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Starship Troopers Destroy Abigail Breslin

This Week’s DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | August 5, 2008 | Comments (39)

Just three notable releases this week, none of which earned much more than faint praise from us. Stick around, though. Number 18 in the 20 Best Seasons of the Last 20 Years will be up shortly.

The Counterfeiters: The winner of the Academy Award for Best Foreign language pic, this year, The Counterfeiters received a middling review from Phillip, who writes that the movie “is a bit too interesting without enough of anything else,” concluding that “with its notable production and fine acting,” the movie “paints an interesting portrait, but never an enthralling one.”

Nim’s Island: Of the Jodie Foster / Abigail Breslin family film, Agent Bedhead reviewed the movie as a mother: “As a parent, I find it difficult to really dislike a film that is geared towards young girls and doesn’t feature its female protagonists wearing revealing clothing while applying impossibly shiny lip gloss and chatting on their cell phones. So, although Nim’s Island is a tediously paced affair involving a trio of main characters who spend most of their onscreen time trying to find each other, this children’s film does have its merits.

Starship Troopers 3: We have no review to offer up, nor will we, in all likelihood, but we thought you might want to know that the third movie in the Starship Troopers franchise was released, straight to DVD, today. It stars Casper Van Dien and Jolene Blalock, and is directed by the guy who wrote Robocop and its sequels (as well as the Anaconda sequel). We have no doubt it’s a winner!

In fact, the trailer proves once again why it’s impossible to intentionally create an unintentionally funny movie.


← Step Up 3 | Battlestar Galactica, Season One →



Comments

Starship Troopers 3?

SKU-WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! I always knew there were too many unanswered questions. Thank christ somebody stepped up to bat and made this one. I'm taking the rest of the day off and me and Minimus are parking our ass on the couch and basking in the sunshiny sunshine glory of shininess of what is likely to be the greatest movie of my life...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 5, 2008 12:05 PM

Is it symptomatic of a gaping hole in my knowledge of modern cinema that I didn't even know they made a Starship Troopers 2?

Posted by: Shay at August 5, 2008 12:05 PM

I still think Starship Troopers deserved the Oscar for effects over Titanic back in the day.

Posted by: Returnofthesmith at August 5, 2008 12:06 PM

number 18! number 18! wooooooOt! do it now!

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen (Jr.) at August 5, 2008 12:06 PM

Anxiously awaiting the 20 Best Seasons flamethrower free-for-all!

Posted by: Grover at August 5, 2008 12:07 PM

Sorry, I couldn't contain my excitement. Shay, I didn't know it either until I saw this trailer (which, by the by, I believe was when I went to see TDK, of all things).

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen (Jr.) at August 5, 2008 12:09 PM

-- No, really - they're STILL not carrying big enough guns. If you can't cap a bug in one or two shots, you're screwed.

-- Jolene Blaylock apparently attributes her post-"Enterprise" employment slump to insufficiently inflated lips. Hopefully things will be looking up for her now.

-- Do you get the feeling that they thought that Verhoeven was serious when he made the first movie?

-- They really need to bring back Roughnecks.

Posted by: Meander at August 5, 2008 12:23 PM

I can't think of any better gift for today, my 21st birthday, than Starship Troopers 3.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at August 5, 2008 1:00 PM

Good GAWD, you picked that crap for the 18th best season?!?! I just can't stomach this crap anymore you guys have totally lost-

Oops, started a little early on that one, carry on.

Posted by: TMax at August 5, 2008 1:05 PM

Hahahaha, Casper Van Dien..biggest disappointment since, Craig Sheffer.

Oh, I'll download this and burn it to DVD to, watch point, and laugh, (as I drink cheap, American beer mmmm.... Keystone Light) at his unfulfilled expectations.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 5, 2008 1:06 PM


I heard on good authority that they include
another shower scene (in Starship Troopers 3:
In My Pants). CVD may not be the best actor
or brightest bulb in the marquee, but he's
got a nice ass.

That will probably be enough to get me to
watch it on STARS some slow Saturday afternoon.

Posted by: Drake at August 5, 2008 1:21 PM

Man, why did they make a 2 and 3? Starship Troopers was one of the best satires ever made and they had to go and ruin it.

Posted by: the_wakeful at August 5, 2008 1:31 PM

Oh crap! Drake and Shay beat me to it. I was going to make a comment about not knowing that they made Starship Troopers 2: In My Pants.

