Pajiba

Sex and the City 3: Fucking Zombies!

The plot: each of the 'girls' has died from a violent, as yet unknown strain of syphilis obtained after fucking their way through a graveyard after they had run out of real live men who wanted to fuck their geriatric asses.

Basically, the virus didn't really kill them, but instead made them into a quarter of nymphomaniac zombie whores who wake up one day and decide to take over the city, fucking the life out of every man they encounter, unless they are paid in shoes. They will develop legions of ardent fans and followers who will attempt to obtain the virus and then will die, spending eternity fucking and getting more shoes.

"It's what every girl wants!" will be the tagline.

How about "Burning Zombies"? It will feature a lame-ass teenage Zombie hunter (think Buffy, but lame) who hunts down and kills Zombies with his fiery love juice. And becasue he's still a teen, he can kill 4-6 Zombies per day...

Jaws of the Undead

Zombie shark knows no bounds in his quest for human brains. He doesn't need to swim, he can rest on a sandbar for hours waiting for a delicious tow-headed surfer with a big, mushy brain to come paddling to his death.

For more wacky zombies, check out Picnic of the Living Dead!

Eternal Sunshine of the Devoured Mind

A zombie attacks Joel while he's having his memory erased. The resulting fuckery causes the zombie to replace Joel in his memories, and said zombie ends up chasing Clementine through Joel's memory, only to be crushed in the end when the beach house collapses on him.

Sorry, but come on, Eternal Sunshine is my favourite movie EVER!

The Lake House Zombies

oh wait...

"Zombie Movie" -- which would consist of 90 minutes worth of re-enactments of various classic zombie movies strung together by a nonsensical threadbare plot -- only in THIS version, the zombies would pass gas and defecate at inappropriate times. Hillarious.

Oh, Godtopus, no. Marvel has been doing this for the past two years (the only cool moment in at least 50 comics was the Red Skull pulling out "Colonel" America's brain) and I am sick to goddamn death of goddamn zombies.

Lord of the Zombies.

It's exactly the same as Lord of the Rings, only Sauron wins.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. (What? The actors weren't zombies?)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Zombie

A zombie ages backward to its originally infection, and realizes that zombification is just a natural (and preferable) part of (un)death. Brad Pitt stars and gives the exact same performance except he occasionally drawls (in varying southern accents): Braaaaiiiinss!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and the Undead

The Magnificent Seven Zombies

Close Encounters of the Zombie Kind

No Country For Old Zombies

There Will Be Blood...and Zombies

Zombie Flaming Jiz Man, because flaming jiz just didn't look exciting enough in the trailer.

I'm actually really loving the idea of zombie CSI. They're doing all that forensics shit while the body in question is lurching around after their braaaains. Think about how much better all those autopsy scenes would be.

Zombie is the Word.

Danny and Sandy fall in love in Australia. When Sandy moves to the US, she finds that Danny has become a zombie. Sweet, innnocent Sandy just doesn't fit in with Danny and his hip, undead friends.

She undergoes an undead makeover and finally wins Zombie Danny over.

Hit musical numbers include:
Zombie Lightning
You're the Zombie I want
Zombie School Dropout
Hopelessly Devoted to Zombie
Look at Me, I'm Zombie Dee

Titanic: Dead Sea

Unknown to its privileged upper-class passengers, the ill-fated Titanic carries in its lower decks something more horrifying than any iceberg has to offer. Star-crossed lovers Jack and Rose discover they have bigger problems than a jealous fiance and a rapidly sinking ship as a rowdy party in the impoverished cabins turns into a bloodbath that threatens to infect the entire ship.

The greatest scene occurs at the very end, when all the undead rise from the wreckage to drag the survivors from their rafts into the depths of the sea.

Winner, full house of the undead.

High School Zombie Musical!!

[lurch left]
Uuuuuuuh...uuurrrrrrrr...
[lurch right]
Uuuuhhnnnn...Nnnnngggnnnn...
[arm falls off]

PissBoy, have you ever noticed how many posts of yours feature the shorn fur of newly massacred rabbits? You are not to be trusted around The Fluffy.

