Pajiba

Name: EljefeSupreme Cuz it encompases two cultures and totally showes my bad assness (you know, like bad horse... the thoroughbred of sin).

Super Power: The ability to change morph my body into anyone or anything. Cuz I would totally become Christian Bale and have sex with half the world, or become Brad Pitt, make a sex video and sell it... Or become Paris Hilton and do something completely out of the ordinary, like say a coherent sentense...plus I could become a bird and poop on people...yeah, that would be awesome.

Name: Helena Bed

Power: Ability to set things on fire with my thoughts and a rock hard set of abs that I would never have to work on.

Queen Etheria.

And I'd be able to manipulate time. Seriously, if you've got that one, you don't really need anything else.

I would be the Plaid Avenger.

My super power would be to clean and freshen vagooters with a single blow... no, wait. I'll have to think about this one.

Uh... I guess my name would be Skittimus Maximus. My power would be awesomeness. I'd have a sidekick named Skittimus Minimus. His power would be drinking large quantities and driving like the Duke Boys. We'd wear Shamwow capes. My arch-enemy would be Conrad. He has the power of being an unbearable twat. This diversion kinda sucks for me, because I already am a superhero...

My name would be Whitesnake, because I took all the heartache and turned it to shame/Now I'm movin', movin' on and I ain't taking the blame. I'll be a fool for your lovin' no mo'.

I'm a simple man. All I ask for is the capability to fall/jump from really high places and land on my feet without dying. Not really hero material, of course, unless I had some other abilities to go with it. But, given only that power, I could call myself Really-Knows-How-To-Make-A-Fucking-Entrance Man. Every time I had to go into a tall building, I could go all the way to the top, then jump off and land at the entrance, entering with much pizazz.

Time-consuming? Sure. But totally awesome. Stairwells would have nothing on me.

I already have a superhero name, it is Iguana Lips and my superpowers (the ones I am allowed to talk about) include (but are not limited to) talking my way out of traffic tickets and kissing up to my superiors.

Hmm, I'm a little confused as to whether this is the powers we think suit us best or the powers we wish we had. If it's the former, I'd be Gay Best Friend, with the ability to make women open up to me completely and reveal their darkest, strangest and downright kinkiest secrets within seconds of knowing me - of course, it's only useful in a superhero context if the supervillain constantly has a women around him who knows the full details of all his plans and how to stop them, but to be fair, that's worked in about 80% of the Bond films so far.

If this is "What power would you step over your own dead grandmother to have?" then I've gotta cover myself in shame and admit that it's Piper's power from Charmed. Stop time and/or blow shit right the hell up. Oodles of fun and useful for smiting my enemies. Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be curled up in my Shame Corner watching Bring It On.

I know I'm ripping off Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, but I want to be the real MOIST.

And my superpower? Making things wet. Mostly making myself wet.

...novelty T-shirts with Che Guevara or Bob Marley on them. Fucking douchebags.

Ouch.

An insult like this can only be met with a response from Commander Cashew. He patrols the world dispensing his salty goodness from the magical bag of nutty treats slung over his shoulder. But that's no ordinary sack of cashews he's slinging. He's in possession of an...
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extraordinary nutsack!

dispensing his salty goodness

Skitt was right, this did get dirty fast!

Negativa, Queen of Despair--I'd be able to obliterate foes with the concentrated hate of a thousand teen goth girls and shoot malice out of my black-painted fingernails. The costume would effing rock.

I have been called, on many occasions, Captain Obvious, for my amazing powers of stating the obvious, as in "That car is red!"

However, I have always wanted to be "Exposition Girl" with the power of explaining the plot of people's lives to them; particularly people who just don't get it.

For example, when sitting in a restaurant next to a couple on a first date, and the guy doesn't get that the girl clearly doesn't like him, I would throw on my cape and mask, stop time, and explain it to him. Also comes in handy for people who think they are funnier than they are, tellers of rambling, uninteresting stories, and motherfuckers that think their kids are great, even when they are horrible little shits.

My name is Kiwi Brownn and my super power is the ability to morph appearances because the only superpowers for me are the ones that can easily facilitate evil and my eventual transformation into a super villian. It would also be super fun to show up at various places like the supermarket or gynocologist's office as Jesus.

My name would be Klepto Man.

I would steal things, not because I wanted to, but because I had too. I would then feel guilty.

