Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer … Awww Hell. Ran Out of Gas.
This Week’s DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff
DVD Releases | September 16, 2008 | Comments (16)
88 Minutes: Dustin summed up 88 Minutes in exactly 88 words: “Forensic psychiatrist (Al Pacino) testifies, puts away serial killer (Neal McDonough); copycat killer aims to rub out psychiatrist in exactly 88 minutes. Inexplicably shoots at him, blows up car well before time expires. Huh? Frames him for murders. Stupid, nonsensical twists. Poorly acted. Predictable mystery: Numerous red herrings; zero suspense; killer more obvious than AC/DC hook. Moshfuck of tedium. Pacino overacts (duh); subtlety of donkey punch. Worst movie of career. Hoo-Wah! Paycheck. Buy yourself some dignity, pal. Answer to burning question: Movie is 108 minutes. Tick Tock. Blurgh.” Go ahead, count.
Made of Honor: And here are the first 88 words of Agent Bedhead’s review of the revolting Made of Honor: “Take every wedding-oriented romantic comedy that you’ve ever seen and pluck out each well-worn cliché that you can possibly imagine. Then, use a shiny, pastel ribbon to all of them together into a fragrant, utterly extravagant bouquet, and, while standing directly in front of the most pathetic bridesmaid, toss the bouquet right over your shoulder. See what sticks, and you’ll somehow end up with a more interesting story than the latest romcom from a cast member of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Made Of Honor manages to shuffle awkwardly through a …”
Snow Angels: John makes an argument that Snow Angels is a movie that has the qualities to make David Gordon Green the best director of his generation. Of his work on Snow Angels, John writes, “It’s Green’s sensibility that lingers. As in his debut, George Washington, and All the Real Girls, the director lovingly establishes a sense of place. He’s sharply attuned to the visual cues of a geography’s character, here captured in a snowblower on a church lawn, the bleachers at a high school football game, and birds flying low over a lake’s icy surface. Green’s not interested in matching track suits or frogs raining down from the sky. He may be drawn to the darker corners of this world, but it’s this world. We’re lucky to see it through his eyes.
Speed Racer: Of this year’s biggest box-office flop, Ranylt writes: “Pardon the pun, but high-octane doesn’t begin to describe the look and feel of Speed Racer, refurbished by the Wachowskis into a candy-colored blur of fluorescent streaks, quick cuts and booming sounds. The filmmakers’ intention is hard to miss: provide a virtual reality of speed racing onscreen. Special effects have been innovated and technical conventions turned upside-down in this movie. That should have been a good thing. But the Wachowskis let their greenscreen swallow them whole, and their Frankenstein monster of a movie makes monsters out of the faces that swim and blink and veer around onscreen.”
Young@Heart: Prisco, who got all smushy in his review of the documentary following a senior citizen choir group that sings rock songs, ultimately concluded, “The movie won’t change the world for the better or open your eyes to profound truths. It is what it is: an emotionally manipulative documentary about singing seniors so rife with overwrought sentimentality that it would make Thomas Kinkade vomit pastel watercolors on the Hallmark Channel. But when it comes down to it, it’ll make you feel good. Like you know you should. Huh!”
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Comments
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 16, 2008 1:00 PM
Didn't the 88 Minutes review have exactly 88 comments? Wasn't mine the 88th? Shouldn't I have won something? Like, a baker's dozen of bagels or something?