Is this the work of a Pajiba fan?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29017293/

"Daily Lane Closures Due to Zombies"

Twilight Zombies 3D, which will consist of the cast of Twilight; and just for kicks Carlos Mencia, Stephanie Meyer, anyone who's made a spoof movie in the last decade, and Tyler Perry, being eaten alive by the zombies from that Dawn of the Dead remake, the ones eating Meyer accidentally fell in glitter.

The best part is when Mencia's 3D head is torn off and thrown into the audience just before he agrees to make another movie with Ben Stiller.

Zombee Season.

Title: Star Zombie Wars, Episode IX, Revenge of the Disappointed

Plot: the raped and sodomised childhood memories and souls of every Star Wars fan will rise up, take control of their mid-life-crisis-having hosts and stumble across the world to Skywalker Ranch, wherein an unsuspecting George Lucas sleeps. Their revenge will be epic and bitey.

No big-name actors need to be signed - hell, I'd do it for a pittance, and Industrial Light and Magic will be forced to put down their computer-generated-effects and create undead-effects the old-fashioned way! With cans of Spam and bottles of ketchup and spare pig entrails!

Except for Lucas's gore - that shit would be real.

Ken Burns presents 14 hours of...the Zombie Civil War

A letter from Lt. Commander Rott Wilder

"Uggggggg...Ugggg...UUgggggggg...Braaaiiiinnnnss"

And the response from his bride Mrs. Gina Cadaverous

"Mppghhhh....ugggggg...Braaainnnsss"

OOO! What about Big Brother Zombie????? A whole shitload of cameras in a house full of zombos. All you do is watch them bump into things...except when they fight. And man oh man! Would they fight?! But it would always be over that 'random hambone that's supposed to be a human leg'.

These are all great ideas but today's economy will not support these budgets and there is always the potential unrest with the ZAG (Zombie Acting Guild) So I propose that we spice up the stale world of reality TV with the following:

Survivor: Zombie Island

One tribe of zombies vs. one tribe of "breathers", who get a 10 minute head start to create fire. Hosted by the mummified corpse of Bob Barker (Oh wait, he is still alive? Really?)

American Zombie:

OK, this was already suggested on Robot Chicken, but seriously wouldn't it be an improvement? FOX execs and the judges could remain in tact because none of them have brains anyway

America's Next Top Zombie:
Sure it would only last one episode but imagine the ratings it would get as America tunes into to witness the merciful demise of Tyra Banks

Iron Zombie Chef:
This week's secret ingredient is.......wait for it...BRAINS.. for a record 122nd consecutive week.

Chariots of Zombie

The heavy synth theme music to Chariots of Fire would make zombies shuffling down the beach very dramatic. Who wouldn't watch a zombie track meet?

Survivor XXII: Zombie Island. A group of strangers (and one undercover Zombie) fight for the title of Sole Survivor. Instead of getting voted off, each week the losing tribe must exile one member to Zombie Island. By the end of the game, there will be only one person alive. He or she must fight to Outwit, Outplay and Outlast the tribe of newly formed Zombies.

Yes, I'm recycling this idea from the past, but damnit you mentioned Zombies and making things better, and I didn't want this to go to waste. So call bullshit if you must, otherwise I present to you "The Dusk Epic"

Movie 1: "Dusk", in which the protagonist, Mark Royce, falls in love with Medusa, a zombie who doesn't eat flesh and moves like a human. I meet her family, they like me, and instead of eating humans they eat animals.

Movie 2": Slightly Used Lunar Object", where Mark's girlfriend acts like a total bitch and abandons me...I mean HIM, which causes me...damnit, him much anguish, but he still saves her from suicide anyway because, "I miss her breath".

Movie 3: "Equinox", where Mark have to choose between his friendship with a human and his love of a zombie...only to ditch the human he became really good friends with for a love affair for the ages.

Movie 4: "Chasing Nightfall", in which we reach the stunning conclusion where Mark's girlfriend saves him from death by turning him into a zombie, and they live happily ever after with our zombie child.

and finally, Movie 5: "Do You See How Stupid This Sounds, Now That I've Done Exactly The Same Thing You've Done, Only In Jest, Stephenie Meyer?", in which I laugh at Stephenie Meyer...all the way to ze bank. Also, Stephenie Meyer will be fed to an undead horde, whilst I sit in a high backed leather chair. Special Guest: Stephen King, so we can comment on the eating technique of the zombies.

