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Welcome to Our Eloquent Eloquence Archive
























Eloquent Eloquence: Temper Klaxon Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Entertainment Industry Neologoportmanteau Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Hating People That Like Things Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Literrhea Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: TL:DR Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Thighs of Fassbender Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Professional Teeth Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: B*tches Love Magic! Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Young Matt Damon Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Sylvia Plath Confessional Oven Mittery Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Kitsch Antics Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Sartorially Corrected Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Fingerhood Ornaments Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Climb Mount Molehill Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Public Meat Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Awesome Facial Concoctions Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Smarmtacularity Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Wild Mass Guessing Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Neologism Cotillion Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: B*TCHCEPTION! Edition *BRAAAAAAAAAAM*


Eloquent Eloquence: Disembowel with My Mind Science Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Surprisingly Synchronized Disease-Ridden Whores Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Cast into the Machinery Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Fuzzy Assed Math Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Humdingers Firmly In Place Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Storm of Vengeance and Whiskey Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: I'm Your Holy Crocodile Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Community Hate Fondle Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Fiercely Heterosexual Opera Singers Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Radioactive Cinnamon Bun Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Ambiguous Sexual Elegance Edition


Eloquent Eloquence: Imagine What Salma Hayek Would Look Like With Beer Goggles!


Eloquent Eloquence (Overlord Edition): Why Is Thor So Much bigger Than Loki?


Eloquent Eloquence: Hemswort Is a Daily Supplement We'd All Take


Eloquence: Bathing in the Blood of Marvin Suggs Muppaphones


Eloquent Eloquence: I Still Don't Understand Twelve Monkeys


Eloquent Eloquence: Some Men Look Fine Balding, Some Men Are James Spader


Eloquent Eloquence: Christian Slater? Seriously? Will It Also Star a VHS Player and the Uncertainty Over Freddie Mercury's Sexuality?


Eloquent Eloquence: You May Have to Elba Him Before He Renners Straight Into Hiddleston


Eloquent Eloquence: Reincorporation Is the Secret to Great Comedy


Eloquent Eloquence: Online Death Threats Are Not Surprising. Surprising Is When Those Threats Are Spelled Correctly


Eloquent Eloquence and Porn Names for Literary Classics


Eloquent Eloquence: 13 Things Better than Scarlett Johansson in The Avengers


Eloquent Eloquence: The Skeeviness of Greasy Naked Men Humping the Air


Eloquent Eloquence: A Princess Bride Brewery? Anybody Want a Peanut Brown Ale? What About a Prince Humperdunkel?


Eloquent Eloquence: Terry Richardson Makes Humbert Humbert Look Like the Boy Next Door


Eloquent Eloquence: About that "Downton Abbey" Porn Title


Eloquent Eloquence: The Difference Between Sociopath and Psychopath Explained


Eloquent Eloquence: Why Are They Giving "Community" the "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" Treatment?


Eloquent Eloquence: What Are Pirate Negotiators Called? ARRRbitrators, Me Hearties!


Eloquent Eloquence: Wall-E Is a Spambot Wandering the Wastes of the Internet Performing Its Useless Spamming Tasks


Eloquent Eloquence: Can You Pinpoint the Last Time Johnny Depp Washed His Hair?


Eloquent Eloquence: Chekhov's Meth Lab, Indeed


Eloquent Eloquence: Jason Statham Gets the Dr. Seuss Treatment


Eloquent Eloquence: Would Motorboating the Magical Cleavage Be Like Being Baptized?


Eloquent Eloquence (All New Format): Crank Up the Labia Saturation


Dragons Are Like the Camaros of the Middle Ages and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


"Gentlemen Prefer Boobs" and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


The Boondock Saints Is the Insane Clown Posse of Movies and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


Does this Rope Make My Hands Look Fat? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


Lindsay Lohan is the Susan Lucci of Death Pools and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


When the F*ck did Michael Cera Turn into Lady Elaine Fairchilde? and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


The Atheist's Worst Nightmare and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


Salma Hayek and her Boobs Should Host Every Award Show Ever and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


I Am Offended by Your Anti-Vowelism: The 10 Best Comments of the Week


"Zombie Jambalaya" with Paul W.S. Anderson and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


The 10 Best Comments of the Week and Lea Michele's Gozer from Ghostbusters Costume


The 10 Best Comments of the Week: For just £2 a Month, You Could Make the Difference in a Zombie's Undeath


The 10 Best Comments of the Week Features a Talking Cravat Charmer


The 10 Best Comments of the Week Reminds Us All to be More Swintonesque in the New Year


The 10 Best Comments of the Week Asks the Question of the Ages: Man or Muppet?


