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Rambo is Gone

This Week’s DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | May 27, 2008 | Comments (51)


Another crappy week for DVD releases, with only three (decent films) to choose from:

Cassandra’s Dream: Of Woody’s Allen’s latest semi-annual offering, John had this to say: “Like Neil Young and Philip Roth in other fields, Allen seems admirably determined to remain prolific until the reaper knocks. He’s likely done making classics, but Cassandra’s Dream is his best in a decade.”

Grace is Gone: While one John Cusack anti-war film is hitting theaters, another, much better Cusack anti-war film is arriving in DVD stores. Of Grace, Dustin wrote: “Grace is Gone is a quiet, beautiful, moving piece of work, a simple film that doesn’t ask, plead, or cajole; it just puts it out there and lets you allow it come, to wash over you, to sink into its heartbreak. To say that it’s a film that elicits tears or that it’s a “tearjerker” seems almost dishonest; the tears aren’t jerked or drawn out, they just fall like warm drops of rain dribbling down a window, drops you can’t bring yourself to wipe away because — for a few brief seconds as the credits roll, and before the heavy-breathing guy in front of you knocks over his soda while pulling his fat ass out of his seat — it’s those tears that somehow connect you to the characters onscreen, the people whose gut-wrenching loss, by movie’s end, you feel almost as intensely as they do.”

Rambo: Ranylt expressed a ton of enthusiasm for Rambo, writing: “The latest Rambo is a bloody awesome entry into the gore-sploitation and war-sploitation sub-genres. It’s a meaty combination of jungle action, gore-kills and unintentional camp — there were moments, in fact, that reminded me of butcher-cinema standards like Cannibal Holocaust, with its third-world slaughter arena and mindless imperialism. It’s that irresponsible and that bloodthirsty a movie, with just the sort of ballsy, bad dialogue that salts the meal perfectly. I can’t help but admire Rambo’s hell-bent course to extremes, and despite the fact that my tolerance for severe exploitation violence has lowered over the years (the girl who used to write retrospectives for Salo, I Spit on Your Grave, and Last House on the Left can’t bring herself to see the new rout of torture porn), I was in this movie’s thrall from start to finish.”


My Little Runaway | Murder One



Comments

I don't believe in Woody Allen. I have the other two on my queue, though.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 1:40 PM

Rambo is worth the price just for the first scene of violence. Absolutely breath-taking. I loved this movie and agree that it was second in the series behind the original.

Posted by: Terry Heaton at May 27, 2008 1:45 PM

A friend of mine, not too caught up on the times today, even though she is a mere 22 years, went out one Halloween dressed as Lucia Joyce.
Upon meeting up with others, she looked perplexed at our buddy whom had on bullets, a red bandanna and bronzed dirty skin.
Inquiring as to who he was, he replied Rambo.
After a few minutes silence, she finally replied...The poet?

Posted by: Faye at May 27, 2008 1:45 PM

I have never seen a Rambo movie, so the new one does nothing for me. Meh to the other two releases.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 1:46 PM

Julie...dude...you GOTTA watch the Rambo movies. They are fucking hysterical. Sylvester Stallone runs around yelling and making the strokeface and shooting at people and animals and shadows and buildings and thin air, and he cries a lot and it's always goddamn raining and at one point he wears a garbage bag. Brian Dennehy is in at least one of them, and for reasons I don't really understand, Brian Dennehy always makes me laugh on principle - even that one time he played John Wayne Gacy and was all clowning it up with the dead young boys in his crawlspace.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 2:01 PM

and he cries a lot and it's always goddamn raining and at one point he wears a garbage bag.

Ha ha ha!! I love it. I don't want to watch them alone though, they seem like the types of movies to be enjoyed with company...and there is no way I would ever convince my girlfriends to watch a Rambo movie. My pregnant friend would beat me with her swollen ankles, Dawnie would call me a mean name while wearing a jaunty hat, Nene would stare blankly and then ask if we could watch Anchors A-weigh for the 75th time, and Patti would ask "What's Rambo?"

My friends are dead to me.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 2:10 PM

So Sarina has seen the Rambo movies?

Very interesting. I'd say you sold it well.

I think this week's my last chance to catch "Son of". Thursday after work should fit.

Mention of Brian Dennehy will now always make me think of Patton Oswalt's Robert Evans' ESPN reminiscences.

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 2:14 PM

Yes Jay, I've seen the Rambo movies. Well, I don't actually know if I've seen all of them. I never could really tell them apart, and this was a number of years ago so they're even fuzzier now. But yes, I've seen at least two of them. I love cheesy action movies, unless they star Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme, because I don't believe in those two squinting, preening, whispery ponces.

