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I predict a remake of the movie Commando by 2012 to be directed by Michael Bay. Unfortunately for Bay fans, it shall be his last film, as Bay was beaten to death by 50 year old former frat boys from the 80's as punishment, and to ensure he didn't remake Die Hard

I see the entire Harry Potter franchise being remade, punched up and in 4D by Michael Bay Jr.

Crash. With a sports movie twist. The premise will be a diverse and conflicting group of people from every walk of life, sprinting towards each other from opposite sides of a football field and smashing their bodies into one another at full speed. The one who cries the hardest and learns the most wins.

ahamos, you're a man after my own heart.

Dustin, there is no way in hell that Transformers will make it until 2024, I give it 2019 tops.

Sex and The City gets a reboot in 2080. Because 80 is the new 40. All the cast members reprise their roles. They can do this because Botox is found to be a perfect preservative.

Production runs aground when the make up crew cannot find a solution to the sagging skin that the actors keep tripping on. Luckily, three months later, amazing new clothes-pin technology is developed that allows the filming to proceed. There isn't one shot that is taken from behind the actors. The new clothes-pins cannot be removed from the frame by digital means.

Evil Dead. Some fucking philistine will come along and think that they can "improve" on the shitty effects and plot holes, completely missing the point of the whole damn thing. Now I'm going to go cry.

Mega Shark v. Giant Octopus (Global Warming Edition)

Harry Potter: The Musical. I predict the entire series will be redone, maybe with some hot, boy band twerp. Or quite possibly there could be a Disney Pixar animated version.

Just because it's scifi and all scifi movies seem to be remade at some point, Children of Men. The only way it could go is downhill since this movie is basically perfect.

Bonnie and Clyde starring Hilary Duff - no wait, that's ALREADY HAPPENING! Shudder.

Erm...........Fight Club is bound to be redone at some point. Hopefully the Time Traveller's wife will get another go because the Eric Bana version looks awful.
X men 3 should be remade immedietely. And Wolverine, and Van Helsing. Hugh Jackman is a bit shit.

Mean Girls may not get a remake, but I'll bet anything on a shitty TV series, ala "10 Things I Hate About You," which I'm still seething about.
As for the actual topic, I would say the Fantastic Four, because some director will have been an enormous fan that was diappointed with the two movies that were made and thinks he can do better.

Also Gran Torino, only the future version will be called Yukon Hybrid, and will feature Mickey Rourke and a cast of Uighurs.

I think sansho1 has hit the fucking bull's-eye.

Hugh Jackman is a bit shit.

HUGH JACKMAN IS NOT THE SCREENWRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Sorry Showemedia, I didn't catch that you'd already hit HP.

Next up, Titanic in 4-D. Experience it all yourself (optional waterboarding effects at additional charge).

2030? Man, I just hope that by then I've had a chance to see The Hurt Locker, Moon, and Trick 'R Treat in the theater. Please expand a little faster, decent movie distribution!

Ok, remake...let's see...2029 is the 20th anniversary of Watchmen...maybe we getta to see da squeed, and we love heem, no?

Or Star Trek. A re-re-boot that asks the question, could a giant space squid have helped fix the massive rifts in the fabric of the space-plot continuum? If it means the Silverhawks have to show up, I say no.

Or the Hangover. Maybe the bachelor party encounters a giant squid at the new mega-aquarium in Vegas (2029 right?) and it eats the wedding rings, and then the guys find them again in the calamari rings...casting suspicion on the exhibit-to-food concession relationship, as should happen at all aquaria...anyway, no one is doing drugs or drinking alcohol by this glorious future time, so to get a hangover, they OD on synthetic neurotransmitters administered by their flying robotic dogs.

Which leads to UP, the latest Disney Pixar film to have been remade using hand painted cel animation...

Let's see what else was big and at least partially original and successful this summer...oops, time to go.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_film_remakes_A-M

Looking at this to see what kinds of movies get remade... And, well, fucking everything does.

So here's some guesses:
American History X
Collateral
Donnie Darko, but more coherent and more shitty
Oldboy
Superbad
The Girl Next Door
School Of Rock, updated so modern day music is nostalgic. Scrappy music prodigies form an indie rock band.

I can guarantee you at least two of the major slasher franchises (we've already redone Friday the 13th, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and have Hellraiser and A Nightmare on Elm Street coming down the pipeline and Candyman coming up as a strong possibility - poor Leprechaun, no one likes Jennifer Aniston in horror, either) will be re-re-rebooted (as they all died horrible deaths, but came back when no one wanted them anyway, only to be started over again with a blank slate).

