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January 6, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | DVD Releases | January 6, 2009 |

Babylon A.D.: Ranylt didn’t have much nice to say about the movie, but gave it a modestly backhanded compliment, all the same, writing, “To say that Babylon A.D. is the best Vin Diesel film since Pitch Black isn’t saying a hell of a lot, since we’ve made a game of mocking everything he’s done between those book-ends. But, in the spirit of honesty, the movie has some okay moments, and some nice interiors and tech. Its first half is better than its second, and it pulses with what-might-have-been, and goddamn if the supporting cast isn’t three kinds of impressive. It’s too bad we’re treated to another dystopia in which every set is either under- or over-exposed (yawn), in which a bad-ass soundtrack is over-contrived, and in which a non-actor (what I call a “reactor”) goes through leading-man motions with a ham fist and a mush mouth. Watching Babylon A.D. is like crossing a toxic mire on diamond stepping-stones that submerge and dissolve the moment you lift your feet off them — it’s generalized crap pitted with moments that glimmer and entrance, and which might even be halfway memorable if your mind doesn’t wander too much while you’re sitting through the thing.” — Ranylt Richildis

Bangkok Dangerous: Dustin didn’t give me a lot to work with on this review; as I recall, this was the “Taint” disasterbacle — an extremely long, extremely bad metaphor comparing the film to some sort of taint injury. I dunno what the fuck is going on with that guy. Anyway, here’s his full review:
Fuck it.

spoiler alert

In the final scene, Nic Cage shoots himself in the head.

end spoiler.

*slow clap*

Disaster Movie: See our Worst Films of 2008 list.

Pineapple Express: I’m not sure Dustin’s metaphor for this movie was any better than the misguided Bangkok Dangerous metaphor, plus I think he was being a little harsh on the film. Whatever. He writes, “The Pineapple Express lives up to its hype about as well the prospect of ridding yourself of that pesky virginity. Oh, it’s a fun idea all right, until that goddamn condom kills your lumber, you miss the hole, and you wind up nosebleeding all over your girlfriend’s face. (Also, you probably should’ve checked with your lady friend about her allergies before you used that spray-on deodorant to keep your junk smelling fresh.) You may even leave the experience thinking you enjoyed it, until you start to review the proceedings and the harsh reality sets in: You were about as suave as a fat guy chasing a chili-dog through a china shop and you just left your girlfriend with an infected labia. Nice job!

Righteous Kill: Having seen all the versions of Pajiba’s 2008 Golden Pajibas, I also know that both this movie and Bangkok Dangerous were on earlier iterations, before we were able to plumb the depths of cinematic fecal matter a little further. Turns out that Agent Bedhead didn’t outright loathe it, either, writing: “Righteous Kill is worth seeing but only for the headlining stars. Normally, this sort of statement would really piss me off, but Pacino and De Niro are so damn riveting that an exception simply must be made. De Niro inhabits Turk to such a level that his brooding, obsessive character’s negative energy is tempered only by Pacino’s Rooster, whose animated wise-cracking and intentionally circular wit keep the pair’s magnetism in check and in favor with their boss (Brian Dennehy). These maneuvers are something that should have been explored more in depth by way of the script, but, by their own accord, the understated De Niro and overstated Pacino bounce off each other remarkably well.”

The Wackness: See our Best Films You Didn’t See in 2008 list, to be published later this afternoon.

This Week's DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | January 6, 2009 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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