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Would You Rather?

An Afternoon Comment Diversion / Dustin Rowles

Comment Diversions | March 26, 2008 | Comments (242)


Geetch suggested the next idea for a comment diversion, and it has either the makings of a lot of fun or a huge disasterbacle. I think most folks know what “Would You Rather?” is, but pulling it off in the comments section may take quite a feat, since folks are likely to answer and ask at the same time. But you know: What the hell? Let’s see what happens — I assume, after about 20 minutes, it’ll get downright silly.

So, I’ll start. The first commenter can then answer the question and pose another:

Would you Rather: Jonah Hill or Christopher (“McLovin”) Mintz-Plasse?


Secretary | Pajiba Love 03/26/08



Comments

McLovin always

Would You Rather: Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie?

Posted by: Melody at March 26, 2008 2:32 PM

Nicole Ritchie

Would You Rather: Simon Pegg or Nick Frost?

Posted by: Kathleen at March 26, 2008 2:34 PM

Nicole Richie. She probably doesn't have herpes.

Would you rather: Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart?

Posted by: Corinna at March 26, 2008 2:34 PM

Simon Pegg definitely.

Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart?

Posted by: lux at March 26, 2008 2:34 PM

now that's just weird, Corinna...get out of my mind!

Posted by: lux at March 26, 2008 2:35 PM

THREESOME!

Would you Rather: Allyson Hannigan or Judy Greer?

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 2:35 PM

Holy crap, Lux! That was amazing timing.


For the record, Colbert all the way.

Posted by: Corinna at March 26, 2008 2:35 PM

Simon Pegg?

Would you rather Jared Leto or Pete Wentz?

Yes...I stole that from the ad to my right.

Posted by: CG at March 26, 2008 2:36 PM

Jonah Hill. I won't go into my reasons, except to say that his part in I Heart Huckabees sold me on the Jonah Hill to come. McLovin has yet to prove himself.

Would you rather get drunk with Seth Rogen, or get stoned with Val Kilmer?

Posted by: jbag at March 26, 2008 2:37 PM

for the record, that was a Stewart/Colbert/Withnail Meat Sandwich. Yes, I am male. And Straight. But next to that Jewish Wit and Catholic Hotness, I'm done.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 2:37 PM

Jon Stewart

Would you rather Obama or Clinton?

Posted by: ebs at March 26, 2008 2:37 PM

Nicole Ritchie fa sho.

Would you rather: Jessica Simpson or Mariah Carey?

Posted by: Nicole at March 26, 2008 2:37 PM

Obama. He gets the youth vote, haha.
Would you rather: Britney Spears today, or whatever Britney Spears will be like in ten years?

Posted by: Amanda at March 26, 2008 2:39 PM

I'd rather get stoned with Seth Rogan. And Kill Val Kilmer (wait, we're not playing Fuck Marry Kill?)

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 2:40 PM

Obama. Clinton looks exactly like my dad.

Would you rather eat a live tarantula or have sex with Perez Hilton?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 2:40 PM

Wow. That's a tough one, especially since I can't get the idea of a Simon Pegg/Stephen Colbert/John Stewart/Nick Frost clusterfuck out of my head.

Simpson would drool all over you since she can't close her mouth, and Mariah might do that weird note-so-high-only-a-dog-can-hear-me thing. Purely on the idea that drool can be easily fixed and a pierced eardrum cannot, I'm going with Simpson.

Hmmmm...Ewan McGregor or James McAvoy?

Posted by: em at March 26, 2008 2:41 PM

Obama. Meeow. Although Michelle looks like she would cut a bitch.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Jake Gyllenhall?

Posted by: Kiki at March 26, 2008 2:41 PM

James McAvoy!

Isla Fisher or Rachel Weisz?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 2:42 PM

James McAvoy - yum!

Dame Judi Dench or Dame Helen Mirren?

Posted by: mswas at March 26, 2008 2:43 PM

Weisz. I've had a lesbian crush on her for years.

Christian Bale or Johnny Depp?

Posted by: em at March 26, 2008 2:43 PM

Drunk with Seth Rogen.

Would you rather: Will Arnett or Jason Bateman?

Posted by: Erin at March 26, 2008 2:44 PM

johnny depp! i'd be afriad christian might bite down there! ha!

diego luna or gael garcia bernal?

Posted by: kelley at March 26, 2008 2:44 PM

Mariah Carey (only decent one listed so far)

Would you rather: Mary Kate or Ashley Olson?

Posted by: TMax at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

um, that's supposed to be afraid

Posted by: kelley at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

Damnit, kelley, you had to go there! Sigh. Gael for me.

Bill Clinton or Michelle Obama?

Posted by: em at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

If I do have these few seconds for the floor:

Hannigan, even though she's never in anything I want to watch since the first American Pie, I just can't let her go.

Okay: Nathan Fillion or Adam Baldwin?

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

isla! You get the combination of a shikshe goddess and a nice jewish girl (she converted). Plus she's a short red head. I've lost YEARS of my life to short red heads.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

NATHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Would you rather: David Bowie or Sean Connery?

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 2:47 PM

Nathan Fillian, always always.

Sorsha from Willow or Sarah from Labyrinth?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 2:48 PM

I've lost YEARS of my life to short red heads.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 2:46 PM

I swear to God it wasn't me! At least I don't think so...I don't know you, do I? If so, I should probably be sorry. You know, if I were a better person, and had a soul and whatnot.

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 2:51 PM

"diego luna or gael garcia bernal?"

Yes. Please. Twice daily but resting on the day of the Lord.

Jim Cramer from Mad Money *with* sound effects or Elliott Spitzer?

Posted by: Trent880 at March 26, 2008 2:53 PM

(Damn, good one, Julie! I won't keep answering and messing with the flow, but I'm compelled to take up your query and say Whalley. That's fairly tough, but the red hair Nooorthern wins, plus, I saw that Connelly bust action in "Career Opportunities" and I know that I only know how to deal with a certain amount. I'm afraid I might be floundering. Lovely, lovely girl though. I've had a thing for Joanne since "Scandal" though.)

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 2:55 PM

Hee, Jay, I had a little bit of a childhood girl-crush on Sorsha when I was a kid. I thought she was sooo pretty and I was thrilled when she went against her mother :)

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:00 PM

Elliott Spizter. I have a hatred for Jim cramer that knows no language, nation, or dimension. Jim cramer must be trapped in that triangle that held those Superman II villans, and then shat upon by the corpse of a sea-blobster.

Spitzer, meanwhile, as a bit of a sleazy, sexy, Stanley Tucci thing going on.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 3:01 PM

What's up with the nice options? David Bowie since that doesn't seem to have an answer.

I've always played this game with the most awful options imaginable.

Dick Cheney or Hugo Chavez? (Politicans provide the best material *evil laugh*)

Posted by: AHA at March 26, 2008 3:04 PM

Twig, I'd go with Bowie, but only in the Jareth wig.

The cast of Heroes or the cast of Pushing Daisies? What you do with them is between you and Godtopus.

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:05 PM

Oh damn I should have done Michael Bay or Thomas Kinkade. Damn diddly damn.

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:06 PM

AHA I posted one between eating a live tarantula or fucking Perez Hilton, but everyone was too pussy to answer :p

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:06 PM

The cast of Heroes!

Yum!

Would you rather: Ralph Fiennes or Joseph Fiennes?

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:07 PM

I'd take the cast of Pushing Daisies over the entire hotness of Heroes just to get a crack at Lee Pace.