Music by Michael Giacchino, Directed by Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, George A. Romero (circa 1976), J.J. Abrams, and Martin Scorsese.

What...you're not buying it? Fine, here's another idea...

[Zombie] Crash That's all you need to know. The exact same cast and script as before, just in an enclosed soundstage with Zombies. (And naturally we'll be protecting the really good actors. The rest though...won't be so lucky.)

Directed by Me, and a talking rat.

Damn swingdude, get out of my head.

Fuck! Mike R. beat me to it. Damned fat fingers. Anybody know where I can order a typing stick?

Along Came Zombies

Ben Stiller is a lonely nerd looking for love. Suddenly his structured life is thrown into chaos when he meets Jennifer Aniston. Things seem to be going well for Ben until he realizes his new girlfriend craves his brains. Hilarity ensues.

There's Something About Zombies

Ben Stiller is a lonely nerd looking for love. Suddenly his structured life is thrown into chaos when he meets Cameron Diaz. Things seem to be going well for Ben until he realizes his new girlfriend craves his brains. Hilarity ensues.

Meet the Zombies

Ben Stiller is a lonely nerd looking for love. Suddenly his structured life is thrown into chaos when he meets Terri Polo's parents. Things seem to be going well for Ben until he realizes his new girlfriend's parents crave his brains. Hilarity ensues.

Having not read all the comments yet to see if this has already been suggested, I'd suggest Big Zombie Trouble in Little China, but I think TK might kill me. Not that I'm afraid of him, he is all talk and no action, what with all the list making and sweater vest wearing.

Zombie Mia would also work for me. I just rented that film (Mamma Mia) yesterday, thinking it would be light-hearted, escapist fun, but I was wrong; however, add some zombies, and now you're talking!

Ok I gotta get back to work. Too bad, I could probably come up with a few more.

Zombie in the Rain --
starring a decomposed Gene Kelly (of course it will be computer generated with the magic of motion capture! Just after they dig his body up to see what he looks like...)

Oh God, You Zombie --
reuniting the long dead George Burns and John Denver

The Bad News Zombies --
as if Walter Matthau wasn't hilarious enough alive

Escape from Zombie Mountain --
although, those kids in the original were creepy enough

Stephen King gives Stephanie Meyer's new book Dawn 5/5 demonic clowns.

How many superstars is that?

57/57 super stars! Don't ask, I just know these things.

I thought it was 0/0 considering demonic clowns eat superstars.

+ a bazillion to Skitz, as always.

These are all brilliant, guys. I love the Full House one and Mike R., I remember the first time you came up with that Twilight rip-off. I bow down to everyone's genius ideas!

How 'bout a Seuss/zombie mashup - Horton Hears a Zombie?

Friday Night Frights

On their way to State, the convoy of cars and buses from Dillon to Dallas mysteriously disappears, leaving Dillon to survive with only the mayor's partner to keep the town afloat (couldn't be seen in public with Ms. Mayor without letting the cat out of the closet). When the next football season comes around, the entire town suddenly reappears, only the players and residents of Dillon move a little slower than they did before and with a craving for something a little more exotic than steak and pork chops. The newly undead team, led by Coach Taylor's hair (it's where his power lies) embarks on a quest to get the championship ring they missed out on. Follow each tackle,touchdown, and attempt to get at the other team's brains through helmets, each lumbering step towards history for a small town in Texas. Don't miss the special return of Voodoo Tatum as the Panther Zombie Nation's ultimate adversary.

P.S. "Cloudy eyes, cold hearts, can't die!"

She's Not All That Undead

It will be heartbreaking epic in which a teen zombie looks for love and acceptance in the big city. Unfortunately, she succumbs to her desire for tasty, tasty man-boy brains and devours her boyfriend in the backyard after prom.

Oh, the humanity!

