboink.com/archive/peanuts-by-charles-bukowski/

I see a sequel to the Night the Reindeer Died. This of course of Scrooged fame and it plays like a Tarantino short:

Santa played by Steven Segal is still pissed that his cottage came under attack and needed Lee Majors to bail him out. So now he goes on the offensive against those that did not root out the 'evil-doers.' Santa has his own Death Wish List, and he has checked it twice.

He uses a set of Elf-like Green Berets to sabotage the most precious of those who did not do their job.

John Ashcroft's TV remote blows him to dust as he changes the channel from Matlock to Perry Mason.

Condoleezza Rice's piano is eviscerated as she strikes to first key of Santa Claus is Coming to Town, in practice for her last concert for 43.

Rumsfeld is found lying on floor with smoke drifting from the turret of a toy cannon that just blew a live round through his head.

The Elves find Cheney and slip hydrochloric acid into his shot gun cleaner. His pacemaker quits as it is melted by the fumes he inhales.

Finally, in the last scene, Segal in his Stealth Sleigh abduct 43 and drop him off in Qom, Iran. The sleigh takes off, Segal is heard saying, "Now the mission is really accomplished, and to all a good night."

Ending song is Auld Lang Syne as the Iranian Army picks up Bush.

And the end credits roll for: Santa's Justice.

Well Prisco since I don't have the requisite love of humanity to appeal your humanity, let me try and appeal to your vanity. Get that fucking top comment column posted you male cunt!

PAJIBANS! Do not fall for this fuckwad's bullshit. This is not the real Santa. I repeat: THIS IS NOT THE REAL SANTA! I say it's a hoax.

Hey "Santa".
Pengins live in the SOUTH POLE, dipshit.

But here's the best Santa ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XallLPuZjEY

Dear Santa,

Here's the Star Wars Holiday Special for you. I hope this settles the matter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjtoILkCYPc

Love,
Lucas

Prisco's too busy becoming a TV star to have time for us lowlies :(

I gave him my heart, and he gave me an angry Santa letter!

Prisco is acting like some goddam musician that got famous because of some shitty song, and now refuses to play the one lousy song that made the motherfucker famous in the first place.

Let's just pick the Top 5 comments we think should win, and if we happen to agree on more than one, we'll eventually build a top 10. Then we can have that #1 comment printed on a shirt, sell it for triple the prize, and create the "Force Prisco to do his Motherfucking Job" fund, where BarbadoSlim will put a rubber ball in his mouth and force him to type Eloquent Eloquence weekly, like HE'S SUPPOSED TO!!!!

If we don't get Eloquent Eloquence up and running soon Pajiba will experience the Cartman's Father backlash, when Stone & Parker made everyone belive they would finally reveal the identity of Cartman's dad and fooled the audience by showing a dumb Terrance & Phillipe episode. Needless to say, they learned their lesson.

So if you wanna avoid an anus-flavored rubber ball in your mouth, you'll get the fucking job done, Prisco.

Suck my candycane,

Kris Kringle, ESQ.

Wait a sec ... is Santy REALLY a lawyer, or is this like some sort of "Bill S. Preston, ESQ." lawyer-wannabe mind-fuck?

Cuz if you'ze really is a lawyer, how's THAT for ironic -- a New York Jew in charge of Christmas.

What do you mean Sofia's got the right idea? Listen K, as much as I consider Prisco to be a fanook. Call me old fashioned but I'm kinda not interested in sticking an anus-flavored ball in his mouth.

*sigh* I guess you're right, Pooks. But maybe we could rough him up sans butt-gag?

I don't know anymore, I'm so tired. Today has been really tough with O.J. being sent up the river and all. And fucking Netflix sending me fucking Wanted in DVD when I requested it in Blu-ray. Netflix is really starting to piss me off, I spend about fifty dollars a month for a bullshitting plan. If I'm going to spend that much the least they could do is send me the right goddam movie. Fuck Prisco!

I'm sorry the O.J. trial affected you so badly, Pooks. And that really sucks that they sent you the wrong DVD. I hope things get better for you tomorrow.

Ya know, like if somebody posted EE.

Pooks, your heart was in the right place but I think your 5-7-5 form is off.

Prisco loses fans
When eloquence goes
Let's fight him

Those fucking japs, why would they make poem writin so hard anyway?

K, you were the only one who stood by my side and was ready to leave pajiba on general principal. You really showed my something tonight, you have the heart of a tiger. The more I get to know you, the more I get to see your sweet essence.

you have the heart of a tiger

Rawr.

I thoroughly enjoyed Wanted. Yea, it's kind of a stretch and such, but it is a glorious, andrenaline-filled romp. Lots of crazy fun action and such. Although the people I saw it with thought it was kind of "meh." But I two of the folks I saw it with were pretty douchey, so take their opinion for what it's worth.

Pooks, there is nothing scary about my jungle, thank you.

As for other pieces of knowledge, I'm currently watching some old episodes of Chuck. Because I'm a geek.

Eh, what can I say, Zachary Levi does it for me. Plus, it's fun. Because I don't have cable the only other shows I'm digging on are Office & 30 Rock. I'd recommend Pushing Daisies, but that's not long for this world.

The most recent movie I saw was Role Models; I thought it was funny. Oh, and Bond was good.

Got any good recs?

K, we'll continue this in the morning, sweet dreams.