Eddie Izzard or Ricky Gervais?

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 3:07 PM

Pushing Daisies. Kristin Chenowith and Anna Friel are too cute for words. And I'd like to have intercourse with both of them.

Plus, the idea of Hiro, naked in bed, having just achieved orgasm and screaming "YATTA!!!!" is too horrible for words.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 3:08 PM

(I got into some hot water this summer playing this game. Don't ever make Paris Hilton/Valtrex cracks around strangers. Strangers who have herpes but you don't know it and everyone else in the effing room does. Or you could and feel like a total heel.)

Pushing Daisies all the way. My love for both Lee Pace and Kristin Chenoweth knows know bounds.

Would You Rather: Clive Owen or Daniel Craig?

Posted by: Alabamapink at March 26, 2008 3:08 PM

And I would rather eat live tarantulas than even look at Perez, Julie.

Ick.

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:08 PM

Dick Cheney doesn't count. Dick Cheney is a cyborg with a heart furnace that requires live puppies for fuel.

If it goes to The Cheney, all Vegetables and Minerals are now on the table, along with that godawful see-it-in-my-dreams Big">Big">http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5349770802105160028">Big Dog.

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:09 PM

Damn. Big Dog. That's Better. Or worse, depending.

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:10 PM

Clive Owen and Daniel Craig!!! I just got the special tingle! Thanks for that, alabamapink!

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:11 PM

Knows NO bounds...

Ugh, I am a fat-fingered, horrid typer.

Ralph.

Ricky.

Posted by: Alabamapink at March 26, 2008 3:11 PM

Clive Owen or Daniel Craig?

Both while I film. With multiple cameras. From multiple angles. And a boom mic. And some key grips.

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:11 PM

Ooooh Daniel Craig. Oh yes yes YES, Daniel Craig. I want to throw a martini at him and lick it off.

Would you rather have to repeat high school or abstain from sex for 2 years?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:13 PM

Chloe Sevigny or Zooey Deschanel?

Chloe or Zooey?

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 3:14 PM

AHA I posted one between eating a live tarantula or fucking Perez Hilton, but everyone was too pussy to answer :p

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:06 PM

I agree with Trouble on this one, Julie. I'd rather fuck and then eat a live tarantula than even be forced to formally acknowledge the existence of Perez Hilton.

Brandon Davis or the Raping Mime on the Prairie?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 3:15 PM

High School was abstaining from sex for four years, So I fail to see the comparison.

Posted by: Withnail at March 26, 2008 3:15 PM

Thppt. Abstain from sex for two years. That's pretty much what high school was like for me anyway. Except now I look better.

Posted by: Alabamapink at March 26, 2008 3:17 PM

Chloe, definitely.

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis?

Posted by: agent bedhead at March 26, 2008 3:18 PM

High school. As long as I can still have sex while I'm there.

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:18 PM

Would you rather have to repeat high school or abstain from sex for 2 years?

High school wasn't a bad experience for me or anything, but I wasn't having sex then and a 2 year commitment is shorter than a 4 year commitment, so...

Would you rather have a mastectomy or work the drive-thru in a fast food restaurant for the rest of your life?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 3:19 PM

"What's up with the nice options? . . . I've always played this game with the most awful options imaginable."

It's my understanding that "Would You Rather" has nice options and "Death Is Not an Option" has the most horrible options imaginable.

Would you rather: Anderson Cooper or Jon Stewart?

Death is not an option: Tucker Carlson or Bill O'Rielly?

Posted by: SpazzyMcGee at March 26, 2008 3:20 PM

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis?

Bardem, yes please...

Ryan Seacrest or Carson Daly?

Posted by: Melody at March 26, 2008 3:21 PM

Bardem. By a mile.

For the gents:

Eliza Dushku or Elisha (?) Cuthbert

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 3:21 PM

My first job was at Toxic Hell (or a restaurant that rhymes), so I would go with the mastectomy. After all, real men like butts!

Would you rather work on a cruise ship or be a flight attendant?

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:23 PM

Drive through window, definitely.

They can take away my freedom, but they CAN'T TAKE AWAY MY TITS.

Brazilian bikini wax (girls and guys)or audience member on the Tyra Banks show?

Posted by: Alabamapink at March 26, 2008 3:23 PM

For the gents:

Eliza Dushku or Elisha (?) Cuthbert

I'm not a guy, but definitely Eliza Dushku. Elisha Cuthbert is so bland and boring.

Would you rather be financially secure without ever having to work again, or emotionally fulfilled forever but possibly destitute?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 3:25 PM

To answer several from above, Ediie Izzard, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Javier Bardem and Christian Bale.

Rowr.

James Carville or Sean Hannity?

Posted by: Mella at March 26, 2008 3:26 PM

Brandon Davis or the Raping Mime on the Prairie?

HA HA HA! Is it wrong if I go with the raping mime? :)

Spazzy: Jon Stewart.

Bama: Bikini wax!

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:27 PM

Abstain from sex for two years and Raping Mime on the Prairie (although, to be honest, have no clue what that is but Brandon Davis as the alternative has made the choice for me).

Katherine Heigl or Jessica Alba? (for guys: to marry, for girls: to be your bff)

Posted by: io at March 26, 2008 3:28 PM

For the gents:

Eliza Dushku or Elisha (?) Cuthbert

Ew that was so hetero-normative of me. Apologies.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 3:28 PM

Brazilian bikini wax, although I would guess Tyra would be asking if I could get it done while ON the show.

Mischa Barton or Kim Kardashian? The options of what you do with them is up to you.

Posted by: Gaping MAW at March 26, 2008 3:29 PM

Would you rather work on a cruise ship or be a flight attendant?

Doesn't matter, as they both require a civil and cheerful disposition, so I'd be fired within days anyway.

Brazilian bikini wax (girls and guys)or audience member on the Tyra Banks show?

Wax, please. Tyra Banks is not of this earth and she freaks my shit out.

Would you rather never have alcohol ever again as long as you live, or have to be seriously, romantically involved with Dane Cook (for the ladies) or Katherine Heigl (for the gents)?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 3:29 PM

Would you rather never have alcohol ever again as long as you live, or have to be seriously, romantically involved with Dane Cook (for the ladies) or Katherine Heigl (for the gents)?

Since beer is not listed, I would give up alcohol before I would ever touch Cook.

EWwwwwww...

Posted by: Melody at March 26, 2008 3:36 PM

Julie:Abstain from sex, it's not all that hard for me, what with the assholes I could be having sex with around these here parts.

Now would you rather shave off all the body hair of Perez Hilton or punch Taylor Kitsch in the face, deforming his perfect face?

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 3:36 PM

Chloe Sevigny or Zooey Deschanel?

Well, I meant to be quiet, but as Edna Mode said: Is this a QUESTION?!?!?

The worst thing Zooey shows up on gofugyourself for is wearing season-inappropriate dark heavy things. And that's just the tiny tip of the iceberg in how Zooey wins.

sigh.

Sorry, I have strong feelings on this matter. Chloe looked cute in "Zodiac" at least. That was nice.

Two years........amateurs.
I ain't goin back to high school!

I cannot lie, Trouble.

Okay, fine, Betty White or Paula Deen?

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 3:37 PM

I'd rather be romantically involved with Dane Cook. I'd just dump his ass after a few weeks, no man is worth giving up my alcohol.

Would you rather make out with a moray eel or Ann Coulter?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:38 PM

If I could constantly be drunk while being romantically involved with Dane Cook I would...


What?