Actually, considering that I actually read Starship Troopers, I couldn't imagine how they were going to make ST:1, since the plot involves sitting around doing nothing and thinking about it.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 5, 2008 1:32 PM

In case anyone gives a flying fuck, Starship Troopers 2 was absolutely wretched. I have similar expectations for the third one.

Casper Van Dien is the Nickelback of modern cinema.

Posted by: TK at August 5, 2008 1:36 PM

Starship Troopers 3? There was a second one?

Posted by: Sarah C at August 5, 2008 1:42 PM

"In case anyone gives a flying fuck, Starship Troopers 2 was absolutely wretched."

Uh... Why did you watch Starship Troopers 2? Seriously? You saw it? I'm concerned about you...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 5, 2008 1:52 PM

Doesn't Casper Van Dien have, like, 67 kids or something? Shit, I'd be making whatever stinking pile of feces they threw my way if I had 241 mouths to feed, too.

Posted by: Kolby at August 5, 2008 1:55 PM

Actually, considering that I actually read Starship Troopers, I couldn't imagine how they were going to make ST:1, since the plot involves sitting around doing nothing and thinking about it.

Ditto, BWeaves. I couldn't stand the movie since I read the book first. And Casper Van Diem proves that all you need to be an actor is the ability to grit your teeth and talk through them. Seriously...may he burn in every single hell on the way down. I hope he contracts herpes of the mouth and crabs on his head. He needs to be dragged out back and shot to death with a hammer.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 5, 2008 1:55 PM

Kolby... 67 kids = 241 mouths? What the fuck kind of baby are you gonna have, anyway? I'm officially scared.

Skits - I can't help it. I'm hopelessly drawn to shitty sci-fi. It's why I've seen almost everything ever made by the Sci-Fi channel. It's like a drug. A cheap, poorly made drug that provides no enjoyment, and creates nothing but suffering in my home.

Posted by: TK at August 5, 2008 2:00 PM

TK - I was exaggerating. You know, kind of like how you tend to exaggerate the "power" you have over the zombie hordes. You know they're just waiting for the right moment.

And my baby is going to kick ass. Only 96 days to go!

Posted by: Kolby at August 5, 2008 2:50 PM

Was it me, or in the closeups, when he gave his lil salute...did Casper Van Dien's face look like he'd eaten some bad shelfish, or perhaps was going into anaphylactic shock from eating a peaut? Either way he looked like shit. I mean, i suppose any of us would look like shit if, to do your most recent movie, the studio had to send a car to the dimly lit alley you call your home to pick you up after you finish fellating a rough trick named Skunk. Then the driver has to get him to a salon to cut the 4 month old man jam out of his hair and a carwash to cleanse the odor of piss and failure from his dirt-crusted body. He shines up like a heavily circulated penny!

Posted by: PissBoy at August 5, 2008 3:01 PM

Having a black character saying "There goes the neighbourhood"- is that supposed to be clever or some shit? Please.
Also, happy bday Kevin Longrie... but if you're turning 21 in the states (I'm assuming), wouldn't the best gift be booze? You might need some to get through that movie.
Actually I always had a bit of a soft spot for Starship Troopers. It's just so cheesy.

Posted by: Lannie at August 5, 2008 3:12 PM

It's disturbing how familiar you are with that setting, PissBoy. Coincidentally...what do you do in your free time? Making ends meat alright?

Yay Kolby! We're so excited for you!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 5, 2008 3:34 PM

OK, wow. Home from work and can therefore watch this trailer and...just wow. Didn't they wrap up the whole "war" thing in the first one? With the giant brain bug and all that? And what on earth happened to Caspar Von Dien? I didn't think it possible, but I'm actually less enthusiastic about this movie now than I was 4 hours ago.

Posted by: Shay at August 5, 2008 4:15 PM

Ah, Starship Troopers: a movie that not even the combined forces of NPH and naked Dina Meyer could save. I think they were being countered by Denise Richards.

Also, one of the biggest laughs I ever had was when I watch an episode of Power Rangers, and recognized the soldiers were wearing the SAME EXACT ARMOR from the movie. Talk about cheap.

The really sad part is that there was this awesome CGI cartoon Roughnecks that was based on the movie and was a lot closer in tone to the book. Well as close as a after-school block cartoon could get. Still, people died in messed-up ways, one dude got mindraped by the bugs, another turned traitor and mutated into some freaky hybrid creature, and humanity was nearly destroyed.

Why those folks at Foundation CGI lost their shirts, while the asshats that crate this claptrap continue to thrive is beyond me.

