Pajiba

Fuck OFF Spambot!! GAHHHHH!!!Ofj)&*(tdj%)&%asrj*)^&dj^!!!

[pants, fans self, wipes up the tea I threw at thejodester]

Congratulations again to our legib and Kolby for their baby news.

BRUUUUUUUUCE, you magnificent bastard, you! I will visit the site. I've always wanted many women would talk to me.

Jerce, I don't know how the I missed that, but that was funny as hell...

Thanks, Dustin! Who would have though, even for a second, that our very first baby gift would come from Pajibaland. My heart is melting.

I am, however, quite troubled by Pookie's refusal to stay among us. Perhaps he's just exhausted, and needs a break. Maybe we should follow the old saying,"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it will be yours forever. If it never comes back, then it wasn't really yours to begin with."

Sigh.

I think Pookie needs some lovin. Though that's my answer to everything.

I will take this theory to my grave: One night, Dustin got blackout drunk, staggered over to his computer, and Pookie was born. Now it's like the alcoholic Hyde to his Jekyll.

Of course he denies it, but...

Watch out Julie, that's how babies are made.

Though that's my answer to everything

Yes...it is...

For the last time, Julie, you're not gonna cure Nicole with those toys. Just leave her be. And gimme back my toys.

Congrats again, Pajiban mothers-to-be. Although I think Sarina should've won, just as compensation for the shitstorm she had to wade through.

We'll miss you, Pookie.

I am very sad about Pookie leaving. WHY DIDN'T YOU OFFER HIM MORE MONEY DAMMIT?! WHY?! (...sob...)

I'll miss you, Pookster... I'm sorry about that time I called you a douchbag. I... I love you, man. May you bring confusing sunshine to those in need of your abilities. I only wish that we treated you better. The daily attacks were shameful and uncalled for.

I suggest a top-ten Pooklets, a brief sampling of the nuggets of wisdom that we won't be seeing anymore round these parts thanks to you snarky, attacking assholes...

I suggest a top-ten Pooklets, a brief sampling of the nuggets of wisdom that we won't be seeing anymore round these parts thanks to you snarky, attacking assholes...

Excellent idea, Skitt, although I admit that I first read Pooklets as POOPlets.

I think Pookie needs some lovin. Though that's my answer to everything.

Watch out Julie, that's how babies are made.

a Julie/Pookie baby would either come out severly deformed, or rule the world....not sure which

but I am edging towards ruling the world

Jerce, you are the wind beneath my wings. Where was that comment hidden, anyway?
Damn this new full-time job and its deleterious effects on my Pajiba surfin'!

But it's so much fun to try, Shadows. And NO. Once you give me a Magic Wand of Orgasmic Luminosity, you're not getting it back. Because that would be gross.

Kolby...it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant right now. If I actually had a boyfriend, we'd be using the whole box of condoms at once. :p Fun news today, my girlfriend (who is five months along) called me this morning to tell me she's having a boy. I can not WAIT to buy baby clothes. He's so getting an Eagles jersey.

a Julie/Pookie baby would either come out severly deformed, or rule the world....not sure which

"In five years we'll all either be working for him, or be dead by his hand."

Bethy, I like to believe it would rule the world *and* be hideously deformed.
Long live Emperor Jules Pookus!

Our child would look like a skeksi.

"I...am...EMPEROR!!!"

It just occurred to me that I laugh most often at socalled's comments. Out loud.

Pajiba is sending baby treats to expectant moms.

That is so unbearably cute. I love this site.

*a la Brando* P-O-O-O-O-O-K-I-I-I-I-E-E-E-E!!!!!
Please come back and play with us....be one of us....be one of us.....

Really, if you must go, come back soon, we will miss you.

Congrats to the new mamas, Kolby & legib That is wonderful news. We do, of course, expect these little Pajiblets to bear names in honor of some of us.....

And, Jerce, that is the best advice I have ever heard for getting out of holding a child you REALLY don't want to hold. You know, like the snot-covered, 3-eyed Cletus Jr. son of Cletus and Maybelle you just HAD to run into down at the Wal-Mart? Brills.

exactly socalled, exactly. it is best we are forewarned

and Julie I hope you would be buying the baby sports paraphernalia even if it was a girl (and yes, I had to have my co-worker look up how to spell that for me....what of it?)

and just an idea Dustin, Godtopus mobiles would be unbelievable cute

just sayin

Wow, socalled, I googled that quote and got the wiki site for 30 Rock, but when I read "Jack McBreyer" I somehow read it as "Jack Bauer" and thought this was about 24. Obviously, I don't have cable and know nothing of either one, except that for a few minutes I thought the terrorist show was really kinda surreal.
That's what I get for being pop culture retarded. And skimming. And maybe being real life retarded.