Priscilla; Queen of the Zombies
The Rocky Horror Zombie Show
Vanilla Zombie
They Don't Live! (starring Roddy Piper)
The Great Escape From Zombies
How to Eat Fried Brains
Zombie House (The great thing about this one is that we get to put Chris Farley and John Belushi in the same film)

From the twisted minds that brought you Carousel - a musical of spousal abuse and pedophilia - and South Pacific - the greatest racist war musical ever created, comes the next iteration of terror: Oklahoma Outbreak!

In a sunny farm town, on a sunny farm day, where the corn grows as high as an elephant's eye, a simple way of life is about to die. The long standing feud between the farmers and the cowhands has reached a tentative peace over a basket lunch gone terrible.

A deranged cowhand named Curly thought he could eliminate the farmers from the Oklahoma territory by poisoning the water system. What he didn't count on was the ancient In'jun burial ground down by the old swimmin' hole.

Now Judd, cowboy Curly, and Laurey - the lady torn between them - must band together to fight off the vengeful wave of In'jun savages bent on scalping heads and scooping brains.

Featuring unforgettable hits like "Surrey with a Scope On Top," "(I'm Just a' In'jun who) Cain't Say No to Brains," and "Out of the Grave/Head Shot Ballet," Oklahoma Outbreak! is good ol' fashioned fun for all ages.

Wong Kar-Wai's epic, In The Mood For Zombies.

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Zombie Menace
Star Wars: Episode 2 - Attack of the Zombies
Star Wars: Episode 3 - Zombies of the Sith

In these prequels to the famous Star Wars trilogy, it is revealed that Anakin Skywalker is actually a zombie. The future Darth Vader simply mumbles and stumbles through all three films, intent on destroying the minds (and hearts) of all who lay eyes upon him. In the end, Obi Wan Kenobi, frustrated with his friend's inability to piece together a simple coherent sentence, attempts to kill him. He fails to kill his zombie friend, but is able to imbue him with new life, removing his zombie-ness and giving him the coordination and charisma of Darth Vader. However, as seen in the original trilogy, his evilness and bloodlust remain.

I think this idea may have already been made...

This is like that game where you take movie titles and replace a word with "vagina." Except you get very different results.

The Big LeZombie

Zombie bowlers, dude. Dead since 'Nam.

Dunno if this is out of bounds instruction-wise, but I'd like to see:

Zombie Capades

Synchronized routines that devolve into 'catch-me-if-you-can' dashes to collect body parts and brains, extra skillful use of blades a highlight. At the end of the show, the blood stains depict a visual image a la the Beijing Games art-dancers.

The troupe grows exponentially by clever use of audience participation.

Zombie-Mia!

Meryl Streep would totally walk away with the Oscar for portraying Donna Sheridan with a twist - she's a FRIGGIN' ZOMBOMBIE! In a desperate last-ditch effort to stop her crazy mom from infecting the whole goddam island of Kalokairi, her daughter (played by a fully-nude Amanda Seyfried - she's eighteen, right? Yeah, totally naked - the whole movie)... Where the hell was I?

Yeah - so before zombie Streep can sing/eat her way through the whole goddam town, nekkid Seyfried calls three dudes, one of which is her father, one of which is some random douchebag who banged her mom (back when she was a struggling Donna & The Dynamos whatchamafrick and trying to make ends meet), and the last fella - who is a CERTIFIED. ZOMBIE. KILLING. MACHINE. It friggin' writes itself, people!

Zombies? Check.
Bloody Streep? Check.
Butt-ass naked whatserface? Check.
Island accessible only by sea? Check.
Remington Steele whupping some ass? Check.
Weird Al remakes of shitty ABBA songs? CheckfrigginMATE!

He's Just Not That Into You: Because He's a Zombie.

Zombiecus!

The film begins with zombies working in the Roman province of Libya. Zombiecus (Kirk Douglas - no really he could pull it off and the makeup budget would be nil), a burly Zombie, comes to the aid of an old man who has fallen down. A Roman soldier tells Zombiecus to get back to work, only to be attacked and bitten on the ankle. For this, Zombiecus is tied up and sentenced to death by starvation. Lentulus Batiatus (Nick Cage), arrives looking for recruits for his gladiatorial establishment. He disgustedly inspects several slaves before finally settling on Zombiecus, recognizing his unbroken spirit, and mad Zombie Skillz.