God, I miss that show.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 5, 2008 5:12 PM

By the way, isn't Casper Van Dien married into royalty or something?

Still I can't hate the guy. He, unlike some of his fellow castmates, seems quite aware of his standing in the biz, and doesn't really care about it that much. He seems to know his place on the totem pole, is what I am saying.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 5, 2008 5:30 PM

Still I can't hate the guy. He, unlike some of his fellow castmates, seems quite aware of his standing in the biz, and doesn't really care about it that much. He seems to know his place on the totem pole, is what I am saying.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 5, 2008 5:30 PM

---------------------------------------------------

Do you looooooooooooooooooooooooove Casper Van Dien?


hahahahahahahahaha get a room funboy. He'll never call you back you know.

He won't....

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 5, 2008 6:04 PM

I remember when Starship Troopers first came out and I had a hopeless (not just geographical hopelessness, either it turns out) crush on NPH.

Shay, it's true, they did wrap the "war" up at the end of the first movie. Unless there are LARGER brain bugs...? Dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

Posted by: popejenn at August 5, 2008 6:05 PM

I'm just wondering if they won the war at the end of the second movie too. And if they'll win it at the end of this one. And just how many sequels they can win the war in before the 3 people still watching start to cotton on.

Oh lord, I had forgotten NPH was in the original Starship Troopers. That poor, poor man. But I almost love him more knowing how much he's suffered to get to where he is today.

Posted by: Shay at August 5, 2008 6:56 PM

hahahahahahahahaha get a room funboy. He'll never call you back you know.

Jealousy is unbecoming of you, my friend.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 5, 2008 7:17 PM

It's true love when you admire a person more for doing something so shitty.

If NPH calls anybody, it'd better be me. I didn't try to become psychic after watching that movie for nothing.

Posted by: popejenn at August 5, 2008 8:19 PM

Oh, but NPH (brief as his appearance is in the movie) is one of the reasons Starship Troopers rocks. Doogie in an SS uniform!

Ditto on the Roughnecks animated love, too.

Posted by: space oddity at August 5, 2008 8:23 PM

Oooh, oooh, Casper Van Diem looks so very, very embarrassed oh I can't watch oooh nooo....

ok is this a joke? it has to be a joke. It can't be real. Even the narrator sounds embarrassed. Ooh boy...ooohno...

....Dix Hauser?

no way.

Posted by: figgylicious at August 5, 2008 8:36 PM

Starship Troopers 3 looks like a flick that the Sci-Fi Channel would pass on producing. The trailer made me want to smack a geek and steal his lunch money, so I punched myself in the face and bought an iced coffee.

Posted by: David at August 5, 2008 8:49 PM

David, you good sir, are hilarious.

Posted by: popejenn at August 5, 2008 9:43 PM

As far down the page as this comment may be, can I plead for a real-time review of Starship Troopers 3? There hasn't been one in a while, and good lord, I enjoy them immensely.

Pretty please?

Posted by: WhitRD at August 6, 2008 12:53 PM

I second the motion for a real-time review of Starship Troopers 3. Preferably from a boat over where Heinlein's ashes were sprinkled in the ocean so the review can be interspersed to check to see if any grave-rolling is occurring.

Posted by: Ray at August 6, 2008 5:51 PM

for the love of pete.

the first Starship Troopers was sort of awesome. It had Ironside god damn it! And NPH! As a PSYCHIC!!

and BRAIN BIGS THAT LOOKED LIKE ENOURMOUS BRAINS!!!!

Plus, as we all know it was a fantastic satirical poke at 'Nam and the way militaries (all over the world) recruit their troops with the brain beating propaganda) and for that reason was sort of brilliant


But that right there?

I....is it a spoof?

Because if its a spoof then sure, okay, I'll check it out but...if they mean it?


Great Googly Moogly.

Plus what the HELL happened to Casper Van Dien??

He looks....okay, he looks like if some one took Adrian Pasdar and beat him with an ugly stick for several years. And then, because Pasdar is really stupidly beautiful, if they also threw him in the garbage disposal and let him get smooshed.
And then did other shit to him to make him ugly because....you know what? I've honestly distracted myself with Pasdar's outrageous hotness...I have to go and google him and lick my computer screen.
Excuse me.

Posted by: nadine at August 7, 2008 11:11 AM

Oh, no Denise Richards in the third Starship Troopers installment? It might be watchable, then!

Posted by: piedlourde at August 9, 2008 10:23 AM