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 3:38 PM

Would you rather never have alcohol ever again as long as you live, or have to be seriously, romantically involved with Dane Cook (for the ladies) or Katherine Heigl (for the gents)?

Dear lord, what a choice. My raging alcoholism demands I grudgingly pick the ginormous douchebag. There's gotta be SOMETHING I can get out of that relationship....free weed? Food? Something?

Would you rather sit through a season of The Real Housewives of the OC every night for a week or have an hour long conversation with Paris Hilton?

Posted by: Gaping MAW at March 26, 2008 3:38 PM

betty white...

joan crawford or betty davis?

Posted by: sara at March 26, 2008 3:39 PM

Gaping MAW: I'd boil Kim Kardashian like a lobster.

Sarina: I'd rather have the romance and rely on the alcohol. I also admit I may have a problem.

Would you rather have an incurable case of oral thrush or share a syringe with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton?

Posted by: David at March 26, 2008 3:39 PM

Additionally, I am obsessed with Zooey's new album. OB-SESSED.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 3:39 PM

Sarina,
could I keep my alcohol and make the two years I have to abstain from sex instead of going back to high school the ones I spend romantically involved with Dane Cook? 'Cause I think then I might be able to stand it.

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 3:39 PM

The eel! The eel!

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 3:40 PM

Now would you rather shave off all the body hair of Perez Hilton or punch Taylor Kitsch in the face, deforming his perfect face?

Puh-leeze. Punching people in the face is practically a hobby of mine, so I think I can dig deep and find the inner strength to never, ever have anything whatsoever to do with hair of any kind belonging to Perez Hilton.

Okay, fine, Betty White or Paula Deen?

I don't know who Paula Deen is. Betty White is about 108 and I'm not a lesbian, but she's funny as hell so I think I'd be okay.

Would you rather be trapped in a box filled with crawly bugs or wriggly worms?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 3:42 PM

oh my god, the eel. Hands down.

Posted by: gapingmaw at March 26, 2008 3:42 PM

Betty White or Paula Deen?

I bet Paula Deen cooks a wicked breakfast.

Ann coulter or fugu prepared by an auto mechanic from iowa?

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:42 PM

Wriggly Worms!!!!

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 3:43 PM

Bette Davis, hands down. I love strong women, but not raging psychopaths, thank you. Wait, Bette Davis wasn't a raging psychopath too, was she?

Posted by: ShinyKate at March 26, 2008 3:44 PM

Damn, had the window open too long, Ann already taken.

Golden edition: Josephine Baker or Rita Hayworth?

Posted by: twig at March 26, 2008 3:45 PM

I would punch Taylor Kitch, I might make him so angry that he'd make out with me right there.

And share a syringe with Lohan...I'll take my chances, thrush is NASTY.

Would you rather be the national spokesperson for herpes medication or Rick Santorum's bid for the 2012 presidency?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 3:45 PM

Gah! The wriggly worms, I guess. They don't bite.

Be rich or be famous?

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 3:46 PM

Oh Hot Damn!!! Martin Starr!! I'm serious, he was my absolute favorite!

I love the scene where he's watching Dallas and laughing in slow mo.....

yeah....

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 3:47 PM

MARTIN STARR!!!!!!!!

No contest.

Posted by: Alabamapink at March 26, 2008 3:47 PM

Plus he looks like Martin Scorcese on coke.

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 3:50 PM

The tarantula option was a good one and the preferable Julie.

Now would you rather shave off all the body hair of Perez Hilton or punch Taylor Kitsch in the face, deforming his perfect face?

The shaving, and I could (un)intentionally nick the guy. A lot. I own a gas mask and a body suit with long plastic gloves so no problem.

Taylor Kitsch's face must be preserved.

Posted by: AHA at March 26, 2008 3:51 PM

I would proudly hawk herpes meds on TV rather than have my name associated in any way with Santorum. Ewww.


Mythbusters edition:
Jaime or Adam? (and no, the hot girl on the show whose name escapes me isn't involved)

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 3:51 PM

Mythbusters:
Adam, definitely.

Continuing in that vein:
Tory or Grant?

Posted by: Lizbeth at March 26, 2008 3:54 PM

AHA: THANK YOU!!! Finally somebody understands the importance of Taylor Kitsch's face!!


JAIME BABY!!!! I would go for a mustache ride any day!!

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 3:54 PM

I'll be the national spokesman for herpes medication. At least then I could feel like I was benefitting society.

(Although I could create a humongo-scandal by building up Santorum's archconservative cred, then do gonzo gay porn...)

Would you rather defend Barack Obama at Free Republic or at Stormfront?

Posted by: jeem at March 26, 2008 3:54 PM

Be rich.

Would you rather freak nasty with Oprah or Steadman?

Posted by: jen310 at March 26, 2008 3:57 PM

Cake? or Death?

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 3:57 PM

Kerry (sp?), I believe is the mythbuster's gal. And I'd rather her. Adam and Jamie creep me out a little. But of the dudes, I'd have to go with Tory.

In the spirit of the Usual Suspects which is playing consecutively on a movie channel here, would you rather: Gabriel Byrne or Kevin Spacey?

Posted by: jbag at March 26, 2008 3:59 PM

Death. I can eat cake in afterlife and not gain weight. Too easy.

Posted by: jen310 at March 26, 2008 4:00 PM

The term "mustache ride" makes me so happy.

Rita Hayworth...sooo pretty.

And Grant, he's cute on the website (I've never seen the show).

Would you rather your favorite sports team never win a championship again, or ALL of your favorite tv shows cancelled at once?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:00 PM

Mythbusters: Tori. He is slightly "special" and really funny. Grant's cute in the geek way.

Posted by: Melody at March 26, 2008 4:02 PM

My favorite sports team has never won a championship before anyhow so that's too easy.

WOOT FOR CANUCKS FANS!!!

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:02 PM

No, instead of Steadman would you rather freak nasty with Oprah or Rachael Ray?

Posted by: jen310 at March 26, 2008 4:03 PM

The sports team can weep, I'm not giving up my favorite TV.

William Shatner or Leonard Nimoy?

Posted by: AHA at March 26, 2008 4:03 PM

the jodester HA!

Posted by: coveredinbees at March 26, 2008 4:04 PM

Would you rather your favorite sports team never win a championship again, or ALL of your favorite tv shows cancelled at once?

Never win again. I could be like a Cubs fan.

Would you rather: Tom Brady or Peyton Manning?

Posted by: Melody at March 26, 2008 4:05 PM

cake or death? you had me @ Eddie Izzard you sweet talker

Posted by: bethann at March 26, 2008 4:07 PM

Shatner, no contest.

Is this just dilemmas?

Ok then, gents, would you rahter have: no dick or two dicks (side by side, not one above the other)?

Ladies: would you rather have your vagina between your breasts or in your neck?

Posted by: HateMeI'mBeautiful at March 26, 2008 4:08 PM

Gotta go with Tom. He's just so pretty.

Sylar or Lex Luthor (the Smallville version)?

Posted by: gapingmaw at March 26, 2008 4:09 PM

Tom Brady. I would try to screw him into paralysis.

Shatner! He can. Make me laugh. By. Talking funny.

Would you rather have to relearn how to speak or how to walk?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:10 PM

I'm an Eagles fan, a Cubs fan and a Phillies fan.

I think I'll keep my tv shows.