Also... which poor Pajiba reviewer has to go stare down Speed Racer?

Oh, Kolby, stop it. It is embarrassing how much time I spend thinking about how to make the regular commenters laugh. When I chuckle in the car over some unspoken thought, the missus wearily makes snarky remarks about being a Pajiba widow.

which poor Pajiba reviewer has to go stare down Speed Racer?

NOT IT!

Augh! mr f, if you do nothing else this weekend, view some 30 Rock -- even some bits on the internet will get you psyched about that show. You don't need cable!

Of COURSE I would miss Bethy. Speaking as a beer-drinking, football-obsessed, baseball-loving, slowly-learning-even-god-damned-hockey-now girl I would never dissuade my daughter from being a sports nut. Hell, her baptism dress would have the Phanatic on it.

My favoritest Kenneth line from 30 Rock will always ALWAYS be "Mr. Jordan said this place is going to get raw like sushi, so haters to the left." I cry at that line delivery.

I'll never understand why Philadelphians would curse their offspring with their miserable fandom. No child deserves that.

Borderline child abuse, I tell ya.

Congratulations Kolby and legib! Mayb you have easy pregnancies and births and happy, healthy, roly-poly babies.

Speaking of ruling the world... Alex the Odd and I are meeting for drinks tomorrow evening.

I'm very excited.

And as for borderline child abuse through sports fandoms, I was raised in a Redskins/Orioles household. Yeah.

Hey, didn't Pookie threaten to quit awhile ago? I swear I read something like this weeks back. I think he's just looking for attention.

socalled I think there are many of us whose partners don't share the Pajiba love. I believe that TK is also in this position. The Main Squeeze doesn't dislike Pajiba, he just doesn't share my obsession.

I love beets...don't make me throw a snowball at you. :)

Or a battery.

so true I Love Beets

everybody knows you root for the Pats/Yankees/UConn College Basketball

although I just realized the other day that the British do not share the same obsession with the NFL as I do and that this fall I will be online checking scores A LOT....

Awww...I was so hoping Jay's Cardigan Menace comment would be on the list! Although I am sufficiently placated by the hilarious fact that Pookie is #1 and the Pajiba Incubators are reaping the benefits of his crazy.

Congrats again to Kolby and legib on their impending little wrigglers!

a beer-drinking, football-obsessed, baseball-loving, slowly-learning-even-god-damned-hockey-now girl

the best kind Julie!

...or cheer you when you're hurt. Oh how I love to be associated with the assholishness of others...stupid fans giving us a bad name :p All I want to do is watch my Eagles, pray McNabb doesn't get mauled by a lion at the 20 yard line, and laugh at the Phanatic while screaming for Jimmy Rollins. While drunk of course.

Genny, that is so fun! Yay for Pajiba meet ups!

If there's going to be a top ten Pookie-isms list, I demand you go back far enough to some of the comments he posted when the Smith wars were still raging here.

And finally, yes follow Socalled's orders: you must see 30 Rock. The best line ever? Two weeks ago when Jack Donaghy was told he was getting the big promotion but it was still a secret:
"But Mr. Geis, may I tell my mother because she might die soon and I'd like to see her go to her grave a broken woman"
And the children of Irish mothers around the world, laughed so hard they simultaneously fell off the couch causing a huge bump in the core of the earth that reverberated over Myanmar last weekend.

"But Mr. Geis, may I tell my mother because she might die soon and I'd like to see her go to her grave a broken woman"

Paddy, I laughed so hard at that line I almost choked on my dinner. So funny. Alec Baldwin is a god.

Finally! Damn. If I had known my super stupidly embarrassing family song about chocolate treats would make me an Eloquent, I would have laid that shit on earlier.

Either that, or comments just really sucked ass this week. Thus, the Katie Holmes love over Maggie. UNFATHOMABLE.

Either way, colored me pleased.

Julie:

I am absolutely convinced that we are responsible for the situation in Myanmar. No-one who has lived with the quintessential Irish mother's approach to parenthood could fail to howl at that line.

