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Your Post-Holiday, Snowed-in, Still-in-a-Bloated-Semi-Drunken-State Comment Diversion

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (56)

drunk_christmas_party.jpg

As I write, the East Coast is being pummeled by wind and snow and retailers are crying because even though they already made out like fat rats, the after-Christmas shoppers can’t or won’t get out to shop more. We’ve eaten more crap in the past three days than we eat the rest of the year; wrapping paper has been duly tossed about; Santa’s loot is all over the place and even the kids are worn out - quietly flitting from one toy to another. There was some talk of getting out to build a snowman but harsh gales have squelched that for now and fleece pajamas are de rigueur at Casa Davis until this thing subsides. So, since many of us are holed up and Hollyweird news is at a minimum, we may as well pass the time with a little comment diversion.

Give me the best of your gifts and the worst of your gifts. For me, the best was an unexpected Kindle and the worst (as always) was clothing. I won’t mention the offending party, but you know how these Christmas clothes things go - there’s always a question in your head as to whether a person was on the hunt for the ugliest thing he could possibly find or if he just got lucky.

So whadjya get Pajibans? A Meat of the Month subscription? A gilded Godtopus? Diamond ring or the proverbial lump of coal?









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Comments

Wine. Lots of wine. Everyone from my new job took me for a wino and they were right. Now, it's only the 27th and there is not a bottle left. It was shared with family and friends of course, but when you say bloat. Oh yeah, bloat.

Posted by: daria at December 27, 2010 4:06 PM

I didn't get anything particularly exciting, but I think we're closing on our new house on Thursday, and that's a pretty kickass gift.

Posted by: pickled tink at December 27, 2010 4:22 PM

The best - either the full collection of Farscape on DVD, or my new journal with a dog dressed as Che Guevara on the cover.

The worst - definitely the pink shirt with 'glamorous' written on the back in sequins. My father knows me so well.

Posted by: Bumwee McGee at December 27, 2010 4:25 PM

Oh yeah, worst gift was a book by conservative evangelical minister Chuck Colson about what Christians really believe. Gee, thanks, Dad. Is this an attempt to rescue me from my liberal Episcopalianism?

Posted by: pickled tink at December 27, 2010 4:27 PM

This was the first Christmas in which no gifts were exchanged among family members, primarily for financial reasons, but the extreme kindness and generosity of many, many friends - who, quite honestly are more like family than many of my actual relatives - made this the best Christmas we've ever enjoyed. My heart really did grow three sizes. My thanks and love to all.

Posted by: Spender at December 27, 2010 4:30 PM

My folks got me a sweeeeeeeet telescope. Now I just need the skies of these Great White Norths to clear so I can use it for its intended purpose rather than creepily watching the neighbors. They also gave me socks, but I actually asked for those so, score!

My dear old man went the extra mile with several thoughtful and lovely gifts, the ballsiest of which was asking my parents at Christmas breakfast if he could marry me.

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at December 27, 2010 4:32 PM

Christmas was cancelled due to the only people who'd have me coming down with serious bronchial infections.
Don't know if that's a good gift or bad gift.

Posted by: Wembley at December 27, 2010 4:34 PM

Best was a Kindle. I specifically asked for one and then had to argue about whether that was what I really wanted (as opposed to a Nook or a Sony reader or an iPad) and then I had to defend my choice. It was like a game show in some alternate universe. I found myself saying things like "Listen, I make product for these devices ALL DAY AND NIGHT, I have played with all of them, I swear to GOD I know what I want!!"

Anyway. I love my Kindle. The girlfriend came through on that one with flying colors. She also got me a cast iron skillet and some really gorgeous earrings. I bought her a laptop.

My friends came into town on Christmas day (yippee!) and they gave me a cookbook autographed by John Besh (I like him very much and he's from my hometown).

I'm expecting my worst present from my mother when we go and do a late Christmas in 2 weeks. They're not bad exactly just . . . a gift bag full of post-its? A pack of hair ties? They're ODD, like she just happened to be at Walgreens and HAD to get these for me. Or was trying to pad her Office Depot order. But I usually get good stuff too, just there's always these odd little things in there.