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 4:10 PM

I'm answering EVERY one I've seen to this point:
Mclovin.
Paris...Nicole...doesn't matter. I hope they're both into erotic asphyxiation...cuz I'm chokin a bitch.
Simon Pegg.
Colbert cuz Stewart has old balls.
Stoned with Val Kilmer.
Obama
Britney in 10 years...simply because it's more interesting to drive by an accident scene AFTER the bodies are strewn everywhere.
Ewan.
Jake.
Isla. And she'd better bring a lot of water, some muscle cream, and a sack lunch. We're gonna be a while.
Helen Mirren (She's fucking HOT to me for some reason)
Johnny Depp...(see instructions for Isla)
Bateman...but only if he brought the mascot costume from Smoking Aces
Alison Hannigan...he mouth looks MOIST. :P
Nathan Fillion.
David Bowie...but Labyrinth Bowie...not Ziggy or goth Bowie.
Sorsha from Willow...complete with animal skin fuck altar.
Cast of Heroes (Hiro looks like a squealer!)
Eddie Izzard cuz he wears make-up and that would help suspend disbelief.
Clive Owen
Zooey Deschanel cuz SHE hasn't blown anyone on film to my knowledge.
Daniel Day Lewis.
Eliza Dushku cuz her name makes me think she keeps her pink bits clean.
Brazillian Wax (if the audience member was gonna be picked at random)
Betty White.
Bette Davis
and...Ummmmm...Cake please!!!!


Now....Shadows or PissBoy???

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:12 PM

TOM BRADY!!!!

My spidey sense was right. I'm sitting here at work bored out of my skull, when I got that feeling. I knew it! Comment diversion going down in the bowels of pajiba.....


Buffy or Faith?

Posted by: Jax at March 26, 2008 4:12 PM

Faith in Buffy's body.

Penn or Teller?

Posted by: Pisco Sours at March 26, 2008 4:14 PM

The short one. Less brash. Speaking of...

Sawyer or Jack?

Posted by: vinniedelpino at March 26, 2008 4:16 PM

Hmmmm.

I've really only seen still pictures of Rachael, never watched her show. People tell me she's incredibly annoying in her perkiness. This could be true. I do rather like her still, silent pictures though.

Damn, that could be a real risk. Oprah might be boisterous fun! Maybe even secretly all sultry and mellow, she must have a side like that hidden *somewhere*.

Okay, I'm gonna go with Ray, but it might be like jumping into the grocery story line that *seemed* to be the short, fast one. Curse you brunettes with your pretty cookbook covers I've been working with for five years!!

And we're OUT OF CAKE!

Okay, gotta contribute if I'm gonna yap:

(oh and you bet Paula'd kick out the jams on breakfast)

Campbell Scott or John Cusack?

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 4:17 PM

Anthony Bourdain or Bobby Flay?

Michael Bay or Brett Ratner?

And while I'm at it, sit through an all-day marathon of "Family Matters" or lose a pinkie?

Posted by: Crash at March 26, 2008 4:18 PM

Oh please I have to go with my fellow Canadian, Shatner!

Vagina in my neck (does that mean I would orgasm if I deep throat it?)

And I would take Tom Brady even if my vagina was in my neck and he had two dicks side by side.

Pissboy I'm afraid to answer....

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:18 PM

Faith

Jeanne Tripplehorn or Chloƫ Sevigny or Ginnifer Goodwin?

Posted by: Brian at March 26, 2008 4:19 PM

Crash - you are now entering Extras level questions with the pinkie one

Posted by: Brian at March 26, 2008 4:20 PM

PissBoy-but you better make me that frozen rum drink :p

And Lex Luthor, I love that bald head of his.

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:22 PM

Sawyer or Jack?

Sawyer

Eating cow brains (have had the pleasure) or maggot infested cheese?

The French cuisine has it's gems.

Posted by: AHA at March 26, 2008 4:22 PM

Bourdain, Flay is a jackass.

And...ahem...I still love Carl Winslow, so all day marathon.

Would you rather be slowly dipped into a vat of acid or a lake full of starving piranha?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:24 PM

Pissboy! Because he's evil in many delicious ways.

NY or LA?

Posted by: Trouble at March 26, 2008 4:25 PM

Ginnifer Goodwin, chubby girls always make better (see: Desperate) lovers

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:26 PM

Anthony Bourdain, without a doubt. Something about tall, lanky guys with salt & pepper hair, a quick wit, and a sense of culinary adventure.

The man melts my panties.

Posted by: feramones at March 26, 2008 4:26 PM

Wormer...why are you afraid of answering? i can answer with complete confidence... PissBoy!

Julie.... is that, like, an offer of exchange? Cuz that would be neat!

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:27 PM

New York for the cultural exposure and real people.

LA for the weather and fake tits.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:28 PM

Family Matters vs. lose a pinkie

Do I have to be sober during the all-day marathon? 'Cause I'd like to keep my pinkie, but I'm not sure if I could manage it without a little help from my friends.


Scott vs. Cusack

umm, Cusack? One of my friends has an intense hatred for Campbell Scott. It's infectious.


Flay vs. Bourdain

has to be Flay. I never watched him eat a poo-infused boar rectum on TV.

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 4:30 PM

Sex for alcohol? Sounds like a regular Wednesday night for me! :p

But Shadows is my internet fiance, so I don't know...I feel so dirty.

AHA...cow brains. But EW.

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:31 PM

Piranha - being eaten is wayyy preferable to being burned

NY - have you been to LA?

Cow brains - mmmmm, Oprah's cerebellum

Would you rather get drunk with George W. Bush or shoot up heroin with Scott Weiland?

Posted by: Crash at March 26, 2008 4:31 PM

I would rather give it up for the pirahna, at least they wouldn't be starving anymore.

Is it just me or are these questions getting more and more grotesque?

no offense PissBoy...

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:32 PM

Crash...either way...you're exposing yourself to some serious dope!

ZING!!!

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:32 PM

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis?

Javier, while Daniel watches.

"Taylor Kitsch's face must be preserved.
AHA"
Yes. Yes it must. Taylor PRETTY!

For the Brits, if any:
Eric Morecambe or Ernie Wise?

For non-Brits: Simon Cowell or Randy Jackson?

Posted by: Tarn at March 26, 2008 4:32 PM

But I would rather drink with George W. Then I'd give him the keys to a really fast car.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:34 PM

Punch Scott Stapp in the throat or kick John Mayer in the balls?

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:35 PM

Drunk with Bush, then I'd have the nerve to punch him and steal his wallet.

Ok, Wormer, here's a nice one:

Grindhouse girls: Zoe Bell or Marley Shelton?
Grindhouse boys: Freddie Rodriguez or Josh Brolin?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:35 PM

Jackson, because he'd tell me I was good, dog.

Would you rather: Elisabeth Montgomery or Mary Tyler Moore (c. 1970)?

Posted by: Hater from Siloam Springs at March 26, 2008 4:36 PM

Yay, disasterbacle! I'm just answering random ones...

Um...vagina between my breasts; I'm sure someone would be into that.

Cow brains, because Cracked did an article on that terrifying Italian cheese that weeps and has jumping maggots and is actually BANNED in its native country.

Martin Starr!

Would you rather...go to prison where you would be guaranteed some non-consensual shower action at least once a week for a year, or make a porno with Dan Fogler of "Balls of Fury" infamy?

Posted by: Geetch at March 26, 2008 4:37 PM

Marley is 'prettier' and I would love to do dirty, screamy, sweaty things with her....

But there's just something about Zoe Bell that makes her irresistable.

There is too much hotness there.
You couldn't have made that harder Julie. (no pun intended)

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:37 PM

Punch Scott Stapp! Repeatedly!!

