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November 25, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | DVD Releases | November 25, 2008 |

How you feeling about Black Friday this year, folks? Cash strapped? Recession got you down? Don’t live near the outlet capitol of the world? Can’t even afford coal to put in your kid’s stockings? Well, I got something better than coal. And it comes out this week on DVD.

*Hate Your Kids Christmas Special*

Space Chimps: Of which, Agent Bedhead writes: “Those who have yet to recognize the appeal of Pixar or DreamWorks Animation’s killer CGI will definitely understand the difference after witnessing Space Chimps, a flat, uninspired, and completely lifeless work that somehow manages to retain a colorless pallor despite the DayGlo shades from which its animators drew. The similarly inert script begrudgingly performs a few obligatory nods to the sci-fi genre in general, but, oddly, no allusions whatsoever are made towards Planet of the Apes. Altogether, this film’s plot is nonexistent, delivering only false labor instead of a climax, and this piece of crap shouldn’t have even made it onto Saturday morning television, let alone a theater.”

Fred Claus: Dustin, in a letter to Santa, writes: “Fred Claus is a chunk of coal so big it wouldn’t fit up your ass, tubby. It’s like you lied in wait, watching as I stumbled drunkenly underneath the mistletoe, and then you leapt out — like Jaret Leto toward a tube of mascara — and whipped me about the head and face with a spiked-ball mace. It’s not kinky, Mr. Kringle — it fucking hurts.
I hate your mouth-breathing guts, Santa.

Hancock: Phillip surmised that Hancock was two films, one decent, one horrible. In the end, he concluded that it was, “A movie that is one part amusing and one part appalling should end up a rather average theatergoing experience, but the bald inconsistency resulting from the film’s nosedive in tone and storytelling result in a final product being a shade above horrible. I would rather Hancock had been a straightforward shit-fest than to dangle the carrot of thoughtful genre send-up in the audience’s face before removing it and loosing a tremendous fart. Berg and company had the chance to inject the summer of superheroes with its most comic iconoclast, and Smith at least had the theoretical panache to pull it off. For shame.”

Meet Dave: No one saw Meet Dave, and you’ll probably be surprised, but thanks to a script from a “MST 3000,” it wasn’t half bad. Phillip writes, “as it a great comedy? Certainly not, but neither was it the abomination unto God that was Norbit or Pluto Nash. Meet Dave has enough funny moments to be a pretty innocuous experience, even if most of the film’s goodwill is threadbare by the end of the first half hour. It’s serviceable as a comedy, most of the time, and never grating, even as the action becomes larded with platitudes and sentimentality by the end. It’s the kind of film that kids and geriatrics will chuckle over; everyone else may smirk, but shouldn’t sneer.”

Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Not a big crowd pleaser, but a serviceable Woody Allen film. John writes, “At 72, Allen appears to have persevered past an embarrassing stage. He’s not making great movies anymore, but he’s cranking out enjoyable diversions. And it’s nice to see him continue the recent trend of lavishing his attention on great cities outside New York. Vicky’s romantic awakening at the hands of a transparent lothario like Juan Antonio is pat, but the performances are strong enough to make up for the character arcs. An omniscient voice-over throughout threatens to send Barcelona off the rails by mostly repeating things we easily learn by watching the action. (The technique should really require committee approval at this point.) The movie is saved by Bardem’s charisma, Cruz’s riveting turn, and just enough romantic philosophy to kick-start spirited debate about what we talk about when we talk about love.”

This Week's DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | November 25, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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