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July 3, 2008 |

By Ted Boynton | Comment Diversions | July 3, 2008 |

It’s likely most of us have awakened with a start on a strange floor, possibly in a bathroom or closet entirely unfamiliar to us, viscous biological materials clinging to our fingers in varying states of stickiness, with only flashes of memories available to discern such vital information as casualty figures, radioactivity perimeters, and the differences between pre-op and post-op. While I’d love to entertain the fantasy that “Tallulah” from the French Quarter can keep a secret, it’s a better action plan to simply identify the potion that landed me in trouble in the first place. (Give it up, Tallulah, I know you can’t really get pregnant.)

Our Afternoon Comment Diversion today comes from Pajiba lurker CatAg, who helpfully selected me as a likely huckleberry for her topical suggestion: What alcoholic beverage is your “evil twin,” meaning which drink brings out the worst in you, causing you to throw caution to the wind, abandon friends and loved ones for the promise of another belt, and careen from one misadventure to another until oblivion overtakes your rotten, twisted soul?

Let’s ask CatAg to start things off: “My friends have banned me from ever drinking scotch because unlike proper whiskey (by proper I mean Irish), it brings out Satan’s Crack Whore.” To which I responded, “Cat, could you meet me at Tosca CafĂ© in a half-hour? I’ll be at the bar with the tray of Johnnie Walker Blue.”

For myself, the easy answer would be tequila. It makes me feel a little fiery, and there’s something about tequila that makes people fight or fuck almost indiscriminately. But the reality is that tequila typically gets me into stupid brawls or strange knickers only when other people are drinking it. A cursory search of my own boozy musings provided the true answer: As noted in the Boozehound Cinephile review of Super Size Me, Jack Daniels is “hard-nosed whiskey distilled like bourbon, then jacked up with demon piss and the blood of Johnnie Rebs killed in the First Battle of Murfreesboro. Although I am usually a good-natured drunk, JD almost invariably makes me angry.”

So go to it, ‘Jibans: Which alcoholic beverage brings out your evil twin?

Your Evil Twin Drink: The Alcoholic Beverage That Brings Out the Worst in You

An Afternoon Comment Diversion / Ted Boynton

Comment Diversions | July 3, 2008 |

Everyday Drinking | Pajiba Love 07/03/08

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