Your Perfect TV Character Dinner Party

By Ryan McGee | Comment Diversions | May 19, 2017 |


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If I may be so bold to say: it’s been quite the 2017 so far.

I mean, spoiler alerts and all, but it’s been quite the roller coaster, garbage fire, or whatever else you want to dub it. And while the answer to this isn’t always “drinking,” the answer to this sometimes is absolutely “drinking.”

Drinking alone? Bad. Drinking with friends. Drinking with fictional TV characters? The best.

I’ve thought about the type of crowd I’d want to have come over from my favorite shows past and present. This is fun for two reasons: 1) I get to look at my DVD shelf, streaming service queue, and DVR backlog and try and come up with the best party of ten, and 2) Since this is a theoretical party, I don’t have to worry about my social anxiety kicking in due to my inherently introverted nature. It’s win win, really.

Basic rules of thumb:

We’re talking TV characters, not actors, and while they are in the same room, they have arrived from their own fictional universes.

The people should more or less get along, although there would naturally be pockets that would form.

The people should give off a vibe that you would want to have at your ideal get-together. If you want quiet, erudite conversation, you’d pick a different ten than if you wanted to play the ultimate Cards Against Humanity game.

With that said, I’d want a party in which I could blow off some steam after reading the latest end-of-day blockbuster reveal from the Washington Post, New York Times, or other reputable establishments. This isn’t a dinner party: it’s one in which there’s a large space in which people can serve themselves food or drink, both of which are in ample supply. I want people who are witty but aren’t “always on.” I want people that aren’t against throwing back a few but aren’t going to tear my house apart if I lose sight of them for thirty seconds. At least a few of them should want to talk about the Dungeons and Dragons game I’m currently running, but we should also be able to talk about how the new Ryan Adams album is pretty much the best thing since BeyoncĂ©’s Lemonade.

Also, everyone should leave by 11 pm at the latest because I’m an old.

OK, with that said, here are the 10 for my first shindig, in no particular order.

Cisco Ramon (The Flash): I gave up on this show right around the time Barry was a self-serving jerk who rewrote reality without recognizing the consequences for the eighth time, but I always loved Cisco, and his upbeat energy coupled with his nerd sensibility makes him an easy choice.

Ellie Torres (Cougar Town) I think Ellie would take one look at Cisco and sass him all night long, which would confuse Cisco and delight me. She’s in.

Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) The running gag about the different personalities Amy has depending on how many drinks she’s had is one of my favorites in the show’s history, and with her around the mood will never get stale. It might get sloppy or weird, but never stale.

Rupert Giles (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) He’d have to bring his guitar. Obviously.

Marnie Michaels (Girls) Hahaha just kidding she’s the absolute worst moving on …

Tim Gutterson (Justified): One of the unsung heroes of that show, Tim is a guy who didn’t say much, but made it count when he did. We have a lot of outgoing personalities at this party, so we need at least somewhat reserved who can still unleash a devastating burn when no one’s looking.

Tyrion Lannister (Game Of Thrones) He knows things, and he drinks. Imagine showing him your Twitter feed and watching him try and figure out a way to be President by month’s end. The Iron Throne would seem like to much of a bother once he realized how easily he could manipulate politicians here.

Waverly Earp (Wynonna Earp) Tell me Cisco and Waverly wouldn’t be besties within five minutes. Plus, she can make drinks, and probably could keep Tyrion in line with a stern finger wag.

Hugo “Hurley” Reyes (Lost) Everyone loves Hugo! Why not bring in a guy who will instantly make everyone feel at home, and can also step in if things go a little sideways? I loved where he ended up on the show, and would hope he could make a quick sojourn off the island to make this happen.

April Ludgate (Parks and Recreation): I’m thinking she would be the padawan to Ellie’s Sith Lord. Plus, you might get a cameo from Janet Snakehole, which is always a good thing.

Diane Lockhart (The Good Wife/The Good Fight): DO I REALLY NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY? SHE’S DIANE EFFIN’ LOCKHART. SHE’S COMING.

Who would come to your ideal TV character party?



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