Congrats ladies! I'm due in December! Today I saw what this thing is, and I swear it waved a flipper at me. It scared the shit out of me. Let it just be known that I've never changed a diaper and I've held two children in my lifetime...both of them cried. I'm a little terrified.

Hehe...looks like we're seeing a new group being formed...

I present to you: The Expectant Eloquents!

Yay, congrats to legib and Kolby! We're all going to be Pajibaunts and Pajibuncles!

Hmm, "Pajibuncle" sounds like an uncomfortable condition...may have to come up with a different name for the menfolk....

MO, how about Pajuncle?

No-one who has lived with the quintessential Irish mother's approach to parenthood could fail to howl at that line.

The truthiness of that statement is vast and unparalleled. If my mother watched 30 Rock she would have that quote inscribed on my grandmother's tombstone.

Congrats to you as well Melina! Fertilization is in the air.

MO...Pajibuncle sounds like an ass tumor.

Whoa, Melina, congrats to you too! Wow, there is something in the water...pardon me while I go grab a bottled beverage....

boo, "Pajuncle" is definitely better. And your Pajibaunty duty is to teach the wee ones silly food songs that they can use to embarrass their families in public.

Jesus, at this rate I'm gonna be pregnant by association. And that is going to confuse the hell out of Mrs. TK.

all of you who have unwittingly disclosed to us that you are expecting are now going to be obliged to update us on the child through-out its life

first word
first step
first day of school
first under-age drinking arrest
first school dance
first car
first car crash
first diploma
first spouse
first well...you get the idea

That's IT! I have had enough of this farce. I know the truth, Dustin! You're not Pookie but really Harry Knowles, aren't you?! I mean, come on, "Knowles" and "Rowles", the proof is right there! You thought you could pull one over on all of us, didn't you? You though that just because Ted is drunk 24/7, TK is blinded by wild turkey attacks and three legged dogs, Stacey is in a back room furiously masturbating to Jared Padalecki photos, Dan is contemplating suicide in his cubicle and Seth is, well, too busy watching TV to notice anything other than frakkin BSG that no one else would catch on?!

I can see you there in your bionic Barco Lounger, ringing your sausage fingers together while looking at the hit counter climb...you sicken me.

Congrats, Kolby and legib!!

Congrats Melina, and no worries. You'll be fine as soon as the little one is in your arms. I somehow ended up with three, and believe me, I had no clue in the beginning.

Good googamooga (is that right?), there is a plethora of preggos around here! I mean, I know we joked about sexing each other up, but DAMN, people!

Wait, Pookie left? Seriously? Would it be in bad form to dance a jig? I mean, I liked his non-seqiturs and TP defense as much as anyone, but considering I was his unofficial nemesis and all, I feel I should celebrate.

I swear I am going to get on that next Eloquence, even if I have to dig up Vonnegut's grave to do it!

Jesus, at this rate I'm gonna be pregnant by association. And that is going to confuse the hell out of Mrs. TK.

TK: I think she would just say "It figures" and shake her head. After all those stories about your clumsiness, you inadvertently getting pregnant is eerily within the realm of possibility.

Congrats to you, too, Melina ! Weee! I'm gonna be a Pajibaunty!!! That means I get to feed 'em lots of sugar and let 'em watch super-violent decadent shit and send them back home, right? YAY!!!!

TK:

I really hope you are pregnant. Your zombie nanny will be the coolest child care worker EVER!

I do well and truly adore you people.

I now have an image in my mind of Servo(Julie) waving around a giant dildo, but it's like one of the foam fingers you get at games. So in my head she's waving a giant foam Phillies dildo. Sick fuckers in here.

Congrats again to Kolby, legib, and Melina. I don't mind babies, as long as you promise to take them with you when you go. With ten nieces and nephews, I can change a diaper with my eyes closed (but this is not recommended).

Anyone who starts trashing Philly fans and/or sports will have batteries thrown at them.

"But Mr. Geis, may I tell my mother because she might die soon and I'd like to see her go to her grave a broken woman"

The breakdown of the 500 best lines on that show is something like:

Alec Baldwin -- 80%
Jack McBrayer -- 15%
Everyone Else -- 5%

Would it be in bad form to dance a jig?

Dude, that is so racist.

Jesus, at this rate I'm gonna be pregnant by association

TK, don't tempt the Godtopus like that, we don't want you being visited in the middle of the night by the archangel Gabriel who tells you to expect the second coming of a multi appendaged deity.

