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It's Back

By Genevieve Burgess | DVD Releases | October 5, 2010 |


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The Human Centipede: "Two things struck me about The Human Centipede, besides the sheer fucking insanity of the concept. The first was how it... wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be. Not that it was a pleasant experience, mind you. It's still pretty goddamn gruesome, particularly the first time Katsuro has to go number 2. That's... not a good scene. One of those things that you really wish you could un-see. Nor is it exactly happy fun time when Jenny (Yennie), the unfortunate end-segment, starts developing pus-filled infections around her mouth staples. OK, so maybe it's pretty bad. But not unwatchably so (depending on your stomach, I suppose). The surgery itself isn't shown, and Six pulls his punches just enough to make it awful and disgusting without crossing the line into Hostel territory. The thing that makes it so fundamentally and outright horrific is really the concept itself, and honestly, the sewn-mouthed muffled screams of the middle and rear segments are the most perturbing parts." - TK

The Karate Kid: "Will Smith must be wholly determined not to become the type of parent characterized within his rap songs. The evidence of Smith's particular parenting ways is fairly obvious from his purchase -- as producer of The Karate Kid remake -- of a movie star career for his 11-year-old son Jaden. Further, it was no insurmountable hurdle that Jaden wanted to be a movie star now, for a few quick strokes of the pen are all it took to change a protagonist's age from a high-schooler to a preteen. Similar changes followed in rapid succession; now, the story takes place not in Reseda but in China, and the martial art in question is no longer karate but kung-fu. These changes not only make it more convenient to justify the casting of Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan but -- at least to a non-discriminating audience -- can be explained away as mere trifles and easily forgiven by a family-based audience that's got nothing better to turn to in this cinematic void." - Agent Bedhead

A Nightmare on Elm Street: "It is awful. The new Nightmare on Elm Street is like the third page in a carbon copy triplicate -- it's the same movie, only faded, less vibrant, smudged, and hard to read. It's completely lifeless. There's no joy in this Nightmare. It's dreary, glacially paced, and the characters are glum and inert. It's as though they've taken the first Nightmare, given everyone involved clorazepam, and asked them to retrace the steps of the original characters, only now everything looks more like a bad Green Day video. Indeed, the saturated colors have absorbed all the energy out of everything else." - Dustin Rowles

Splice: "And then the film just goes right off the goddamn rails. The Frankenstein theme that was prevalent for the first hour of its production evolves, much like Dren herself, into a completely bizarre and twisted vision of the darker alleys of humanity. Like me, I'm guessing that most viewers were waiting for the film's climax, when Dren would become the monster that was alluded to. And that does happen -- horribly and nightmarishly so. But not before we are forced to examine the monstrous acts that people are capable of first. I refuse to spoil it, but suffice it to say that it travels some very unexpected terrain that will likely leave people pretty uncomfortable, yet wholly engrossed. Clive and Elsa evolve (or devolve, depending on your thinking) psychologically and emotionally, just as much as Dren does physically, and the results are grimly lurid and at times flat-out disturbing." - TK

The Secret of Kells: "The Secret of Kells is an animated film from Ireland about a young Irish boy, Brendan (Evan McGuire), and his friends and family, interwoven within the story of The Book of Kells. It is, at the risk of hyperbole, a staggeringly lovely film that was nothing less than captivating. The story begins with young Brendan, an orphan living with his uncle, the Abbot Cellach (Brendan Gleeson), in their abbey. Their days are filled with backbreaking work as they continually try to fortify the abbey walls in preparation for the pending attack by Viking hordes bent on the destruction of all in their path. One day, the legendary illuminator Brother Aiden (Mick Lally) arrives, driven from his island by the Vikings, bringing only the book that is his life's work and his cat Pangur Bán (a clever reference to the old poem by an Irish monk about his cat). Brendan is quickly enamored of both Aiden and his book, and takes up the new visitor's quest to find a precious ink that can only be derived from berries gathered from the forest outside the abbey walls." - TK

Also released this week: Elvis and Anabelle and Oxford Murders



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