Hmmmm...Well, first off, I'd probably be an anti-hero. Not quite a hero, but not quite Sarina, either. Second, for the name, I'd have to go with The Vamp, here. No really special powers, save for super speed, super agility, and the ability to rock a whip and a pair of leather pants. What can I say? I always wanted to be like the male version of Catwoman.

My name would be Lathyrus odoratus. My powers: twofold.

1) I would be able to breathe underwater. Because I love to swim and it would be awesome-cool.

2) I would be able to generate limitless wealth. Why? Because I fucking hate my job today. It sucks. Everything sucks. INCOMPETENT PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF MY CEO BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T DO THEIR GODTOPUSDAMNED JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE suck.

[sobs in the corner]

I would be Gesundheit. My power would allow me to make other people sneeze simply by my power of thought. I would most definitely wear a monocle.

My nemeses would include douchebag waiters carrying full trays of food, people who play with miniatures, proctologists, Fox News anchors, cafeteria workers, hookers, wedding cake decorators, amputees with hooks for hands, visitors to the Special Valley, and Methodists.

Rubble44: "My name is Schadenfreude. I possess the ability to combat all of the Celebutards out there to permanently remove them from the spotlight. . . .
Or I would be invisible and be able to see boobies. Either way."

Ah man, I wish I'd thought of that.

I've always wanted to create a superhero called "emo boy."

By day he's a perfectly normal, socially well-adjusted teenager. But when trouble calls, he must transform into emo boy (always uncapitalized), causing his hair to darken and fall across his face, and rendering him a mopey mess with super-strength he rarely deigns to use. He'll grudgingly save the city from whatever threat it faces if he can just muster up the strength to leave his room!

This was my dream, until Spiderman 3 came along and knocked the wind straight out of me...

Extra Credit:

Build your own costume, bitches

INCOMPETENT PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF MY CEO BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T DO THEIR GODTOPUSDAMNED JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE suck.

Pea, point me in the direction of those bastards and I will spray them in the eyes with my Lysol-douche and scrub their vagooters with Julie's patent-pending sandpaper wipes until they cry. I hate those people.

But what if I already HAVE powers? Like super-long-term-memory - not very exciting, but I've won numerous arguments with it. Or super-cunnilingus-achievous, which the wife appreciates, for obvious reasons.

Powers I don't have, but would enjoy: 1)Something Force-like, so I could be all Obi-Wan Kenobi whenever a user breaks one of my apps - This is not the support number you are looking for. 2)Flying, because airfare from Bermuda just sucks balls. 3)Strength/Invulnerability, because ladies love the strong, invulnerable type.

And my name would be Black Crowbar, because anyone that's played Half-Life knows that's all you really need to survive.

The Blonde Fury is my name. I work in a high school that shall remain nameless in the Chicago suburbs, but was recently in the news. Thanks, Rev. Meeks!! My power would be to silence all the bubble-headed female idiot students that I have to endure everyday simply by making their empty heads explode with the power of my thoughts. Oh, and then I would take their designer bags and give them to more deserving students.

If you were a superhero

IF?? I'll play along, but I already am one. Hi there, I'm LordHelmet, and my superpower is the Schwartz, extremely useful for torture, telekinesis, and phallic energy weapons. Really, who could ask for more?

The Splendiferous She-Bop. I would make delicious rice-pudding.

I'm trying very hard not to twist that into something dirty right now.

Oh sweet christ, I can see this turning into something x-rated relatively quickly...

I'm surprised you didn't take us there right away Skittimus. And Sofia/Dottie, you are one wonderfully twisted person!

As Orator, I can make people listen and see my points, walk into and fit into any place or situation by simple "Hi", talk people or animal or even inanimate objects to doing my bidding and eventually, when powerful enough, make anything happen by saying so.

"Now you all think I have the coolest idea of all."

Any and all of the lower primates, most apes, and the occasional human of sub-standard intelligence, would be under my control.

So you only turn up now that Bush is almost out of office?!?

My name would be Max Power, and my super power would be to, just once before I die, make a friend.

*long, awkward silence.

That or The Fantastic Mr. Cocks.

DOOMCOCK! and I make taints explode with THE POWER OF MY MIND!

As this was my idea, you'd think I'd have a really cool answer for myself.

But:

A superpersona that best fits my personality is Mistress Intimidation. My powers of intimidation leave weak men (i.e., egotists, douchebags, napoleon complexed, stupid, etc) and small children sheilding themselves from me or running away while pissing their pants. Unfortunately, I emit these powers without even trying.