Get a room, you two.

And as for YOU, fat man, 63 Eyes has your jingle balls right here:

*where the hell's that lyric sheet? Damn, guess Ima have to fake it. Ok, here goes:*

Santa's makin' a list
But it's a ... grocery list
He checks it once, he checks it twice.
His eyes are getting big
But his belly's bigger
Santa canta getta down
Down down downa
The chimney this year

First it was a fruitcake then a whole damn turkey
Something something something something
Reindeer jerky
Santa canta getta down
Down down downa
The chimney this year.

Something something something
Something something something
Something something something something
Deep-friend elf meat.
Santa canta getta down
Down down downa
The chimney this ...
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR

EE is STILL not up?

I'm just about ready to do some blade work on this "prickco" person...real slow.

Get ready to receive several packages.

Regular, bulk mail.

If people really wanna define me or call me something, then they should get to know me, because I like to think I'm more than a feminist, a democrat, a liberal and a this-and-that, and there's no way you're gonna pick up on that if your opinions are solely based on what you read on a comment thread about Santa fuckin' Claus.

Aaaaaaand Sofia wins the internet, life, and my heart, all in one fell swoop.

Awwww, so much love. That's awesome ladies, hey! maybe Anna should gently caress Sofia....and Sofia, you should move closer and start touching Anna's hair...

How about:

A young by the book elf on his first day working for Santa Corp is taken under the corrupt wing of a rogue senior elf. At first the elf is awed but it quickly becomes apparent that his 'by the book' dictum is in stark contrast to the elder's philosophy of blending in with the street....and bending the rules.

Christmas Training Day

ACT II

Henry staggers back to the Fat Man, who can sense something is not right by the way Henry falls to his knees and projectile vomits for five minutes.

Fat Man reaches inside the front door, emerges with an Uzi and says, "Show me."

Henry shakes his head no. Fat Man grabs him by the bells, shoves him forward, aims the weapon.

They round the corner of the factory and ...

CUT TO: REINDEER ENCLOSURE

CAMERA PANS PILE OF REINDEER MEAT -- reindeer steaks, reindeer chops, reindeer sausage, reindeer burger.

CUT TO

Fat Man, so astonished he drops his Uzi in the snow.

"JE-sus CLAUS!!!" he exclaims. "What the hell? If this is Kringle's idea of a fuckin' joke ..."

"I ... I don't think so," Henry says. "Look at the blood. It's splashed all the way up the fence. This ain't 'CSI: North Pole' but ... I can tell from the blood-spatter evidence that someTHING ... someTHING unspeakably EVIL happened here."

CUT TO

Fat Man, who considers this. "Fuckin' ay, Henry, I think you might be on to something here. I don't know what we're up against but ... it sure would be a fuckin' shame to let all this good meat go to waste. Go round up the other elves and get this stuff into the freezer while I go pay that fuckin' Kringle a visit."

Henry does as he's told.

CUT TO

Elves carrying piles of reindeer meat into the house.

CLOSE UP

One of the steaks twitches ominously ...

TO BE CONTINUED ...

Synopsis:

The years have not been kind to Jesus. As less and less people remember the reason for the season, as Santa's public profile eclipses the son of God's, the king of kings finds himself out of shape and lacking the will to live (forever).

The final straw is when Wal*Mart drop the word "Christmas" from their holiday marketing campaign in favour of "Santaday!"

The overweight and now rapidly aging Jesus gets Albert Einstein to build him a time machine. He plans to go back to the time of Santa Claus and kill the man before he becomes the famous ursurper to the throne of Christmas.

The twist is that, when he gets to the year that Santa became a public figure, he finds that the man never existed. Finally, the realisation is reached that Jesus himself - fat, white haired, and half insane - becomes the thing he hates the most. Jesus was Santa, all along.

Mel Gibson to direct.

Jesus was Santa, all along.

Mel Gibson to direct.

Posted by: Bane at December 7, 2008 1:51 AM
------------------------------------------------

Dude, that was awesome!

SCENES 4-19:

Exposition

Accusation

Recrimination

Reconciliation

Violent conflagration

SCENE 20: NORTH POLE

The entire compound is ablaze. Dozens of dead elves lie strewn about in varying states of mouldering decay.

FAT MAN and KRINGLE sit in a snow bank, Kringle's flame thrower and Fat Man's Uzi still smoking.

KRINGLE

So ... what do we do now?

FAT MAN

Think we'll just ... wait here awhile ... see what happens.

CAMERA PULLS SLOWLY BACK.

CUT TO PAN:

A vast white frozen windy nothingness as far as the eye can see. Suddenly, the camera picks up something .. something moving ...

ZOOM TO

A reindeer sausage humps across the ice. It passes a sign reading:

1,427 MILES TO WASILLA

FADE TO

Black.

CUE: Ominous music.

ROLL CREDITS:

FAT MAN/KRINGLE: Kurt Russell

HENRY: Pookie

ELVES: Skittimus and Minimus

REINDEER: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen

MUSIC COMPOSED AND ARRANGED BY: Phil

THE THING: as itself

THE END

Phil is MY sound man, I own him AND all copyrights, current, future... AND ancillary.

/Awesome work dude.

Oh bucdaddy, please don't waste a perfectly good Life of Brian reference on a dead thread. And you forgot Incontinentia Buttocks.