Brian Dennehy always makes me think of either that John Wayne Gacy television movie that I had to watch in a criminology class I took in high school, or the time he took over Kirk Douglas' role in Return to Snowy River, which was a total disappointment because he didn't even bother to play his own hillbilly twin. Except I think maybe the hillbilly twin died at the end of The Man From Snowy River, but I don't really remember, and in any case that's no excuse. Those movies were so gloriously bad that nobody would have even noticed if they'd magically resurrected the hillbilly goldmining twin.

Also, have you SEEN Brian Dennehy's IMDb photo? I'm telling you, that dude's funny just because. He looks like a drunk Santa Claus without the beard.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 2:44 PM

Even back in Woody Allen's prime, I would watch his movies and say, "That was a joke," but it didn't make me laugh. I got the jokes, but they just weren't funny. And what the hell do women see in him? Nebish. I'm Jewish and I don't get the attraction.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 27, 2008 2:45 PM

And don't forget the ULTIMATE piece of trvia about the Rambo series Sarina!

Rambo III - The dedication to the "...gallant people of Afghanistan", referencing the Taliban with whom Rambo joined forces for said film. Wonder if they'll Hayden Christensen that little bit out of the DVD release.

Posted by: PissBoy at May 27, 2008 3:09 PM

But we had to get Jason Patric and his Beast out of there!

Don't make Pete's Olympic sacrifice worthless!!


Even "Take the Money and Run", BWeaves?

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 3:22 PM

Wonder if they'll Hayden Christensen that little bit out of the DVD release.

Is that a thing? Did they digitally remove him from the Star Wars dvds and insert random images in his place? Because I would watch a movie where Natalie Portman woodenly declared her love for a box of pushpins. Or a flaming chicken.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 3:23 PM

No Julie, they digitally added Hayden Christensen's stupid head onto the REAL Anakin Skywalker's body for the sissy group pose in the Ewok tree village at the end of Return of the Jedi for the DVD release.

Why the hell would anyone do a dumbass thing like that, you ask? Because it's George Lucas, and that's how he rolls. Take something that was once cheesy/awesome, and make it suck as hard as you possibly can, and call it Industrial Light & Magic.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 3:29 PM

Hayden Christensen - 1. v. To digitally altar original cinematic material and replace it with a void of blackness one should not pay attention to. 2. To hackishly change an original rendering, replacing what once was, with something totally empty and devoid of any merit.

In the case of Rambo 3...they would just have cover those words with black if they wanted to pretend they were never there.

Hayden Christensen is the definition because G. Lucas replaced the original Ann-i-ken (I know i fucking spelled it wrong...i don't care enough about the movies to bother finding the right way) Skywalker dude with his glowy green body at the end of the revamped Return of the Jedi; hayden christensen, of course, being his own "something totally empty and devoid of any merit" used in said movie. That concludes your vocabulary lesson for today. Please use Hayden Christensen properly in a sentence.

Posted by: PissBoy at May 27, 2008 3:34 PM

No Julie, they digitally added Hayden Christensen's stupid head onto the REAL Anakin Skywalker's body for the sissy group pose in the Ewok tree village at the end of Return of the Jedi for the DVD release.

Wait...what? Really? I'm incredibly gullible, is that TRUE?!

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 3:35 PM

Kinda the reverse, Julie. Hayden was added in the final Force Ghost shot, replacing Sebastian Shaw. The logic being he'd returned to his unspoiled self full of the light of the Force, if you will, rather than just Old But Wearing Jedi Robes. Since Obi-Wan and Yoda had never gone to the dark side their appearances didn't change.

That's the logic, mind you. It's retro-consistency, like Temeura Morrison overdubbing Boba Fett's lines. This does not mean it's popular. Oh no.

Greedo was just a senseless, dumb move though.

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 3:35 PM

Wait...what? Really? I'm incredibly gullible, is that TRUE?!

I shit you not. Unfortunately.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 3:37 PM

Oh. My. God. That's hysterical. And my favorite new verb.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 3:42 PM

The correct phrasing is "Crappin you negative".


Yes, as I said, not very popular.

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 3:42 PM

The funniest part of PissBoy's definition is that "Hayden Christensen" is always capitalised when referring to the verb, but in lower case the one time he refers to the actual person.

Just as it should be.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 3:48 PM

I can't believe anyone would find Woody Allen attractive. This ruins a lot of his movies for me, I think.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at May 27, 2008 3:50 PM

Mind you, it wasn't just his head, they're not that sloppy. The effect itself is well done.

It's the idea that grates many people.

(Exception: again, Greedo. They improved the cockeyed angle of the shot and the messed up dialogue sync on the dvd but it's still messy. They got way too happy with software that was NOT ready in 1997, let alone being used for some dubious shots on Tatooine. I will say that "Empire" really was improved with no caveats, I don't mind showing the 97 version to a newbie)

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 3:50 PM

Hee! I didn't catch that, well-played, PissBoy.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 3:52 PM

Has anyone clicked the 'Naughty Button' yet on the side of the page? I want to know if my PC is gonna choke me while it puts me over its knee and smacks my ass.

