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You Sexy Like A Chocolate Covered Strawberry

By | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (48)

chocolate_strawberry.jpg

This evening’s comment diversion comes courtesy of one of our own illustrious Eloquents. An individual of impeccable manners, unquestionable intelligence and the epitome of decorum. One Mr. BierceAmbrose.

Yesterday’s evening post involved food and I know a lot of Pajiban’s who love food. Some of them even started Godtopus Eats to share that love of food and I may have been known to provide a culinary concoction or two over on Pajibook. There is something inherently fulfilling about consuming a magnificent meal or a delectable treat. Sometimes, under the right circumstances, it could almost be called sexy. I think that Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke prove the point well.



So, as Mr. Ambrose’s lovely, filthy, mind thought; what foods are better consumed naked?

Robert Scott really loves food. No, he really LOVES food. However he always recommends that you observe proper food safety procedures so always use a Tupperware









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Comments

anything sticky. getting dirty then clean is half the fun.

what isn't good is anything hot. That's just asking for it.

Posted by: Fredo at January 27, 2011 8:03 PM

All of them.

Posted by: Blank at January 27, 2011 8:07 PM

Ice cream, but only as a victory lap after deciding to say "fuck it" to body issues.

Posted by: Robert at January 27, 2011 8:13 PM

Food should never be eaten while naked. What are we? Savages?

Also, that's the first time I've read or heard Tupperware used as a singular noun. It sounds really odd. And not in the slightest bit sexy.

Drinking while naked is fine. In fact, drinking while naked should be encouraged.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at January 27, 2011 8:21 PM

This may be slightly banal and only mildly sexy, but...

If you are in a hot climate, cool drinks (daquiris, mojitos, gin rickey) on a sheltered lanai while in the nude strikes me as just the thing.

Posted by: MM at January 27, 2011 8:26 PM

Popcorn. Then I don't have to fish the leavings out of my bra afterwards.

Posted by: malechai at January 27, 2011 8:31 PM

grits

Posted by: Rest In Peace at January 27, 2011 8:32 PM

The following manifesto has served me well:

Nothing too sticky that will stick to pubes or chest hair.
Juiciness is a plus.
Forget about tuna. Forget it.

Posted by: THE Sofía at January 27, 2011 8:34 PM

Do I need to bring up the ice cube again?

Posted by: Surprised Vagina at January 27, 2011 8:35 PM

I'm gonna have to say nothing.

Posted by: Figgy at January 27, 2011 8:37 PM

Oh, fine. Chocolate.

Posted by: Figgy at January 27, 2011 8:39 PM

Waffles, served to you in bed. Either or both of you can be naked. Syrup is delightful.

Posted by: Lainey at January 27, 2011 8:41 PM

NOT fondue. Trust me on this one. Perhaps fruits and vegetables in general?

Posted by: mrcreosote at January 27, 2011 8:44 PM

Cake. Duh! Or, you know, pie...

Posted by: staceygarrett at January 27, 2011 8:45 PM

Honey is good. Or caramel. Even better if there is fruit involved.

Posted by: Blonde Savant at January 27, 2011 8:48 PM

In college, my now husband and I used to lie in bed on Saturday mornings watching cartoons, eating cereal, and making love. Basic 4 still gets me a little hot.

Posted by: McSquish at January 27, 2011 9:02 PM

Pineapple. Well known to...improve all sorts of other flavors too. Keeps on giving, is what.

Posted by: replica at January 27, 2011 9:04 PM

Augh, augh, NONE!!

Sorry, along with all my food should not touch other food stuff, this, too is a "thing" with me. Every time I see food in conjunction with sex/nakedness, it just completely gives me the willies. I think about orifices and tiny, tiny bugs and germs and possibly skeevy people who'ved touched it on its journy to my supermarket, and I just want to heave.

No. Thanks.

Posted by: noodlestein at January 27, 2011 9:30 PM

noodlestein, in the context of this diversion, the expression "gives me the willies" is giving me a very interesting mental image.

I really haven't had any proper food/sex interactions thus far, but I'd be open (so to speak) to giving chocolate body paint a whirl sometime.

Posted by: meaux at January 27, 2011 9:39 PM

Sushi.

Posted by: Dingles at January 27, 2011 9:49 PM

Anything at all, if it is preceded with sexy-lovely-times!

Posted by: frank_247 at January 27, 2011 9:54 PM

Love food, love sex - NEVER mix food and sex.

Posted by: Meander at January 27, 2011 10:16 PM

When my darling husband and I were first dating in college and enjoying my single-occupancy dorm room to its fullest potential, we inevitably got hungry after a session or three and ordered pizza, which would inevitably be consumed naked whilst watching bad movies on cable TV.

