By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | May 1, 2013 | Comments (View)
I've been following a Pinterest board about Celebrities and Photoshop: I feel so much better now that I know that Olivia Wilde has adult acne too. http://25.media.tumblr.com/tum...
One of my tweets was shown on Inside The NBA today.
I saw a dog fall down.
One of these days, the real me will delurke and actually visit TK's basement, then take a peek at Admin's Sparkletits.
My happiness at that precise moment will melt the ice around Loki's heart.
I didn't think it was possible, but the top management blowhards at the NRA are even more insensitive and idiotic than I previously thought.
This strikes me as an excellent opportunity for delurking. Hint. HINT!
I'm not having sex until March 1st, 2014.
I'm having ALL THE SEX until March 1st, 2014.
I'd just like to have SOME sex between now & then.
Well, OK, designated Pajibans can also have some sex between now and then.
You two aren't locked into some sort of bizarre time-share, are you?
Kentucky Derby hats!!http://www.courier-journal.com...
Given that this space is apparently unoccupied, I'm going to do what generations of Americans have done before me...occupy and exploit it in the name of progress and Manifest Destiny. Everybody who was here before me is getting shipped off to comment reservations as soon as my army gets here.
Do you think if I ask Alison Brie via twitter to go to the prom with me she will say yes? (And do you think I should leave out the whole "I'm over 35 and married" tidbit?)
Serious question: how gifagenic are you?Less serious question: what is your position on monkeys?
I want to know how I can go about becoming sixpence the richer. Anyone got ideas?
Is this one of those deep philosophical conundrums? The space is blank, but is it really? How can we know; is it direction or is it freedom? What is blank? Is it a state of mind or being? Is there anything more versatile than a potato?
The answer to your last question is: yer mom.
Let's be honest here: isn't that really the answer to every question ever?
I got a question. What was up with Dustin drunk posting a "WOOL" sign last night?
*This comment intentionally left blank.
I think I saw a Harley Quinn Twi'lek today. The confluence of Star Wars Day and Free Comic Book Day must have endowed nerds with unnatural amounts of power.
A must watch for fans of Walking Dead. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
Really? 'Cause I thought this was one of the lamest BLR's they have ever done.
Can anyone recommend any really good gothic horror novels? In the vein of The Thirteenth Tale? I have a mighty hankering for some ghosts to come scare the unholy bejesus out of me.
I want recommendations too! I read The Little Stranger a while back, am reading The Woman in Black right now, and I'm looking for more.
Dark echo for ghost story.
The Shadow of the Wind. I wouldn't really consider The Thirteenth Tale horror though so Shadow of the Wind isn't quite either.
'The Woman in Black.' Either the book or the movie will do the trick.
Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.
Please stay on topic.Thanks.
So anybody else watching Norm Macdonald live? I mean not live right now, but his new show?
Disqus keeps telling me people are replying to my comments from ten years ago.
It does that to me too. I think it's drunk and nostalgic. It's the Internet comment program equivalent of the 3AM phone call to your ex.
Hmmm. Drunk commenting with a time-shift.
Something that may cause a temporal vortex that will ultimately destroy us all.
Me too. And it claims im the one replying to myself.
Here's a topic: Things no one mentions about getting older. Having to mind my fiber intake is something I'd never considered while on this side of 50.
Weird hair growth patterns. Why did nobody warn me?
This I'm not worried about. I reckon that my receding hairline will become obvious by the time I hit thirty, at which point I will simply go Patrick Stewart on it. The nuclear option solves everything.
That's what I did. When I hit thirty(about six years ago)it became obvious that I was going to be spending less and less on barbers as time went on, so I said 'fuck it, if some of y'all are going to quit, you're all fired' and shaved my head.
Teenagers calling you Ma'm.
WHAT THE FUCK?
I'm not a teenager.
I want to share something with the class. I dont know how many of you heard of these detective stories ; http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki...
I read them when i was little, and recently picked them up again to practice my mother toungue that i started forgetting. Holy shit you guys, are these books offensive. And not in a kkk raging racism kind if way. That i can strangely comprehand. No, these books are rascist and offensive in matter of fact kind of way. Like describing a couple getting to know each other and falling in love as "they both loved opera and distrusted n***s". Or discribing a heart of a party kind of person as " he told stories about autopsies he performed in a matter as as funny as stories about jews and retards". it goes on and on. i read thosecwhen i was 10ish, i think. I just dont understand how i grew up relatively well adjusted.
Try going back and re-reading Lovecraft. It's like if the guy who wrote 'The Turner Diaries' went and tried his hand at horror fiction.
I've read most of them, and you're right - but they're no more racist or offensive than old-school Bugs Bunny cartoons. Back then, most everyone was a matter-of-fact racist. If my grandparents are any gauge.
Say Mrs. J, I'm afraid to ask, but what does it really say about us that all we need is a blank post and away we regurgitate?