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 4:37 PM

Would you rather: fight to the death The Rock, or fifteen clones of Barbara Bush?

Posted by: FourKings at March 26, 2008 4:38 PM

Marley Shelton, something about the trailer trash blonde look that always get me...

Aaaand Josh Brolin, he could have me sideways on Sunday and back again

Freddie Rodriguez kinda looks like this perv I knew in high school....

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:39 PM

Simon Cowell, if it's really rough and I can spew all over his face at the end. "How's my tonal range on THAT one, Si-Co?

Ooooh, maybe a little too grotesque...

Wow, that half-hour went fast. Guess this TPS report can wait.

Posted by: Crash at March 26, 2008 4:40 PM

PissBoy, I did it on purpose. Because I am of the Satanaslug.

Punch Scott Stapp in the throat WITH thejodester because it would be more fun to double team him.

And GOD Geetch...I'll go with the porno with Fogler, at least I could close my eyes and knock myself unconscious against the headboard.

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:40 PM

Cory Feldman or Cory Haim?

Ving Rhames or Delroy Lindo?

Batman or Robin?

Betty or Veronica?

Morley Safer or Maury Povich?

Tila Tequila or RuPaul?

Kelly Osbourne or Rumer Willis?

Stay on this thread or read another review?

Would you rather or Dan Rather?

Jeez, I could do this all day, but...

I'd rather not.

Posted by: TMax at March 26, 2008 4:41 PM

Ginnifer Goodwin, chubby girls always make better (see: Desperate) lovers

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:26 PM

Ginnifer Goodwin is chubby? Seriously? Compared to what, someone surrounded by flies behind barbed wire? I think she's pretty.

Would you rather be stuck in an elevator for 72 hours with Nancy Grace and that screamy finance guy, or share a cab from New York to LA with Stephen Colbert? The cab will be driven by a blindfolded George W. Bush, with Dick Cheney in the driver's seat, a megaphone in hand and Condoleezza Rice on his lap.

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 4:41 PM

BAAHHHH I would rather give it up in prison than even look at that fucktards "O" face.

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:41 PM

Eat a dead baby or have to kill a puppy with your bare hands?

Posted by: thejodester at March 26, 2008 4:42 PM

Couldn't we get a little of both Geetch???

Dan Fogler...in jail...him being the recipient of non-consensual shower action every week. We just get to hear the guards laughing about it? That would be super.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:42 PM

Sit at work and keep commenting here or take advantage of the weather and put 100 miles on my bike before sunset.....

vroom vroom!!!....later all!

Posted by: PissBoy at March 26, 2008 4:45 PM

Hrmmm seems I stand corrected. I haven't even thought of Ginnifer Goodwin since Walk the Line and I guess she had to pack on a few for that role....

I never said she wasn't pretty

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:46 PM

Kill a puppy 'cause I'm pro-life, dawg.

Katie Couric or Katie Holmes?

Posted by: Hater from Siloam Springs at March 26, 2008 4:46 PM

Kill the puppy, which would take, like, two seconds. The baby would take a good 90 minutes, unless I had some buttermilk to wash it down.

TMax - read another review, by all means. We can meet at bestweekever.com

Posted by: Crash at March 26, 2008 4:46 PM

I love you jodester, you sick twisted monkey. And I still can't answer.

Sarina: cab ride of death with Colbert. I'd at least die laughing.

Geek alert: would you rather never get to watch the new Batman movie or Iron Man?

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 4:47 PM

Never see Batman. No Comment.

Geraldo Rivera or Oprah?

Posted by: Hater from Siloam Springs at March 26, 2008 4:49 PM

Julie your mean....

I would rather never get to watch the new Batman but I would die a little inside

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:51 PM

That should read Julie you're mean...

Sorry about that!!

Posted by: Wormer at March 26, 2008 4:53 PM

I never thought there would be a situation where I would pick Bill O'Reilly over ANYONE. Unless we were fucking and punching - then Carlson all the way.

Also -
McLovin
Nick Frost
Jon Stewart
Ewan McGregor
Jake Gyllenhall
Jason Bateman
Johnny Depp
Nathan Fillion
David Bowie
Daniel Day Lewis
Ralph Fiennes
Eddie Izzard
Daniel Craig
Daniel Craig
Daniel Craig
and (if he is in character as Bond) Daniel Craig

Can I put maple syrup on the tarantula?

Let's make this interesting:

Cary Grant or George Clooney?

Posted by: Henry at March 26, 2008 4:56 PM

Ronald McDonald or the burger King

Posted by: LZ at March 26, 2008 5:06 PM

George Clooney. Cary Grant wore pleated pants.

Tricia Helfer or Grace Park?

Posted by: Marra at March 26, 2008 5:09 PM

Katie Holmes because at least she has a cult-led brainwashing excuse for being a vapid annoying female who is not qualified for the job she does.

Fran Drescher or Zooey Deschanel?

Because, I just can't resist:

Franny or Zooey?

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 26, 2008 5:14 PM

Yep, Zoe Bell. It'd be harder if it was Zoe vs. Rose/Cherry. You'd have the two sides of my id in a horrible deadlock. Horrible.

Grace Park!!!!

Peter Buck or Mike Mills?

Okay, I'm going home!

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 5:15 PM

Grace Park, Helfer intimidates me.

Burger King, but I only eat fast food at rest stops.

I'm going home too Jay, I'm getting a beer with thejodester. Yaaaaaaay Yuengling!

Posted by: Julie at March 26, 2008 5:23 PM

P.S. I would go back to 2001, take one for the team, do Cheney and let him die of a heart attack. What a wonderful world that would be.

Punch Scott Stapp in the throat or kick John Mayer in the balls?

Kick John Mayer in the balls while Dave Chappelle and barbershop folks watch!

Clive Owen, always Clive since Pierce Brosnan got
paunchy.

Julie you are a girl after me-own heart. Yuengling rocks!

Posted by: Amanda47 at March 26, 2008 5:51 PM

Okay, late to the game, but I have a great reason. First of all, Clive Owen, only, always, and forever, because he can kill, like, 50 intruders and never lose a stroke, and look hot as hell doing it. Second, punch Scott Stapp in the throat because he is a self-righteous prick. Third, Yuengling is lovely. And, finally, my great reason for being late to the game.....

http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/samgrahamfelsen/gGBhWC

this is ME!

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 26, 2008 6:30 PM

Franny or Zooey?

Paddy, that's tough. You know me all too well. But....Drescher. Totally have the hots for her, and her jolly cheesecake wins this round.

And no, I do not care, we'll talk and laugh all night!

"That nanny needs a lllozenge!"

How about Sam Waterston vs. Sam Elliott? (the moustache is optional)

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 6:58 PM

How about Sam Waterston vs. Sam Elliott? (the moustache is optional)

That's not even a real question. Sam Elliott, obviously, and without a moment's hesitation. I don't care that he's more than twice my age, he's still hot as hell. Plus, that growly voice is a total bonus.

Would you rather give up books or movies?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 7:07 PM

Elliot, Elliot, Elliot. Lord, Elliot.

Would you rather: watch Pissboy and Julie have sex, or have Some Guy comment on every Pajiba post for a year?

Posted by: patchfire at March 26, 2008 7:13 PM

Pissboy and Julie!!! Who doesn't love golden showers?

Would you rather: Star Jones or Bea Arthur?

Posted by: JP at March 26, 2008 7:19 PM

Fucking figures... a kick ass comment diversion, and I'm getting software upgrades and fucking miss the hoo-hah parade...