So to this day, nearly a decade later, whenever we have a particularly satisfying round of sporting-good marital fun, I always - ALWAYS - crave pizza. [And sometimes need to watch Zoolander. Don't judge.] But the pizza always gets eaten naked.

[It's the only time I ever crave Papa Johns, because that was the go-to pizza choice in my dorms. Ah, memories].

People should do more things naked. Unless company's coming over, The Hubs and I rarely, if ever, have pants on. I highly recommend it.

Posted by: Tammy at January 27, 2011 10:32 PM

In college, my now husband and I used to lie in bed on Saturday mornings watching cartoons, eating cereal, and making love. Basic 4 still gets me a little hot.
Posted by: McSquish at January 27, 2011 9:02 PM

Well SOMEBODY had the quintessential college experience.

Sheesh.

Posted by: grace b at January 27, 2011 10:36 PM

Candy panties aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Heh-heh.

Posted by: , at January 27, 2011 10:49 PM

Also? I'm real surprised no one's mentioned whipped cream (and other delights).

The problem with eating any food (or, for that matter, anyone) naked is keeping the hair out of your mouth. Ick.

Posted by: , at January 27, 2011 10:51 PM

I have personally had some fun making ice cream sundaes using the human body as a dish...um wait, that doesn't sound quite right. It was decidedly less sexy and more serial killer-ish that I intended.

However, it still doesn't diminish the fact that ice cream + cherries + whipped cream + chocolate syrup + naked bodies = WORLD'S BEST ICE CREAM SUNDAE! (God bless the caps lock for situations just like this.)

Posted by: Vonnegut Slut at January 27, 2011 10:57 PM

Pomegranate arils.

There is just something sexy about pomegranates.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at January 27, 2011 11:00 PM

I can't possibly be objective about this because I used to work with an obese man who loved fried chicken. Once, he and I went on a business trip with 2 other co-workers and I was forced to share a hotel room with him. After a long, late supper with some business associates, he bought a bucket (yes, a big, full bucket) of KFC chicken and brought it back to the room with him. I came out of the shower, ready to watch TV and perhaps read, only to find him, buck naked on his bed, eating greasy chicken while watching the Adult Pay-per-View movie channel. It gets worse... The TV picture was not very good, so he'd gone ahead and called the front desk while I was in the bathroom, and when they sent someone up to look at it, he asked me to answer the door. Assuming it was one of our friends who could help me shame the idiot into putting on some clothes, I did so only to be greeted by a young woman with a cable box in her hands. My grotesque associate just slipped one of the sheets over his privates and continued to chew while this poor girl swapped our cable box. After she left, I was so embarrassed that I just went to bed and pretended to go to sleep. Thank Godtopus we had separate beds. I know hotel employees get to see a lot of really distasteful stuff, but I have to assume that poor woman had to seek therapy, because I nearly did myself.

In the "glass is half full" category, those of us who traveled a lot for the company had long been campaigning for individual hotel rooms, but the company had been balking at the increased cost. When I told my manager about this mockery of basic human manners upon our return home (and they determined that I wasn't making it all up), they finally relented and we didn't have to share rooms after that day.

But fuck me if I'll ever combine food, a bed, and nudity, especially when greasy meat is involved. Go ahead and take that any way you want.

P.S. He never did offer me any chicken, but I would have vomited if he had.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 27, 2011 11:17 PM

Pancakes. After morning sex. Duh.

(This has less to do with sex than it does with trying to justify the fact that I see nothing wrong with eating pancakes, naked or clothed, pre-or-post-activity anytime, really.)

Posted by: nosio at January 27, 2011 11:18 PM

@ Uriah Creep - your story had me laughing and cringing the whole way through. As a former Popeye's employee (worst summer job ever), I haven't been able to stomach fried chicken since I was 18, but that puts my discomfort with greasy buckets of fried meat to shame.

Posted by: nosio at January 27, 2011 11:28 PM

The husband and I often find ourselves having a little honey time on Sunday mornings. Afterwards he always makes us french toast.

As you can imagine, I now LOVE french toast.

Posted by: Kelly at January 27, 2011 11:48 PM

Well, I can tell you what not to use.

Back in the day of the initial not-quite-dating but certainly having sex a lot with my now-girlfriend (so we were . . . 19 or 20 at the time?), she decided she was going to be flirty. She got a bottle of chocolate syrup, got topless, and put some on her, indicating this was going to be some kind of sexy treat for me.
Except it was chocolate shell, and she didn't shake it first.
So I look up to see oily boobs with random chocolate smears.
I laughed and laughed and just said "Ohh, I don't think so" and then fell over wheezing from laughter.
In 11 years, I haven't let her live it down. Because I'm a REALLY SWEET LADY and I care about her feelings.
Obviously.