Posted by: MyySharona at December 27, 2010 4:35 PM

The best is one I don't have yet, but should by New Years: a Keurig coffeemaker. Color me excited!

Also got a bottle of Caramel Baileys, which will come in handy when I get said coffeemaker. There really wasn't anything bad, so... score.

Posted by: Gabs at December 27, 2010 4:35 PM

A laptop from my dad.
Makeup from Bare Escentuals, awesome fuzzy socks, and the Top Chef cookbook from my step-mother.
A flat screen and a Wii from the boyfriend (YES).
Sweater dress, some clothes, pajamas galore, B&N Macy's and Target gift cards, and the Julia Child cookbook from my mom.
Fun chopper thingie and a kitchen set from my sister.
Horror movies and exotic spices from my brother.
Barnes and Noble gift card from his girlfriend.
Signed Tony Bourdain book from my favorite aunt.
Cliff Lee t-shirt from my uncle.

Crazy amount of shit this year. I deserved none of it, they're all too good to me.

Posted by: Julie at December 27, 2010 4:37 PM

Best: a riding crop from the local sex shop
Worst: a urinary tract infection

Puts a helluva damper on enjoying the riding crop!

;o)

Posted by: latvianluck at December 27, 2010 4:37 PM

The best: an antique gold rope chain from my darling hub.
The worst: Christmas morning hangover from too much champagne.

Posted by: brite at December 27, 2010 4:40 PM

Best: Breadmaker!

Worst: Slipper socks.

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at December 27, 2010 4:44 PM

15 year old bottle of Glenlivit from my dad. He's not a scotch drinker and I regret pouring him a neat nip to taste, but I felt he should at least give it a try since he got it for me. My brother-in-law however had a true appreciation for it, and we had an hour long conversation on how we came to be scotch drinkers. Only poured one finger; it was perfectly smooth.

It was the greatest gift I got all weekend. Can't wait to get home tonight and have another while rocking out to Left 4 Dead 2.

Posted by: superasente at December 27, 2010 5:07 PM

Oh yeah -- worst was the bacon-genie from my mother-in-law. Can't always be a sack of grass, I guess.

Posted by: superasente at December 27, 2010 5:08 PM

I got Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People by Amy Sedaris and a new set of golf clubs. Oh, and cash money, which means my bank account once again has a positive balance.

I also got my twelfth over-sized car scraper that barely fits in my wee little Mustang (and can't fit until I throw out the other eleven sitting in the car) and a cowboy Christmas ornament.

The good outweighed the bad.

Posted by: Robert at December 27, 2010 5:11 PM

I got several lovely things, but my husband's gift was the most thoughtful. He remembered that when I was a kid, I wanted to be Wonder Woman when I grew up. He gave me a silver Wonder Woman Symbol to wear on a necklace! At least I think that's what it is. It may be a Whataburger logo. Eh, either way...awesome.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at December 27, 2010 5:12 PM

Christmas decorations. As a gift. I shit you not. I open it, and inside are Christmas decorations. Um, thanks? For next year?

Posted by: Laurie at December 27, 2010 5:19 PM

I got a motherfucking Littman stethoscope this year with a rainbow finish on the head. HELL YEAH.

Okay, I'm a nerd.

Posted by: Kazza at December 27, 2010 5:27 PM

Tripod :D
slowly slowly building the ability to take awesome portraits

Posted by: PyD at December 27, 2010 5:32 PM

Epic Mickey for the Wii. I don't even like video games as a rule and I can't stop playing this one.

New pans so that I won't continue to poison my family with scratched teflon.

But the bestest ever was watching my dad school my father-in-law over the tea party politics that has been dominating the Alaska newspapers for the past few months. My dad rocks.

Posted by: Jennifer at December 27, 2010 5:36 PM

This year I got nothing, which was my plan. In my extended family, we all draw names from a hat earlier in the year, then buy gifts for that person. This year, my cousin's son got my name. He's just out of college and flat broke. So I gave him a free pass, and told him that he didn't have to get me anything. His mother found out about this, and proceeded to give me a boat load of homemade cookies, which is just fine by me.