Dude, that is so racist.

It's okay; I'm black!

Besdies, softshoe is racist, jigs are fun.

and just an idea Dustin, Godtopus mobiles would be unbelievable cute

I LOVE IT. Can I please have... um... several? I have 11 nieces and nephews (both Mr. Pea and I have very fertile siblings).

and just an idea Dustin, Godtopus mobiles would be unbelievable cute

I LOVE IT. Can I please have... um... several? I have 11 nieces and nephews (both Mr. Pea and I have very fertile siblings).

hell, I would hang one up for my cat :)

Good idea, Bethy. Maybe we can fill the little Godtopuses (Godtopi?) with catnip in the pet-themed mobile. And put them on bouncy strings.

So in my head she's waving a giant foam Phillies dildo.

That image pleases me.

Dude, that is so racist.

It's not bad that I sputterled sweet tea all over my keyboard, is it? That was just horribly, horribly funny.

TK, don't tempt the Godtopus like that

Umm...are you implying that TK is the Virgin Mary? And that we should expect the son of our savior to come from a zombiemaster who hates turkeys? That's...that's....hmmm....eerily appropriate....

Servo(Julie) waving around a giant dildo, but it's like one of the foam fingers you get at games. So in my head she's waving a giant foam Phillies dildo. Sick fuckers in here.

Sooo....she doesn't do that normally? I honestly thought she had one that she took to home games.

Oh wow, that would be the freakin' ultimate cat toy, Bethy!

oh god Pea, my cat would shred that thing in 10 minutes flat

she gets downright maul-istic (new word!) around capnip

her eyes get all evil looking, and her mouth opens slightly to reveal all her teeth and the second coming of some sort of kitty god could not tear her away from that toy

then she runs around a lot and then she collapses

she gets the same way around writing utensils as well for some reason

but I love it, let's do it!

I want a Godtopus plushie to play wit....er....give to a friend....

Shadows, I bring my Phillies butterfly net and roofies kit to games, in case I run into Chase Utley.

oh god Pea, my cat would shred that thing in 10 minutes flat

Mine goes crazy over lady-bugs. And laser pointers. Hours and hours of fun.

To be fair to the dog owners, we should also make a Godtopus-themed Kong.

alright guys, I smell a business venture....we expand beyond Pajiba-folk with the cat toys (as nobody questions odd creatues stuffed with catnip) first...then slowly start to take over the world...I mean stuffed toy industry

why, what did you think I meant?

global domination?
little ol' me?

[smootly covers up world maps with notes and specs for mind control devices....]

I love this site because in the course of a few moments we have discussed racism (softshoe- yes; jigs - no, but fun), catnip, giant foam finger dildos (are there any other kind, truly?), TK as the Virgin Mary (religion), and there's some zombie stuff thrown in there for good measure.

Is it wrong that I blushed when I read my name? This has been a good week! Oh, and Melina, you'll be fine! When we had our first ultrasound, my husband looked and was like "Good God, what is that?" That's a good feeling!

When we had our first ultrasound, my husband looked and was like "Good God, what is that?"

I can't remember if I've already made this observation on some thread in the past--the difference between women and men:

Women can incubate, nurture and ultimately bear forth a living and unique human being from their bodies, from an opening that is normally the width of a coin.

Men can pee standing up.

Oh, and some of them can get a jar open for you, too.

Men can pee standing up

I can totally finish the dregs of that Cosmo if you're not gonna.

Genny (also Rusty) you haven't lived until you and your sister are two lone Orioles fans in a sea of Red Sox fans at Fenway. You must, of course, scream your head off and make an ass of yourself, and although you may get the occasional dirty look, the Red Sox fans really can't say a word, 'cause of what happens to Camden Yards when the Sox are in town. And of course, they lose, but you're not terribly disappointed, because it's expected.

Men can pee standing up

I challenge any woman here to write their name in the snow as satisfyingly as we can.

Damn it Shadows, now I want to go home and...pee in the freezer.

I'm the best roommate EVER.

pee in the freezer

Talk about awkward positioning...

I just tried to picture myself performing such a task and cracked up for ten minutes. At least I find myself amusing, the people who know me in real life just shake their heads in wonder :p

Pookie watned a site with a better school system. He then signed with PerezHilton for $121 Million. He will be traded to various other sites while Perez continues to pay him until he finally blows out his typing fingers while on TMZ's payroll.

