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September 9, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | DVD Releases | September 9, 2008 |

Baby Mama: Dan’s summary of the following movie boils down to one word: “Serviceable.” He writes, “The film is about a woman who chooses career placement over starting a family and decides to have a child before it’s physically too late. It’s in the same general ballpark of painful self-examination milked for humor that Fey excels at, but unfortunately, first-time director Michael McCullers doesn’t have the storytelling skill or precision to turn a good idea into a good film, and the only reason the whole thing doesn’t feel like one horribly drawn-out sketch is because of Fey’s inherent charm and timing. The film has all the ingredients of a serviceable comedy, right down to the romantic subplot and the annoyingly predictable betrayal by a secondary character, but the tone never gels for longer than a handful of consecutive scenes.”

The Fall: Prisco gives a Prisco-like review of The Fall (allusion-heavy, scattershot, and ultimately spot-on), writing: “Like the gothic sketches accompanying Through the Looking Glass, The Fall weaves its terrifying narrative with bizarre imagery and lush fantastic landscapes. But ultimately, like an opium-addled house of cards, the entire project falls apart under the weight of its own dreary narrative and mind-numbing “artistry.” A lot of people will be lured in by supposed similarity to Pan’s Labyrinth or The City of Lost Children. However, this Pied Piper’s song quickly blats sour notes. You’ll find yourself longing for substance rather than arbitrary visual treats, like a disappointed diabetic visiting Hansel and Gretel’s witch.”

Forbidden Kingdom: The Jet Li and Jackie Chan film throws you a eye-black curveball, as Phillip’s review reveals: “The Forbidden Kingdom is noteworthy for the first onscreen combination of Jackie Chan and Jet Li, two hyper-fast super humans who could beat the piss out of Steven Seagal with their elbow fat. Despite being past their prime, the presence of two screen legends should’ve been something impressive, even to those of us only haphazardly interested in the genre. The problem is, even though this movie stars two ass-kicking titans, they’re treated as narrative sidekicks to — steel yourself for this — Michael Angarano, a thin white slab of dumbass. I’d be much more sympathetic if Angarano had kung fu skills worth a squirt of piss, but he doesn’t, and a few choreographed scenes that probably took the poor sod months to get down don’t mask the fact that he’s in over his head. “

Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour: We’d forgotten we’d reviewed this film; hell, we’d forgotten it even existed in the first place. Here’s a taste of Dustin’s review, then let’s never think of it again: “Honestly, I have no fucking idea what I just witnessed. None. That was an ungodly surreal experience on par with being fellated by a hungry barracuda while your Mom stands over you and cleans your ear with a Q-Tip: In other words, it was painfully awful and it made no goddamn sense. Can anyone tell me who the hell Sarah Landon is? Is there something going on in the ‘tween market that has escaped my notice? Are they doing some sort of new drug that alters their mind in such a way as to enliven the dull and appreciate the inept? Or are they just dumb? I simply don’t get it. Have I been duped? Was Sarah Landon a mindfuck Halloween trick that theater exhibitors played on America? And was I the only critic who missed out on the joke? “

Baby Mama and the Paranormal Hour

This Week's DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | September 9, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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