I can only hope Hollywood will become so desperate that true classics of awful horror films, like Sleepaway Camp and The Toxic Avenger, can live to achieve such a glorious, ignorant Renaissance where the brats in 2030 will insist that there is no such thing as a version that came out before their daddy's testicles descended.

Will they look any different? Nope. We'll just cram whatever new (really three year old) trendy (already lame) technology is popular among the teens, as well as the latest in stupid sex talk, catchphrases, mainstream teen wardrobe (worn, obviously, by actors on the fast track to 30), overly quaffed hair, too tight bras, and whatever the cheapest booze and easily accessible illegal drugs are at the time. Toss in that fantastic re-launch of another new 3D technology (let's say it's by Toshiba or Apple) heralded as the coming of the 3D revolution (again) and more quick cuts than in WarioWare (stupid shortened attention spans, with people 1-starring any video longer than 12 seconds online) and viola! reinvention achieved.

And that's not even accounting for the remakes of whatever nation's horror is the cock of the walk at that time. I'm looking forward to the next German explosion, so maybe we'll remake killer Nazi films by then, ja?

Too fucking depressed now to comment. That's never happened before.

Amadeus, featuring the two surviving Jonas Brothers as Wolfie and Salieri and post rehab Miley Cyrus as 'Stanzie.

And I have the theory that a Matrix 2 and 3 could be made into a decent single 2 hour film by an enterprising editor and a handful of hilariously bad overdubs during any highly abbreviated scene involving the Merovingian and the Architect.

space jam.

yeah, i said it.

I that the same George, Che? I thought the little guy usually had his name in blue. I'm wondering if there's more than one running around. We may need a cage match to settle this.

figgy, you never liked me! and therefore:

kazaam, feardotcom, sister street fighter, boat trip, the order, first daughter, flatliners, the master of disguise, in the cut, the fog remake, ballistic: ecks vs sever, cocktail, the couch trip, 8 heads in a duffle bag

now, *seethe*

My suggestion:

Armageddon. It will happen with far more cheese and stupid explosions.

HSM will be redone in 5 years. Watch.

They're going to remake Back to the Future. It's inevitable. And I will be crying.

I actually, in all seriousness, came up with a completely different version of Castle after watching the first episode. The show's concept actually has potential, if you make it significantly darker and put it on Showtime or HBO. I have seasons mapped out, character arcs, storylines, murder scenes. I've even considered cinematography. Now all I have to do is wait thirty years until everyone forgets the show existed, write all the seasons, and pitch it to studio execs with an overabundance of cash that they probably gained from re-re-making Battlestar Galactica.

Just for that I'm gonna make Michael Bay do a remake of Back to the Future. Starring Zac Efron and Megan Fox.

IT IS UPON YOUR HEAD, GP.

Che: fuckin' curfew. Well...I probably wouldn't be doing anything anyway, but still.

gp: deal. I love eating stuff.

They will probably eventually remake all the Jim Henson movies, Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, etc. But instead of puppets it will be CGI. And it won't be good CGI it will be Barbie movies CGI. Hopefully, by then I've become blind and deaf, or dead.

The Labyrinth will star the most popular Emo band lead singer, and he'll try to do a Captain Jack impression, but it will be horrible because he won't have a clue who Keith Richards is.

Now, that I'm all upset...time to get back to work!

Maybe I'll watch the Labyrinth instead.

MICHAEL BAY!!!! is currently developing a Titanic remake as an action packed Romance. In the end the ship will explode.

Star Wars is due for a Blu Ray release, and there's no way George Lucas isn't going to dick with it for... what, the fifth time? All aliens replaced with CGI, four times the backflipping, extra halos in the Death Star explosions, the line "be mindful of your feelings, they betray you" dubbed into at least two more scenes per movie. Then there'll be the Special Edition Blu Ray a few years later, the 'Han and Greedo shoot eachother's blaster bolts out of the air' edition. And then there'll be another format after Blu Ray, too.

The Godfather, of course.

The twist: It's going to be a martial arts movie set in some Chinatown or another. We'll first see how the young Co-Lee Oh-nee (played by Tony Jaa) immigrates to the USA and becomes a gangster in a Triad, slowly punching and kicking his way to the top.

His older alter ego will be played by a completely bloated and mumbling Jet Li (too much cocaine)

John Woo will be directing. The whole movie is in slow motion, and doves will be features in every scene.

Dracula, of course. that tired old story gets "updated" every 15-20 years anyway,so we're due. Probably gonna star Shithead LeBoof, or someone worse though still unknown.