I go away for one hour and you guys are peeing in freezers....

and thus, you guys are the best :)

When we had our first ultrasound, my husband looked and was like "Good God, what is that?"

That's ok. When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I proudly took home a photo from the ultrasound to show my cranky-on-the-outside, jelly-on-the-inside dad. He took one look and said, "*sniff* Looks like ET."

"pee in the freezer

Talk about awkward positioning..."

That depends - chest freezer, or upright? Cause you could sit on the edge of a chest freezer.

Congrats to all preggers Pajibans!

Hee, Bethy, you can't leave us alone for more than five minutes. That's a lot of mischief making time.

which is presicely why I shouldn't have to go to meetings anymore Julie

it is much more fun around here

First BarbadoSlim and now Pookie. WTF is going on in Pajibaland? Is there some secret society taking out the eloquents. (TK? ZOMBIES?) Damn, I'm glad I'm not a good enough commenter to be a target. Skitt, Skitt are you still there? Watch your back man.

I'm gonna miss ya P-Bag.

Is there some secret society taking out the eloquents. (TK? ZOMBIES?)

Quiet, you. Unless you want to join them... I mean if, hypothetically, I had anything to do with it.

Hypothetically.

[walks away, innocently whistling]

Is it wrong that I was imagining "peeing in the freezer" to look like spiderman does when he is on the side of a building?

I bring my Phillies butterfly net and roofies kit to games, in case I run into Chase Utley.

So that she can then share him with me. Even if she does appear to be cheating on me with Bethy.

Servo, peeing in the freezer? *shakes head*

How much lower must you go? I may find myself compelled to bring pepper spray when we go to Chickie's lest you attempt to kill me in what would appear to be some bizarre accident.

legib, that made me laugh so hard my stomach actually hurts.

I for one am going to lay off of TK about the sweater vests for a while. Y'all just KNOW he's using the horde for nefarious purposes.

I can go so much lower Nicole. So much lower. :p

Yay Chickies! Mmmm...crab fries.

I had to leave work early to take a nap, and I missed so much fun! I have a feeling that once the child arrives I will be missing everything. There's a small chance I won't care though.

We've had two ultrasounds - one to confirm the pregnancy (it looked like a blob) and one to reassure me that I was actually pregnant even though I sure as hell didn't (and don't) feel pregnant. It was during the second one that I realized that I ws, indeed, growing a human being. It's pretty incredible.

And speaking of TK and the sweater vests: Now that you've joined the ranks of the fertilized, my man, would you spend some of your incubation time knitting the Kolbyspawn a TK original?

I worry about you people sometimes. Where's Pookie going? Who's going to say wildly inappropriate things? Wait...we still have Julie...

I missed you guys. Went for a holiday, came back and read your comments and it was like coming home. It's good to know some things never change.

Even if she does appear to be cheating on me with Bethy.

hmmmmmmm, then again there ain't nothin wrong with a threesome Nicole!

Kolbs, if I could knit, I'd knit you a muzzle.

Joker, don't forget Pissboy. He's almost always good for something terribly inappropriate. On a vibe similar to Pookie but different from Julie.

Hope you had a lovely time on holiday.

"Mr. Jordan said this place is going to get raw like sushi, so haters to the left."

Julie, that one was just stunning.

"That just makes me perspire" and "I thought they would find it interesting but they really did not" are also in the pantheon.

Sorry, Sarina, but I thank you. Yeah, I'm the confidentiality anti-hero, that's me. "What else do they have checked out?" "Hmmm, I don't see anyone named here in the Authorized box. Jog on!"

I've also got this weird reflex when I'm telling someone that, yes, they are talking on their phone too damn loud, yes even out in the foyer we can still hear you in here, I tend to gesture a bit like Ross Gellar's "lowering the faders" move. At least I don't make the face.

Now I'm thinking how cute a knitted muzzle would be. Can I have one for my mom?

Nuh uh, Bethy. I don't share. And you, Servo, I didn't ask how low you COULD go; I asked how low you MUST go.

Crab fries. I haven't had crab fries in three weeks. Mmmm. Need crab fries.

Welcome back, Joker. I still swear that Pookie is a Scientologist.

So, TK - that's a no?