After several scenes showing zombie gladiator training, Crassus (Wallace Shawn) arrives with some companions, wishing to be entertained by watching two pairs of Zombies fight to the death. Zombiecus is selected, and is defeated, but the victor, a Zombie named Draba (Woody Harelson), refuses to kill him, instead throwing his trident into the elevated spectators' box and leaping to attack the Romans. Crassus quickly dispatches the zombie and prepares to depart. As he leaves, he purchases the pretty slave zombie Varinia (Gene Simmons), whom Batiatus has assigned to Zombiecus. Zombiecus and Varinia have fallen in love, and in frustration at his loss and the overseer's callous treatment, Zombiecus begins a successful uprising. The zombie gladiators eventually take Capua and all the surrounding districts. Many local slaves flock to the insurgents, seeking to become Zombies themselves.

The climactic battle begins with Zombiecus leading his zombie troops against the Garrison of Rome with some success, but his forces are overwhelmed by the arrival of the armies of Pompey and Lucullus. The battle results in the total defeat of the zombie army, heavy casualties on both sides, and the capture of many zombies, including Zombiecus. Crassus promises the captives that they will not be punished if they will identify Zombiecus or his body. In a powerful scene, one by one, each surviving soldier stands and claims to be Zombiecus (shouting out "I'm Zombiecus!").

(thanks to Wikipedia)

Lifestyles Of The Dead And Famous

With your charming host: Robin Lich

It's hard to believe this got better after figgy's leadoff post, but it did.

I'm gonna have to use me brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaains on this one. Can't concentrate at work.

bucdaddy, that is the shit!

One And 3/4 Men

The World According To Brraaaaaaaaaaiiiins!

The Bourne Atrophy

Transformers 3: Braains!!!

The Apprentice: Celebrity Zombies

Extreme Home Makeover: Re-Animator Edition

The Dead of Night Show with Johnny Carson

Sweet Sweetback's Baaddaaaassssss Song dir. by Rob Zombie

The Passion of the Zombie

Snow White and the Seven Zombies

Gone with the Zombies

Zombietown

The Godzombie

Stop! Or My Zombie Will Shoot

Zombie: First Brains

Coultergeist

Battlestar Zomblactica

After the destruction of their Resurrection Ship the Cylons attempt to construct a resurrection chamber aboard Galactica. Things don't quite work out and the reborn Cylons emerge from their tubs o' goo as zombies, quickly overrunning the ship because even if you shoot them in the head they'll be resurrected again in a few minutes.

Galactica continues to travel through space looking for a habitable planet. Preferably one with BRAAAAAINS!

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead?

Okay, okay! Shit. One more:

Pixar's Zomb-E!

I humbly submit Krunch Krunch, Brains Brains .

Also:
I ♥ Zombees
Knocked Up...By a Zombie
Frost/Zombie Nixon

Zombie Maguire

A failed sports agent attempts to open his own agency, not realizing that his top client, who was once a promising athlete, has become a zombie. All the original stars reprise their roles, as they have all become zombies anyway.

Cold Mountain

Wait, wasn't that already made with pretty zombies?

Austin Powers: The Zombies Came to Shag, Baby!

Mike Myers stars in another zany romp as British super-spy Austin Powers, as he battles undead hordes unleashed when former co-stars descend upon him for killing their careers......featuring Dana Carvey, Heather Graham, Tia Carrere, Verne Troyer, and Robert Wagner as #2.

Zombiblanca

Rick and Ilsa's ill-fated meeting at Rick's Cafe Americain takes an ugly turn when, instead of standing to sing "La Marseillaise," the patrons begin to attack not only the Germans but everyone in the cafe.
"We'll always have braaaaaaiiiiiinssssss"

Pink Panther Returns

Peter Sellers returns from the grave to take his revenge on Steve Martin for shitting all over his memory. Millions rejoice.

The UnDead

A re-working of James Joyce's short story in which two zombies who once knew each other meet again at a Dublin house party, dance together and carry out unincomprehensible coded conversation in sentences that run on for ever with no punctuation. Critics will hail it as the most meaningful work of the century, but no-one will be able to tell us what it really means.