I scrolled and scrolled, but there's just much too much for me to answer, so... uh, yes? Someone mentioned Bea Arthur, so... yeah, I'd let her throw me around...

Kay, I got one: Spend a full weekend in an elephant's poo-hole with only your head sticking out, or never ever, mention the following in your posts on Pajiba: zombies, booze, Murdertanks, sweater-vest zombies, godtopi, Scrabble-sex, sexual innuendo, Buffy/Wire/Anime, short people (i.e. midgets), fuckshitdouchetwatasspeckerdick, pull quotes from any other reviewer/commenter, and and at least once a day wax poetic about Dane Cook, Nap Vag, or Michael Bay.

The kicker is, everyone else may go about their normal rantings and ravings, but anything you put to keyboard has to be rated G (for general audiences).

Me? I'd be cold-kicking it sleepin' bag style in Dumbo's badonkadonk, yo! I live for rants... and ravings, when applicable...

Posted by: Skittimus Lateasfuckapus at March 26, 2008 8:19 PM

"...godtopi..."

Shouldn't it be godtopodes? I will grant that the rules may change when the word is a made up cephalopod deity, but 'octopus' is Latinised Greek, and not Latin of the second declension. I would have thought 'godtopus' would follow similarly.

...no one cares, do they? I'll just...go sit quietly by myself in the grammar corner.

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 8:44 PM

Morrissey or Michael Stipe?

Jim Morrison or Michael Hutchence?

Ian Curtis or Bernard Sumner?

New Order or Erasure?

The Smiths or The Cure?

Split Enz or Crowded House?

Bauhaus or Love and Rockets?

Sisters of Mercy or Siouxsie?

OK, I have to stop myself.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 9:11 PM

Morrissey, but I like Michael Stipe better as a musician.
And definitely Siouxie, I'd pick her any day.

Lee Pace or Peter Sarsgard?

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at March 26, 2008 9:14 PM

Pace is the trick.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 9:18 PM

Only on Pajiba do you hear discussions on the proper pluralization of made-up deities. I love it.

Oh, and Michael Stipe, Cindy. Hands down. I don't care what team he bats for, he wouldn't have to lay a finger on me, that man's voice is total panty stripper to me....oohhhhh....*clover moistening*

Posted by: MO at March 26, 2008 9:27 PM

Cindy Should I ever decide to return to a life of breaking and entering, I'm hitting your house for the cd collection... No offense, but that's just what I'm gonna do...

Sarina "the rules may change when the word is a made up cephalopod deity, but 'octopus' is Latinised Greek, and not Latin of the second declension"... um... I, uh... I suppose you're right, so...

Fuck it, new question: Godtopi or Godtopodes? I'm good either way, since the cephalopod in question is all about caring and harmony and the like... When referring to the plural, there could be a Buddhapus, a Rabbipus, a Bezelbupus, and an Andyrichterpus - See? Room for everyone...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 26, 2008 9:29 PM

Not that I swing that way, but I'd let Mikey Stipe tap it - on one condition - SMILE ONCE IN A GODDAM WHILE!

Sidenote: any word on the new REM album? I'm hopin' and a prayin' it's good... the last two were kinda... pttthhbt!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 26, 2008 9:34 PM

Come on by SM - I'm good with sharing.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 9:34 PM

Only thing I could easily answer is Siouxsie, and I guess maybe Hutchence, if you're talking about one's existence over the other, which is appropriately difficult. Could I live with there being NO Morrison? I just don't know about that. Hard shit, Cindy.

Okay, pretty age-centric but, the Ginger and Mary Ann of Vietnam: Marg Helgenberger or Dana Delany? I've had arguments on that myself.

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 9:35 PM

Well there was that time when he did the video for Shiny Happy People...

I haven't heard much of the new one yet. It was streaming at NPR about a week ago.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 9:37 PM

Silly me, I was just thinking about doing one of them (Morrison/Hutchence). The thing in common being the mad sexuality and all.

I don't think I could give up the music of either.

I say Dana.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 9:41 PM

Oh and Jay, Peter Buck for sure. He seems like a cool guy (and I hate curly blond hair on guys, sorry Mills!)

Mmm, Clive Owen for sure, 'Bama. But I wouldn't kick either out of bed, and feel free to throw in Pierce Brosnan as well.

Right, I guess I forgot to ask one...huh...

Michael Scott or David Brent?

Posted by: MO at March 26, 2008 9:42 PM

OK, yeah, Jay, the Helgenberger/Delaney thing is pretty age-centric.
I'll take Lee Pace from a few questions ago (Skarsgaard, please).

Also, Godtopodes is about ten times more fun to say than Godtopi.

I'm too lazy to read through all the comments, so stop me if you've heard this one:

From The Office (American version): Dwight (Rainn Wilson) or Andy (Ed Helms)?

Posted by: LB at March 26, 2008 9:46 PM

Oh god...Andy, but I'd hate myself in the morning.

It'd be an even tougher decision if Dwight didn't remind me so much of my brother. *shudder*

Posted by: MO at March 26, 2008 9:51 PM

Silly me, I was just thinking about doing one of them (Morrison/Hutchence).

Well, in the case of the vocalists, sure, but with the group choices I don't have to do it with Budgie, do I? I mean I really like the guy, but... But I'd certainly keep "Kaleidoscope" over "Floodland" any day.

And, of course, that's not to say Marg and Dana ain't lookin good now 19 years later.

Skit, I haven't read ONE bad thing about "Accelerate". So of course I'm nervous. But I've already chanced fate buying a rescheduled Cure ticket for June months ago. Please please please put out something good again! "Wish" was so goddamn long ago.

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 9:55 PM

For clarification Jay, no - you don't have to do the groups.

The individuals were for personal use, while the groups were meant as musical choices. But if your mind went other places, that's all the more interesting.

Posted by: Cindy at March 26, 2008 10:05 PM

Whoops, I'm late to the party. And just because I'm a nerd, I have to go for the Mythbusters e. At first I thought I'd pick Adam, but because Jamie is so serious and kind of a stick in the mud, makes me feel like he'd be wild in bed. I could dig the mustache-beret-small glasses combo. And obviously, I would pick Tory over Grant. Not only because Tory is sexy, but because I have an irrational hate for Grant...I just want to punch him, just for being him.

And as far as Jack and Sawyer, there's NO question: SAWYER all the way.

Posted by: beehive24 at March 26, 2008 10:06 PM

Mythbusters "edition" is what I meant to say, if anyone is still reading long enough to wonder.

Posted by: beehive 24 at March 26, 2008 10:07 PM

This is from a looong time ago, but Anthony Bourdain is a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking Adonis. He may have 30 years on me, but when I watch his show I can promise you that I'm not thinking about the food.

Prince Charles, or the Queen Mum?

Posted by: Kiki at March 26, 2008 10:47 PM

Mythbusters - The redhead = drooling...

Betwixt Jamie & Adam? I'm with beehive24, Jamie'd be into some tantric, ceiling-swing shit...

Dana Delany is sex personified... whattafox... Marg Helgerdaburgermaphone is foxxy as hell, but I would never tire of making fun of her name...

Here's an old-schooler for the fellas: The main character girl from "Can't Buy Me Love", or the redhead from "The Goonies"? Yeah, yeah, I don't know the names, but... Andie? One of them's Andie, right? The other is... fuckitidunno...

Posted by: Skitimus Pervipus at March 26, 2008 11:11 PM

Good one, and my answer is........Martha Plimpton!