Posted by: Mr Wasserstoff at December 27, 2010 5:37 PM

Best: Empire Strikes Back book (which I may or may not have known about and asked for due to some link on Pajiba at some point, I forget):

Empire Strikes Back, Making Of

Worst: A Tide-To-Go pen. Yes, a Tide-To-Go pen. From someone who didn't know me well, or, really at all. It was in a little gift bag with some chocolate candies as well, so it wasn't entirely without merit.

Posted by: MM at December 27, 2010 5:48 PM

Best is tickets to see the woman I'd go gay for hardest, Laura Motherfucking Linney, on broadway. Worst? A 365 day calendar of cats. Not that I don't love cats or anything... but these photos of cats make me nervous.

Posted by: DontStopNow at December 27, 2010 5:48 PM

My wife/hot piece made it an all Seth Macfarlane affair by gifting me the Family Guy Star Wars trilogy and American Dad box sets, on Blu-ray, bitches.

BAM!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 27, 2010 5:59 PM

Best gift - a box of Sex Panther. That roars when you open it.

I got a bunch of other really great stuff, but it all seems like crap next to the gift that makes me laughing just thinking about it.

Posted by: Jeni at December 27, 2010 6:00 PM

Just for the record, I drove from eastern NC to southern WV in a tiny Mitsubishi yesterday and am now completely convinced that my guardian angel shoots steroids and carries ninja stars, because that shit was crazy. I literally got home and curled into the fetal position on my couch for three hours.

My best presents were a black opal necklace from my sex god husband and a fuzzy fleece blanket from my grandma. It's been nice to curl up with it while watching the snow silently bury my car.

Worst present was a giant porcelain lighthouse that says "Carrier of the Light" and has a picture of what I call Southern Baptist Jesus, i.e. white, blue-eyed and with long, flowing chestnut locks. I can appreciate my family's Dixiefied religiousness but white Jesus always freaks me out.

Posted by: Dingles at December 27, 2010 6:29 PM

The best - A christmas doobie packaged like a reindeer on the outside of a card from a good friend....

The worst - A Re-Gifted atrocious wannabe knock off Gucci purse from my grandma. I can handle a "knock-off", but when it looks like it's from the dollar store, hells no. Not that I have a problem with the dollar store.......

Posted by: Jax at December 27, 2010 6:37 PM

I got a Droid X. I had nothing on my list, so they asked me what is something I'd never buy myself, and I would never justify spending my money on a smartphone. Now that I have it, I've got a gadget boner.

I have no worst gift really, everything else was tiny stuff, but it was interesting or useful.

Posted by: e at December 27, 2010 6:39 PM

Best was a Jets hoodie. Worst were cheap earwarmers that don't fit my head.

Actually best was the $100 cash that my dad gave me.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at December 27, 2010 7:00 PM

Best: My 2 kids bursting through my bedroom door 6am on Christmas morning screaming "SantacameSantacameSantacame!!!!!!!!! Get up Mommy and Daddy!!!!!" God, the look on their faces.

Worst: Having to get up at 6am on Christmas.

Posted by: logar at December 27, 2010 7:13 PM

All of my gifts were eminently practical, so there were no bad ones.
A big-ass Amazon.com gift card that I used to purchase a diagnostic code reader/data logger (with wi-fi interface for use with my iPhone) for my truck.
A Sears gift card which is being used for a proper tool box, also for my truck.
And a Best Buy gift card, which I might put towards an Apple TV unit.

Posted by: Rykker at December 27, 2010 7:33 PM

Best: My dad signed me up for the next Tough Mudder in PA. Don't really have a worst.

Posted by: Patrick the Bunny at December 27, 2010 7:35 PM

But I guess the best gift was finally burying a hatchet and reconnecting with my father, after a several-years-long estrangement while living in the same town.

Posted by: Rykker at December 27, 2010 7:43 PM

I got a candy thermometer. That was it. From family, friends, everybody I know.

Next year, I refuse to make anything or put any effort into anybody. Every year for the past 7 I've done handmade candies or jellies or something. Next year nobody gets anything, cuz fuck 'em.


Sorry, grouchy.