The 10 Best Comments of the Week: Skitz Kills Again


The 10 Best Comments of the Week Featuring the True Story of the Vajazzle!


Delicious Eggs Palpatine and the 10 Best Comments of the Week


Eloquent Eloquence: Stuff Your Turkey with a Hair Metal Band and Call It TURDOKKEN


Eloquent Eloquence Introduces The Moviegoer's Prayer


Eloquent Eloquence: We Are the 99%. Of People Who Will Murder You


Eloquent Eloquence: I Like to Get Naked, Too, But That Doesn't Make Me Funnier than Donald Glover


Eloquent Eloquence: In Pajibaville They Say, That the Ladies' Ovaries Grew Threw Sizes That Day


This Week's Eloquent Eloquence Asks: Is Appliance Intercourse Considered Sodomy?


Eloquent Eloquence: Just Remember, I Love You Where You Tingle the Hardest


Eloquent Eloquence: When did Mark Ruffalo become The Most Interesting Man in the World?


Eloquent Eloquence: Christina Hendricks Bacon Whiskey Baby Ninja Star


Eloquent Eloquence: Where Barbershop Quartet Meets '50's Federal Prison Rapist


Eloquent Eloquence: George Lucas Gives His Fans the Finger


Eloquent Eloquence: Death By A Thousand Sporks


Eloquent Eloquence: Figgy's Swan Song


Eloquent Eloquence: Best Comments of the Week


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the day


Eloquent Eloquence Comments of the Week


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Returns! (Kinda)


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Comment of the Day: Tonight, We Dine on Scrota!


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


Eloquent Eloquence Comment of the Day


The Eloquent Eloquence Oscars Goes To ...


Eloquent Eloquence: Real Men Drink Blood and Swallow Babies


In This Week's Eloquence, One Eloquent Refuses to Watch Schindler's List Until They Come Up with a Decent Toy or Board Game Tie-In


Stop Whining


What Did Tony Danza Ever Do To You?!


The Pot and the Kettle


Does Bradley Cooper Not Know He's Bradley Cooper? I Mean He Could Be Having Sex with Attractive Women


Welcome to the Nickelback Merchandise Page


A Random Collection of the Best Comments from 2010


The Ten Bitchiest Commenters of 2010


First Amendment Side Effects


Skynet Has A Ways to Go


I Want to Get Intimate. Lubricantly.


Burlesque is Your Typical Small-Town Girl Goes to Los Angeles ...


Bags of D*cks


Chill Out, People


The Virgins to Daniel Craig Conversion Chart


Nails in my Face, But the Rust Is in My Soul


A PG-13 Alien? Does It Cuddle People to Death?


If You Can Read This, You're Obviously Not Home-Schooled


We Cannot Forget About Chip Hitler


I'll Empathy You Right in the Jaw


Pee in her Bug


I Strong Advise You to Use Rubber on Peenus


Beaches ain't Sh*t but Hoes and Tricks


Imogen Poots


Miniature American Flags for Everyone!


Bear Goggles


There is No Shame in Poutine. Only Joy


Ugly Chick Under a Bridge Ranting at Goats


So, Aqualad Is Aquaman's Fey British Cousin?


Where Did the Bad Pajiba Touch You?


The Human Twi-li-pede


The Sexual Allure of Alan Rickman's Voice Box


It Doesn't Help That You Are a Thumbhead!


The Bunk Needs New Sheets


The Book of Screwing Pandas


Rainbow Poof


The Ballad of Eating Yoko


So That's How Pattinson Has Such Perfectly Shaped Hair. Unicorn Semen!


An RDJ Backlash? Inconceivable!


Brian Cox Is Nobody's Stand-In!


Cobra Bites and Cat Piss Win Over Jay Leno Any Day.