My pick for early 80s classic to be re-done:
"Q: The Winged Serpent", where I hope they'll keep the awful dialogue intact.

Titanic (1997 version) would be hilarious if it was re-made by M. Night Shyamallan

I predict that, in the coming years, as emerging cloning technology becomes viable, Hollywood will latch onto that shit, proclaiming it to be an instant classic. They'll start cloning dead movie stars of yore to remake the movies they were in to begin with, but with the updated technology in CGI and all that shit.

When they're finished with the stars, they'll put them in cold storage, for future use (yes, cryogenics will be perfected as well. no, we won't have to remove heads to do this).

The only problem with this is they'll quickly discover that as clones have no soul, the cryo-freezing doesn't work. So they'll start killing the clones to get rid of them. Only killing them won't work either, due to the lack of soul--they turn into zombies.

And somewhere in Massachusetts, an older but just as ragey TK will don his sweater vest, get out his killing-things, and cackle with glee at the oncoming zombie apocolypse.

Oh, and of course they'll make it into a movie a few years post-zombies. Because the world will finally be able to laugh and cry about it.

And then remake it thirty years later.

I'm surprised they haven't remade Office Space yet. I mean, it's been 10 years, right?

And when the hell are they going to get around to remaking Arnold Schwarzenegger? We've needed another one for years and all we get are ex-wrestlers, or current ones.

Since they've already remade Psycho and Rear Window, I guess the only thing left to do is remake Vertigo. Megan Fox could play Madeleine Elster.

I see a new version of "Fame" is about to come out, so I expect another "Fame" to come out in 20 years.

Personally, I wish they'd remake "M." It's a great movie that made a star out of Peter Lorre. Unfortunately, it was made right when sound first came out, so there's not much of a soundtrack, and it's in black and white, and it's in German. I propose Elijah Wood in the Peter Lorre role. Watch Peter Lorre in "A Maltese Falcon" with the sound off, and tell me that's not Elijah Wood.

"28 Months Later". This time they quarantine the Staples Center to contain all the MJ mourners dancing to Thriller. You get zombies. You get rage. Perfect.
Followed by "28 Years Later" um, 28 years later.

While reading these, all I can hear is La Bamba singing.

"In the year three thousand...in the year three thousaaaaaaaaand."

Posted by: branded at July 7, 2009 11:08 PM
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In the year 2525
If Michael Bay is still alive
If Paul Haggis can survive
We may fiiiiind ...

North by Northwest - I can see this being redone in the next few years, actually.

They already did that, Mc. It was called Eagle Eye, which also contained elements of "The Man Who Knew Too Much". Also "Planet of the Apes" is possibly going to be rebooted again, starting with the Ape revolution. Plus, I thought I heard rumblings about "Alien" getting the "____ Begins" treatment.

As for remakes, here's some prime options that aren't all bad:

- The Harry Potter series, as a BBC miniseries. (It's gonna be the new Dickens, people. Remade to death on the BBC.)

- Watchmen (now with 150% more blue wang, and a squid in every pot)

- The Departed (starring Leonardo DiCaprio in the role that made Jack Nicholson famous! [with Generation Douchebag])

- Snakes On A Plane (this time, it's serious! Samuel L. Jackson has a vocal cameo as the King Cobra.)

- The American Pie Series (as a CW sitcom! [Not]Surprisingly Eugene Levy is cast as Jim's Dad, and accepts so that the public never sees photos of him in the stage adaptaion of "The Clown That Cried".)

- Animal Farm/1984 (because nobody can leave Orwell alone. He's evergreen, so long as there's political discontent and distrust in higher government.)

- Animal House (You know they're gonna get their grubby mitts on this one. I see Josh Peck gaining weight to take over the mantle of Bluto.)

- Porky's (See above, minus Josh Peck)

- Revenge of the Nerds (File this one under "I'll get you next time, Gadget!", considering Fox Atomic was all but filming on this one before it got shut down. We're safe...for now.)

- Manniquin (starring Zac Efron as Jonathan, Miley Cyrus as Esme, and featuring Nick Cannon as Hollywood Montrose. Note: This is assumed to be right after Nick Cannon finally outs himself to the world. And while we're on the subject as to how I remember this movie, well I was a big fan as a kid. Shut up.)

- The Graduate (every generation gets one of these. Catherine Zeta Jones as Mrs. Robinson, with some kid Dustin Hoffman will murder in his sleep as Benjamin Braddock.)

They've made three different Punisher movies and I still think I can do better.

Lion King. By then they will have taught lions how to speak and they'll do it live action.