Okay, okay, Andy.

Posted by: Jay at March 26, 2008 11:29 PM

Jon Stewart

Would you rather Obama or Clinton?
Uniformedcupid.C O M - Date someone who really understands the word 'commitment'

Posted by: cindy at March 26, 2008 11:41 PM

The main character girl from "Can't Buy Me Love", or the redhead from "The Goonies"? Yeah, yeah, I don't know the names, but...

Cindy Mancini and Andy Carmichael. Cindy was played by some chick who, as far as I know, never did anything else besides Explorers (the movie with River Phoenix in a bubble ship) and Andy was played by Kerri Green, who was also in Summer Rental and Lucas.

You're welcome.

Drunk sex with a partner chosen at random by your even more drunk best friend, or smoking yourself retarded with the most annoying person you've ever met?

Posted by: Sarina at March 26, 2008 11:47 PM

Zoe Bell

Go driving with Marc Bolan or Rick Allen?

Posted by: Brian at March 26, 2008 11:58 PM

Drunk sex... Hands down. Annoying is just... annoying. don't matter what you're doing - Six Flaggs? Fun, but they're still a douche. Slip-n-Slide? Hey, all's good, until they start bitching about the slope of your lawn. Smoking yourself retarded? Well, chances are, they'll end up raiding your fridge of anything good, want to have a "deep" conversation regarding religion, and wind up puking what used to be your decent food up on the carpet, and the next day? They'll make a poop and skip flushing... Guaranfuckingteed.

Drunk sex? It feels good while you're cookin', and should you do anything stupid/embarassing during, chance are it'll be forgotted about by the time your head hits the pillow. Win/win.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 27, 2008 12:22 AM

Morning sex or nighttime sex?

Posted by: Amanda47 at March 27, 2008 12:57 AM

Amanda47:Morning, as long as one of the two (or fourteen) parties involved hit the loo and gurgle some breff-freshner. Idealy (did I spell that right?) all folk involved would hit it with a full brushing, but when the moment hits and there's nothing to do but get down, it's the least one can do, in hopes that some of the residue from the rinsing party carry through to the stank-breffed.

I needs sleep. Night folks. Getbackgetthatautomobileturnupthatsmokestackandthatgoddamradio

Posted by: Skittimus Gottagotobeditpus at March 27, 2008 1:21 AM

morning sex.

bear grylls or survivorman?

Posted by: Zoe at March 27, 2008 1:21 AM

Bear Grylls. I know his show is fake but its more entertaining than Survivorman.

Angel or Spike?

Posted by: Dave at March 27, 2008 1:31 AM

Bear Grylls

Dustin Rowles or Daniel Carlson?

That's right I went there....

Posted by: Colombo at March 27, 2008 1:42 AM

Oh, my.

I feel like I'm kind of in a damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of position.

But if I have to pick, I'd say Dustin...he annoys me sometimes, and angry sex can be fun.

I'm already regretting this.

Posted by: Smokin at March 27, 2008 1:58 AM

Yeah, I ain't hit the sack just yet. I gots a final question as far as this thread goes:

Spend a week sponge-bathing Skittimus Minimus, (as well as attending to his personal day-to-day hygiene) Or: make a night-vision video with Nap Vag, which would be available on YouTube for a full year?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 27, 2008 2:00 AM

Spend a week sponge-bathing Skittimus Minimus, (as well as attending to his personal day-to-day hygiene) Or: make a night-vision video with Nap Vag, which would be available on YouTube for a full year?

Sponge bathing the turkey-clawed halfling. He's cuter, he's smarter, and he wouldn't give me any diseases.

Posted by: Sarina at March 27, 2008 2:13 AM

I'm not sure how this goes, I think we're to list someone we would pipe, then past it on. Ok ok, let me see,hhmmm. Who would I would like to pipe? ok ok, I got it, I got it. I would like to pipe that young bitch with the red hair that was on six feet under.

Posted by: Pookie at March 27, 2008 3:34 AM

Hmmm...sponge bath, probably. At least I could lie about it if it wasn't on Youtube.

Would you rather...
Apply various creams/medication (for STDs, thrush, I dunno, whatever you want) to Paris Hilton's vagina

Or


Get rid of nits in Amy Winehouse's bee hive?

Posted by: Chantelle at March 27, 2008 4:53 AM

Amy Winehouse all the way. Several reasons:

I had lice before in my youth, I'm a pro at getting rid of those nasty little buggers.

She'd be hella fun to talk to, whether sober or coked-up.

At least Amy has the drugs to blame for her weirdness. Paris Hilton is just disgusting.

Okay. Would you rather:

Tim Gunn or Tom Colicchio?

Posted by: deitybox at March 27, 2008 6:52 AM

Skittimus...Carrie Green from Goonies without a second thought. Hell...I'd even give up a finger or 2 now! Have you seen her recently? The years have been VERY kind.

Posted by: PissBoy at March 27, 2008 8:15 AM

Oh, the Mythbusters edition, forgot that one!

Grant all the way, baby. There's something really sexy about him, and Tory's a bit alpha male-ish for my taste.

And I can't get past the walrus-y mustache, so I'd have to pick Adam over Jamie.

Skit and Jay, amen--here's hoping Accelerate is a good one. The last one had some good stuff, I liked it more than the last few, but it was just so uneven.

Posted by: MO at March 27, 2008 8:34 AM

Uhhh...deitybox....I have to wonder. There's got to be a good story behind that handle!

Posted by: MO at March 27, 2008 8:37 AM

!!! JP, what gives you the idea that I pee on people?!

I save that act for special occassions, like Christmas and Administrative Assistant's Day.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 10:27 AM

"I save that act for special occassions, like Christmas and Administrative Assistant's Day...."


Hi, how you doing? *raises and lowers eyebrows, repeatedly* sooooooo, whatchu doing this Christmas?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 10:30 AM

I will be celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus and drinking a LOT of water in preparation for the nighttime festivities.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:00 AM

Hee hee. Julie, I'm not sure where you can run where BSlim won't find you, but you should probably get moving now.

Posted by: Sarina at March 27, 2008 11:01 AM

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:00 AM

w00t! Sounds like a date to me, I'm penciling you in as I post.

....I'll bring my goat.

PS: Sarina, consider yourself invited.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 11:12 AM

Hee hee...if I'm feeling cruel I'll be sure to eat some asparagus beforehand, Slim.

EW.

Sarina, I really liked your one question from yesterday, giving up either books or movies...both would be so insanely difficult. I WANT to say books, because with movies there's the pleasure of experiencing a good narrative with the bonus of visual and auditory stimulation...but the English major in me dies a little at even the thought of never having the thrill of opening a new book and wondering what's in store.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 11:30 AM

PS: Sarina, consider yourself invited.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 27, 2008 11:12 AM

Careful, BSlim, or I may fall madly in love with you. What girl can resist a silver tongued devil such as yourself? Beware, however, for I am evil and crazy and could very well kill you in your sleep. It would be a good death, though.

Julie, I'd definitely have to give up movies, much as I would hate it. I'd shrivel up and die if I could never read a book again.

Posted by: Sarina at March 27, 2008 11:57 AM

Dave,
depends - are we talking with or without souls?

Generally I'd choose Spike in either form (at least, when he was sane). He's more my type and seems waaay more fun. But Angelus did have a wicked way about him!

Posted by: Tarn at March 27, 2008 11:57 AM

Darn, I forgot to put my 'would you rather' in...