And....TK wins. The fix is in.

Night of the Living LIVING.

Five zombies are holed up in a lonely rural cottage, desperately trying to stave off the hordes of live people outside trying to break in. Can our five undead heroes last through the night?!

What would a zombie vampire go for first?

Lunch, Obviously.

they would seem to have more at stake

*groans*

When's the deadline? We could go on all day (again) ...

"GoodZombies"

Opening line: "Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a zombie."

A young man is initiated into a gang of Zombie mobsters in the black-market braaaaaaaaaaains trade.

Tagline: "Funny how? You mean like I'm a zombie, I amuse you? ... Oh, that's right, I am. Hey, let's get a drink here!"

Once again, I bow to bucdaddy! Great Silent Bob reference!

The Lost Zombies

A young mother and her 2 sons move in with her father in a coastal California town, that, unbeknownst to many, has been overrun with zombies for centuries. The zombies primarily feast on visitors, and take an interest in our new family. The grandfather is aware of their existence, as are the youngest son's new friends, who try to instruct him in the finer points of Zombie killing..."I think I should warn you all, when a ZOMBIE bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two UNDEAD suckers go the same way. Some say UUNNNNHHHHH, some go quietly, some fall all to pieces, some crumble, but all will try to take you with them."

The oldest son, Michael, becomes involved with the zombie-gang and one of their leaders, David, who attempts to introduce him to the finer points of zombie cuisine.....
David: How are those BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINS?
Michael: Huh?
David: Maggots, Michael. You're eating BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINS. How do they taste?

In the end, the Zombies are destroyed.....or are they? (see the Coreys)

whoops, left in a "maggots." sorry, y'all

"No Country for Old Zombies"

"Un Dead Andalou"

"The Undead Wear Prada"

"Lars and the Undead Girl"

"There Will Be Brains (for Dinner)"

"The Dead Lebowski"

"Eating John Malcovich"

This is most excellent. Imagine any of the above as you'd like.

Eating Miss Daisy

Should I really go there.....

*consults with angel on right shoulder and devil on left*

*Devil cocklaps angel*

They're supposed to be zombie movies bucslim. Some people are such perverts!

admin - I didn't 'go' there, you went there. This is Jessica Tandy's wazoo we're talking about, at least what you're talking about. Granted, I'm a perv, but unless that shit tastes like grape Nehi sprinkled with delicious Meth, I would never 'go' there.

Zombie 2: Electric Boogaloo

Team Zombie!

Featuring the hit song-"Zombies-Fuck yeah!"

Plus of course, zombie puppet sex. With all the wooden limb flinging, drooling, moaning goodness you're all looking for.

Some of these are so good, I consider not trying. I really don't think I can beat the Survivor concept or Night of the Living LIVING.

I guess I can contribute this: why not continue killing the Bring It On franchise with another installment, taking on some ideas from Sugar & Spice? This time, the head cheerleader isn't preggo, but a zombie! Can the girls possibly band together to make it to nationals with their captain slowly decaying and trying to eat their brains? And what about her quarterback boyfriend?!

Gimme A Z!

My brother was playing House of the Dead 2 for Wii and said to me, "This place looks like Bruges". That having been said, I give you...

In Bruges (of the Living Dead)

Ok, so we can all assume that by the end of In Bruges everyone is pretty much dead except for the womenfolk. That is, until something in the movie set snow reanimates the bodies of all involved. What does this lead to? Well, Harry and Ray continue to pal around Bruges, examining the human condition and the darker side of humor. The midget goes back to making the movie, Ray gets back together with Chloe, and you basically get a solid continuation of the story established in the first film.

Oh, and Harry becomes a brain hungry maniac, so you'll get:

A.) Zombie Carnage
B.) Tons of Profanity
C.) Ralph Fiennes executing A and B althroughout two hours of motion picture.

You're welcome, Universe.

Zombies on a Plane.

And when the plane inevitably crashes in the Hudson at the end of the movie, after every last human turns, even the adorable hero, the zombie hordes rise slowly out of the river and walk into Manhattan. I think it writes itself.