Posted by: MyySharona at January 28, 2011 12:11 AM

An individual of impeccable manners ... and the epitome of decorum.

Only in bed, where I make sure that my companion(s) is (are) served first.

Wait, that didn't come out right. Um, moving on ...

... what foods are better consumed naked?

Goulash and beer in a hot-tub after a day skiing, with added style points if the hot-tub is outdoors.

Mimosas should only be consumed naked in bed or hung-over in last night's clothes. They should preferentially be served poured over smooth limbs and soft skin, naked in bed, in the rumpled clothes, or first one, then the other. There's a decadence to mimosas that does not belong on the breakfast menu of some family friendly hotel, to be consumed politely at the table, with the kids looking on.

Also, ice water from the pitcher by the bed, after a while.

Or sharing an Arnold Palmer (the drink, pervs), while cleaning up after an Aikido practice. (Where she totally out-classed me, BTW.) Starting out bodies kind of spent but buzzing with that after exercise energy, already tuned-in to each other from the practice, muscles & joints warm and limber.

Um, sorry.

But really, the best thing to consume naked right now is whatever the one you want is wearing. If that happens to be Scotch, welcome to heaven.

(Thanks for the kind personal words, BTW.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 28, 2011 12:47 AM

Really? No one's said it yet? Ok...

I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats

Posted by: A. Biro at January 28, 2011 2:33 AM

Allow me to strongly dissuade you from soup. Soup is not suited for shared consumption deshabillé. Just trust me on that one.
Pudding rocks on the other hand (or both, or anywhere else). As does any sort of skewered dish, be it fruit or meat or both, as it involves oral dexterity and a lot of finger licking.
In general I strongly advise sharing a meal (clothed) with a partner before engaging in nekkid shenanigans of any kind. You can learn a lot from the way they eat.

Posted by: cinekat at January 28, 2011 3:43 AM

Pussy juice, though that's technically not a food.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 28, 2011 4:14 AM

A paper plate full of nachos. With a strategically-cut hole for me to jam my business through. It's never, ever worked. One day it will. And that's the day I'll be a man.

A grown-up man!

Posted by: Skitz at January 28, 2011 4:34 AM

Pussy juice, though that's technically not a food.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 28, 2011 4:14 AM

---------

Neither is ketchup, but that counts if you include it with the chips.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 28, 2011 6:12 AM

I must be getting old, because watching that, all I could think was "Oh, don't do that with small round foods, Kim Basinger! That olive is going to slip into your throat and you're going to choke" and "She is the sloppiest eater I've ever seen... seriously, worse than my 4-year-old nephew" and "Cough syrup? Really?" and "That is all going to get in her hair" and "Well, honey IS good for your skin, but that kitchen floor is going to be a BITCH to clean up."

None of those thoughts made me feel sexy.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 28, 2011 8:34 AM

Also, I'm kind of with noodlestein up there, in that all I kept thinking "she's* gonna get a yeast infection if she's not careful."

(*Kim Basinger, not noodlestein.)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 28, 2011 8:41 AM

Wait, isn't Pussy Juice a new energy drink aimed at the feline population? Like Four Loko but with catnip and small pieces of bird and mouse.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at January 28, 2011 8:50 AM

RE: Tampopo (a Japanese comedy)

After watching the shrimp boiling on a naked lady's stomach thing, I just, no, no, no.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 28, 2011 9:17 AM

Foods during sex:

Chocolate syrup
Honey
Edy's brand strawberry ice cream (consumed while simultaneously performing The Oral Magic on a willing female partner)
New York-style cheesecake (ditto - the two tanginesses complement each other)
Red wine (ditto)
Whipped cream
Chocolate pudding
Peanut butter (consumed while your lady friend performs The Oral Magic on you)

These are from personal experience.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 28, 2011 10:03 AM

"Wait, isn't Pussy Juice a new energy drink aimed at the feline population?"

::giggles:: How about the new salad dressing for cats - Pussy Whip?

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 28, 2011 10:05 AM

I fucked on a pizza box one time. That counts for something, right? How about masturbating while eating leftover pizza? Because that's more along the lines of what actually happened...

Okay, now. It's happening now.

BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY AND LONELY, THAT'S HOW COME!

Posted by: Skitz at January 28, 2011 10:23 AM

Skitz wins.

Posted by: Blank at January 28, 2011 10:56 AM

"Pomegranate arils. There is just something sexy about pomegranates."
Posted by: ZombieNurse at January 27, 2011 11:00 PM

It's the only way to do pomegramates.

Posted by: Jerry Kenney at January 28, 2011 12:11 PM