Going back in time - Dawson or Pacey?

Posted by: Tarn at March 27, 2008 12:04 PM

Pacey! Dawson has a billboard for a forehead.

Men: Taye Diggs or Ryan Reynolds?
Ladies: Tina Fey or Jenna Fischer?

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 12:14 PM

Dave -Spike! He can come have a nibble whenever he wants.
Julie -Ryan Reynolds. Oh the dirty things I would do to him...

John Crichton or D'Argo? (I'm going to be so disappointed if no one knows who I'm talking about!)

And by the way Julie.. you, Slim and Sarina were kinda turning me on...I'm gonna need you to continue ;)

Posted by: starkravingsane at March 27, 2008 12:30 PM

Damn! It would help if I paid more attention huh, Julie? Definitely Tina Fey, she's adorable, I'd worship at her temple.

Posted by: starkravingsane at March 27, 2008 12:33 PM

Ok, I'm not about to go scanning all the comments for this one, so I hope I'm not duplicating:

Dick Chaney or Donald Rumsfeld?

Posted by: Helcat at March 27, 2008 1:29 PM

I do, stark, but...I'm sticking with Aeryn Sun. But it's beyond me what a girl can see, I'll bet they both have admirers.

Posted by: Jay at March 27, 2008 1:38 PM

Tom Waits or Lyle Lovett?

Shane McGowan or Joe Strummer?

Clive Owen, Anthony Bourdain and Sean Connery? yumm

Posted by: kt ess at March 27, 2008 2:00 PM

Starkravingsane...you like being peed on in front of B-Slim's goat?!

Sigh. And I'm the sicko. :)

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 2:29 PM

Julie,
I concur. Pacey was far hotter, even then. Nowadays - no contest! Joshua Jackson just seems to get better and better.

Taye, definitely. Handsome and a snappy (and by snappy, I mean quirky) dresser, to boot.

kt ess,
Tom and Joe.
Shane's teef scare the living bejeezus out of me! And Lyle is way past 'jolie laid' and into 'fugly' territory.

Posted by: Tarn at March 27, 2008 4:57 PM

Jay, I understand the Aeryn love...I'm pretty sure I'd switch hit for her. And just contemplating a Crichton, Aeryn three...excuses self to bathroom

Julie, alas the extent of my twisted nature has not yet been revealed here. Umm, will Slim be bringing his paddle?

Posted by: starkravingsane at March 27, 2008 5:36 PM

Stark, he'll be bringing his paddle, his goat, Wetnaps, a bag of pistachios, a spork, a handbuzzer, and a turkey with all the trimmings.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 5:46 PM

Wow.. what a thread... I wanna play!! Too many to chose from... but as far as the latest ones that I remember..
Angel
Ryan Reynolds
Definitely Pacey over dawson


Would you rather Captain Mal or Bill Pardy??

Posted by: shel at March 27, 2008 7:33 PM

I have no idea who Captain Mal or Bill Pardy are, so I'll just rewind a little: Jenna Fischer. The mere thought of meeting her makes me tingly.

This sounds like one of those stupid social network "games" where everything goes wrong. I wanna be stupid, so...

Johnny Depp or Jack Sparrow?

Posted by: gargumma at March 27, 2008 9:00 PM

Aww...I love Bill Pardy (yay Slither!), but I could never choose him over Captain Mal.

And Johnny Depp, because he defines awesome in every sense, letter, and defintion of the word. Coolest guy on the planet.

Muppet time!
Rizzo the Rat or Gonzo?
Miss Piggy or Janice (from Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem)?

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 9:12 PM

Muppets?? Julie, you've just maimed my childhood. I have to gouge out my inner eye.

Jack Sparrow!!! Even after he was slimed by the kraken-monster thingie.
Spike, way more fun.
Clive Owen.
Lyle Lovett. Yeah, shut up. I've seen him in concert and that slow Texas drawl is like fine brandy....

For the Ladies:
Hugh Laurie or Omar Epps?
Sean Connery or Alan Rickman?

Posted by: Lori at March 27, 2008 9:51 PM

Gonzo! He was always my favourite Muppet! And Janice for sure, Piggy annoys the hell out of me.

If anyone's still playin', Canuck Edition:

Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling?

Posted by: MO at March 27, 2008 9:58 PM

Nooooo! Lori, I wasn't suggesting which Muppet to make sweet fuzzy love to, I meant who was your favorite. I...I shouldn't even defend myself, no one will ever ever ever believe that I meant nothing but childhoody goodness. [sobs and sobs and sobs]

Ahem. Onto the dirty thoughts.

Hugh Laurie, due to his hot accent and great sense of humor.
Alan Rickman, so he can read me bedtime stories.
Ryan Reynolds, because I have a vagina and I want to ride him like a Rainbow Brite Big Wheel. Yes, that was my "ride" of choice as a child, and yes I take GREAT pleasure in desecrating its memory.

Posted by: Julie at March 27, 2008 10:11 PM

RYAN GOSLING, hands down. and Gonzo also, because he's kind of dreamy.

Posted by: deitybox at March 28, 2008 6:13 AM

MO-

Janice was always my favorite...I always figured if I could be that laid back I wouldn't have half the problems I do.

This is completely unrelated to any of the conversations going on here, but do you play World of Warcraft?

Posted by: Smokin at March 28, 2008 4:09 PM

Would give up movies in a second over books.

Mark or Olly?

Posted by: grace at March 29, 2008 12:36 AM

Carrie or Samantha ?
you know, Cougars..

Posted by: Lestat at March 29, 2008 7:06 PM

"...ride him like a Rainbow Brite Big Wheel. Yes, that was my "ride" of choice as a child..."

How much does this turn me on? You are definately my favorite internet girlfriend!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 29, 2008 7:12 PM

Carrie or Samantha ?
you know, Cougars..

Posted by: Lestat at March 29, 2008 7:06 PM

Samantha, one of the very few women I would consider not playing for the home team for because Kim Cattrall is -- along with Lesley Ann Warren, Isabella Rossellini, and Jessica Lange in their collective prime -- my definition of "sexy woman".

Would you rather Ben or Locke (elder "Lost" characters)?

Posted by: Matt at March 29, 2008 11:12 PM

NOT that I was taking notes or anything, but in no particular order...

McLovin - looks like he'd take direction well
Nicole Richie
Jon Stewart
Simon Pegg
Allyson Hannigan
stoned with Val - at least he wouldn't be noisy
James McAvoy
Joseph Gordon Levitt - Manic, anyone? rwor
Rachel Weisz - I was hooked after Stealing Beauty
Helen Mirren - I want to be her when I grow up
Johnny Depp
Diego Luna - see above McLovin comment
Nathan Fillion - squee!
David Bowie - I second Labyrinth love, codpiece and all
Sarah from Labyrinth - for the hair alone
Cast of Heroes - if I was playing it straight
Cast of Pushing Daisies - if I was bi-curious
Joseph Fiennes - Ralph ruined it with the mile-high craziness
Eddie Izzard
Clive Owen AND Daniel Craig
Daniel Day Lewis
um, cake, please
Faith
Cusack
Yuengling!!!! - do you know I can't find this in Texas?! sadddd
Sam Elliot - Oh lord, Sam Elliot
Pacey - like there was ever a question
Spike - see above
Hugh Laurie AND Alan Rickman - the voices alone make me... i'll be in my bunk
Reynolds or Gosling?! ...head...exploding...

Good hustle, people.

Posted by: Sarah at March 31, 2008 8:54 PM