This Week's DVD Releases / The Pajiba Staff
First Sunday: Agent Bedhead sums up First Sunday as such: “This is what Perry has wrought — he’s bravely opened the doors to other black directors who can now come in and combine philistine humor with Christian righteousness. The result, in First Sunday, is a disorienting blend of lowbrow comedy and often hurlworthy sentimentality that’s supposed to lead its audience toward religious inspiration. Instead, I found myself instead wanting to kneel at a ceramic altar for a lengthy session of devotion.”
The Hottie and the Nottie: Stacey writes of Paris Hilton’s first starring vehicle, “At no point does The Hottie and the Nottie ever approach anything near humor. It’s even uninspired as a gross-out sex comedy — the most disgusting moment involves an errant toenail finding its way into a possible “Nottie” suitor’s mouth. Other than the constant barrage of “she so ugly” jokes, it’s not even good at being tasteless. It’s not passable at being anything, really. Hilton, as expected, is as horrible an actress as any sack of flesh that’s ever been misplaced in front of a camera. She reads through her lines with the same baby-voiced, dead-eyed vacancy that anyone who has ever seen an episode of “The Simple Life” is probably familiar with. “
I’m Not There: With apologies to John, who wrote an excellent review, I have to go with commenter Tom C.’s review of the Bob Dylan biopic, if only because he’s my father-in-law: “The great strength of this movie, in my eyes, is that it is about how we look at a life. Most of the time, we view any life as sort of an inanimate object: “he’s shy,” or “she’s ambitious,” or “I’ve never gotten over my dad’s alcoholism.” We overlook the fact that we have the power to create, redeem, re-interpret, squander, waste, or transform our lives, everyday. This is not so much about Bob Dylan, or music, or “the ‘60’s” as it is about celebrity. This is a movie about fame, particularly about how fame effects personality, relationships, and the creative process. As such, it is brilliant. It is oddly comforting, somehow, that the major forces in a movie about Bob Dylan are women. Cate Blanchett just earned an Oscar for this movie, whether anybody has the sense to give it to her is another question. Charlotte Gainsourgh has, too, representing the spouses who have to cope with partners who flip on them after the babies arrive. The dissolution of her marriage, seen from her eyes, is like watching a film about your own heart surgery.
Over Her Dead Body: Dustin eloquently wrote of Eva Longoria’s latest romantic comedy:
P.S. I Love You: As for Hillary Swank’s pass at the rom-com, Agent Bedhead writes: “Watching P.S. I Love You was sorta like that one time I sat through an entire baseball game. Excuse me, how many innings are left? Oh … damn. The film weighs heavily in at 124 minutes and is split up incrementally between all twelve letters. Most of this time is spent working up to what are supposed to be tear-provoking scenes. And I hate that shit. Those audience members who do look forward to pulling out the carefully-stashed tissues will find little use for their precautionary measures. You might laugh a little. You definitely won’t cry. You will, however, wonder what the fuck is wrong with you for sitting in that theater.
Teeth: Dan kind of dug Teeth, writing: “There’s a certain pornographic air about Teeth, the debut feature from writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein, and it’s only partly due to the film’s graphic sexual nature. No, the real suspense comes in the waiting, in sitting there during the exposition and plot twists and just wondering when the film’s central theme — the vagina dentata — will rear its fanged head. As films go, Lichtenstein’s is all over the map, veering from arch drama to black comedy to quasi-cautionary tale to Cold War monster movie, but the feeling of anticipatory dread that runs below the surface is never less than perfect. And yet it’s also hard to come out and call the film good, since Teeth is clearly more concerned at being great at its premise and less so in its execution. It could be the best B-movie ever made, but it’s also tough to appreciate even ironically because it won’t stop winking at itself and the audience.”
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Comments
Teeth is one of the best movies of the year. Everyone should watch it. I've never laughed so hard in a theater full of 40 something males who obviously thought the movie was about something else.
Posted by: Yen Gi at May 7, 2008 12:19 PM
Fellow Pajibans! The time has come for us to rise up as one, and storm our local video stores/retail outlets, seize every copy of The Hottie and the Nottie and destroy it.
Also, anyone who looks like they were considering purchasing/renting one should be dragged out back and beaten with lead pipes.
This is the only way we, as a nation... nay, as a planet... can begin to heal.
Posted by: TK at May 7, 2008 12:23 PM
Go. Now. Get Teeth.
I took most if not all of your advice and went and saw Slither. And it made me chuckle.
So now comes the time to return the favor. Get liquored up, get some friends, and watch Teeth. It's horribletastic.
Without spoiling anything, because most of you know it's about a killer cooter, I will give you this enticement: It spits one out.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at May 7, 2008 12:30 PM
[glances forlornly at my Hottie and the Nottie poster adorning my cubicle wall]
I can't TK. That movie touched me in places that only the truly honored are allowed near.
Although, I DID think of you yesterday, I finally watched Big Trouble in Little China for the first time (I know, I know). It was so gloriously, ridiculously, and hilariously awesome that I was almost cheering.
"May the wings of liberty never lose a feather."
Posted by: Julie at May 7, 2008 12:30 PM
Julie's disturbing comment aside, I'm in TK
is there anyway to possibly include a severe beatdown for all those who actually paid to see this monstrosity in the theaters?
I am sure there is a database somewhere we can hack into....I mean that many dumb people in large numbers may be a powerful tool, I am sure someone was taking names at the ticket booths
Posted by: Bethy at May 7, 2008 12:47 PM
So, "Over Her Dead Body" left Dustin speechless? Is that good or bad?
Posted by: Bistro at May 7, 2008 12:49 PM
Neither good NOR bad Bistro...more ambivalent than anything else.