Posted by: PissBoy at May 27, 2008 3:57 PM

[pouts]

I don't have a naughty button. I do have Mike Rowe on the left, which...hot. And I have The Tudors ad with Anne Boleyn about to pleasure herself while Henry gets all asphyxia happy.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 4:02 PM

Naughty Button? All I see are rape eyes.

Posted by: jM at May 27, 2008 4:21 PM

Sarina, when you say you "don't believe in" Woody Allen, Steven Seagal, or Van Damme, do you mean that you don't believe that they exist all, like the tooth fairy or bigfoot?

Because, honestly, I don't want to live in a Seagal or Van Damme-less world...t'would be a sad, sad place without their endless mockability.

Also funny just because: Tom Berenger

Posted by: MC Peepants at May 27, 2008 4:40 PM

wait, Julie, how did you get Mike Rowe??

I don't have Mike Rowe!

I have 2 Tudors and 3 Rambos though...

totally not the same

Posted by: Bethy at May 27, 2008 4:49 PM

Well, with Sarina, she doesn't believe in things the same way I don't believe in open-toed shoes and hot weather, to name a few. We'd like to will them out of existence with our denial, but at worst (the world they make us live in) we'd REALLY rather not be reminded that they're around.

While I do believe in those gentlemen I certainly understand the sentiment.

Posted by: Jay at May 27, 2008 4:52 PM

Because I am the luckiest girl in the world Bethy, that's how.

2 Jonathan Rhys Meyers + 3 Sylvester Stallones does not equal 1 Mike Rowe. They equate a handfull of ambivalence. Sorry Rambo. Sorry Henry VIII. Please don't rip out my throat or chop off my head, I wouldn't look attractive all neck stumpy.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 4:56 PM

Maybe if we say Mike Rowe enough he'll appear. Mike Rowe, Mike Rowe, Mike Rowe.....

Sarina, I think it would help us all out a whole big bunch if you'd just work up a list of everything you don't believe in. Start with pie.

Posted by: Kolby at May 27, 2008 4:56 PM

Kolby, that's the best version of the Bloody Mary game EVER.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 4:59 PM

agreed Kolby + Julie

oh those eyes...
the dirty(jobs) things I would let him do to me...

fish guts be damned, that man is sexy

Posted by: Bethy at May 27, 2008 5:06 PM

I am now repeatitly hitting the refresh button to see if the chanting and conjuring works, but nothing so far

and the Rambo has now been replaced with Lipstick Jungle

hmmmmm, I seem to in fact be regressing

I think a new approach is needed

Posted by: Bethy at May 27, 2008 5:09 PM

You know, this is the second time a comment thread has been derailed by lust for Mike Rowe.

Posted by: Kolby at May 27, 2008 5:09 PM

Hee, Kolby, weren't we the perpetrators the last time? Love it. My Mike Rowe ad was on the botton left where all of the "when will you die?", "how old are you?", and "how many times will you have sex next Wednesday?" (answer? ZERO) ads are.

Maybe it's the Halley's Comet of ads and only appears every 75 years.

Posted by: Julie at May 27, 2008 5:15 PM

MC Peepants, it's pretty much just like Jay said. I am a persnickety little bitch, and there's a lotta shit I don't like. Since it's all about me, shit I don't like may as well cease to exist.

In other words, you know how Cylons do that projection thing? Yeah...I'm totally a Cylon, I guess. I see what I want to see. It's like selective listening, except for way the fuck crazier. I'm pretty much the most willfully stubborn person you could ever meet.

Kolbs, you know that would be a really long list. Frankly, that seems like a lotta work, and I'm really lazy. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I guess if you want to err on the side of caution, you could just work with the general assumption that I don't believe in anything unless otherwise specified.

I do, however, believe in Mike Rowe. I believe deeply in Mike Rowe.

Posted by: Sarina at May 27, 2008 5:17 PM

I think the Pope just added "Not Believing in Mike Rowe" to the list of offenses you can be excommunicated for


you can now also believe in aliens

Posted by: Bethy at May 27, 2008 5:32 PM

HC: "Uh, if you're feeling the way I am, uh, . . . uh. . . LINE!!"

GL: No, Hayden, you don't have any lines here, I'm just shooting your face so I can digitally cut and paste it onto the old Return of the Jedi end scene."

HC: "Uh, . . I slaughtered them like animals. . .um, *sniff?"

GL: "No, you don't have to say anything, just stand there for a minute and act like you're looking at your son."

HC: "You turned her against. . ah, Me.!"

GL: "Shut up and just stand there, please!"

HC: " . . . you're going to die for all the Jedi. . uh the Jedi that uh, . .you killed?"

