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Bad Friday the 13th Ideas

DVD Releases / Dustin Rowles

DVD Releases | June 16, 2009 | Comments (32)

There were only a couple of new DVD releases today, Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail and the remake of Friday the 13th. So, instead of providing blurbs for the two releases, today to celebrate the release of Friday the 13th, I’m going to recount my favorite bad Friday the 13th ideas proposed by the Eloquents earlier today upon hearing that the sequel to the remake will be set in the snow.

5. Bring it On, Jason: The Curse of the Spirit Stick — jM & Tracer Bullet

4. Jason And The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants & Jason Learns To Linedance & Jason Makes A Delightful Gumbo. — Skitz

3. Friday The 13th Part XXIV Jason Vs. Nanook — admin

2. Jason Amy —insertclevername

1. Jason Makes A Fool Of Himself At The Yard Sale — emotionalpedant


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Comments

I have to say, I love number one.

Posted by: Cindy at June 16, 2009 8:01 PM

Friday the 13th, the Beginning: Jason wets the bed...with your blood!

Posted by: annoyingmouse at June 16, 2009 8:06 PM

In My Pants!

Eh, crap.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 16, 2009 8:08 PM

I bet he does make a fantastic gumbo, I wonder what his secret ingredient is?

Thank you for reminding me that Tyler Perry is still pimpin' his people.

Posted by: admin at June 16, 2009 8:13 PM

i may just be high, but i seem to remember this thread already today. is it a slow news day or what?
let's make up gossip about celebrities instead.

okay, okay, let's see.
okay, so you know kate gosselin? i heard her marriage is falling apart because she's a ball-busting twat-waffle' (that's french for "twat waffle").

Posted by: gp at June 16, 2009 8:16 PM

How Jason Got His Groove Back

Was my favorite. But oh they were all awesome.

Posted by: figgy at June 16, 2009 8:16 PM

Hmph. My favorites were "How Jason Got His Groove Back" and "Bob and Sally and Ted and Jason."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 16, 2009 8:17 PM

Dr. Strangejason, Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Murdering Teenagers

That one, too ;)

And thanks for saving me the trouble of having to pick 4 or 5 to put into the EE this week...

Posted by: figgy at June 16, 2009 8:20 PM

Jason Decapitates the Argonauts

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 16, 2009 8:25 PM

Tyler Perry and Jason were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Posted by: admin at June 16, 2009 8:36 PM

Fuck the big screen.
We need Jason Voorhees to invade the world of television.

Everybody Loves Jason - Jason decapitates his shrewish wife and oafish brother, sparing us from the crappy sitcoms both would later be part of.

Jason's Anatomy - Jason decapitates Izzy in the pilot... F. T. M.F. W.!

Law & Order - Special Jason Unit - Sure, Jason is always the killer but each week he actually decapitates another annoying " reality tv star" (are you listening 'SPEIDI') and gets away with it, causing Stabler's forehead vein to throb with even more rhythmic intensity.

The Price Is Death - Jason decapitates Drew Carey and every contestant who is NOT closest to the suggested retail price of the item up for bid. The winner then uses the victim's heads as 'Plinko' chips.

The Young and The Jason - Whoops! That was the original movie.

Any other pilots in development?

Posted by: Spender at June 16, 2009 8:36 PM

Sally?! Who the fuck is Sally? It's "Bob and CAROLE and Ted and Jason." Shit for brains.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 16, 2009 8:44 PM

Following Spender's TV incursion idea:

Ice Road Voorhees.

A&E, brutal unmerciful television.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 16, 2009 8:51 PM

Any other pilots in development?

30 Rocks and Jason: People just want to make you laugh but Jason has other plans. Stoner comedy.

Posted by: Cindy at June 16, 2009 8:54 PM

Excellent, Spender!

AvB's - I Know My First Name Is Jason & Tracer's - Jason and the Argonauts and Jason cracked my ass up!!

Posted by: Lainey at June 16, 2009 9:02 PM

He hates me but I have to say that "Jason Decapitates The Argonauts" ought to bring Barbado Slim a DVD courtesy of our beloved EE overlord.
Just my vote. I also voted that he be Jason's first decapitation victim in the reboot but... I go both ways.

Posted by: Spender at June 16, 2009 9:08 PM

Spender, I did a bunch, but the one I liked best (and nobody else, apparently, liked at all, fuck yinz, as they say in the Burgh):

"Jon & Kate & Jason Plus 8 ... errr, 7 ... make that 6 ..."

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 16, 2009 9:19 PM

tcfkab... you snuck in and stole my vote, ya bastid, ya.

Posted by: Spender at June 16, 2009 9:22 PM

Jason in High School Musical 4

Brokeback Camp Crystal Lake

The Wild Bunch featuring Jason, Freddie, Michael, and Norman Bates

The Hottie and the Jason

Jason's Lyric 2

One flew over the Cuckoo Nest...and then Jason hacked it to pieces

Next Friday the 13th

Posted by: John W at June 16, 2009 9:26 PM

"The Dead of the Night Show," starring Jason Leno, wearing an extra long hockey mask.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 16, 2009 10:00 PM

They already have their own post! I don't know what higher honor you could want...

Posted by: figgy at June 16, 2009 11:42 PM

Freddie Got Fingered? Has that one been taken yet?
"Torture porn" indeed!

Posted by: Odnon at June 17, 2009 12:39 AM

I have to say I'm offended "One Week" wasn't on here for the DVD releases. Don't you guys love us Canadians and our Canadian movies that focus intensely on our landscapes?!?!

Posted by: Marcela at June 17, 2009 3:35 AM

Only just noticed this.

In my mind I already attached Gus van Sant as director on Jason Flips Through An Amway Catalogue Despondently. For 'Yard Sale' my instinct is saying David Koepp.

Posted by: emotionalpedant at June 17, 2009 7:44 AM

(that's french for "twat waffle").

Posted by: gp at June 16, 2009 8:16 PM

I believe the French for "twat waffle" is "waffle de twat."

Posted by: BWeaves at June 17, 2009 9:13 AM

oh, I was thinking waffle avec twat, but de works too.

Posted by: dawn at June 17, 2009 9:51 AM

It's not "Royale with twat?" What have I been ordering all this time?

Posted by: branded at June 17, 2009 10:14 AM

Thanks, Lainey! It works on so many levels.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 17, 2009 10:27 AM

"Jason meets My Bloody Valentine 3D".

That way Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles can both be in it, so they only have to make one crappy horror movie in their hiatus instead of two, which can only be for the good.
Plus Jason in 3D with naked women might be fun.

Posted by: Tarn at June 17, 2009 12:32 PM

Tarn : 3D porn....
Think of the possibilites.....
On second thought.. Ewwwwwww!!!

Posted by: Odnon at June 17, 2009 5:51 PM

Indiana Jason and the Kingdom of the Crystal Lake Skulls

Posted by: Rykker at June 17, 2009 8:04 PM

Odnon,
yeah, I can imagine people flinching away from the screen at the 'money shot'. Ewww.

Posted by: Tarn at June 18, 2009 11:18 AM