Pajiba

Airport parking lot, in the backseat of the car. Sort of a "goodbye fuck". She was nine years my senior.

(Hope your're well, Kate, wherever you are today...)

The living room carpet during a crowded party.

Are we discussing the best, or the wildest place we ever fucked?

The wildest? The stairwell of a hotel which shall remain nameless, as my honey and I occasionally return for a renactment.

The best? Shortly after I finished grad school and got my first professional job, I bought my first house. And a few months after that, I bought my first bed -- my first brand-new, honest-to-God bed. Not a third-hand futon, not a hand-me-down, pee-stained mattress from some relative who didn't have room for it, not a sleeping bag on someone's couch ... but a real, new bed, with a real new box spring, in my own house. My then-boyfriend couldn't understand why I kept muttering to myself, "Mine, all mine, only mine ..." while we were rolling around on the mattress, even though we'd agreed that we weren't going to marry and that we were better off as friends. That intensely satisfying fuck, in my own space and on my own property for the first time in my adult life, was the best fuck of my life up until then, and still ranks in my top ten.

Late night hanging lights in the theatre for the production of Grease. I look down and realize the set that had last been used and left in place was of Sandy's bedroom.

Too bad they just used a wooden box covered in a comforter and pillows instead of a real bed. Not the most comfortable place

So, you just mean 'had sex', right? Because I doubt anyone who uses any of those cutesy faux-naughty terms is any good in bed. It's sex, guys. People who do it well don't need to brag in childish terms.

Haters will hate, won't they?

Restroom at an Italian restaurant. Hotter than it sounds.

Parking lot at a bar in a little college town in Oklahoma in a friend's car.

Does solo count? Cause, DAMN. I rock.

Her office after work.

Top of a rotunda on an academic building at college. Or out back behind the frat house of the guy I was dating. Or in one of the common rooms in the university student center. Or the architecture studios, on an ex's desk.

Mmm he and I did have fun ...

Next to a bonfire then IN the bonfire...in front of a group of people. Needless to say, I was wasted. I also didn't have pants to wear home because they caught fire.

On a piano in a restaurant I worked in my college years. More recently on the new boat last summer.

Colonial Williamsburg?! HAWT.

...I can't remember any more.

...Oh, wait. It was probably in an elevator stopped between floors. Or maybe that time we did it on the stage of the campus theater after hours. Then there was the laundry room of my apartment complex (why in there, when my apt. was walking distance away? I can't remember). Um...in the toolshed of a random suburban neighbor we did not know. The gentleman kept a very neat toolshed. You could practically have eaten off the floor.

I don't remember the circumstances or the places very well any more. But I remember all the men. Damn, I had me some fun.

(I think the greatest was in the ocean just offshore. If you've never done that, go do it.)

Loveliest: First time with my college love. He looked like Jason Segal only with sharper edges and he would wink at me, which is my weakness. God-DAMN. *Wink* *panties combust* I loved him to distraction and hair loss. Oh, Chris, I probably still love you.

Random-est: I was leaving a parking lot when I drove past a really, really cute guy. He waved, I waved back. I stopped the car, rolled down the window, he leaned in. We said some hellos, he asked if I wanted to fuck. I thought about it for a sec, parked the car, walked in the apartment, said hi to his roommate, went to the guy's room, undressed, fucked the guy, said thanks to the guy, got dressed, said bye to the roommate, drove home. Hi,...guy!

Wildest: Bent over a car in the middle of a brightly lit parking lot somewhere in Tokyo with a good friend who I loved but didn't LOVE. We had one week together full of sex and karaoke and I don't know where he is now. Hey, Kevin, where the hell are you?

In our friends backyard on the grass when they were out of town.

And when I was in college, on a chais lounge on a dirty road.

All this really makes me miss Pajiba Dirty Talk, is the good doctor ever coming back???

I lost my virginity in a hotel bed while her best friend was sleeping in the bed next to us. I really wanted to fuck the friend though - never did.

* In a mostly empty movie theatre, during a screening of Frequency (w Dennis Quaid and Jim Cavesijesus! remember that flick?). We were 16. He gave me my first orgasm.

* 2 AM, in the middle of the soccer field that he played on as a kid. We were 18 and wanted somewhere to be alone.

* In the film removal closet in my college's dark room. I was 20, he was 26, and got really, um, *excited* by watching me make art.

* On her boyfriend's bed, when we were both 23 (he knew, there was no sneakiness).

* On the brand new mattress we finally got together this month. It's going to be our marital bed :-).

As any cook will tell you, the walk-in cooler is a standard favorite. Do it right, and you have that naughty feeling of public sex but with the safe feeling of doing it in private quarters. The best part is feeling cold, and doing whatever you can to make any part of you feel warm.

Rooftop of the Gramercy Park Hotel. Not the roof bar, but the roof itself. I was working there as an overnight doorman, and my girl dropped by at 2 am to bring me dinner. I took her to the roof, pushed her up against the railing, dropped her panties, wrapped my overcoat (January) around us and went to it. 19 floors up and the con Ed building throwing blue light everywhere. Awesome. Those hotel master keys sure come in handy.

On top of a cannon. In a cemetery. In WV. And no, it wasn't a relative. Cretins.

I'm too boring for this. The most exotic place for me was in the middle of a park in the middle of the night in the rain...

If solo does count, then during a six hour busride.

In TK's basement, with a fellow prisoner. There were zombies all around, which made it very exciting.

In the stacks of the Paterno library at Penn State University. While the library was open and full of students.

It was pretty hot.

The grounds of the Princeton Institute for Advanced Study, under the tree where Einstein carved his name. Twice. Also on the golf course on the way back to his mom's house. And then when we got home. We were animals.

A pavilion tent on the edge of a joust field, which wasn't that unusual, jousters being whores and all, but it was a place I should not have been and a man I should not have been with, and we were trying very hard not to let anyone know of our affair. Almost managed that. Almost.

In a hotel on an Air Force base, which doesn't seem all that risky unless you know that the only way I was allowed to be there was to tell them I was his sister. Pretty sure discovery would have bounced him out of service really fast. Really glad he was assigned to a different base when we got married.

In a hotel bathroom. I met him during a conference, and we ended up there after a day and a half of hardcore flirting. Both of us were grad students, sharing rooms with 3-4 people, and one of his roommates was already back in the room and sleeping, so we threw a bunch of pillows and comforters in the (dry) bathtub and went at it like rabbits. I kept banging my feet on the faucet, but thank goodness I didn't turn on the water by mistake.

On a sand dune, on a private beach, on Lake Michigan, on the night of July 4th, to the music of fireworks.

Sand EVERYWHERE.

• In my asshole-of-a-boss’s office afterhours

• In the bushes next to the waiting line for Superman: the Ride

• In a Public Storage unit with the door propped open

In an above-ground pool in a residential area with oblivious neighbors within eyeshot.

The stage at a very well known NYC performance venue. With an audience.

On the roof of this guy's apartment in Brooklyn, while looking over the Williamsburg Bridge at Manhattan.

Both made me feel like a total rockstar.

When my wife and I were dating, we had some fun:
A camptown picnic bench
Conference table at the office she worked in
All over her parents house, most notably in her bed...with her parents in the next room

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