Thanks, tamatha, I did. My 2 year old nephew went Hulk on me in the middle of Baden-Baden (very touristy rich people place in Germany), he would wake up at 6 a.m. and come in my bed to cuddle (which is all good, but it's fucking 6 a.m.) and he insisted on treating me like his toy. Then he gave me approx. 100 kisses when he was saying goodbye. So yea, I adore him, but I'm SO not having kids. Good luck, Kolby.

I can go so much lower Nicole. So much lower. :p

[opens mouth...stares blankly off into space as he imagines it...closes it and walks away whistling happily...]

Nicole, she MUST go as low as she can and that's...well...we're talking subterrenian here.

Welcome back, joker...I was wondering where you'd run off to.

Where *is* BarbadoSlim? Have we gone over this already and I just missed it? Because I miss him, too..::softly sings "Memories" to self::

No knowing, Geetch; he didn't use his real e-mail address to post comments, and he just up and disappeared a couple months ago.

I believe that BSlim was a casualty of the Great Zombie War. Does anyone recall seeing him after that happy event?

I love this site. I promise, when I conceive my first college crack baby you will all know before my flesh and blood.
And as far as child abuse: raise a kid in Red Sox Nation. Loud drunken angry Irish redheads screaming at the television, at eachother, and finally throwing the television out the window and passing out for 13 hours. And people wonder why I moved to Chicago

Carolyn - I fear you may have unwittingly placed yourself high on the "kill" list of TK and the Zombie Hordes.

With warmest regards, A Fearless Yankee Fan

Fuck it, you're both on the list.

Yeah, I'm half drunk. What of it?

Congrats, PajiMommiesToBe, and I sincerely hope that fetal alcohol syndrome can't be passed from Pajibaunts. Screw the mobiles, we need to bring back WhiskeyBabyNinjaStar! in the form of onesies.

I saw them on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m",too.Maybe they want to make more new friends.You can contact them on that site.

I will be an Expectant Eloquent as soon as RDJ gets over here and fills me with his babies. What's taking so long?

Speaking of 30 Rockisms, Am I the only one who has taken to exclaiming a Liz Lemmonesque "Blerg!"? It's almost completely replaced my usual exclamation repetoire.
And I know exactly the episode you're talking about, Jules. Perhaps my favorite when it comes to a perfect blend of the characters. Tracy thinks the black crusaders are after him and does the best Oprah impression I've ever seen from a man. Jack tries to sell his terrible champagne, with help from Ghostface Killa (The Wu-Tang Fan in me squeals with glee), Liz shoots Wayne Brady "My Tote!" and the greatest feud on television, Kenneth vs. L.L. Cool J. Oh, I really need to stop geeking out about this episode. I could go for hours just on Jack's list of rappers. (Young Jeezy? Ridonky Kong? Humunculous?)
Blerg! This has gotten to be a huge post. Kinda hope it disappears into old post obscurity.

Speaking of 30 Rockisms, Am I the only one who has taken to exclaiming a Liz Lemmonesque "Blerg!"?

Not at all my darling, I say it ALL the fucking time :)

Kolby and legib IN MY PANTS.

Oh wait! That's how this whole baby thing started.

So I have to apologize for not being here as much lately. There've been so renovations being done, furniture constantly moved around, people walking in and out, and work being piled on, so I haven't had that much of a chance to show my Pajiban love. So I go home and get on and read the reviews and read the comments and laugh to myself at the great conversations going on without me and the excellent reviews I haven't commented on and I think about saying something but I realize that it's long past time of the original discussion and it's too late to speak up and it would make me seem like that dork in high school who would speak up after the subject of the conversation had already shifted away from the original topic with a point about the original topic and everyone kinda looks at him with pity and disgusts and he slinks away with his tail between his legs.

And so I bite back my snark and pithy comments and cry a little and hold my legs to my chest and wonder why no one likes me and put on some Fall Out Boy and look at the screen stupidly, wishing I could be part of the cool crowd of Eloquents. And then run to my room and sob into my pillow, calling out "Godtopus, why have you forsaken me?" and think about cracking my Juno DVD in half and slitting my wrists with it.

Of course, then my baby cousin walks into the room and bitch slaps me and calls me a...well...(you-know-what)...and brings me back to my senses again. And that's when I realize that I never left...and I'm all happy again and and hum the theme to The Great Muppet Caper to myself and think about looking to post more strange and hateful comments. I solemnly thank her before kicking her butt for hitting me. And I get out my copy of Bloodrayne and stare at the over to remind myself why I hate bad movies.

Of course...none of this really happened...or maybe it did...or not.