GL: "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STAND THERE MORON! I'M TRYING TO TIE THE TWO FRANCHISES TOGETHER WITH SOME REALLY COOL LOOKING DIGITAL GRABASSERY THAT WILL PISS OFF EVERYBODY WHO BUYS THE OLD MOVIES!!"

HC: "Yipeee!"

Posted by: bucslim at May 27, 2008 5:44 PM

Saw a bit of Rambo on the way to Europe and it was still explosively gory in the plane cut. I like the first one, which really started the whole idolization of Navy Seals and other elite commandos. That and it was shot in my Aunt's town of Hope BC.

And for those Dennehy fans, haven't you seen Greenaway's In the Belly of the Architect? Three words: Dennehy. Naked. Ass.

It's pretty great in the Greenaway structuralist way and damn fine to look out as always. And you don't have to go trying to count numbers.

Posted by: indfusion at May 27, 2008 9:26 PM

bucslim...

bucslim....

Sounds familiar somehow.

Seriously, if you're back, don't tease. Even TK deserves better than that.

Posted by: general rhubarb at May 27, 2008 10:52 PM

I think the SpamBot's lost it. Seriously. Someone needs to step up, "Old Yeller" style and put him/her outta his/her misery. It's been a wild ride, to say the least, but it's the right thing to do. We can maybe hold a candlelit ceremony, or have somebody give a nice eulogy, but it's just flat-out wrong to let our beloved 'Bot go on like this...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at May 27, 2008 11:10 PM

BLAMKABANGAMABOOM!!

[...wipes blood from glasses...]

...kay, done. It was hard, but... well actually, it was kinda neat. I've never shot anything before. There was like a... I dunno, a primal friggin'... GOD IT WAS AWESOME! It's hard to describe. Whoo...

I'd like to take this opportunity to nominate myself for any future SpamBot killings. My name is Skittimus Johnathan Esquire III, and I'd greatly appreciate your vote. Thank you.

Please remember to spay and neuter your pets. And now, you know, the rrrrest of the story.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at May 27, 2008 11:51 PM

I've never seen a Rambo movie (*ducks*), but I may give this one a look because a) old Rambo might be funny! and b) Darla is in it. Gotta love Julie Benz...

Sorry, not getting the Rhys-Meyers love. The man gives me the creeps. His eyes are even more serial-killery than James Spader's. I have watched some of The Tudors though, and apart from the huge liberties taken with actual historical facts, it's kind of a hoot. JRM is waaaay too short & skinny for Henry, and Natalie Dormer seems to have wandered in from The Colbys or something. OK no shoulder pads, but tell me that isn't night-time soap acting. It doesn't stop at her, either. Did love Sam Neill and Jeremy Northam, though.

Posted by: Tarn at May 28, 2008 4:04 AM

RE: Jonathan Rhys-Meyers love: Two words, Tarn. Velvet Goldmine. It's got him, Ewen McGregor, Eddie Izzard, AND Christian Bale in it, and they are all pretty, pretty glam rockers. Two of them end up in a sexy/hilarious rooftop love scene - I won't spoil it for you by telling you which two. You can find out for yourself.
I'm surprised this isn't a Pajiba flagship movie, actually. All it's lacking is Robert Downey Jr. (and Mike Rowe) and it would be like a confluence of hot Pajiba actors. They even talk British! (Eddie IzzardTM)

Posted by: BiblioGeek at May 28, 2008 4:37 AM

Did the new Rambo movie go straight to DVD? I can't remember seeing any trailers, commercials or hype of any kind about it before now. I would've thought somebody would make a big deal about this movie before it came out, if for no other reason than to comment on Stallone's joints creaking for 90 minutes.

Posted by: ASterisk at May 28, 2008 9:01 AM

Umm...yeah...I hate Star Wars. Hate it. Don't believe in it. I also don't like George Lucas or any of his hair-brained ideas. I hate Star Wars.

Hayden Christensen could be better portrayed in any role by a cut-out head on a stick.

Posted by: Melody at May 28, 2008 10:15 AM

Well, at least you're unique in not being one of the angrily conflicted fans one usually gets.

Posted by: Jay at May 28, 2008 11:07 AM

BiblioGeek,
I've seen Velvet Goldmine, and nope, the JRM love did not blossom for me. I'm sorry, I must be one of those people who is just immune to him!

Posted by: Tarn at May 28, 2008 11:26 AM

Well, to tell the truth, he's not one of my faves, either. I don't dislike him, I just nothing him. And come on, in a movie with Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor, and a blue glitter lizard-man, I was totally not looking at him at all.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at May 29, 2008 5:59 AM

Have to disagree with the Woody Allen hate. I loved his early movies which I still find hysterically funny. No - can't say he's at all sexy. But funny? You better believe it!

Posted by: Mnemo at May 29, 2008 7:54 AM