Yes. I can think of a geekier question.

If your "private parts" were a Pokemon, what four attacks would it have and why?

If your "private parts" were a Pokemon, what four attacks would it have and why?

No mere plastic ball can contain the majesty of DOOMCOCK!

Captain Cliche!

What...Someone already said that?

Hmm. I'm going to have to think about the name. My superpower would be to make things right in the world. Why yes, that would be based on my opinion of such things. Oooh. Perhaps my name could be Ms. Righteous!

Flying and being able to breathe underwater would be nice additions to the list.

Also, if I could have a beautiful singing voice (hell just a decent one) I'd really like that, even if it isn't a superpower.

BarbadoSlim

'nuff said

This is the gist of a project I have loitering in development. It was originally intended for Season 3 of Who Wants to be a Superhero?, but the show seems to have not been picked up for a third season.

The character name is Cyanogog. After a freak accident involving a cut and alternate process photography chemicals, mild mannered artsy college student Robert developed a bizarre and useful ability.

His eyes no longer work without lenses, but the color of the lens is everything. An orange lens flattens everything to 2-Dimensions; green provides night vision; red provides x-ray vision; purple provides empathic abilities; all throughout the major colors.

The downsides? His hair is permanently, irreversibly blue; contacts no longer work; failure to wear lenses blinds his system

Well, I used a superhero name generator because I ran out of good names for things a long, long time ago. Seriously, we now call our new cat either Tiger or Baby Kitty. It's that bad. Anyways, I got: Enchantment Enchantress, which I love for its awesome repetitive redundance. And my power will be to be mumbly and awkward to people until they feel really uncomfortable, which I already do now, except I will do it ultra-well! Watch out evil-doers! I'm gonna getcha!!!

Of course there will HAVE to be alternate universes where some will be evil versions of themselves AND the inevitable formation of "teams" such as "The International League of Hipster Dorks Who Think They Have Superpowers"

Oh and in the Xtreme Universe version I would have a secondary identity:

Captain Awesome, with the ability to be really, really.... AWESOME!.

Chlamydia the Flower Fairy

My costume is a white unitard and a shower cap decorated with straws and shimmery streamers.

And really, dressed like that, do I need a superpower? You'd be such shock at the sight of me that I could fuck your shit up and you wouldn't even know what hit you.

But seriously, I've always wanted to move things with my mind. Gooooooooo.

That reminds me of a kid I used to work with at one of my summer jobs (like a day camp). This kid, Danny, was a total secret squirrel who talked through one side of his mouth, all screwed up like Popeye. Danny was really so weird that the other kids didn't really play with him all that much. He was also addicted to his Game Boy. One afternoon, we were all outside playing, and this kid is wandering around face to his Game Boy. Suddenly, he comes over to me and in his sailor man voice, declares "I can walk through walls and move things with my mind."

"Really Dan," I reply "You wanna show me?"

Danny pauses for a moment.

"Ah....not right now."

And he walked away.

Man, I love kids.

Above tapping panda ass whenever I feel like it, I would love to be able to make people understand the strange parade of thoughts that goes on in my head. Did you know, that if you hit a small child at exactly a speed of 72 mph while chanting "bums in drums", they'll explode into a colorful array of candy and toys? The Japanese ones have Hello Kitty, but Jamaicans have dominoes and weed.

Going to have to read these later...only able to sneak on for a sec...

Captain Social Lubrication. Will do anything to prevent a fight/argument/simple disagreement. Super powers: diffusing tension in a single bound, often with a pathetic joke that distracts combatants long enough to ease the general bad vibes in the room somewhat.

I'd have great power but avoid the great responsibility by not being a superhero (meaning no special name). My power would be telekinesis. You can do so much with it.

I'd go with the power to control chance, like make myself really lucky and my enemies really unlucky whenever I like. You can't really beat that, plus you can use it to make stuff by turning up your good luck to improbably high proportions and dropping bits of metal and wire together. They would have an ever so tiny chance of turning into a ray gun or time machine, and I could amplify that chance!

As for a name I'd have to go with something classy, like Ultimate Awesome. It has a nice ring to it. I wouldn't really be a superhero or a villain, more of a True (or perhaps Chaotic) Neutral.

The Mighty Fig, Professor Poopypants and Dinglelad will now be known as The Feces Faction!

Ok, late again as usual...(damn you for not posting these until after I have left for a meeting.....AGAIN!!!)

I would be... BITCHY MCVIOLENCE!

