April 29, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | DVD Releases | April 29, 2008 |


27 Dresses: I hate to drudge up old memories, since this review was ultimately responsible for the retiring of Rainbow Killer’s old nickname. This is one of the few occasions (maybe the only), when a writer was actually criticized for being too bitchy, after Dustin wrote: “Katherine Heigl is Satan’s vagina, and there’s hypocrisy santorum spilling out of her every orifice. I’m all for outspokenness, Katie, but how about backing up your goddamn words with actions instead of sliding into a bed of cash and fucking your brains out. At least the Four Starletards of the Apocalypse are honest about themselves — they own their whorish, drunken crazy — but Heigl wants to be a tabloid star and eat her cake of righteousness, too. Sorry, lady — you’re about as transparent as a wet T-shirt. Oh, and you may be pretty, but you’re about a sexy as a late-night doorstep fire left by empty-bowelled vandals and you’ve got all the goddamn acting talent of an empty wastebasket. Face it, BowKiller: You’re a placeholder; this week’s “next Julia Roberts” and next year’s 30-second clip in VH1’s “I Love the Oughts.”

Dustin’s just jealous because Michael Ian Black will never utter his name.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: John writes of the Oscar-nominated Diving Bell, a true-story about a man with trapped-in syndrome, that director Julian Schnabel’s “painterly eye results in dozens of stunning images, even if it also, at moments, steers the film uncomfortably close to the gauzy aesthetic of a high-end perfume commercial. He may lack the precision of a Terrence Malick (or put more kindly, he may have a broader palette), but like Malick, he seems interested in film primarily for its visual poetry. No matter how affecting, though, a two-hour visual poem threatens to outstay its welcome. The first half of Diving Bell is among the year’s best work, largely because the decision to keep the audience locked in Bauby’s point of view unnervingly recreates the sensation of being paralyzed. As the movie unfolds into flashbacks (including terrific work by Max von Sydow as Bauby’s father) and surprisingly tepid testaments to the human imagination, repetition moves in to slightly dilute the film’s power.”

The Golden Compass: Phillip was surprisingly pleased with Compass, writing that it’s “pretty great children’s fantasy, striking most of the right chords for an adventure with the additional boon of pitch-perfect casting. I’m as surprised as anyone, given the script’s omission of religious implications and a toning down of much of the darkness and violence which gave the original books a real sense of tension, not to mention the rampant production problems (Weitz left the project at least once). But the essentials: great, complex characters and a fully realized world are in fine form.”

How She Move: Although he can’t be certain, Dustin believes that his How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served 2 was supposed to be a review of How She Move, a lower-budget dance porn than debuted at Sundance in 2007. Dustin still couldn’t tell you which plot point described in the review belonged to which movie, however. Suffice to say, they all suck in varying degrees, but they do feature incredible dance sequences.

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27 Diving Bells and a Compass

This Week's DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff

DVD Releases | April 29, 2008 | Comments ()




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