I think Budgens may have over-garlicked my seabass. I should drink more wine to fix this.
But do you have the appropriate variety of popcorn to go with your wine?
I'd go with some kind of kettle-cornish variety to balance out the garlic. And a nice gewertztraminer.
Fair enough. You may proceed.
We aim to please. Popcorn sommeliers at your service.
I'm marathoning The Good Wife. Totally un-realistic lawyers and Julianna Margulies has an excellent bitch face.
Right there with you. I'm in season 3 and it's fucking awesome, especially with wine.
Pretty much everything but Intervention is better with wine.
And the correct popcorn, let's remember.
good things, I'm for them.
How do you feel about things in general?
just so so
Bad things, I'm against them.
Heroes, there is no such thing.
Related: Laconic commentary, right here.
Misplaced hero worship: puerile divination.
This is so sexy, you guys.
I got mine...
i get lost without clear instructions
No worries, even if I don't take kindly to direction, I can instruct concisely: Give your most embarrassing moment. Ever.
Is one of your famous misdirections is to give directions right after you clearly state you misdirect intentionally? Because im on to you.
I intentionally changed a too-revealing comment.
So please, treat me to one of your lovely misadventures adventures. A lost-in-translation moment in Korea, for example...
Well, i think it will take me some time to recall something. Im here for almost 10 months now, you would be amazed how quickly you get used to weird shit.
how about - since i started learning korean, i lost the ability to pronounce "earl grey"? Not sure how it happens, but pronouncing R and L one after another shortcircuts my brain.
Also, not emberassing, just strange - koreans eat sticky food like toffee and special noodles before tests because "sticky food helps the knowledge to stick in your brain".
That is too funny! I find the differences in cultures fascinating, and could never get enough lost-in-translation anecdotes.
Here's one that I've heard that made me laugh:
This girl was married to an Army guy. They transferred to a base in Germany for two years, and she got a job on-site in the apparel department (?? where soldiers exchange their used outfits for new ones...)
This huge Nordic-looking monster comes in one morning, puts a pair of dirty boots on her desk and demands "Smell!"
She shoves the boots away and answers with indignation "No!"
He looks at her all giant bewilderment, shoves the boots back in her direction and insists "Smell!!"
"NO, N-O NO!" she maintains. Starting to really get pissed-off.
The blonde giant with the big hands suddenly picks-up one of the dirty boots and shoves it under her nose, repeating "SMELL! SMELL! SMELL!"
She was about to kick his ass, when suddenly he puts his hand inside the boot and out comes with the insole.
The big dude meant "semelle" in French, which means insole. He wasn't asking her to actually smell his boots, just needed new insoles for them.
This just raises so many questions - why german guy was saying it in french?! Well, i gess its only that one, one question. But it gonna nag, i can tell. This one time, i spent about 3 hours researching to determine if crocodiles have ears.
Apparently most Germans are bilingual, half speak German and English, the other German and French...
Maybe he was from the Alsace? That's kind of both.
Could be. Unfortunately I didn't think of asking after hearing the story.
And none speak russian?! Ungrateful bastards, did we liberate them for nothing?!
Quite a few of us do speak Russian, actually. Those from the side you de-liberated right away.
Although, "speaking" a language and what you can do after learning one in school here differs wildly. Our language classes suck.
I hear ya, i forgot almost all russian, just because i use it only with my parents. Say, i was told repeatedly that the syntax of german and russian is somewhat semiliar. True?
Dunno. Being from West Berlin, I've never had Russian classes.
i get lost with clear instructions too. I just feel less bad about it.
I fundamentally disagree.
OR, maybe you can talk about your rοοmaτ℮'s sisτ℮r who Μaκ℮s $77/ℎουr οn τℎ℮ laρτορ. Sℎ℮ ℎas b℮℮ŉ υŉ℮mρlοy℮d Ϝοr 10 Μοŉτℎs bυτ lasτ Μοŉτℎ ℎ℮r ρay cℎ℮cκ was $15324 jυsτ wοrκiŉg οŉ τℎ℮ laρτορ Ϝοr a Ϝ℮w ℎουrs. H℮r℮'s τℎ℮ siτ℮ το r℮ad Μοr℮,...www.imgaginitiveilliteration.com
Or you know, something like that.
*No people, I'm not selling. It's an inside joke on Wodanaz's funniest moment.
You stole my line.
Sir, it is Whore!
My sincerest apologies. I assumed that since it was $77/ℎουr it would be slut.An easy mistake to make I hope you'll appreciate.
F-cking cheapskate of Allen Harper proportions.
A broken link to a promise of riches and an Allen Harper reference in one thread?!That's weapons grade levels of not cool.
Want me to add the axis of evil in there and make it political?
A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money ... tricks.
But Michelle Bachmann.
I met her once at a fundraiser. She's more personable than you would think, but not nearly as entertaining as Jesse Ventura.
Ventura is so entertaining in so many unintentional ways, though.