To Me, You Are Perfect, Danny Trejo


The Texas Peep Massacre


The Cheerocracy Winner


This Cheerocracy is Turning into a Democracy


Space Boners. Advisable or No? Discuss


I Got Me Some Ripe Ole Apples to Go Along With Those Ripe Ole Melons You Be Rocking.


The PajibOlympics


What About Bob? What ABOUT Bob?


Katherine Heigl Will Play Muffy Honeycrisp


LOLCats vs. The Human Centipede


The Tree of Woah!


'Jiba Juice


Hairy-Ass Travolta


Have You Ever Been Sparkly?


The Top 20 Comments of 2009


Universe, you’ve done it again!


Figgy's Gettin' Married


Is Pink Mist a Euphemism for a Queef?


That Is One Pissed-Off Crotchfruit


Naughty Dreams on Elm Street


Viva Paheeba!


Butthole Day Revisited


Hey! What Do You Mean, 'You People'?


No One Likes a Big Bowl of S**t for Breakfast


Some of You Read This Site with Your Pants On?


Heydilly ho, friends! Wanna see my diddly-ding-dang-doodle?


Elouquent Elouquence: Canadian Edition


TitsandBatman.com


I Once Turned a Student Loan into PBR


TITSEXPLOSIONROBOT FUCKINGTITSBOOMBANG FIREMETEORTITSPOW!


GOETHE, MOTHERF***ERS


The Answer to How Long You'd Live with Only Half a Brain


Send in the Pooping, Zombie Clowns


Bevy of Hoochies


Nappy Headed Ho's


Ugh, Bugs! Stop Falling into my Boobs!


The Top Five Things You Don't Know About Women


Ode to Menstruation


Ain't No Shame Like Charlie Sheen Shame


100 of the Best Comments


RIP: Jeff Goldblum 1952 - 2009


Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pajiba Place


Wall-E: Serial Killer. Wait! What?


Bazooka Joe vs. The Volcano


Tampon Machine in the Public Restroom: The Movie!


The Warrior Queen’s Parting Words and the Retirement of Eloquent Eloquence


Sh*t, Pajiba! Are You Just Looking for An*l?


I Salute You Sick Sick, Gay, Crazy, Pill-Poppin Sex-Crazed Literary Mavens


Eloquent Eloquence 03/05/09


Eloquent Eloquence 02/25/09


Eloquent Eloquence 02/19/08


Eloquent Eloquence 02/12/09


Eloquent Eloquence 02/05/09


Eloquent Eloquence 01/29/09


Eloquent Eloquence 01/22/09


Eloquent Eloquence 01/15/09


Eloquent Eloquence 01/08/09


Eloquent Eloquence 12/24/08


Eloquent Eloquence 12/18/08


Eloquent Eloquence 12/11/08


Eloquent Eloquence 12/04/08


Eloquent Eloquence 11/20/08


Eloquent Eloquence 11/13/08


Eloquent Eloquence 11/06/08


Eloquent Eloquence 10/30/08


Eloquent Eloquence 10/23/08


Eloquent Eloquence 10/16/08


Eloquent Eloquence 10/09/08


Eloquent Eloquence 10/02/08


Eloquent Eloquence 09/25/08


Eloquent Eloquence 09/18/08


Eloquent Eloquence 09/11/08


Eloquent Eloquence 09/04/08


Eloquent Eloquence 08/28/08


Eloquent Eloquence 08/21/08


Eloquent Eloquence 08/14/08


Eloquent Eloquence 08/07/08


Eloquent Eloquence 07/31/08


Eloquent Eloquence 07/24/08


Eloquent Eloquence 07/17/08


Eloquent Eloquence 07/10/08


Eloquent Eloquence 06/26/08


Eloquent Eloquence


Eloquent Eloquence 06/13/08


Eloquent Eloquence 06/06/08


Eloquent Eloquence 05/16/08


Eloquent Eloquence 05/08/08


Eloquent Eloquence 04/24/08


Eloquent Eloquence 04/17/08


Eloquent Eloquence 04/11/08


Eloquent Eloquence 04/04/08


Eloquent Eloquence 03/28/08








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