Posted by: meh at December 27, 2010 7:48 PM

A nice pair of Sperry's.

A sweater from my mom, because, awkwardly enough, two days earlier I had complained about how I always get sweaters (I have like 15) but really only wear two or three. Of course, I pretended that I would wear this one, but probably not.

Posted by: nickdubbs at December 27, 2010 7:56 PM

Best: A sewing machine and sewing lessons. I can't even sew on a button and have been wanting to learn for years, so I'm thrilled. Also, I got a set of luggage that is almost the same print as the luggage my mom had in the late 60's (English Garden...check it out, its awesome!). I picked out a lot of my own presents this year, but these gifts were all total surprises, and I'm so excited about them. My mom is the best!

Worst gift: this huge, ugly, ornate, decorative metal box from one of my co-workers. It is hideous and terrifies my dogs.

Posted by: ami at December 27, 2010 8:10 PM

Dad walked in from work on Christmas Eve and handed me the biggest fucking bottle of Bushmills I've ever seen. I woulda been happy there.

...I didn't really get anything bad. My recent ex girlfriend had to cancel my gift, which was going to be personalized guitar picks, so I guess the "bad" was the lack of those. And the girlfriend. I guess.

Posted by: Ian at December 27, 2010 8:12 PM

I graduated from college this year, so I got a lot of things as well as presents on christmas, and stuff from our secondary family christmas.

Graduation:
-500 dollar check(from my aunt)
-Kindle
-Call of Duty: Black Ops
-10 dollar borders gift card and chocolate caramel egg (from my best friend)
-20 dollar b+n gift card (from my best friend and her family)
-my dad promising to help me get my own apartment, and supplies once my part time job became permanent and I moved closer to the place

Christmas:
-scarf
-tool kit
-jeans
-wallet
-my dad calling me up and telling me that my present from him will be coming shortly, it's a george foreman grill
-25 dollar check (from same aunt who gave me said 500 dollar check)

second family celebration:
-cook book with spatula
-100 dollars in cash from another aunt (for graduation)

Posted by: lord ninja at December 27, 2010 8:17 PM

a) I totally predicted that this would be a comment diversion. Yes, I do spend time thinking about this site.

b) My best gift? A kickass leather jacket that makes me both badass and sexy. Gather round fellas!

Sounds like everyone else got some good loot.

Also, present to myself: a three hour trek to 3 Best Buys, a Suncoast, and a Target before I tracked down the last remaining copy of Sons of Anarchy Season 1 in Maryland. Go me.

Posted by: grace b at December 27, 2010 9:06 PM

Best:

(1)Kindle
(2)100$ Itunes gift card (I've been converted
(3)Purty gold earrings
(4)Nice clothes
(5)Haircut paid for by someone who loves me very much.

Worst:

(1) A shirt that I know the gift giver got from the clearance bin from a store that we both frequent---I know it's the thought that counts but this year, faced with the awesome gifts above I couldn't help but sneer at the lack of try. Boo.

But it is all about the baby Jesus and such and such, etc.

Posted by: smijca at December 27, 2010 10:21 PM

two bests: One from my cousin, a small wooden statue of a giraffe to replace, in a way, a similar one that was my grandmother's. My youngest daughter had knocked it off a shelf with a balloon. It is way tinier than the original, but the thought? Made me cry.

Two, a necklace with "mom" written over and over in a circle with "diamonds" for the O's from said younger daughter that so far has not made my neck green.

Worst gift? Stomach flu.

Posted by: mswas at December 27, 2010 11:43 PM

Best: sun jar (charges using solar cell during the day, glows at night)

Kickass brown leather boots that make me feel like a steampunk adventure is forthcoming

An umbrella that looks like a katana

A thermos with a built-in tea strainer for loose-leaf tea

Worst: I thought I'd managed to dodge the holiday visits from my delightful grandparents. I was wrong.

Posted by: littlelion at December 28, 2010 12:23 AM

I gots myself a refrigerator and a new phone

Posted by: Silverman at December 28, 2010 1:14 AM

I think my gf wins for worst gift received. Her (very rich) aunt sent her a gift card. To Walgreens. Guess where my gf works her miserable fucking job?