I will give you this enticement: It spits one out.
Well, now I have to see it. I always laugh when someone mentions Teeth, my friend could not remember the name of the movie and kept referring to it as "Vagina Tooth."
Posted by: Julie at May 7, 2008 12:58 PM
So, "Over Her Dead Body" left Dustin speechless?
Yes. If by "speechless", you mean "dead inside".
Posted by: J_Capri at May 7, 2008 1:02 PM
Vagina Tooth
My dog's new name.
Posted by: J_Capri at May 7, 2008 1:03 PM
Every time I signed in http://www.bigblackconnect.com/ and there were always many women would talk to me ... It is a funny and interesting place to talk to these thoughtful women.
Posted by: Jay at May 7, 2008 1:21 PM
"The time has come for us to rise up as one, and storm our local video stores/retail outlets, seize every copy of The Hottie and the Nottie and destroy it."
I'd like to make one small change to that idea, TK - How's about instead of destroying them we build a giant reflective device that can direct the heat and energy of a thousand suns directly at NapVag and her admiring hordes?
And then we can go out for chulapas!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at May 7, 2008 1:28 PM
If only that were the real Jay and not the spambot. The idea of him writing that post is immensely amusing to me for some reason.
Posted by: tamatha at May 7, 2008 1:29 PM
Bethy...I'm pretty sure any one of us could handle the killin' of everyone who went on saw that abortio...err film. From what I remember about the weekend box office round up, it made like $62.04 and one of those tickets was because Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins was sold out and there was 1 dude who just HAD to see it. So only 5 real people saw it. The movie was only out for that opening weekend methinks. I was told however that it was in focus.
So there ya go. All you should need is a bus pass, a six shooter, a couple trash bags, some saws, an empty cast iron bathtub, and a half a yard of lye. The only problem would be trying to get the bodies back on the bus. That could present a problem. 1. Trying to hide the fact that you're bringing a body on the bus is a hard task indeed. If you do it after 10pm though you should be OK. ALL KINDS of crazy shit happens on public transit that late at night. And 2. Would you have to pay a 2nd fare? Cuz I dunno if the bus company rules actually define a rider as living or dead and that could cause a lengthy debate. And that debate needs to be avoided because schedules must be kept.
Posted by: PissBoy at May 7, 2008 1:31 PM
Rrowwr, Jay, way to turn us on to Big Black Connect, which, for the uninitiated, sports the tagline "The Big Blacks Network." Not Big, Black Network, but Big Blacks Network. And Jay is spamming for them. That Elvis Costello look must be popular there.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at May 7, 2008 1:34 PM
Julie's disturbing comment aside
And when doesn't Julie make disturbing comments? Can you really ignore them?
I'm all for the Hottie beatdown. We could go after the people who bought her CD, too. Then have an old-fashioned burning at the stake late that night, set to her music, while Pajibites in standard skyclad glory and painted skin (some permanent) dance around the bonfires and scream their defiance at the world...culminating in a huge orgy of burned flesh and confused looks.
...
Umm...I meant...yah, that sounds great. Let's go beatdown some Hiltonators...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at May 7, 2008 1:37 PM
All you should need is a bus pass, a six shooter, a couple trash bags, some saws, an empty cast iron bathtub, and a half a yard of lye. The only problem would be trying to get the bodies back on the bus. That could present a problem. 1. Trying to hide the fact that you're bringing a body on the bus is a hard task indeed. If you do it after 10pm though you should be OK. ALL KINDS of crazy shit happens on public transit that late at night. And 2. Would you have to pay a 2nd fare? Cuz I dunno if the bus company rules actually define a rider as living or dead and that could cause a lengthy debate. And that debate needs to be avoided because schedules must be kept.
You know, that used to be a perfect description of my Saturday night PissBoy (for the record a dead body actually counts as "luggage" and so travels free as long as you aren't blocking the aisle) until the pathetic, bigoted pig ignorant excuse for a human being* who now calls himself our "mayor" banned alcohol on public transport. Body transporting just isn't the same without a constant supply of whiskey to keep the cold out and the hobos you've hired to do your heavy lifting on side.
*the above comment may or may not be to do with his banning of my life nectar. It may also be to do with him being an elitist racist cunt.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 7, 2008 1:45 PM
Alex, are you still allowed food and drink on public transport? Because maybe, just maybe if you gave the corpse's arm a little nibble it would bypass any "no transporting dead bodies" decrees. You can make up some disease that forces your consumption of decayed flesh if they ask...Scrumptiousnecrotizing Fasciitis.
Posted by: Julie at May 7, 2008 1:53 PM
But what if the fermenting body fluids counted as liqour, Julie? I'd be kicked off with Corpsy McDeadguy in the middle of Trafalgar Square on my own, past midnight and it's fucking impossible to get a cab from there after 9pm. I suppose I could take one of those little rickshaw-attached-to-a-bike things that troll for fares in Soho but they do charge for dead guys and I'm not made of money. Gaffer tape, industrial garbage bags and slip proof rope don't pay for themselves you know.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at May 7, 2008 2:01 PM
You could tie strings around the corpse's arms and legs and use it as a large puppet thereby passing it off as a still alive albeit slightly coked-out person...haven't you seen Weekend at Bernie's?!
Jonathan Silverman, whatever happened to you my second fiddle to Andrew McCarthy friend?
Posted by: Julie at May 7, 2008 2:10 PM
Oh,so cute!I love her.Maybe she want to find more new friends,she is on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ".On "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m",there are many beautiful girls and rich,handsome men,they want to find more friends,find their lover.On that site,they make friends each other.If you are single now,I think you would come to the site.Please believe yourself,you will
find your lover.Come on!
Posted by: Dan at May 9, 2008 10:58 AM