My superpower would be the ability to shoot lasers/high powered bullets/bombs of varying types out of my tittays ala Fembots. Can also shoot lasers from eyes after removing glasses which protect my secret identity. AND, can drop larger bombs from secret cooter-chute. All of this will be especially handy WHEN I AM DRIVING BEHIND THE OLD BASTARDS ON THE HIGHWAY!!!!! GRANDMA & GRANDPA, IF YOU CAN'T DRIVE OVER 40, STAY THE FUCK HOME!!!!

My costume would consist of a very average empire-waist top, with secret panels that pop down to uncover boob-launchers by mind control, covering a black bustier made of Kevlar. A regular pair of jeans also have a drop-out panel for the cooter-chute, again powered only by mind-control. This will require going commando, of course. I will look like a perfectly normal, average mom.....expect for the black helmet with the radar dish on the top, to detect assbags everywhere, who need to be shot/lasered/bombed.

Either that, or I would be able to kill with my sarcasm. Either one works for me.

I'd be Captain Pacifist. Diffusing tension in a single bound. Determined to just make everyone get along and freakin' be nice to each other, dammit.

World's Lamest Superhero? Maybe...just maybe....

What, no superpower? Come on, you've got to play too!

Having just now, as of 10 p.m. this evening, gotten my BEAUTIFUL PC back (shut it, Macphiles) I am too overwhelmed with joy to create either an alter ego or superpower. Although I would enjoy having the power to "mute" people. Instead of allowing them to jabber jabber jabber blahdeblah, I could just glue their tongues to the roofs (rooves?) of their mouths with the power of thought.

Interwebs, how I have missed thee.

I would be The Iron Maiden. And my superhero power would be to do terribly dirty things to RDJ until he begged for mercy.

oh, that's easy. i'm kaiser soze.

Moniker: The Bishop
Superpower: Ability to rip souls out of peoples' bodies, whereupon the souls are hurled into the Sea of the Damned to erode forever into a vast puddle of bitterness and rage.
And my sidekick would be an unbearably diabetes-inducingly cute kitten named The Unspeakable Cuteness From Hell.

That Guy With the Stretchy Arms!

I would be able to throw a punch from my car to the asshole in front of me who cut me off while talking on a cell phone and is now driving 10 mph under the speed limit.

Late to the party, as usual.

I think it would be cool to have some of the basic meta powers (flight, invulnerability, ability to converse with humans, etc). That said, the power I really want is to inflict upon people the soul-destroying pain I feel whenever they say something stupid.

Having grown up surrounded by lesser life forms, I have become used to the unceasing agony. Mere humans, however, would die slowly from an application of this power.

Obviously, this would not be a super-"hero" power, but my screen name should disabuse people of that idea from the start.

i'd be called the tongue.

my powers would be to understand and speak every language on earth.

I would be the Wise and Beautiful JenK. I don't need a name because I would practice my power without any secret identity. To explain my superpower, I will use the humble mosquito as an analogy: mosquitoes have an enzyme in their saliva that stops the blood from clotting against them as they suck a mammal's blood. My superpower would be like that, except that I would give excellent advice, and it would be bathed in acceptability such that it would be readily, nay, eagerly embraced and immediately enacted by all who received it! People would naturally find themselves compelled to do as I suggested, but they would think it was merely suggestion, never knowing the true power that made them all my grateful, grateful bitches...

To be honest, I'm only writing a comment because I think it's hilarious that my t-shirt choice for the day included the "viva la evolucion" picture at the top. *tee hee* Aren't I cool?

But really, once I started writing this I realized that, though I've never actually considered the superhero/superpower possibility, I still have an answer: My superpower would be the mighty belch of death (head-'splode-tastic!) and my name would have to be Mistress BLEEOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAgghhhgahcoughhiccup.

I would be FEAR FATALE. Darkness is my costume. I don't really have any powers, except to strike fear in the hearts of everyone that looks me in the eye.

So whenever people bug me, like when they cut in line or are rude in any other way, I would turn around and look at them and they would run for their lives without knowing why.

This would make me terribly lonely of course. Because I'm not able to turn it off at will, I can't make eye contact unless I want to scare people.

Only someone who can overcome their fear can look me in the eye. It will be very very dramatic and totally hot and romantic!

Captain Infomercial:

Fight crime using only "As Seen On TV" products.

"Your 'Power Juicer' maneuver is no match for my 'Hercules Hook'!"

Sidekick: Lillian Verner