Yeah. It's not the lack of loot, but the absolute lack of thought whatsoever that burns.

Posted by: MyySharona at December 28, 2010 3:39 AM

My favorite gifts are the two Gourd table lamps from West Elm. Finally I have light in my bedroom and I can read books while tucked in bed. Huzzah!

I also got a crapload of OXO kitchen stainless steel accessories, to replace all the plastic crap I've been using. I’m very happy about those.

No worst gift. The family behaved. No one got hurt. No one went to the hospital. There were no Oopsies Birth Announcements. The Conservatives kept their mouths shut. And there was no mention of Sarah Palin or the fake war on Christmas. So a win for everyone!

Posted by: Scully at December 28, 2010 9:07 AM

Best: $250 in Best Buy gift cards, so I can buy Deadwood on Blu-Ray, which will then be the best.

Worst: The War of the Roses by Alison Weir, because I already had it.

Posted by: Todd at December 28, 2010 9:35 AM

Best:
A shiny new leather man purse from Fossil. You read correctly.

Worst:
A set of coasters with "Live, Laugh, Love" on them that you're supposed to put pictures in. Regifting at a party tonight, a party that I'm throwing for the express purpose of regifting this year's worst gifts. I'm calling it the Hannukwansolstmas Crappy Gift Exchange Party, and I think it will become a new post-Christmas tradition.
Like "Sweetest Day," except it makes sense.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at December 28, 2010 10:44 AM

Best was a pile of Avalanche and Broncos gear from my wife. Also a Gem Saloon and Reaper Crew t-shirt.

Worst was a pair of chopsticks shaped like lightsabers. But the $100 Best Buy gift card that accompanied them made up for that. And it was used to buy the Alien Anthology on blu ray.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 28, 2010 10:49 AM

I got my wife Space Ghost seasons 1-5. Yeah, I'm a little late to catch up, but what a gift to someone who doesn't have it!

Posted by: litmus0001 at December 28, 2010 11:05 AM

I'm always late to the party...dang!

Best: Lotsa rum. Hubby brought me a very expensive bottle from Costa Rica and my work "Secret Santa" gave me two bottles (fortunately I got someone who knows me pretty well so I didn't get the inevitable "spa kit" this year!) I also got some sweet going-out duds from Mom and sis, Dexter season 4 on DVD, and a gizmo that transfers my cassettes to mp3 (much needed, as I refuse to let go of my out-of-print stuff from my college days!)

Bestest: The excitement on my Dad's face when we gave him the gift certificate for a ride in a biplane. He's always wanted to do that.

Worst: A cold. I always seem to get a cold/sinus infection during the holidays.

As a part-time commenter here, I thank you regulars (and especially the talented writers here) for making me laugh year-round. You all are truly a gift! Happy 2011!

Posted by: SugarKane at December 28, 2010 11:13 AM

The best thing:
I got a bunch of homemade spiced rum. It's so delicious you can drink it straight but it still packs a punch.

The worst thing:
Horrible diarrhea for the past three days from a combination of too much rum and ulcers.

Posted by: Paultera at December 28, 2010 11:36 AM

Best: A new laptop to replace my busted ancient one, which I guess is to butter me up for the...

Worst: My dad announced that my future stepmother is moving in to my childhood home today, instead of in June, as I was led to believe. Thanks for making the rest of my holiday here so completely awkward and uncomfortable! Merry Christmas!

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at December 28, 2010 12:23 PM

I asked to get older, fatter, and uglier and I got exactly what I asked for.

Posted by: John W at December 28, 2010 6:36 PM

Best: I got a brand new Blackberry Curve, some money and some N-Spa bath stuff.

Worst: There were no worsts, except for a slight hangover from drinking too much Hazelnut flavoured Baileys. Mmmmm...Baaaileeeys.

Posted by: Ilmarien at December 29, 2010 10:00 AM


Best: A name brand holiday spent with my family was not the customary blend of Tenesee Williams and Kabuki theater ending in rage and tears. First time ever. Literally.

Also, worst. (I am so confused.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 29, 2010 1:23 PM